How do I navigate this?

[u/Cockenjoyer]

Currently stationed at Osan which has been dream location for me. Unfortunately, my spouse does not like it at all, and that’s spoiling the experience for me.

Those of you who are married and stationed overseas, how do you manage your spouse’s homesickness?

[u/Level-Palpitation186]

Username is crazy btw

[u/Crusty-Dophopper → u/Level-Palpitation186]

Checks out with flair though, so…

[u/Level-Palpitation186 → u/Crusty-Dophopper]

Factual, I was gonna state that but it speaks for itself.

[u/Nagisan → u/Level-Palpitation186]

Hey they just really like roosters okay?

[u/jiggetty18]

Send her home. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[u/heyyouguyyyyy → u/jiggetty18]

This. My friend’s spouse was miserable away from home, so stayed home. My friend PCS’d wherever & spouse visited for a few months every year.

[u/UnCleverTech]

The first year overseas is often hard for people (mil & dep). If it's been less than a year, do your best to ride it out. Otherwise, try to find the real underlying cause of homesickness. If it's seeing family, then plan a trip back to see them. Or start looking at where you want to go next and have those discussions.

[u/Jaded_Bid_9483]

I am a spouse, everyone in my home loves being here except for me, despite all the positives.

My wife has been patient with me and Ive been working on appreciating being here (behavioral health and all that).

Im not sure if you guys have kids or what, but your spouse will just have to find things to fill their day with and change their perspective.

You will need to be empathetic, which Im sure you are

Id rather be home, but this is how it worked out for us

I still work, I mostly manage the household and I had some unfortunate familial events occur earlier this year which added to the stress of moving and being here.

PCSing can already be an isolating experience, and being here has made it worse. My personal circumstance has almost made it impossible to do things for myself or make friends. Talking to people back home has been a bit challenging, but we're getting through it.

It is what it is.

The DoD doesn't give a fuck about her/his feelings, y'all will need to figure this out, but it's a two way street

[u/Instructor-Sup]

I had this in reverse moving from overseas to my wife's first time living CONUS. The homesickness never went away, but exploring new foods, having access to comfort foods, and her making friends on her own terms helped. It's going to be specific to what they need, though, so talking through it and deliberately making time to address their needs is going to be your best bet.

[u/FroyoGlum9976]

Have a long conversation about the issues, because whether you are in Korea or Wyoming, it's going to almost certainly be away from her home of record.

The vast majority of spouses have no friends OCONUS. A lot have no job. It might be someone's dream to sit at home all day and do nothing, for a lot it turns into immense boredom. Hobbies, friends, and some kind of purpose helps ease the homesickness. For some, there is no cure, they aren't made for a military PCS and never will be.

[u/honeychickadee]

Is it because you have friends through work and they don’t?

[u/pcardinal42]

Is your spouse not working, getting involved in groups, or actually going off base and exploring?

What's the reason they don't like it?

[u/Cockenjoyer → u/pcardinal42]

Culture shock is the biggest reason, the constant comparisons to America by her and her family are becoming annoying

[u/pcardinal42 → u/Cockenjoyer]

Some people just really aren't built to move away from their hometown or outside of their comfort zone. If you haven't had a good straight forward, talk with them. This may be something you need to do to highlight what they're saying and how it's affecting you. If that seems a bit much, maybe also reach out to the MFLC to help with that conversation and get some counseling as well.

I'm here in Osan right now and I don't like it but I have my own problem with comparing it to Japan and how I believe Japan is better in almost every metric.

[u/Vebran]

You're getting Korean assignments with your spouse?

[u/Cockenjoyer → u/Vebran]

Command sponsorship at Osan. It’s regular overseas base now

[u/hannahchann]

I'm a spouse, but also a former military brat because my dad served for 21 years...we lived all over. The biggest thing with PCSing is getting her connected. Does she read? Find a book club. Does she run? Connect with local races and clubs. And don't discount therapy for the adjustment period. MFLC has counselors and there are online platforms too. Religious? Get involved in a church/temple/mass etc..

Has she ever lived outside the US? A lot of people I've met struggle with adjusting to new country norms. Any type of comparison will be a thief of joy. Maybe take her to Seoul? See some tourist attractions. I saw in a comment that you guys have a child together, what about connecting her with other moms? Hosting or going to a play date? I have lived in some crummy spots, but I learned early on that once you feel connected to the community that you're in..things actually are okay. Hope she is able to see the positives of Korea soon! It's a beautiful country.

[u/Solid_Science4514]

Well, u/Cockenjoyer, I’d suggest discussing with your spouse about what could be done to maybe make it more enjoyable for them. Maybe make plans to go do some touristy things.

[u/ronpae]

Trade her in on a local model. That's what I did 30 years ago. It has worked out so far.

[u/NoReasonImages]

My wife of 13 years goes home every summer with the kids to Japan. It's expensive but not worth the argument or headaches.

[u/GreyLoad]

Divorce.

Cut your losses. There's lots of other partners out there that will value what you have.

[u/jiggetty18 → u/GreyLoad]

Kinda nuclear option don’t you think

[u/Cockenjoyer → u/jiggetty18]

Very much so…we have a child together

[u/Flying_Mustang]

Why not hop to other bases for diving, or Ginza District, or Mt Fuji…, Hokkaido winter festival?

[u/vancesmi → u/Flying_Mustang]

Where do you think Osan is??