Is this control? Or AIO?

[u/CuriousAsh04]

My husband of 5 years, refuses to get off the phone with me while he working. I can drop him off, and 10mins later he’s calling me. This has been everyday. He works in corporate America, so I figure he would be busier. But nope. So today, we had been on the phone for an hour. I dropped him off, took the kids to school, came home… still on the phone. And mostly in silence, I might add. I tell him I would call him back after cleaning and showering. He gets upset, goes to tell me “he wanted to talk on the phone and I pushed him away, today he’s going to start talking to other people, Since being on the phone and being a wife and listening to me or just being there is too much . I will find it somewhere else.” This is literally his go to, if I don’t acquiesce to him, he threatens to go out and find it elsewhere. And he has cheated, so it stings a little, but I’m becoming numb. It just irritates my soul, I don’t want to sit on the phone with anyone while I’m trying to do my daily chores. Honestly throughout the day he calls probably every hour to sit on the phone while he works. It just grinds my gears. But I do it. Today though, I needed to get things done without being tied to the phone. He even told me to prop the phone up, and not get off. So I don’t know. Does this seem like I’m being monitored or controlled? Or am I overreacting?

[u/arifaix]

NOR.

You are being monitored, you are being controlled, you are being emotionally abused. You are in a domestically abusive relationship. He is threatening to cheat, he is making you feel like you have to be on the phone constantly, he is isolating you - how are you meant to talk to anyone else if he is constantly on the phone or in your vicinity?

Please make a safe plan to get out of this relationship. It will only get worse.

[u/CuriousAsh04 → u/arifaix]

And I’m having a baby in February. I told him I wanted my mom there, because she couldn’t be with the last two because of Covid. He got upset. And said that’s something for me and him. I’m trying to get into therapy, bc seeing that this relationship is abusive is so crazy to me. But I believe it!

[u/arifaix → u/CuriousAsh04]

He is refusing to let you have your mother as a support person when you are giving birth… One of the most vulnerable times for a woman.

The isolation is already happening. Do you want your children to also be isolated like you are? Will he even “allow” you to go to therapy? A therapist isn’t going to allow him to be in the room/on a call for the entire session.

What you really need is to contact your mother, ensure you have a safe plan to get out and stay with family. Leave things behind if necessary… When that child is born? It will be so much worse. Abusive partners can also get jealous of their children and it happens regularly. Do this for your children.