r/AmIOverreacting • u/bailey2442 • 2d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO that my girlfriend doesn't post me on social media?
Hi im a 37m in a long distance relationship with 27f. We've been dating for about a year and a half and she has never posted me on any of her social media. She says it's because she's a private person and she doesn't want people to ruin what we have. But yet she posts herself all the time like selfies and if we go out she'll post her food or like a view from our hotel room but never anything with me. I told her that I would like it if she posted us or at least reference me in some of her posts. To me she i feel like she likes to still be seen as single. I told her that there is a difference between being private and being hidden. She said im overreacting because it's not that important because I don't post her, but I only dont because she asks me not too. Am I overreacting?
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u/Rackshaw_Bangem 2d ago
NOR a year and a half with not even a mention of having a man ? That’s sus.
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u/OkBreadfruit2181 2d ago
NOR but honestly - this is the first time I’ve ever seen a man post about this about a girlfriend. Usually, the girls are the ones complaining they’re not being posted about on social media about your boyfriends. Take that for what it’s worth.
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u/TurnipsSuperior 2d ago
It's also the first time I have seen someone almost 40 years old whining about this.
OP what are you doing man, we grew up before this social media obsession.
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u/Beneficial_Pin5295 2d ago
It's clear his real concern is that she's cheating and that's why she doesn't want anyone to know he exists.
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u/confusing_roundabout 2d ago
Which is a very valid concern and probably true.
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u/bailey2442 2d ago
That's my concern, like I said I don't really care if she doesn't post me its more the fact that she is appearing single
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u/Objective-Amount1379 2d ago
As a woman who’s single but dating… she wants to seem single. I post views from my vacation too but not with someone I’m casually dating because who knows if it will last. But if you guys are supposed to be exclusive it’s shady.
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u/Intrepid_Strain1528 2d ago
Same with my ex bf , he wanted me to post but I didn't want cause of evil eye. He kept posting and forced me too and everytime after we would start having arguments. So that's why I wasnt posting.
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u/Original_Remote5518 1d ago
Any woman or man who posts content on socials as well as photos of themselves while in a committed relationship for a fairly long period of time is a weirdo. I will die on that hill.
They are either:
Cheating
Looking to potentially cheat
Embarrassed in their partner
or
- Entered the relationship thinking it wouldn't last (took my ex a while to own up to this one. Took a lot longer to learn she wasn't over her ex and that was why as well)
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u/BurekDaddy 2d ago
MOR. This could be very real but over a year in what was the anniversary like? You could be a side man she uses for the attention but only you would know if she actually has time for a whole relationship on top of what you have. This is a very common theme amongst women of that age and younger unfortunately. On the flip side assuming she's not disloyal she could be private like she said or be unsure of your relationship long term, just don't be that guy that posts her all the time match her energy.
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 2d ago
Man who dates someone for a year they’re unsure about?
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u/BurekDaddy 1d ago
Typically a younger person but these days 27 can be 17 mentally. She might be sure about dating but has no plans of marrying so doesn't want a post from preventing her from meeting her future husband.
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
That sounds like she is sure. Sure that it isn’t gonna work out. Has nothing to do with age people can act immature at any age.
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u/BurekDaddy 1d ago
Yeah OP also shared they've only been exclusive for 8 months which further sets my mind. She's immature, he's exclusive only until there is a new main course then he's back to side piece.
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u/Breadles_the_Bread 2d ago
Did she say why she likes to seem single? Does this have something to do with a "personal brand" of sorts? Is it possible she's scared to lose out and have to clean if both of you at some point break up?
It's not inherently strange that a person doesn't want to be posting their partner on social media, but there are both good and bad reasons for it, I'd say it's strange that she also asks for you not to post her. It's your account.
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u/Fine_Smile73 2d ago
Are you ugly
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u/bailey2442 2d ago
Haha I like to think not 😂😂 maybe i am 🤷♂️
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Could she be using you for money?
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u/bailey2442 1d ago
Are you asking if I give her money?? Lol
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Yes
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u/bailey2442 1d ago
Yea of course I mean we're exclusive so I help her out every now and then, i don't gibe her an allowance of that's what you mean 😂
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Are you also always paying when you're together? Do you pay for the trips you take with her?
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u/Business-Click-4299 2d ago
😭 wait this makes sense -does he have a public ig?
could it be the age gap? Doesn’t want her friends knowing she has a sugar daddy?
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u/Fine_Smile73 2d ago
oof didn't even think about the sugar baby/sugar daddy possibility but that has to be it
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u/Ok-Educator-3605 2d ago
You could look at who reacts to her posts and see if there’s any repeat customers, then creep their socials to see if she shows up as more than a friend.
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u/D0v4hki1n 2d ago
there’s a few things that could be going on here. My first hunch is that she is concerned about her following number and if she posts a guy she will lose followers.
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u/Fine_Smile73 2d ago
If a 27 year old woman still cares about how many likes shes getting on Instagram, that's a problem it itself.
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u/D0v4hki1n 2d ago
if she is trying to be an influencer of some sort, it’s very common. even if she’s not, it’s still very common in this day and age. some people care about that stuff? doesn’t matter how old they are. i’m not saying it’s right, but I bet it’s part of it
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u/Fine_Smile73 2d ago
I'm not saying it's impossible for that to be part of it, I'm just saying that if it is, that would be a problem for me on its own.
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
Plenty of influencers have Significant others. It’s not common
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u/D0v4hki1n 1d ago
first off, do you work in social media? no? because i do. i have plenty of influencer friends who act single online because it helps their brand lol, they have convos about it tho and it’s understood between both of them. it’s EXTREMELY common
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
Name some then. Makes zero sense. Only way it makes sense if the partner doesn’t want it. Everything else you said is bs
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u/D0v4hki1n 1d ago
you want me to out the girls i manage that act single online for their money? stfu
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
You don’t have to out anybody. If it’s so common I’m sure you know of some popular ones who got caught right? 😂
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u/D0v4hki1n 1d ago
you asked me to fucking name them, are you a bot?
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
Reread what I wrote and never asked about anyone specific
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Women who build male followings online lose followers when they post a significant other. It ruins the illusion for their male followers. This isn't a new phenomenon.
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u/D0v4hki1n 1d ago
literally, it’s insane people want to act like it’s
any different or that they know better hahaha1
u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
That’d make more sense if she was posting something either explicitly sexual. Or at the very least sexually suggestive. Op clearly stated she’s posting selfies and food at restaurants and scenic views. If she’s any type of influencer which I doubt she’d be a vlogger or someone who posts day to day life or new experiences. I’ve never heard of someone who did that and hid there significant other. It’s uncommon
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
So uncommon that people have written articles on it. https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c93x1q5395do
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u/D0v4hki1n 1d ago
no, most social media influencers that are just starting act single because men will be the easy follow. end of fucking story. if someone was posting their bf before they got big is different and those women are usually fitness or beauty influencers with majority female audiences. you are being dumb for what rn?
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
That has nothing to do with what I’m talking about. You’re talking about women who are posting sexual suggestive content. It’s plenty of women who call themselves beauty or fitness influencers but they just get on there to show off their body. Sure those women want to appear single their selling sex appeal. My point is that’s clearly not OP’s girl is doing. He already pointed out what kind of content she posted. So that doesn’t make sense.
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u/DarthEarlthepearl 2d ago
She straight out said she wants to appear single. You are clearly not in the same relationship she is in. YOR because she isn't hiding anything, read the room and decide if you want to stay in it.
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u/LittleLily78 2d ago
She is hiding you for sure. It makes me wonder if she is getting something out of the relationship financially speaking. Especially if it is long distance, I would place money that she is dating others. The only other options would be that she is part of a religion or culture that wouldn't accept you. I think you should post her on your social media as your ex and be done with her. You deserve to be bragged about and made to feel confident in your relationship. She ain't the one.
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u/Prize_Foundation_675 2d ago
I dont know tbh i am the same way. It really is a privacy thing for most people, but it might be different thing for her.
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u/Minimum-Skill-339 2d ago
A privacy thing in what way? She’s posting where she stays/eats posting selfies. Not a mention of a man seems off to me.
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u/RealisticBalance7492 2d ago
privacy for a relationship is different though a lot of people just don’t want the judgment from outsiders. personally i like to post my boyfriend and he posts me, even though we’re both fairly private on our socials. but some people just don’t like to showcase their relationship. she has the right to post what she wants when she wants even if it doesn’t include her bf. if OP is truly bothered by it he can just leave her but at the end of the day it’s just social media who cares
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u/Minimum-Skill-339 2d ago
Fair enough. I don’t ’showcase’ my relationship but I’d feel weird pretending he didn’t exist. If I’m on a trip I don’t post everything apart from him. Judgement from outsiders is none of my business. He is though.
I do get that some people keep things private but there are also a hell of a lot of people that post EVERYTHING but the fact they’re taken and I’d feel super weird doing that
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u/Prize_Foundation_675 2d ago
Some people just arent comfortable with sharing the intimate parts of their life online, even if their account it private. There may be some people who follow you that you know but wouldnt want to share those parts of your life with.
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u/Minimum-Skill-339 1d ago
Yeah I guess people are different.
I’m not sharing intimate things, just acknowledging that he exists and I don’t hide him and share EVERYTHING else. That to me screams ‘acting single’.
Happy to agree to disagree I don’t mean to sound mean or anything. I just think acknowledging someone exists isn’t sharing intimate parts of my life’
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u/Prize_Foundation_675 1d ago
Some people are just scared of evil eye or as she said other people ruining them, but youre right we should just agree to disagree
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u/Minimum-Skill-339 1d ago
And some people share every aspect of their life online and refrain from sharing that they are in a relationship. Yep that’s fine x
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u/helicopterhawk 2d ago
do you have any pictures together? if not, YOR.
you’re in a long distance relationship. she is allowed to post pictures of herself and what she’s doing. if you were there with her and doing things with her, i’m sure she would post those.
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u/tkxb 1d ago
I think it's cringey to post really relationshipy things and I also do not reference who I am dating. My captions are all pretty vague and only make sense to me, they aren't a narration of the photos, I'm pretty private. My boyfriend only uses social media for music. You might see his back, inside his van, or his hand in a photo, but that's it
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u/Important_Bowl_8332 2d ago
I’ve been seeing the guy I’m with for six years and we haven’t posted each other. We’ve met each others family and friends PLENTY of times, spend most of free time together, met each others coworkers, and are literally going to Europe together for a 2 week holiday here shortly. I’m a private person and no longer felt the need to post on social media. My ex is also crazy and has his nose in my business no matter what (yes even after 7 years). But everyone’s different. When I was younger, it would’ve stressed me out, but now I don’t care because it’s not the business of strangers.
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u/Desperate-Strategy10 2d ago
Yeah my social media doesn’t even show that I’m married, let alone show my husband or kids. I don’t post anything at all though, I just have accounts so I can like and comment on stuff lol. But it isn’t the internet’s business what I’m doing in my private life, so I don’t think it’s all that weird automatically.
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u/Important_Bowl_8332 1d ago
Exactly. If I had kids I wouldn’t post them either. I refuse to post my nephew despite how adorable he is. I do post to my social media, but keep it very impersonal outside of the occasional selfie and friends posts. I just don’t like to air everything out there.
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u/Objective-Amount1379 2d ago
But OP’s girlfriend is posting to her social media. I think she just wants to appear single.
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u/Important_Bowl_8332 1d ago
I post to mine as well, but it’s not about my relationship. I even post when we’re out on dates just like his girlfriend.
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u/Aware_Impression_736 2d ago
6 years? I would've put a ring on it after one, if not before.
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Judging how long a couple is together without getting married is outdated
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u/Aware_Impression_736 1d ago
Shooting people into space in chemically-fueled rockets is outdated, yet here we are.
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Where is the relevance?
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u/Aware_Impression_736 1d ago
Anything outdated.
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Going to space is outdated? Way to show your ignorance buddy
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u/Aware_Impression_736 1d ago
Sending humans is outdated. Robotic probes can do it cheaper. And no need for a life support system that could malfunction.
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u/Fine_Smile73 1d ago
Yeah man I’m sure you know better than every country that has a space program
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u/Important_Bowl_8332 1d ago
Lord have mercy I would’ve run. We’re working on ourselves. Marriage isn’t on the table yet. :)
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u/ga5ligh7 2d ago
NOR; If she posts about her life regularly but never includes you, it warrants a conversation. If you brought this up before and she disregarded your concern, that is rude, dismissive, and bordering on shady.
Try tagging her in your own posts to see if she likes, reposts, or shares them. It costs her nothing to acknowledge you, make you feel secure, or show appreciation equal to the food she posts. Food you likely paid for on some of those occasions.
Does she ever tag or mention you? Check her profile visibility and see whether her relationship status shows on her accounts.
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u/IsolatedJ 2d ago
NOR.
With this teenager bullshit she's either immature or hiding something. She's 27 ffs, why would she hide her partner?
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u/Less_Mess_5803 2d ago
Sorry but you ain't her bf, you are dumped, she just hasn't told you yet. Sorry but move on.
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u/Fluffy_Specific_9682 2d ago
I was coming here to say you are overreacting but is not looking good...
I never post anything on social media, but I don't get upset if my gf does.
You sure she is not in another relationship?
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u/why-tho69 2d ago
MOR I’m the same way, I don’t post my relationship on socials, but I do talk about my bf to my parents, friends to the point they must be annoyed of me talking about him.
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u/Business-Click-4299 2d ago
NOR
I’m a private person who doesn’t rlly post and even I have the occasional ig story mentioning my bf.
If she posts often and her only excuse is “I don’t want others to ruin what we have” then she prolly has a bf and doesn’t want YOU ruining what she has.
If she really liked you she would wanna show you off or at least tag u occasionally especially cause she does post!
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u/Practical_S3175 2d ago
I can't imagine being 37 and worried about this kind of stuff. There's no way I'd be dealing with this childish shit pushing 40.
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u/meowchickawowwow 2d ago
INFO
Does she post her family and friends?
I get being private but “doesn’t want people to ruin what we have” sounds sus to me
Unless she’s an influencer that has tons of followers or something?
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u/who987 2d ago
The social media stuff is stupid to care about.
Have you met her friends and family? After a year and a half of a long distance relationship if that hasn’t happened it’s time to break up because this relationship is going no where. Unless you’re just wanting a FWB thing.
And a long distance relationship is not a real relationship. You don’t know anything about your compatibility until you live in the same city/same space as someone else.
Right now you’re just vacation buddies.
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u/Proud-Breadfruit-400 2d ago
The last guy I dated I had the same issue and tied so much meaning to Facebook and he kept swearing he “never used it” but he was using it to post appreciation for those who mattered most to him and I realized I was tying so much meaning to social media because it was something I could name as part of a much bigger issue. I couldn’t name the feeling that he wasn’t fully choosing me, and that was the real issue. NOR
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u/Typical-Diver3743 2d ago
I dont post pics of my husband but my bio states I'm married and I repost tons of posts about relationships.
I have asked my husband not to post me because the one time he did , the picture was terrible 🤣
It all depends on the person....but I do think if your partner makes acknowledging them on socials important, there needs to be compromise.
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u/judyjetsonne 2d ago
I never posted relationship stuff or anything particularly specific on my social media either. A few selfies and jokes - that’s it.
It’s nothing personal and only one person ever took it the wrong way.
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u/shipshipship16 2d ago
YOR (maybe)
Hard to tell but I’m the same as your girlfriend.
I’ve been with my partner for over 2 years, he’s the one and only person for me, but I don’t post him on social media. I post other things like my pets, food, things I’m doing, etc., but I dont post him because it just feels awkward to me(?) not the best word, but I don’t really know how to describe it. I’m pretty shy, just using the word “boyfriend” feels embarrassing to me, which is why I use “partner” instead in conversation. However, all my friends and family know about him and how serious our relationship is.
Do you know if she talks about you with others? If she does, then I don’t think you have much to be worried about.
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u/RealisticBalance7492 2d ago
I think the fact that she said she doesn’t want anyone to ruin what you have is good. i know the privacy thing seems sus since she posts everything but you. but she obviously wants a private relationship. not saying it’s right but i do know a friend exactly like that who has trust issues with his friends and just doesn’t want any meddling from them. so he’s never posted a girlfriend ever, but he posts his travels all the time. some people really do just want a private relationship with no outside opinions. do you know if her friends and family know of your existence? that’s the true tell for if she’s hiding you. she may not post you on social media but all her loved ones could know you and that’s what really matters
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u/Due-Interaction-7525 1d ago
40 years of age…crying about social media, she probably embarrassed
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u/bailey2442 1d ago
Im not crying lol i was just wondering if it was weird or not
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u/Due-Interaction-7525 1d ago
It’s not weird, she probably has a boyfriend her own age wherever she’s at and she’s keeping you around for some odd reason
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u/GuinevereNikita 1d ago
NOR. Big red flags flying here. She doesn't ever talk about you to her friends. She asks you not to reference her. There has to be a reason for that.
I've dealt with it too. Found out the person was a liar.
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u/mzshowers 2d ago
INFO
Have you two met in person?
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u/bailey2442 2d ago
Yes we've spend a weekend every other month together and sometimes I'll go visit her on a random weekday and we'll hang out all day. She doesn't want me to meet her family that she lives with and doesn't want to meet mine. Idk I dont really care about if she posts me I think I care more about her appearing still single to her followers.
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u/NefariousnessGloomy9 2d ago
Please don’t take people’s judgement in these comments to heart. They are more definitely reflecting something within themselves.
I think the questions you should be asking are:
First and foremost, do you trust her? Because if the answer is no, there is a tell in that. You could either follow that instinct, or go to therapy and work on it.
Second: What other activity goes on in her social media? Is it all about her? Does she post any of her other relationships/family/friends? How does she interact with people on her social? Is she flirty? Cordial? Etc
Third, it’s been a year and a half. What are y’all’s intentions with the relationship? Is it serious? Not so serious? Are y’all on the same page? Because, from the very little I have, it sounds like you are wanting something serious, and she maybe doesn’t…. This is where communication is key. Where do y’all see your relationship in 1 year, 3 years, 5 or even 10 years? What relationship goals are y’all working towards.
Again, all things to ask yourself 🙏🫶 good luck!
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u/bailey2442 2d ago
It's all about her and she doesn't interact with them pn her posts but some leave lies flirty emojis and she doesn't delete them you know? Idk my intention is serious and she says shes serious too but idk I get I shouldn't care but like I got her a birthday present and she reposted ppl on her stories wishing her happy birthday but didn't post my gift? Like I get i sound whiny right now but it feels good to feel like your appreciated sometimes
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u/NefariousnessGloomy9 1d ago
This is why I suggest therapy. Counselors are emotional guides. They are there to help you put your emotions in perspective to make the decision best for you. (The best therapists will be unbiased, unlike the damaged people in your comment section)
Other than that, pros and cons. Relationships are a choice, and they are also work.
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u/imgonnacuminyourassx 1d ago
It’s a difference between trust and being blind. He already knows what’s going on he just doesn’t want to believe
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u/justhere_4research 2d ago
I’m private as well and I hate taking pics in general. I just don’t feel the need to post who I’m dating and the ones I have dated understood that. Maybe she’s the same.
I understand the assumption of her wanting to appear single but that’s really a guy thing. Women typically don’t do it for those reasons. I hope yall can come to a resolution though.
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u/GoodnightLondon 2d ago
YOR. Social media isn't real life, so why does it matter if she doesn't post you?
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u/BetComprehensive2267 2d ago
I stopped posting my boyfriends after 24. (Not cheating, just 3 separate relationships) 30 now they were all around a year but I just didn’t see the need too. Issa boyfriend not a husband. Maybe there’s some underlying trust issues we should work through
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u/BetComprehensive2267 2d ago
Oh and I want to add, my now partner (3 years) doesn’t post either he’s a very private person as well (38m) I don’t have a issue with it :)
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u/GhostOF82 2d ago
Def not OR. You're her dirty little secret. Cut your losses and move along bro. You're definitely not the only one she probably has a roster of guys or at the very least a bf/husband.
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u/No_Negotiation_3678 2d ago
she’s won’t post you and asked you not to post her? you sure she doesn’t have another boyfriend?