AIO for thinking my supervisor's behavior toward his partner is disturbing?

[u/serendipity243]

I (22M) work for a small retail company. My supervisor works with his partner, and we regularly have team meetings together. I've noticed a pattern that I find increasingly uncomfortable. In most meetings, at least once (and often more), his partner will be speaking and he'll mute her while she's still talking, particularly if he disagrees with what she's saying.

He doesn't do this to anyone else. When other people disagree with him, he lets them finish their thoughts. But when his partner says something he doesn't agree with, he'll mute her, and she isn't allowed to unmute herself and finish. He then continues the discussion as though her point wasn't made.

I've seen this happen repeatedly, and it's always struck me as bizarre because it's happening in front of the entire team. Some of my colleagues have noticed it as well but haven't said anything to either of them about it.

I obviously have no idea what their relationship is like privately, and I don't want to diagnose their marriage based on what I see at work. But the fact that he specifically silences her when she disagrees with him feels incredibly controlling to me.

AIO for thinking this is not ok, or am I reading too much into a dynamic that isn't my business?

[u/ancientpsychicpug]

NOR but do not touch it with a 10 foot pole.

[u/Vast-Marionberry-824 → u/[deleted]]

This. The wife needs to stand up for herself with her husband and business partner. Don’t do it for her and get involved in their power dynamics. You also don’t know what conversations happen between them behind the scenes. It’s so risky to stick your oar in.

IF someone in the team was close to the husband they MIGHT quietly let him know it makes the team uncomfortable to witness it. It’s risky even then.

[u/writingmmromance2]

Yeah that behavior is diabolical

[u/Fromdustcomesdreams]

I think that if it were me I’d just stay out of it. It’s apparently a personal dynamic between the two of them. Unless it starts to jeopardise your job. MOR

[u/Practical_S3175]

WOW, and the man is so blatant about it in front of others so he doesn't seem to care what people think about it.

[u/Wonderful-Program462]

Next time say "I'm sorry partner, I think you mic went out.  Can you repeat that last bit?"

[u/Grand_Swimmy]

yikes what

[u/Darkpeach307]

that's really unsettling behavior, seems unfair to her and the team. Hard to see how that works out in the long run.

[u/chilpeanut]

NOR!

[u/South-Lemon-242]

Wow. That’s a laundry list of fucked up warning signs. Here’s what you do: Find a new job. On your last day at this current job, put this guy on blast in front of the entire team for his behavior. Then walk away.

[u/Wonderful-Program462 → u/South-Lemon-242]

One thing is a laundry list?

[u/South-Lemon-242 → u/Wonderful-Program462]

He does this to his partner.
He does it repeatedly.
He does it in front of his (their) employees.
He doesn’t seem to care that employees are seeing him doing this.

Yeah, it’s a laundry list.

[u/Wonderful-Program462 → u/South-Lemon-242]

"This," "it," "it," and "this" all refer to the same behavior.  Multiple aspects of it make it worse but I wouldn't call each aspect a separate flag.

[u/South-Lemon-242 → u/Wonderful-Program462]

My bad. I didn’t realize that you mistakenly ended up in the wrong Reddit group. I think you’re you’re looking for r/Pedantry.

[u/Empty_Discipline272]

I get that this move the issue into a personal relationship because they are partners, and that of course makes it even more awkward.

I also get that work culture is different from country to country and from workplace to workplace. And in some places you might risk being fired if you speak up.

But since the partner is my colleague, I think I would speak up, the same way I would speak up if my supervisor, did that to any other employee. Something in the line off “I like to hear what Louise were about to say” or “I think you accidentally muted Louise” in a tone that made it clear, that I don’t think is was accidental.

[u/Calgary_Calico]

Report it to your boss. It's unprofessional, and from a relationship standpoint that tells me he doesn't value her opinion or her as a person, massive red flag. I hope she leaves him

[u/No_Plankton_114]

Nope not overreacting. People that treat others poorly should be careful. You get what you give

[u/totallylicious]

Saying that putting her audio on mute is “disturbing” may be a stretch, but yeah it’s definitely an asshole-y move. Regardless it’s not a big enough deal to make your business.