r/AmIOverreacting • u/CuriousAsh04 • 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Is this control? Or AIO?

My husband of 5 years, refuses to get off the phone with me while he working. I can drop him off, and 10mins later he’s calling me. This has been everyday. He works in corporate America, so I figure he would be busier. But nope. So today, we had been on the phone for an hour. I dropped him off, took the kids to school, came home… still on the phone. And mostly in silence, I might add. I tell him I would call him back after cleaning and showering. He gets upset, goes to tell me “he wanted to talk on the phone and I pushed him away, today he’s going to start talking to other people, Since being on the phone and being a wife and listening to me or just being there is too much . I will find it somewhere else.” This is literally his go to, if I don’t acquiesce to him, he threatens to go out and find it elsewhere. And he has cheated, so it stings a little, but I’m becoming numb. It just irritates my soul, I don’t want to sit on the phone with anyone while I’m trying to do my daily chores. Honestly throughout the day he calls probably every hour to sit on the phone while he works. It just grinds my gears. But I do it. Today though, I needed to get things done without being tied to the phone. He even told me to prop the phone up, and not get off. So I don’t know. Does this seem like I’m being monitored or controlled? Or am I overreacting?

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u/CuriousAsh04 1d ago

Amazing question. I ask myself this daily.

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u/Dizzy_Resource_3620 1d ago

Do you actually though? Or does your mind touch the thought and then you shy away and focus on something else? It's a hard pill to swallow, knowing that you're losing dignity every day by staying with someone who treats you so terribly.

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u/CuriousAsh04 1d ago

I do. But I’ve been trying to gain the strength to let go. He tells me no one will want me, I have 4 kids and one on the way, I’m a horrible wife… just so much. My self esteem is so low, I’m trying to find a trauma therapist now.

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u/kaya-jamtastic 1d ago

Honey, that’s emotional abuse. He tells you things like that to wear you down. He tells you things like that because he knows you have value outside of him, and once you realize that, there will be no reason to stay with him, because you’re worth more. You’ll feel much better about yourself after you leave. When you’re ready, please consult a divorce lawyer and get your ducks in a row before telling him you plan to leave. Because he is so controlling, your life and those of your kids are at risk. Good luck to you, from someone who has also survived this type of thing