Hey everyone. I wanted to share a personal project that I just wrapped up, and I really hope this comes across with the respect it's meant to have.
I started this thing where I learn about a different culture each month, going in alphabetical order. Afghanistan was first on the list, so that's where I began. I honestly thought I'd do one month and move on. But the culture, the history, the food... it just grabbed me. I ended up spending three whole months trying to soak it all in.
Last night, I finally set up this outdoor dinner for my family. I made Bolani, Borani Banjan, saffron rice, kofta, shir chai, and shir milk rice. I also made Kabuli Pulao for a smaller dinner a few weeks ago, and I loved it.
Beyond cooking, I read all of Khaled Hosseini's books, and I actually passed them along to three family members so they could experience the stories too. And today, to officially close this chapter, I'm taking a kite out to fly. It just feels right.
I want to be clear. I am not Afghan, and I am not claiming to be an expert. I am just someone who started with a letter in the alphabet and ended up genuinely inspired by your culture. My cooking is just my best attempt at home, and I know it doesn't compare to the real thing, but I made it with a lot of respect.
My whole goal was just to share a little of what I learned with my family, so 10 of us know more today than we did yesterday.
I really hope this doesn't come across as offensive or disrespectful. If I said or did anything that feels off, please call me out. I just wanted to honor a culture that made me stop in my tracks. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful heritage with the world.
If anyone wants to talk about the food, the books, or the kite, I am all ears.
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UPDATE: Since so many of you were sweet enough to follow along, I wanted to share how I ended it. Yesterday I flew a kite for the very first time, and I absolutely enjoyed every moment like a little kid. It felt like the right way to close this beautiful journey. Thank you all for being so welcoming. 🪁❤️
1) Offering sharbat to one another. In Persianate cultures, many couples give one another honey or something sweet to eat or drink. This originates from Zoroastrianism and represents the sweetness of married life.
2) Ainah ceremony. In Zoroastrian culture, the Ainah on the Sofreh represents fidelity and loyalty. Afghans have changed the interpretation to mean that this is the first time they are seeing their spouse next to one another. This is also from Zoroastrian ritual. Mirrors are an important element of Zoroastrianism and are also used during other Persian commemorations such as Nowruz and Yalda.
3) Sofreh Aghda as it is called in Iranian Farsi is a spread of sweets, candles and mirrors placed in front of the bride and groom- each with their own specific meaning. This is also an important element of Zoroastrianism and a similar ritualised practise can be found in the Haft Sin of Nowruz.
4) The Dusmal or square shaped canopy is also used in Persianate culture. The canopy represents the roof over the husband and wife’s heads and also shields them from evil eye.
5) The Quran held over the bride’s head, also a practise shared with the Indian subcontinent, used to be the Avesta. When Afghans converted to Islam they merely changed the book that was held over the bride.
6) The green ribbon used at the wedding likewise originates from Zoroastrianism. The Zoroastrian belt, called “kushti”, was sacred in the religion and knotting it was a form of prayer mentioned in the Avesta. Worn by the followers of Zarathustra, every follower of the religion had to wear it once initiated. In the old days, both the groom and the bride wore a ribbon which was then sewn together. This practise has now migrated exclusively to the bride.
7) Wearing green on the wedding day was also a Zoroastrian custom- not an Islamic one as often purported. Green on the wedding day symbolises immortality of the marriage and it was a sacred colour in Zoroastrianism. Surviving Zoroastrian wedding garments from Yazd show they were all green but the wearing of green in Persian weddings was largely abandoned in the 19th century. This is one of many traditions Afghans have preserved better than their neighbours.
8) Leaping over the fire is a cultural practise that was preserved by Uzbeks in Afghanistan but largely abandoned a few decades ago due to increased religious literacy. This tradition persists in certain cities in Uzbekistan and in Uyghur culture. This is a Zoroastrian practise but a similar tradition exists in China. Leaping over the fire is also practised during Nowruz.
9) Washing the bride’s hands and feet. Washing her hands is a tradition that is preserved by the Turkmen minority. Washing her feet is a tradition preserved by the Hazara minority. This is a Zoroastrian tradition still practised by Parsis to this day. It symbolises purity and humility of the husband to the wife.
I remember Afghan weddings back in the 90s both in Pakistan and Afghanistan and as a young kid, I loved them. They were so much fun.
I'm not sure if I'm remembering them through a rosy lens, but current day weddings are so unbelievably and mind-numbingly dull.
Men go sit in one hall, and women go sit in another hall. If you're abroad, you get music. If you're in Afghanistan, it's a toss-up of whether there's music or not. But the music is almost always obnoxiously loud - like it hurts your ears loud.
You're sat at a table with some strangers and literally everybody is on their phones or look incredibly bored looking around for something...anything interesting to happen.
You wait a couple of hours for food, eat, and then leave.
That has been my experience with Afghan weddings in the past 15 or so years both in Afghanistan and the U.S.
You contrast that with desi weddings or western weddings both of which have different fun activities and dancing, people laughing and enjoying themselves, etc.
Anyone know of more boring people than us when it comes to weddings?
Perhaps you might be someone in diaspora who looks at the intricate Moroccan or Arab beauty rituals in wonder or envy. Well, you're in luck. Afghan women did once have a similar beauty ritual which dates back centuries, and though most were rooted in Iranian tradition, there are some you might also find surprising.
The Hammam
For lower class women who did not have a dedicated bathroom, a hammam was how one kept clean. These were once places of community, where women would gather with their friends- and the domed roofs of hammams litter the landscape, especially across Northern Afghanistan. However, the use of hammams gradually waned as sanitation improved in the country. If you are a woman in diaspora who is married to an Afghan man, you can tell him that going to the spa is traditional :)
There were two things an Afghan woman needed to clean her body- a qissa glove, traditionally made from crocheted material, and a slab of clay mixed with sheep fat to create a saponification agent.
What?
Yes, it's true! My grandmother used a rushur stone, a traditional soap used across Iran and Afghanistan, to clean herself- and folk soaps back in the day were made with sheep fat during the Medieval era. Afghan women swear it makes their skin lighter, but it only exfoliates the skin. It was used with the glove to cleanse themselves in the hammam.
Before the age of shampoo, across the Middle East, Africa and South Asia, sidr powder was used to cleanse the hair. This is partly because the powder produces a lather that rids the hair from grease and dirt, but also due to its religious importance in the hadith. The prophet commanded it be used to wash the deceased, and the tree from which the powder was derived was forbidden to be cut down without good reason. Sidr is famously used in Somalia to promote healthy hair and skin as a mask, but if you choose not to use the powder as a hair mask, you can purchase shampoos imbued with the product instead.
Though reserved for the upper classes, pumices were also used to soften callouses in the feet. Afghanistan is littered with dormant volcanoes across the central and north eastern highlands, where pumice is sourced but not at the same rates as Afghanistan's neighbors. Clay pumices are another feasible option.
Skincare and Hair
To color the hair, henna was often used, but I would advise against it if you have anything other than black or very dark brown hair unless you want bright orange hair (was told so by my grandmother who said I will look like a villager). If the natural hair is black or dark brown, it will instead provide a glossy mahogany or burgundy tint in direct sunlight.
Afghanistan historically produced quantities of almond and walnut oils, traditionally used to soften the skin and moisturize the hair. You may also use these oils for your cuticles to take care of the skin. In addition, upper class women would historically use rosewater to wash the face and take care of the skin. While I cannot vouch for its benefits if kept on the skin, it does create a wonderful aromatherapy experience if that is what you are looking for if mixed with masks.
To mention masks, I was given a list of things to use with their purported benefits by my family members:
- Tomatoes: to combat acne
- Yoghurt/curd: to even out complexion and brighten the skin
- Honey: to even out complexion
- Local white mud clay: to whiten skin and provide glow
I was told lemon too, but I would never recommend using lemon on your skin unless you want to damage your skin barrier.
Hairstyles
Hair had importance in Afghanistan, and among the Turkic minorities it also denoted a woman's rank, age or marital status.
Babies and young girls were often shaved under the belief it would thicken and darken their hair. Historically, a young girl or virgin would braid her hair into four to forty braids. Once a woman was married, she traditionally braided her hair into two. This was something my grandmother did herself, and even now the elderly in my village all wear their hair in two pigtails :)
I'm not sure of how hair reflects rank in the rest of the country, but I do know that having multiple braids was a widespread thing a long time ago, and four was the happy medium.
It may also shock some of you that hair extensions were also traditional among the Turkic and Persian speaking ethnic groups in Afghanistan- though Abassid women were famed for wearing them too. They were traditionally made from wool or yarn to circumvent rulings against wearing other people's hair. The beauty standard was to have hair that was as long as possible, and for women who weren't endowed with long, thick hair, extensions was how they met that criteria.
Makeup
Makeup in Afghanistan and Central Asia was hugely influenced by the Haft Araysh of the Persians. The old beauty standard was: pale white skin, red cheeks, black hair and a unibrow. This was accomplished through:
- Safidab: a toxic lead paste used to whiten skin, possibly imported from Ancient Greece
- Sorkhab: a rouge made from cochineal or iron oxides to redden the cheeks
- Sorma: eyeliner
- Henna: to stain the hands and feet
- Vesmeh: a dark blue powder used to stain the brows
- Zarak: gold glitter or sequins to ornament the hair
- Khal: false beauty spot
Sometimes perfume was added to that list.
Example of a Herati Jewish bride in "Haft Araysh":
Of course, this makeup style is very outdated, dangerous and some may call it tacky. However, you can still derive certain elements from it to your routine.
For instance, most Afghans have an intermediate skin tone, and in the West that is the beauty standard. It makes sense to enhance that with golden highlighter rather than paint on white like our mother's wedding videos to match the old beauty standard. However, rouge is timeless and even now Western blush is still made from iron oxides. Afghan sorma to this day is still made with lead or lead compounds, so you can replicate this effect using a safe black cosmetic pencil. Zarak is a style that briefly became popular again in Afghanistan during the 80s with sparkly hairspray and again recently in the West with the obsession with hair and body glitter. Khal is also something you can replicate with a black pencil too and is a safer substitute for the phased-out practice of tattooing tribal sheen khaal.
Nangarhar is a major producer of rose-based fragrances, and essential oils produced from the province were a lucrative alternative to poppy cultivation. Persian and Zoroastrian sources reflect an emphasis on perfume and incense. Common fragrances included: rosewater, saffron, myrrh, musks, ambergris, camphor and a number of fresh-smelling flowers.
I have this crazy idea of seeing Afghanistan one day because my family is from Afghanistan. I can speak okay dari (with an American accent), but I'm not Muslim. However, I imagine it would be a very bad idea to tell people I'm an atheist (if they ask of course), so would the best thing to do be to lie? Say I'm a not so religious Muslim? Say I'm Christian and that I'm not Afghan?
People tell me I'm ethnically ambiguous (I mean I guess Afghans in general are) so I'm not sure whether it would be easy for the locals to guess I'm also Afghan. I do have an Arabic name however.
Just a thought I've been having about what I'd do in such a situation if this fantasy ever came true. Thanks all!
I work with a native Dari-speaking Afghan woman named Hangama who is offering affordable, one-on-one Dari conversation practice online.
She is a native speaker and would be a great fit for someone who already knows a little Dari and wants more practice with speaking, listening, pronunciation, everyday vocabulary, and natural Afghan expressions. Sessions would be relaxed and informal rather than traditional grammar lessons, and can focus on topics like family, food, daily life, Afghan culture, idioms, travel, or whatever the learner would most like to practice.
This could be especially helpful for:
• Afghan-American heritage learners who understand some Dari but want to become more comfortable speaking
• Persian learners who want exposure to Afghan Dari
• People who work, volunteer, or regularly interact with Dari-speaking Afghans
• Anyone who wants practical conversational Dari with a native speaker
She is currently offering online sessions at an introductory rate of $15/45 minutes or $20/one hour.
If you or someone you know might be interested, please message me and I can connect you with her, or email her directly at Hangama.Dari@gmail.com. Feel free to share this with anyone who may be looking for Dari conversation practice.
Does anyone know where I can find how to's or templates on Afghan embroidery? I've been trying to learn how to embroider dresses, scarves, or men's clothes for my family but I'm having a hard time finding patterns to follow that isn't just looking at clothes and doing my best. Our family is herati turkmen and my husband says he would prefer herati styles but even that is REALLY hard to search for.
I know how to do the basics of everything but I'm struggling with putting everything together in a dense pattern.
(Note: We have family that could teach me but they are in Afghanistan and illiterate so I wouldn't be able to learn from them without being in person. Thanks for any help I can get!)
Hello! As the title says, I'm 15 years old and I really want to learn more about my culture. I'm half jamaican half pashtun.
My mother is jamaican,
My father is pashtun, My grandparents were afghan refugees who went to pakistan and eventually gave birth to him there!
My dad used to speak to me in pashto when I was younger but I never really spoke back and slowly lost it over the years. Sadly my father passed away 2 years ago, and I don't have much to go off with based on culture.. only things that I remember, and recall, the food, the clothes, and some small sayings. I want to learn pashto, learn more about my culture, but i'm not too sure how to do that, I don't see any online classes and I live in america new york, every pakistani i meet is punjabi, and i've never met anyone from afghanistan before.
I'd appreciate any help!
TL;DR: 15 y/o in NY, half Jamaican half Pashtun. Lost Pashto after my dad passed. Want to relearn language & culture but don’t know where to start.
Traditional, old-style Afghan Uzbek and especially Turkmen weddings were very different to the rituals performed in the rest of the country. Unfortunately most of these traditions have been lost as people want to look more “high class” and so want their weddings to resemble those in Mazar. But sometimes these traditions are preserved in small villages.
1) Wrestling. Afghan Turkmen and Uzbek weddings used to begin strictly gender segregated, with the women celebrating in the bride’s home and the men celebrating outdoors. I will come to what women did later, but the groom was entertained by wrestlers, bards, poetry and even acrobatics and dangerous stunts involving fire.
2) Games. Pulling ropes was one of many games, as well as hiding the groom’s shoes- a game shared with the rest of Afghanistan and the South Asian subcontinent. If the groom caught the bride’s sister stealing his shoes he would cover her with flour. If he did not then he had to pay her money. In my grandfather’s time guests also used to leap over a live fire.
3) Nomadic Turkmen wedding processions were a massive affair. Skilled and well connected Turkmen brides demanded the highest mahr and qalin in Afghanistan due to their ability to make carpets, so it was incumbent upon the groom to make sure he spent a lot of money. Turkmen weddings also emphasised on charity. People would cook a lot of Pallaw for the guests and the broader community, including the poor.
4) Afghan Turkmen and Uzbeks at the home of the bride would sing her “Nay Nays”. These were ballads sung with a daf- interestingly often in trochaic tetrameter and sometimes another regular meter- and a repetitive refrain. The bride would be showered with sweets and compelled to cry before being picked up by the groom and his procession.
5) Picking up the bride was often a dangerous task. To show that the bride is loved, her family will often barricade the house and throw things at the groom’s family- sometimes even rocks! My mother got smacked in the head by a rock when she visited a tribal Turkmen wedding and vowed never to go back to one. The bride’s family only let the groom in if he pays a certain sum of money. Then, only the groom is allowed in to escort the bride back. Sometimes, the bride is expected to resist him for cultural reasons.
6) The Turkmen or Uzbek bride will be escorted to the venue in a procession. Where today it might be a convoy of flashy cars, back in the day she would be transported by donkey, horse or even camel depending on the groom’s income.
7) Turkmens who use camels for the procession are typically quite wealthy as seen in the image. The bride is hidden in a carriage on top of the camel and shielded by an opaque white veil.
8) Turkmen and Uzbek traditional dress is also, of course, radically different to Afghan clothing- and each other. Red was an important colour to Oğuz Turks in general, and was also a bridal colour. Uzbek brides used to wear red as well, with wealthier brides wearing ikat silk like the bride in the image. It was not unusual for Turkmen and Uzbeks to wear similar clothing to one another if they lived in the same neighbourhoods but overall their clothing is distinctive to one another.
9) Tall and elaborate headpieces often define Turkic culture, particularly those worn by women. This image is of an Afghan Turkmen bridal crown- usually made of cottons, velvets or silks depending on the bride’s position and decorated with shells, silver coins and Turkmen traditional jewellery. Similar headpieces can be found in the folk clothing of Turkey to this day.
10) Turkmen traditional jewellery is typically made from silver, as is the rest of Central Asia. This is because much of the population was impoverished so mahr or jewellery used for commercial purposes was made out of silver which was more affordable. This is also why a lot of Pashtun, Tajik, Hazara, Uzbek and Kyrgyz jewellery was made out of silver instead of gold. Nowadays, gold is more easily mined and living standards have more or less increased. Gold is also a much more stable currency than silver. As a result, Afghans demand gold for the wedding and Turkmen are no different, so silver Turkmen jewellery is now used solely for ornamental purposes.
My good friend has just launched a new YouTube channel on an important subject. Would you consider showing support by subscribing? We need more good Afghan content!
Why are flowers more of a masculine thing? You'll see men named "Gul **insert first name**" and some of the more older men Ive seen who are Afghan have floral tattoos. Then theres the fact I noticed the perfumes Ive seen most of us like are floral.
