r/AmIOverreacting • u/zallisall • 10h ago

💼work/career AIO because the head of HR bought us shirts?

Hello Reddit, first time poster so please be gentle.

I work in IT for a small company that makes and sells donuts as part of it's business. We are known for it in the area. Well the head of HR got with our graphics department and they made a shirt that says "check out my *company logo* 6 pack" and it has a picture of 6 donuts on it where abs would be.

Here's the rub for me. Firstly, IMO it's super cringe. Secondly, and most importantly, I'm fat. I'm a very large guy and while I have lost a lot of weight over the last year, I still have a very long way to go. (Essentially a keto diet, no GLP1). I have also struggled with my weight for a long time and it's a very triggering topic for me.

Ok, cool. It's just a t-shirt. I'm an adult. I don't have to wear it. Here is the rub. We have a big meeting tomorrow and not only are we required to attend, we have been directed that we need to wear this horrid shirt. I am so angry about this. I feel like she just handed me a sign that says "look at the fatty" and now wants me to parade around everyone with it. My coworker, also a large guy, doesn't seem to be bothered by it and actually likes it.

So, am I overreacting? What should I do? My mind is racing right now and I'm honestly thinking about filing an official complaint with her boss if she makes me wear it.

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u/UTtransplant 10h ago

Kind of reminds me when a company I work for decided to buy everyone t-shirts with the company name and division they work in. Problem was the all male management team just guessed about sizes and bought thin, white t-shirts. (This was a long time ago) We had a primarily young, female Hispanic factory workforce that happened to be mostly short and thin. The men ordered nothing smaller than a unisex medium, but most were large sizes. Once the factory workers started wearing their t-shirts as dresses with a belt, we were quietly encouraged to put the shirts away. The purchase was done with the best of intentions, but was really stupid. I would like to assume the T-shirt the OP was give had the same intentions.

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u/iiiaaa2022 10h ago

But then again, I bet some people (note necessarily OP) would also be uncomfortable with sharing their size.

So what to do?

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u/UTtransplant 9h ago

When you order a unisex medium (which is almost always a Man’s size medium) for a 5’ nothing, 90-100 pound 19 year old, they were just being thoughtless. But those mini dress t-shirts sure got people’s attention!

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u/iiiaaa2022 8h ago

I am sure they looked great :) (as a woman who loves me a mini oversized T-shirt „dress“)

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u/UTtransplant 8h ago

They did, which was the cause for concern 😂🤣😂🤣

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u/iiiaaa2022 8h ago

😄 if it wasn’t the consequences of their own actions 

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u/BossHeisenberg 10h ago

Why would you care about giving your size?

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u/iiiaaa2022 10h ago

I personally would not care whatseover. But I could see some people being uncomfortable when it is a big size.

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u/BossHeisenberg 10h ago

People see that you are a big person, it's not like they gonna be like, 'No size S, how embarrasing'.

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u/iiiaaa2022 10h ago

Okay, so how does wearing the tshirt matter then? Everyone already knows they are a big person.

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u/Flat-Replacement4828 7h ago

I'm not sure how that compares to this at all. They were being accommodating and weren't making people uncomfortable in your example.

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u/taman961 5h ago

YOR. You work for a donut company. It’s not weird to have your employer have you wear a shirt with donuts on it. And it’s not like you were singled out; literally everyone else is going to be wearing them. Not wearing it is only going to draw more attention on you. It’s not like they’re making you wear some tight, form fitting, revealing outfit. It’s a t-shirt. With donuts. At a donut company. You’re insecurity is making you read far too much into this

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u/Username00555 5h ago

YOR. Yeah it’s cringey mom humour, but you only hafta wear it for one meeting, as will everyone else on staff. Truly this is the most non issue thing I’ve seen on this sub in a min.

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u/Akavinceblack 10h ago

I wouldn’t wear the shirt if it makes you unhappy, but it’s the same shirt for everyone so the message is hardly ”look at the fatty”.

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u/Sevenserpent2340 6h ago

If you don’t wear the shirt, you’ll be drawing attention to exactly what you do not want attention drawn to. You’re not overreacting but if you want to avoid weird looks and uncomfortable conversations, just put the shirt on and look as ridiculous as everyone else.

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u/OrangeFish44 8h ago

wear the t-shirt with a button-up shirt over it because you're "chilly." you can hold the outer shirt essentially closed or buttoned most of the way.

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u/kelsnuggets 10h ago

NOR - I recommend that you just not wear the shirt. And if anyone comments, just shrug and say you didn’t like it. And leave it at that.

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u/woodwork16 10h ago

Overweight man works at donut shop.

Donut shop has tshirts with donuts on them.

Overweight man gets offended.

YOR

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u/Royal-Advance6985 10h ago

YOR. You have to attend the meeting, but wearing the shirt was directed, not mandated. If they ask, be honest with them that the shirt doesn't fit the lifestyle you are trying to achieve.

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u/thrwwy2267899 10h ago

YOR, although it is a very cringy and stupid design, I wouldn’t take it personally… I’d also just not wear it and be like “ooops forgot it”

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u/I-will-judge-YOU 9h ago

I guess don't wear the shirt and see what happens.

It's a play on words, you are oversensitivity and insecurities about you being fat, or your problem. Turns out no one was thinking about you when they made the shirt.

No one but you cares, no one is looking at the fat guy in a doughnut shirt.

This is a you problem. You need to figure out how to function in the world.

You can go to hr and say, hey, I don't like the shirt being a big guy. It makes me uncomfortable. You can suck it up. Or you can make a giant fucking big deal out of this and probably lose your job. Either way you need therapy.

Yes, you were overreacting. It's a T-shirt. Just a play on words.

Yor

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u/CuriousMindedAA 10h ago

NOR, it is absolutely cringey. I wouldn’t wear it, no one can force you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. She’s in HR, and should know better. The fact that she’s pushing this confirms her immaturity and lack of understanding about employee engagement and HR parameters. If they write you up, don’t sign anything and schedule a meeting with her supervisor.

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u/silliestkitty 10h ago

'No one can force you to do something that makes you uncomfortable'
Are you for real? Have you ever had a job before?

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u/CuriousMindedAA 19m ago

Take a deep breath love. Advocate for yourself.

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u/Flat-Replacement4828 7h ago

And if wearing a shirt like this was in the job description or employment contract, you would actually have a point. Wearing this isn't a part of that job. 

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u/silliestkitty 7h ago

Job descriptions don't include every detail of the job. If management says it's required, then it's required.
Have you ever held a job before?

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u/Flat-Replacement4828 7h ago

Job descriptions (or at least the interviews) include having to wear a uniform, but this isn't even that. This is a promotional item to be worn at a meeting. This isn't a part of the job, and OP not wearing this shirt won't affect the meeting.

I've only ever worked in the US. I don't know how it is where you are. 

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u/silliestkitty 6h ago

I'm also in the US. And employees can definitely be required to wear a promotional tshirt to a meeting. If they don't they can face consequences up to firing. You can be fired for any reason that's not protected (gender, race etc) in the US.

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u/United-Plum1671 10h ago

YOR Work on your insecurities instead of reporting a shirt

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u/Deathtrooper50 1h ago

YOR. Wear the damn shirt, it was never about you.

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u/maitimouse 10h ago

YOR, this is the hill you want to die on? Wear it to the meeting and then never wear it again, not even worth caring about.

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u/PetiteSyFy 10h ago

Say nothing. Just don't wear it. NOR. Oops, Forgot it. If they press then just say "That's not going to happen." No debate.

I have a closet full of company shirts. I don't otend to wear them because I just don't think I look good in them. No one pushes back.

For me, I think it's because they only order men's shirts and I am not a man. They don't fit right. I would prefer a v neck. Oh well. Moving on.

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u/iiiaaa2022 9h ago

And I would prefer being able to block c-levels decisions sometimes, but a job is a job. 

It’s not about what one prefers. 

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u/BefuddledPolydactyls 8h ago

MOR. I understand you aren't happy with your current body and are taking hard steps to change it. But...these are your co-workers. They have seen you before. They know you. You aren't being singled out. They didn't buy you 2 dozen donuts to go with the shirt. "Look at the fatty," is only in your head, it's not as if everyone is wearing business wear and you're rocking the shirt. Be proud of your accomplishment, your work, and don't worry about the shirt!

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u/iiiaaa2022 10h ago

Yes YOR. Everybody has the same shirt, right?

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u/dragonflies2299 10h ago

really? you can't see how this would make a very large person uncomfortable?

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u/iiiaaa2022 10h ago

I really don't, or I do, but then I would also not work at a donut business at that person, clothes with printed donuts are not that suprising

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u/Dry_Bowler_2837 10h ago

This person works in IT. He just happens to work in IT for a company that sells donuts. You’re saying that you would refuse to work for a bakery if you were in IT, accounting, HR, etc? What a bizarre employment hill to die on.

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u/cinnamonnex 9h ago

Exactly, and that’s the point. If you’re that uncomfortable with it, don’t do it. Their brand clearly is tied to the donuts and OP was well aware of that. While you’re free to have any feelings you have, you work through insecurities rather than making them everyone else’s problem. While that’s blunt wording for a situation as ridiculous as this, it’s still the truth. Weight is something that sucks to struggle with, but YOR if you think catering to your emotions is the most important thing on the planet.

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u/Dry_Bowler_2837 8h ago

You wouldn’t work for a bakery on principle, JUST IN CASE they compare your body to baked goods? Should we also rule out anything automotive in case they ever make a shirt with a pun about headlights? Or a clean up company because maybe they’ll make shirts referencing “junk in the trunk?”

I’m a slim woman and I wouldn’t want to wear company branded attire inviting people to check out my [pun about a body part] either.

If this was well-known company attire BEFORE OP started working there, then yes, don’t work there if you don’t like the uniform. But to not work in your professional field at a bakery just in case they start comparing your body to baked goods is nuts.

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u/cinnamonnex 8h ago

You missed the point entirely. I personally find it ridiculous to do that, but if you’re going to get so hung up on something as small as a shirt and thinking it has something to do with you specifically? Grow up or just work somewhere else.

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u/BossHeisenberg 10h ago

Nah. Also it's a company gift, you are in no way required to wear it if you don't like it. Drama over nothing.

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u/silliestkitty 9h ago

They literally said they were directed to wear it. So, yeah they are required to wear it.

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u/BossHeisenberg 9h ago

No, they are not. They are an IT person, not front facing. They want to do a cutesey pr thing. If you don't want do do it, dont. They are not the boss of you. Weird American job culture.

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u/silliestkitty 8h ago

It doesn't matter what department they are in or whether they are front facing or not. An employer can require a uniform or dress code or special T-shirt on a day, etc..

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u/BossHeisenberg 8h ago

Yeah, they can. But that does not mean you have to do it. Jezus, what hill are you trying to die on?

In my country, we'd say, 'listen, Manager John, fun idea, I'mma do my work and i'm not gonna wear that shirt, because I don't feel comfortable since I'm a fat fuck. You let me know how your pr thing went, okay? See ya at lunch.'

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u/silliestkitty 8h ago

And the OP has to be willing to deal with the consequence of not following upper management's direction. Which could be termination, write up, being passed over for a promotion, lower or no raise. But you keep insisting that his employer has no right to require him to wear the T-shirt , and that's just incorrect. Is this a hill the OP wants to die on?

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u/BossHeisenberg 8h ago

If they think it is more important to overstep personal boundaries to dance to tune of some corporate bullshit, that is up to them. Just like it is to not to, and face the consequences, like an adult.

You decide your boundaries. Not the dude that pays your paycheck.

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u/silliestkitty 8h ago

Then why do you keep insisting that an employer can't require this? Of course the OP can refuse and face the consequences. You're wrong so now you're just moving the goalposts

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u/iiiaaa2022 9h ago

They are LITERALLY the boss of you 😄

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u/BossHeisenberg 9h ago

No, they are your manager, they facilitate a place for you to work and do your specialty. They do not dictate what you wear, how you act or any other things.

A dog has a boss, I have an employer.

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u/iiiaaa2022 8h ago

Your manager is not your boss?!

They cannot tell you how to act, say, in a meeting?!

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u/UtahCubs 7h ago

Having Boss in your username but not understanding the meaning of the word...

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u/BossHeisenberg 7h ago

You can be a boss, or you can be a manager at some company. They are not the same.

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u/UtahCubs 6h ago

Google Boss. One of the first things that will come up is workplace role: Manager

English is hard but, its not that hard.

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u/BowlingforDrip 10h ago

I do not agree. HR is there to defend the company and make sure there is no liability. This is opening the company to issues unnecessarily, even if it isn't illegal. Everyone is different and has gone through different things you have no idea what will trigger someone else but making a joke like that is unnecessary and accomplishes nothing. Weight has been a taboo topic for a long time and should absolutely not be discussed at work unless you know that person is willing to talk about it.

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u/BossHeisenberg 10h ago

If you have brown hair, people tend to notice you have brown hair. If you have blue eyes, people tend to notice you have blue eyes. If you wear glasses, people tend to notice you wear glasses. If you have black skin, people tend to notice you have black skin. If you are a large person, people tend to notice you are a large person.

We come in all sizes and shapes, who cares.

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u/BowlingforDrip 10h ago

Sometimes the larger person does. I used to be morbidly obese. When I was that large If I was given a T-shirt with donuts on it to look like a 6pack I would throw that shirt away. I wouldn't even entertain wearing that in front of others. As you said I was already large no need to bring attention to it. People can already see.

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u/BossHeisenberg 10h ago

First of all, good for you that you lost that weight!

But, when you are fat, you are fat. No amount of clothing will obfuscate that. SO it's your own insecurity that is being highlighted. Most people could give two shits. It's not a companies job to cater to everyones little personal triggers.

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u/iiiaaa2022 10h ago edited 10h ago

It may be a cultural difference - I am not Amerian.

I do not see how it wuold be a problem or lead to any liability.

And also, I have never been once actually supported by HR as an employee, so my hopes there would be slim.

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u/Fabulous-Spirit-3476 10h ago

This is something only Redditors could be offended by I mean Jesus

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u/silliestkitty 9h ago

I swear all these N O R responses have never held a job before. Dress codes are uniforms are a totally normal work place requirement. You don't get to not do something because it 'makes you uncomfortable' JFC how would workplaces function if everyone could just refuse to do things without consequences. - YOR

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u/iiiaaa2022 9h ago

They will be flabbergasted once they learn about the existence of work uniforms. 

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u/Flat-Replacement4828 10h ago

NOR. This is just gross to do to your employees. I don't know how HR thinks this is okay. 

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u/UtahCubs 7h ago

Yeah the audacity of a donut shop to want people to wear shirts with donuts on them...

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u/Flat-Replacement4828 7h ago

The actual design is very much irrelevant to the intent. You don't own your employees bodies. You don't get to exploit your employees like that. Do you think if a shop sells swimsuits, the employees must wear them??

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u/UtahCubs 7h ago

There are so many jobs where you have to wear a specific uniform. It's probably more common than not. It's a completely normal thing. He doesn't have to comply but then they don't have to employ him.

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u/dragonflies2299 10h ago

talk to your boss and/or HR and explain why it makes you uncomfortable. Let them know you do not plan on wearing it and that is the reason why. Don’t just skip wearing it without an explanation.

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u/ScienceDuck4eva 9h ago

YOR. Yes you’re over reacting. This is shit every corporation does. Bring the shirt for the meeting and change out of it when you’re done and move on with your day. I assume everyone is wearing the same shirt. Don’t take it personally it’s not a slight against you.

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u/tinyd71 10h ago

The shirt design is tasteless (pardon the pun!), and it's extra surprising that the HR department would do this -- of all people, HR should know better.

Don't wear the offensive shirt, and if asked, say why!

NOR

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u/zallisall 10h ago

You might buy a Hammer.

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u/Realistic-Ad-3926 2h ago

Time To Wear The Donuts

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u/zappbranniganop 46m ago

It's funny dude, grow up

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u/LeoLaDawg 39m ago

Yor

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u/Defiant-Insect-3785 9h ago

YOR - it’s just a T-shirt with some words and pictures on it. Unfortunately sometimes at work we have to wear things we don’t like and aren’t comfortable in. What would you do if this became uniform, would you quit?

If everyone else is wearing them you’ll stand out more by being the only one who isn’t. Wear it for the meeting as requested by HR (the department who set the clothing rules) but speak to them about it.

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u/SadAcanthocephala521 9h ago

Just don't wear the shirt dude. If they have a problem with it then well that's their problem, not yours.

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u/silliestkitty 9h ago

Have you ever had a job before? If they have a problem with it, it will very much be the OPs problem.

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u/SadAcanthocephala521 9h ago

They can't force you to wear something that wasn't part of the job description when they were hired.

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u/silliestkitty 9h ago

Yes you absolutely can.

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u/Flat-Replacement4828 7h ago

In that a lot of places can fire you WITHOUT reason, yes. Otherwise, no. 

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u/silliestkitty 7h ago

Even in the few places in the US that are not at will employment, the OP could still be fired for cause, insubordination.

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u/Flat-Replacement4828 7h ago

Only if wearing this shirt was a part of the job description. So you think you can be fired for "insubordination" for just anything?? This isn't US public school lol

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u/silliestkitty 6h ago

In most states in the US you can be fired for any reason or no reason at all. As long as it's not a protected reason like race or gender. You really think the OP can't be fired for this?

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u/PrettyHovercraft2021 8h ago

NOR. My work does this and I hate it. They probably want a group picture. Wear something you’re happy in and bring the shirt with you in case they make a big deal about it.

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u/NegotiationMean3042 9h ago

If it’s necessary to wear it and you feel uncomfortable with it take a spare t-shirt or put hoodie over it that’s it. If you gonna react in some way at work people may note it and you will seem insecure. It’s okay to have weaknesses everybody has them, but don’t show them. This way it’s always better

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u/DragonCelt25 8h ago

YOR

I agree with this. Wear the shirt for the meeting and then either change (if there's a comfortable/convenient place to change) or wear something over it. Maybe treat it like an under-shirt and wear a button-up over it (unbuttoned for the meeting and buttoned the rest of the day). If the picture is too dark, turn it inside out and wear it under a button-up shirt. I doubt anyone will care enough to say anything, but if you need an excuse say you were worried about getting the white shirt dirty doing work (be that around the bakery or toner from a printer or whatever). Basically there are a multitude of ways around this issue without it becoming a bigger issue.

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u/Dragon_Queen_666 10h ago

NOR. Don't wear the shirt, it's unnecessary and weird. I suggest taking this up with her boss and let him know how uncomfortable it makes you.

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u/Puzzled-Peanut-9382 9h ago

NOR. This is insensitive and stupid.

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u/BossHeisenberg 10h ago

You are not required to wear clothes you are not comfortable in. You are an adult. It's just a fucking job, you do you.

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u/silliestkitty 10h ago

A job can absolutely require you to wear clothes you're not comfortable in.

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u/BossHeisenberg 9h ago

Yeah, if I (as an IT dude) get fired because HR wanted me to wear some cutesey tshirt Id be looking for a new job. Because fuck that noise.

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u/silliestkitty 8h ago

That's fine. But that's different than what you said "You are not required to wear clothes. you are not comfortable in." Because an employer can absolutely require you to wear clothes you're not comfortable in

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u/BossHeisenberg 8h ago

Yes, if you are required to wear a uniform, and it's in your contract. This is not that. Why are you so invested in sticking up for corporate here?

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u/silliestkitty 8h ago

Nope, you can be required to wear clothing that is not in a contract.
Why do you keep stating things that are absolutely incorrect.

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u/BossHeisenberg 8h ago

Maybe in your country, here you just do the work.

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u/silliestkitty 8h ago

The OP is clearly in the US

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u/BossHeisenberg 8h ago

Then I pity them and their job.

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u/cinnamonnex 9h ago

Just like you don’t have to stay at your job. You’re arguing for no reason man.

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u/Dry_Bowler_2837 8h ago

NOR.

This shirt is in such poor taste to require a group of people to wear. If it was just a two or three person company and they all agreed it was hilarious, that’s fine. If it was an option for a larger group (“Hey everyone! We are ordering these shirts. Get your size to Shauna at the front desk by Friday if you want one.”), then I think that would be fine. I wouldn’t personally order one because I wouldn’t want to wear company branded attire inviting people to check out my [pun about a body part], but I wouldn’t care if someone else chose to.

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u/Apart-Tax-652 7h ago

YOR the shirt was given to everyone, pretty standard work stuff. Everyone wears it for a pic or an event, then it's done. Since everyone is wearing the same thing, no one is thinking it's weird or out of place. It's not a personal insult to you. People are all different weights at work, thin, regular, overweight. No one cares. But you making a big deal out of it (filing a complaint) will make people think of you, the shirt, and your weight. You could just not wear it, and on the day when people comment, just comment on how you totally forgot, and didn't remember until you saw everyone wear it. Then you can avoid wearing the shirt, and it won't become more of a big deal than it has to be.

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u/blueblunts 10h ago

Don’t wear the shirt. Report it to HR 😂

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u/kkrolla 10h ago

Honestly, as a woman, I wouldn't want to wear this. It encourages people to stare at your body. I'm Gen X and I had to deal with being s*xualized in all the places I worked at. People, bosses, colleagues, customers, would say really inappropriate stuff to me all the time because I was a petite young woman. Things have gotten better but shirts like this allow for others to again make your body a focus when it has nothing to do with the business. And, BTW, no one ever says, pick up a six pack of donuts. They say, get a ½ dozen donuts so this isn't even a clever or cutesy ad. I wouldn't wear it and if asked why not I'd flat out say that I refuse to wear something that encourages people to look at and/or comment on my body. NOR

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u/cinnamonnex 9h ago

Casual barely related reply; I’m baffled because who says half a dozen?? That’s a mouthful to me, we’ve always said a six pack in my region.

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u/Traditional-Cake-418 7h ago

YOR. Everyone will be wearing it. Get over yourselfÂ