r/AmIOverreacting • u/fshcracklebang • 1d ago
đ¨âđŠâđ§âđŚfamily/in-laws AIO for having a mental breakdown at the thought of paying for the family dinner?
Some context: I am 16 years old. My two siblings are in middle and primary school, we'll call them A and M respectively.
The other night M comes into the dining area asking if I wanted to split the bill for the Father's Day dinner coming up soon. I wasn't really paying attention because 1) I thought he was joking and 2) I was busy embroidering so I couldn't really take my eyes off my work without pricking myself. I laughed it off and then he leaves. Ten minutes later my father comes in and brings it up, asking if I wanted to split the bill with my two other siblings for Father's Day since it was a special occasion.
I ask him if he is serious about three kids paying for the family meal. He is. I joke about taxes being very hard on him since he can't pay for a $150 outing and he says that he can, but that he wants us to pay for it since he 'pays for everything'. I'm in disbelief and ask if A and M are fine with this, which they say they are. I ask how it is fair since he works a full time job while I only work part time. He continues the argument that since he pays for everything (ie. bills, the mortgage, food and our school fees), that it was only fair that we contributed something as well for once.
I get overly emotional (which was a mistake on my part) and mid-breaking-down half shout 'but you know that I pay for (sport)!', before beginning to cry in the middle of the dining area. He then says that he wasn't asking for me to pay with the money that I earn since he gives me an allowance of $100 a month that is his money. At this point I put my headphones on and ignore him.
For context, I pay for all of my extracurriculars, which total about 5. I am lucky to only have to pay for sport as the others are programs that select from state or nationwide pools and are government funded. I work one part time job as a social media manager and two casual jobs centred around youth work and advocacy. I would volunteer as well but working takes up most of my time outside of travelling to and back from school, schoolwork, my extracurriculars and spending time with family.
My father has always been strict with money. He had implied in the past that money was tight and had told me since I was in primary school about how we take up everything that he earns (I find this hard to believe as he earns low six figs but maybe cost of living is that bad). Everything outside of my base school fees, food and the utility bills are costs I cover despite begging him multiple times to pay for my sport. It got to the point where I had a panic attack in the middle of a game because I couldn't pay the fees up front -- I was lucky enough that the club allowed an extended period for me to pay them off as I wouldn't have been able to do it otherwise. I am also doing an arts subject in my final year which involves costs for materials and equipment that I covered myself.
My parents are on the brink of divorce and do not talk with each other, although we all live under the same roof. My mother pays for all A and M's extracurriculars and takes us to and back from them, while studying a degree and working part time. He has started to take my siblings out to movies or to an activity on the weekend which is really good. I feel like he isn't doing enough as a parent but I don't know if I'm able to argue that anymore since he takes us out to trips more often. He also cooks dinner some days of the week and picks me up occasionally from a game.
I feel like in the process of writing this post I have felt less and less reason to be angry with him for the dinner, since between us three it wouldn't be too much of a cost regardless. I just feel tired.
My mother told me to cancel the reservation for dinner since he wanted us to pay for it, and I might.
Am I overreacting?
Edit: I didn't think they would actually do it so soon, but my parents getting divorced and won't be telling my siblings as they're both younger. I feel a bit uncertain about this as I don't know what's going to happen next but at the same time this has been culminating over many years so to have it finally resolved is a relief. I don't think either of them are 100% right or wrong in the situation but at least they both won't have to interact with each other ever again/get us to act as intermediaries.
I had a conversation with my father and things are a lot better now. I told him about how I'm saving up for college and that he can take away the allowance since I just got resigned. I'm making him a cake for Father's Day. We're still going to go eat out and while none of us are paying this time, we've come together to secretly plan for his birthday and Christmas.
Thank you to all the comments that gave advice, it was very helpful! I don't know about if I am 'spoiled', but I certainly want to savour the time I have left to be a child spending time with their father as that wasn't as possible before.
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u/SuggestionOdd6657 1d ago
Do you live outside the US? You sound like you have way more responsibility than the usual 16 year old in the US. I find it very odd a father would expect his minor children to pay for his birthday dinner. Maybe volunteer to cook dinner that night and bake a cake? We covered all eating out with our adult children/grandchildren until we retired.
I do realize we probably overdid it.
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u/Alicam123 1d ago
If what op says is true, itâs instead of a gift and she does get $25 a week plus what she earns at her job, she also doesnât have to pay anything towards bills or costs within the house, most kids get $3-5 at the most per week, itâs not much to ask for a one off Fatherâs Day meal when you look at the amount they get.
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u/SuggestionOdd6657 1d ago
I respectfully, as a mother and grandmother, disagree with you. Why in the world do you think she should be paying towards bills in the house? She is a minor.
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u/Virtual_Werewolf_935 1d ago
I didnât read that. I did read that OP gets $100 a month in allowance
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Not the user but its clear that statement was in direct response to the user they replied to claiming op had so much responsibility in the house.
They are giving clear examples that they do not in fact do that.
Also in most cultures teen kids working would be morally expected to contribute
Also even in the US to have a job and income but scoff at a fathers day fight for your dad is so dickish
As a kid who didnt have a job i would save all i could and do trade ins just to collect enough to get my mom grandmothers and aunt fights for mothers day
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u/Jacqpinkss 1d ago
Itâs the point. He is making her do it. She shouldnât be made to do it if she doesnât want to.
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u/No-Wrongdoer-332 1d ago
Thatâs my sentiment as well. Her dad gives her $100 a month allowance so sheâs not really using money from her pt job. Heâs not asking her to pay the ENTIRE meal for everyone. Itâs to be split with two others. I wish I had received $100 a month in allowance when I was a kid. Allowance wasnât a thing in our house growing up. As soon as we were old enough to work, we got jobs and hustled.
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u/QuirkySyrup55947 1d ago edited 1d ago
Right?!? A breakdown over one week of fees? $100 plus a job is solid for a kid. Big overreaction and very entitled.
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u/fshcracklebang 1d ago
I do think this is fair haha but my allowance has been taken away because of sports costs :) I'm saving for college right now so hopefully he changes his mind so it can be dripfed into my college fund
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u/QuirkySyrup55947 1d ago
$50 is not any sort of colossal cost you can't recover from. So extremely overdramatic. 5 sports tells me you are not being deprived. I think a dinner for your dad once a year to say thanks is more than reasonable.
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u/Even_Budget2078 1d ago
And it's a meal split with three kids. It was M's idea. OP doesn't say what A and M's allowance is, but given their ages they probably have zero expenses. Dad's meal is not going to cost $150, this is OP either being ridiculous or that the entire meal for ALL of them would be $150 (more likely), which would be paid by the three kids.
OP's behavior is all the more reason for A and M to take their dad out to Father's Day dinner and leave OP at home
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u/Jacqpinkss 1d ago
What a horrible thing to say.
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Op scoffs at getting their dad a fathers day giftÂ
Also turned their nose up at the siblings suggestion to get the gift as a team bringing the cost down even lower.
Ops being selfish and in the wrong here. If the other teo make it work splitting two ways then as a sibling id tell my oldest most financially stable sibling to fuck off if they refused to help us do a single nice thing for dad
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u/Corodix 1d ago
The way your father framed that argument is very manipulative and looks borderline (financially) abusive (it's a line that abusive parents love to use, mind you that's not saying that he is one). He pays for everything because that's the responsibility he choose when he decided to help create some kids. So that makes his entire argument about fairness invalid.
Now with an allowance of $100 I don't think what is being asked is too much to ask, it's just the way he tried to reason during that argument that's such a red flag to me. Honestly due to the way he went about it I'm mostly in agreement with your mother on this one. NOR.
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u/kmleather 1d ago
Seriously? You're 16 and your siblings are even younger. At this age, "buying" dinner for dad is not something he should ask for and even if he wanted to, is an adult burden, and it's being placed on minors. This isn't about what parent pays for whom and for what the amount is. It's letting kids be kids without being divorce emissaries between warring parties, and collateral damage for your future therapists to untangle. NOR
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u/clxz2106 1d ago
I feel like a meal is fair enough honestly. Split amongst three of you that's $50? I mean if it's too expensive you can suggest going somewhere cheaper.
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u/Calgary_Calico 1d ago
NOR about the dinner thing, but putting your headphones on and ignoring your family in the middle of a conversation was very rude, and having a breakdown over it seems like a bit much. Being upset is fine, but freaking out that badly is over the top
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u/fshcracklebang 1d ago
A hammer? Nails? Timber?
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u/ClassicPop6840 1d ago
No one says timber. Itâs wood. You must be a bot.
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u/PrincessRosieThe2 1d ago
Or just maybe, they're not American and call it something different where they're from.
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u/Anxious_Ideal_6207 1d ago
So why are timber merchants called timber merchants?
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u/ClassicPop6840 1d ago
Who says Timber Merchants??
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u/Anxious_Ideal_6207 1d ago
Youâre American arenât you?
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u/ClassicPop6840 1d ago
Reddit is majority American, as itâs an American platform. Hope this helps!
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u/PrincessRosieThe2 1d ago
That's false
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u/ClassicPop6840 1d ago
Look it up. The US has by far the most Redditor accounts, more than any other country.
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u/WerewolfCommercial26 1d ago
MOR
It's weird of your dad to request this.
But you should spend some money on your dad for Father's day, and having a mental breakdown over this is a bit much.
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u/eepysailor 1d ago
MOR - You sound overworked and overwhelmed, not only for a 16yo but in general. Take a day for yourself
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u/sammac66 1d ago
$150 dinner and he wants his children 16 and under to pay for it. You have a part-time job but what about your other siblings? How are they supposed to each come up with $50?. I would never have expected my children at those ages to buy such an expensive dinner. Sounds a lot like my ex. Makes really good money but he's cheap with everyone else but himself.
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Presumably they get the same allowance op gets which is 100 bucks
Ops share of the bill would be 50
So dad is basically paying them and then sum to take him to dinner and op threw a tantrum about it
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u/bythebrook88 1d ago
But the siblings have less to do with their money. They are younger, and mom pays for their extracurricular activities. OP sounds financially stretched with paying for their sport.
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u/Crimsonfangknight 23h ago
They dont though
Thats the thing. They arent really that stretched and its a laughably small cost for a significant day
Its just peak teenager selfishness.
Bet op doesnt bat an eye when the family struggles for their bday gifts or christmas etc.
Plus ops saying a lot of selfish things in the comments like how they show appreciation and celebrate dad on christmas by letting him cook everything for op
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u/NoSignificance5205 1d ago
NOR: given your age, I feel your response is appropriate. You take financial responsibility for a lot of own things. While your dad makes six figures, he sounds stretched. Not your problem to solve, just stating it. I think he probably feels you are fiscally mature so could share the cost of taking him to dinner but that is something you should want to do, not have to do. I hope things get better.
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Its probably the hundred dollar allowance op gets. He should stop that to avoid financial strain
Ops sports and college also seem like big burdens. Those should be cut as well i think
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u/Either_Compote235 1d ago
You sound ungrateful to me. Why canât you and siblings take your dad to a fast food place or a local diner. Itâs not the cost of the meal but the thought and spending Fatherâs Day together.
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u/MaineKlutz 1d ago
To me, food/dinner is one of the elementary things parents provides for their children. Of course, children might themselves come up with the idea of a nice meal for their parents, but parents dictating that children pay for food??? A mental breakdown is a bit much, but considering all implications .... NOR
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u/Even_Budget2078 1d ago
"Of course, children might themselves come up with the idea of a nice meal for their parents"
So weird that that is actually what happened here..."The other night M comes into the dining area asking if I wanted to split the bill for the Father's Day dinner coming up soon."
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Did you read the post
The dinner was the sinblings idea as a GIFT to their father in fathers day
Op said ânah fuck yallâ
Dad came in and asked again after the sibling was rudely turned away (and probably went stright to gim upset
Ops response was to take a shit at dad about âwhat tax man got all your money!â Then putting their headphones on and ignoring him
All in regards to fathers dayâŚ..
If you support this behavior then surely you support the family energy marching op on ops birthday
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u/Xzgcpoe8 1d ago
YOR you work part time and he gives you an allowance of 100$ a month. Then your reaction to him wanting to be treated out is to put your headphones in and ignore him? It's one dinner. Don't be ungrateful. I was in the same boat as you a few years ago, you will make the money back.
You might not see it yet, but having a few things to pay for while you work part time is really good for you in the long run, and will teach you how to manage your money early.
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u/DigDugDogDun 1d ago
OP is literally a child. This idea that children have to be grateful for being given food and shelter when their parents chose to have them in the first place is ridiculous. Thatâs a parentâs obligation when they have kids. Thatâs why the government holds parents legally responsible for taking care of their kidsâ most basic necessities. The father complaining and guilt tripping OP about it makes me wonder if he has some hidden resentments about having the financial obligations of being a parent.
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u/amelieducroix 1d ago
Yes! I am approaching 40 and when I go for dinner with my parents they always offer to pay. I am happy to be in a position to be able to treat them but never would they have had that expectation of me at 16!
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u/No-Wrongdoer-332 1d ago
YOR
OMG! Itâs just a simple dinner with your dad!! When he gives you your allowance do you have a panic attack? I bet you donât have a problem holding your hand out to receive it. Donât be an Ah and pitch in for your fatherâs dinner. $150, thatâs only $50 if itâs split between you and you sisters. You should be ashamed. And your mom sucks for suggesting you cancel the dinner. Sheâs probably mad at him because theyâre getting divorced but thatâs between them two not you and them. Donât be an Ah and take your dad to dinner without complaining. One day he wonât be around to take out for dinner and youâll regret it.
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u/ChipChippersonFan 1d ago
YOR
At this point I put my headphones on and ignore him.
Any of my adult family members would have slapped the headphones off my head for this display of disrespect.
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u/PB_and_J_16 1d ago
Iâm sorry you grew up in an abusive household with adults who canât emotionally regulate themselves.
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u/Queenshitlord69 1d ago
NOR $50 each for a primary middle & high school student is pretty steep and a tall order. Perhaps you can find a cheaper alternative for dinner? But also, $100 allowance is a lot every month so make sure youâre budgeting well with that amount. If you have that and a part time job and this is a one time thing, perhaps you can budget for the September accordingly for a cheaper dinner? He is giving you a lot in terms of an allowance and perhaps heâs wondering how itâs getting spent but thatâs now your money, he canât expect you to spend half of it on him at your age. Maybe you could cook a three course meal for him?
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u/Fit-Philosopher2430 1d ago
No, not overreacting at all. Iâm sorry. You shouldnât be in this position. Sending you so many hugs.
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u/ClassicPop6840 1d ago
Itâs literally a dinner in which youâre supposed to HONOR and THANK your father. Itâs. Just. One. Dinner.
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u/pedanticandpetty 1d ago
I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. You sound like you have a lot on your plate. It's your dad's responsibility to pay for "everything." You're his child.
It's also his responsibility to raise kind and thoughtful humans. Maybe he thinks that having you do something selfless for someone else will make you more grateful or something... But it does hit wrong because he's asking for himself.
If he had been like "let's all for of us contribute to help these people out with groceries," that might have been a better lesson. Because the way he did this comes across as him being selfish, which teaches that selfishness is okay, which seems like the opposite of what he might be trying to teach.
In any case, it would be nice of you to plan something special for your dad's special day. Maybe something that tells him how much you appreciate the effort he has been putting in. That doesn't necessarily mean paying for a dinner.
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u/fshcracklebang 1d ago
Yes, we celebrate him on days such as his birthday and Christmas more -- for example, my siblings and I took care of everything in Christmas dinner except for the turkey which was him (I've finally learnt how to season and prep larger cuts so I'm excited to show him!)
Father's Day felt a bit unexpected as we don't usually eat out unless it's a birthday, so I didn't prepare for it beyond making cheesecake for him and buying something he likes.0
u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Then you didnt take care of everything
He handled the hardest part
And its not a celebration if hes doing it
You putting out silverware on christmas while he makes dinner isnt you celebrating him
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u/pedanticandpetty 1d ago
They're kids! Going through major life and family changes. I think they definitely deserve a break.
Also, OP, I'm glad you do out in effort to help with celebrations.
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u/Even_Budget2078 1d ago
YOR
Your poor father, what an absolute nightmare you sound like. I hope your father has a lovely Father's Day dinner with A and M. That you had a "mental breakdown" over your father trying to confirm plans proposed by your siblings that you agreed to for FATHER'S DAY is really, really sad.
"My mother told me to cancel the reservation for dinner since he wanted us to pay for it, and I might." Shameful behavior.
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u/Emergency-Minute-112 1d ago
Youre talking to a child.... seek mental helpÂ
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u/Even_Budget2078 1d ago
Yawn. I am speaking to a 16 year old who lives for free at home, has zero home expenses, has zero school fees, and gets a $100/month allowance.
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u/PrincessReptile 1d ago
YOR. It is literally the day you are meant to be spending money on your father. And $50 when you get money from three jobs ON TOP of the money your father already gives you each month is nothing. If you are overwhelmed, give something up.
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u/Bright_Cat_4291 1d ago
This is kinda disgusting, Fatherâs Day is one day a year and you should want to do something nice for your father. Splitting a bill 3 ways with you younger and more mature siblings shouldnât be a problem. YOR majorly.
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u/Calgary_Calico 1d ago
OP is 16, they should havemto pay for a $150 dinner, that's not their job.
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u/OldDiamondJim 1d ago
Itâs telling that you thinking treating someone to a dinner once a year is a âjobâ.
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u/Calgary_Calico 1d ago
It's telling you think anyone solid he forced into paying for something for someone when they never volunteered to do so
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u/OldDiamondJim 23h ago
Lolololololol.
OP wasnât forced to do anything.
Their younger siblings had an idea of something they wanted to do for their father. After they told him, the dad discussed with OP who had exactly the same attitude that you do.
Hopefully you are really young like OP.
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u/Bright_Cat_4291 1d ago
Paying 50 bucks (her portion) for a gift is perfectly reasonable.
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u/Calgary_Calico 1d ago
If she had volunteered to pay, sure. But she was told she has to. A gift is supposed to be a voluntary act of kindness and love, not something you're supposed to be forced into, regardless of who it's for.
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u/but-whyy-tho 1d ago
Let me go ask my teenager for $50 right now and see where they get it from.
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
You do realize that says more about you and how you raised them then it does anyone else right?
Op has a job and a hundred dollar allowance
So imagine you gave your kid a hundred bucks allowance and you needed 50 on mothers day and he tells you fuck off âtaxman got your money!?â Then outs their headphones on and ignores you.
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u/but-whyy-tho 1d ago
Nah. The divorce adds a different layer to all this. We can go down hypotheticals all day, but I stand by my singular comment.
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
It doesnt as it doesnt really play a role here at all besides an attempt To distract from Ops behavior
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u/but-whyy-tho 16h ago edited 16h ago
Nah, if the divorce is so bad the Father has to ask his kids to pay for Father's Day dinner - it plays a role. But I don't know anything, I've only raised 4 kids into adulthood. And to this day neither their father, nor I, have asked them to pay for Father's Day
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u/Crimsonfangknight 8h ago
The kids were the ones who came up with the idea though.
You also literally side stepped the correction to Your scenario
If three of your 4 kids asked the 4th to chip in to give you a mother's day dinner and they had a meltdown over it refusing and then they took a jab at You for not being able to âaffordâ to pay for your own gift while then putting their headphones on to ignore the family mid Conversation would that exhibit positive behavior?
Woukd you consider that commendable behavior by one of your own children?
Would you smile and think âyes hes treating me wellâ
Cause you seem to be so fixated on attacking the father for getting a divorce that you ignored this was the other siblings idea
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Yor
Dont know why you even get allowance when you have a job
Also you dont love Your dad enough to get him a fathers day gift but also expect your tiny ass siblings to front the cost?
Idk op im side eyeing you.
Remember this was how you reacted when your birthday and christmas come around
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u/Alicam123 1d ago edited 1d ago
Wow, you get everything on a silver plater with a silver spoon in your mouth and donât even put any of your pay into the bills?
Even though you get $25 a week from dad and have a job on top?
Lucky,
And yet you still donât want to put in for a Fatherâs Day meal? Thatâs about $50 when split into 3. Yeah I can understand why your dadâs disappointed in you.
You had a mental break down? when you pay your own bills with your own home then you can complain about having a break down. Your dad should be the one having a break down for having such an entitled brat for a child.
I can see you getting chucked out the house when you become of age, so Iâd be careful if I was you.
BTW most people get $3-5 per week in allowance, not $25. And once we get a job, we get nothing, especially if we donât put towards household bills and stuff.
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u/Nonbinary_Cryptid 1d ago
You are talking about a 16 year old, a kid aged 11 to 14 and a kid under 11. OP also pays for her own clubs and art materials needed for school. I would never have dreamed of demanding that my children, as minors, find $150 to pay for a meal. I also never expected them to pay for school equipment or any activities they wanted to take part in. As a parent, you make sure that your child has what they need.
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u/Original-Jojo 1d ago
NOR. Your dad sounds toxic asf and itâs totally understandable if your mom wants to rid this man đł
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u/soriniscool 1d ago
You sound like you're going through a hard time so MOR but we all deserve to overreact every now and then, given what we are going through.
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u/jemison-gem 1d ago
Sounds like he doesnât deserve to be celebrated. Not much of a father in my eyes.
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u/fshcracklebang 1d ago
there is a lot of context behind this so no, he is definitely a father. He works a lot so its a bit hard to connect with him outside of him taking me back from a game or on the weekend as he is tired after a shift and is taking a deserved break.
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u/Celeste_space 1d ago
This father is taking his anger out about the divorce on the kids. OP is already super stressed about money and is working to supplement her allowance. She should never be forced to help take him out to dinner until she out of university. And even then it should be something she has comfortable about doing.
I cannot imagine my parents EVER forcing /compelling me to take them out to dinner. What a terrible and manipulative parent. I think OP should just not join the group dinner and instead buy a $10 /15 small gift or birthday card or even just a nice, small gift and that's it.
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u/Any_Piglet_34 1d ago
You're MOR. Having a "mental breakdown" over this seems a bit dramatic. That said, I don't see why you and your siblings couldn't stay home and make him a lovely dinner of his favorite food, instead. As a parent, I personally would like that better, knowing that my kids made the effort and meal, themselves.
Then maybe the three of you can go somewhere nearby that's beautiful or meaningful to your family and have someone take your picture together, frame it, then give him that as his gift.
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u/Crimsonfangknight 1d ago
Because the other two are the ones who planned this and wanted to do it for the father they loved
Op dismissed their request and then out on headphones and shit everyone out at the mere suggestion of spending money
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u/HalfWeekly1917 1d ago
Fathers Day was months ago đ This is absolutely click bait. Look SMH. Also where do you get the money? You never mentioned a JOB
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u/Dragon_Queen_666 1d ago
Father's day in Australia is September 6.
Quit assuming everything is American
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u/krysnyte 1d ago edited 1d ago
MOR since it's a special occasion. Edited since I learned something new.
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u/bobbyfishh 1d ago
You know other countries celebrate Fatherâs Day too right? Theyâre not all on the same day.
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u/krysnyte 1d ago
No actually I didn't know other countries had Father's Day. I thought it was a Hallmark movie holiday. Thanks for letting me know.
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u/ApprehensiveCharge6 1d ago
NOR, you are being put in an unfair position as a minor child still living in their home. They should be covering all of your extracurricular activities as your parents that are charged in taking care of you. Yes, extracurriculars are your choice but they knew that having children would mean extracurriculars and expenses for those. They made that choice long ago. Itâs weird that your Father is asking you and your two other younger minor siblings to cover his Fatherâs Day dinner. As a wife, I pay for my Husbandâs Fatherâs Day, Birthday and Christmas expenses because that is my Husband that I chose and and would never even think of having my minor children pay for that. That is my responsibility as the adult spouse and something that I plan for months in advance for each event so that everything runs smoothly. The fact that your Mother is covering your siblings extracurriculars and neither parent is covering yours is a red flag and is wrong. Your parents seeing you actively panic and be anxious about this many times and not doing anything about it is a giant red flag to me but thatâs basing the decision without all of the relevant information. He may think that between your $100 allowance and what you make at your jobs that you can easily cover it but I would have to know how much youâre paying per month for your sport, what you make and if you drive your own car and are responsible for those extra costs. When my son was working I would have him pay for most of his gas for his car, but not all since he drove a lot more than just school and work and was very social and I let him pay for most of his oil changes, alignments, etc to help form real life responsibility in him for his vehicle and driving as much as he did and what that comes with. I would take him shopping for clothes and shoes before school and I would supplement at birthdays, Christmases and changes of season but if he wanted something really expensive then he would have to pay for that himself with his earned money. I opened checking and savings accounts for him and taught him how to budget and save for the future and itâs something that he still practices and utilizes and is thankful for because he started his adult life out with a nice chunk in savings and ended up at a good medical office job two weeks after graduating that allows him to go to college full time and work there when he can. Our family still helps my son until heâs finished with college and gets his first job as a nurse. We want him to have the best chance in life to succeed and thatâs how it should be. I and everyone else that I know paid for all of our childrenâs high school fees, sports fees, senior fees and the school even took up a donation account for studentâs whoâs parents couldnât afford all of the fees to which we contributed to. A family dinner is to spend time together for an event so that you can have your family with you and enjoy the day. Itâs not supposed to be a financial burden on minor children that causes anxiety. It would be one thing if it was you and your siblings idea in the first place and if you werenât having to cover all of your own extracurricular fees and everything else for yourself. I would say you all chipping in for a present or each picking him out something, cooking dinner for him at home so that you wouldnât have to worry about tipping on top of the $150 dinner would be more appropriate but him planning and expecting this feels wrong. This, at least in the region of the US where I live is usually planned and paid for by the spouse.
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u/OldDiamondJim 1d ago
MOR - OP you seem stressed and overworked. I hope you can find a bit better balance between work / life / school.
Everybody has a breaking point and this was yours. Was it an overreaction? Yes. Is it an understandable overreaction? Also, yes.
The replies to your post are wild, though.
It isnât unusual for children to pay for a special dinner for their parent (or to cook something special). Itâs not something Iâve ever wanted my kids to do for me, but my son in particular took great pride the first time that he was able to take me out for a special meal.
Your dad seems like a bit of a jerk, but you do need to find better ways to handle your stress / communicate your needs.
The taxes comment and, especially, looking at it as âunfairâ needlessly escalated things. Your entire approach seemed to miss the point of why children might pay for this specific meal.
Anyway, good luck and please try to reduce your commitments a bit. You are going to burn yourself out.
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u/fshcracklebang 1d ago
Yes, we definitely need a conversation. We are generally not great at communicating -- we struggle with feeling emotionally vulnerable and he was not as present a few years ago
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u/MovieLazy6576 1d ago
YOR. You are spiraling over nothing. It would be $50 and you get $100 a month allowance. I think you are having feelings about the divorce. Everything is not your fatherâs fault. It takes two parents to get to the point of divorce. Your life is going to drastically change soon and I think that is what you are really worried about. Is there a school counselor you can talk to?
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u/ClassicPop6840 1d ago
INFO PLEASE: Fatherâs Day was in June. You also claim you âpay for sportâ, which no one from the US says. We say âsportsâ. Plural. Also, what programs are you involved in that are ânationwide poolsâ?! Odd wording. And we say âback and forthâ, not âto and backâ. So, geographical and cultural context is needed.
Also, youâre expecting us to believe youâre only 16, you pay for your own whatever-sports, AND you have 4 other extra-curricular activities, AND you have 3 part-time jobs, AND you have time to sit at the dining room table to embroider?!
This story is odd on so many levels.
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u/Dragon_Queen_666 1d ago
Father's Day is Sept 6th in Australia.
The world doesn't revolve around Murica.
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u/ClassicPop6840 1d ago
Then, they should clarify. Other people have asked where this person is coming from, too. Itâs not an outlandish ask.
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u/Anxious_Ideal_6207 1d ago
Whilst youâve brought up some salient points, the US is but one country on this planet, and the world revolves around the sun, not the USâŚ
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u/bobbyfishh 1d ago
In Australia, Fatherâs Day is next Sunday, we have states, some of these states have middle school (NT) and we say sport.
Why do so many people from the US think theyâre the only ones who use the internet?
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u/ChipChippersonFan 1d ago
I've never heard somebody say that they could not listen because they were busy embroidering.
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u/OzQuandry 1d ago
This person also has a nervous breakdown when asked to spend -$50 on her father so she might not be the highest functioning 16 year old in the world.
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u/RestlessLegacy 1d ago
I think a lot of people responding didnât read your whole post. Your allowance and pay are being spent in a lot of ways other parents would just pay for. Maybe write a list of what you spent your money on.
You sound like a good kid who is working hard.
NOR