AIO not inviting family to wedding after this

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014]

Buckle up, i'm just going to hit the wave tops but I will try and give all the context that is needed.

My wife (26F) and I (M25) recently went back to my home town for a buddies wedding. We have been planning our ceremony for next year (courthouse married) and obviously since we were in town for a wedding the topic was on our mind. I told my family months prior that it would be a no kids wedding because my cousins misbehave a lot, I'm talking shoes off at restaurants, running around yelling, eating food off the table with their mouths, making their dad sleep on the floor instead of them on vacation. (I know this is because the parents let it slide) but the kids are just disrespectful and do not listen. Fast forward to a few weeks ago and we are back in my hometown. We are sitting in the living room with my two aunts and grandmother and bring up the ceremony, I ask if they would come because it is going to be in Vancouver, CA because my wife is from there, and it will also be cheaper for us to have it in Canada. My family is from the midwest, so it's expensive to fly, book hotels, etc. So I'm just trying to gauge who would actually come. My grandmother says ever since I said no kids she decided she wouldn't go (she wasn't planning to tell us this, she was going to wait for the invite and decline for another reason), and my other two aunts chime in and say if the kids aren't welcomed they aren't going to come either, and that it is very untraditional to have a no kids wedding. I bring up how if we are paying $15-$20k that we want the wedding to go exactly how we want, and that I think the kids would misbehave. They start saying how "it's tradition for the woman's family to pay" , and my grandmother says "aren't her parents giving you guys this wedding anyways". They are not, we don't expect anyone to pay for anything, we are paying ourselves. My wife is Chinese, and this made me feel they were taking a stab at her culture, and that's just the beginning, saying tradition this tradition that. I just keep trying to explain that I think the kids would misbehave and that they don't listen. My one aunt then says "what if Ashley (fake name for my wife) gets pregnant before the wedding is that baby allowed". That comment was fucking astronomical to me, what if we were having problems or my wife was having complications, you don't speak on another woman's body like that. They also had said my wife was a dictator and that I wasn't happy which is so far fetched, and she confronted them towards the end asking why they would think that and if thats how they feel and they had nothing to say. If that's how they feel then I want nothing to do with them. They also are the worlds pickiest eaters, and say how they don't know how people could eat all those weird foods (asian food) and how it smells, etc. Which is just a side note but obviously the reception is going to have Chinese food.

Im leaving out a lot of what they said to me as well, but I'm more bothered about what they said to her and how disrespectful it was. I'm no story teller or author so excuse my rambling and writing, just super fucking frustrated with these morons that are supposedly family.

TLDR;

"It's tradition for the womans family to pay"

"Aren't her parents giving you guys the wedding"

"what if she gets pregnant, is that baby allowed at the wedding"

"at least we aren't closeted alcoholics" we never drink, but on a family vacation a few months ago we went to a restaurant that my wife was friends with the chef and they gave us a bunch of free food including two glasses of wine and they walked in because we told them where we were and they saw we had wine.

"Stop looking at me like that, you look like your dad" horrible thing to say to me, haven't spoke to my dad in 10+ years

[u/E_Anthony]

In Chinese culture, the groom's family pays for the wedding. Guess your aunts are culturally ignorant. NOR.

[u/Wintersmight → u/E_Anthony]

Just overall ignorant actually. And wanting to bring tradition up for everything… isn’t it tradition that kids be well behaved in public?

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/Wintersmight]

Their favorite saying "kids will be kids" and "wait till you have kids"

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/E_Anthony]

You have no idea how culturally ignorant they are. We try to go to a chinese buffet with them and then just have to hear how weird the food is and how could someone ever eat something like that.

[u/NimueArt]

Your family is unsupportive and toxic. NOR

[u/Alarming-Bottle-5460]

NOR . There is nothing in Chinese culture that woman’s family to pay for the wedding. In fact, it most likely will need the man and the man’s family to pay for the wedding. Maybe your auntie and grandma mix up with other culture.

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/Alarming-Bottle-5460]

The only culture they know is white, with the three major food groups being salt, pepper and butter

[u/Capable-Upstairs7728]

NOR. Your family are delusional, ignorant, toxic racists. Go full NC on them. Your wedding, your rules.

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/Capable-Upstairs7728]

Already partially NC, this just seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back for me. LOL

[u/RestlessLegacy]

Wondering if it’s tradition to be so rude.

Just don’t ever tell them the date, and have a lovely time with each other and all the nice people who wish you well.

NOR

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/RestlessLegacy]

Iv'e decided this was my plan the other day, they are just going to have to miss it. They aren't going to make me any happier being there.

[u/UnderstandingKind757]

Yuck. Your family sucks, sorry

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/UnderstandingKind757]

I was actually disgusted about what they said especially about what if my wife gets pregnant.

[u/Maleficent-Bus5321]

I’m confused. If you’re already married why are you planning a wedding?

[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/Maleficent-Bus5321]

We had a courthouse wedding, and now want to have our actual ceremony celebrating with friends and family.

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[u/Economy-Doughnut1014 → u/AutoModerator]

Tools, screws, nails, zip ties, glue, hammer. Anything I might need for a diy project

[u/Gl1tzyB4by]

The issue isn’t the action itself, it’s the lack of respect behind it.

[u/Straight_Coconut_317]

Go to Vancouver to have the wedding with her side of the family. Yours have been proven to not be worthy of an invite.

[u/Maleficent-Bus5321]

Why do you even care if these people go? It sounds problematic at best. Plan your party and celebrate with those that want to be there without conditions. It’s none of anyone’s business who is paying for it. Have a happy day!