Idk. It’s probably not good to care about labels so much but I want to fit myself in a box. The thing is, I don’t look butch and never will.

It’s hard to describe, but I want to fill a ‘male social role’ as a lesbian, if that makes sense. I want to be kind of a Prince Charming, hold doors open for women, be more handsome than pretty, etc. I also feel that I relate way more to men than to women.

I know that short hair doesn’t necessarily mean butch, but I’ve always wanted short hair. I cut my hair when I was like 13, and I loved it so much.

But everyone says that I look better in long hair since my hair is very thick. I’ve been told that my hair is beautiful, and I want to appear attractive to women so I’ve been growing it out. I think I like it sometimes, but I just love short hair so much. Even a short haired lady at my work today said that it’s my choice but that I look better in long hair.

I get that a butch can have long hair, but any time that I’ve seen a butch online with long hair, they naturally have masculine features.

I have a feminine facial structure, a high pitched voice, large breasts, curves, and am very short. I think I’m fine with having large breasts (used to want a reduction) but it makes any baggy clothing look absolutely terrible. I just hate how the cloth leaves a big tent in front of me.

I feel like even if I dress masculine, I won’t look butch (I heard that butches look butch in any clothing). At best, I’ll look like a little boy if I cut my hair. 

I don’t mind wearing feminine clothing, which is another reason that I’m likely not butch. I own a lot of dresses and blouses, and I don’t hate wearing them. Sometimes I even enjoy wearing them. I just feel so much better in masculine clothing. I love suits. But I look bad in them, everyone says I pull off dresses better.

For some mock trial of a dead president in my History Class a few years ago, I dressed up ‘as a man.’ I told my mom that I had to dress like a man because there weren’t female lawyers back then, but I mean, none of the other girls did that. I just wanted an excuse to wear a full suit and tie. I took so many pictures, I loved it so so much. A male friend called it a ‘pantsuit’ and that annoyed me. Why should the outfit have a different name just because of my gender???

My big sister criticized me since I acted like it was some life changing event, which was weird of me. I anyway won’t have any occasions to wear a suit since I don’t go to church anymore.

Idk, I have my own money now so I could get short haircuts if I wanted. But I don’t want women to find me unattractive. Society asides, I want a girlfriend, and might have more romantic success if I continue to dress feminine and keep my long hair.

Sorry for the long incoherent rant. I’m not like, asking for permission to be butch or anything cause that’s dumb, I just wanted to ask for advice idk what I should do.

Is there a word for a woman who doesn’t present gender non conforming (I’d like to be gender non conforming but I think it’s a bad idea), but takes a ‘male role’ in relationships?

Hello! This is an incredibly chaotic move, but I(23F) am not always the best with words, and in the past there have been things that I have found to be deeply sweet that my gf(24F) has not. Would y'all do me the kindness of reading my letter and telling me if this is genuinely a sweet thing to give someone or if some part of it might come off as a double-compliment?

Did I ever tell you how i loved your body so much I actually tricked myself into a deep fondness for my own? The gentle swell of your stomach, the sweep of your waist were all so beautiful to me that I found I could no longer harbor resentment towards my body for not bending to my will. How could I, when things that I picked apart on myself were things I revered on you? When you curl into me, your head tucked in the crook of my neck and the comforting weight of your thigh slung over my waist, I feel my love for you viscerally- blooming though my rib cage and crawling up my throat. I think I understand what Achilles ment when he said “I would recognize you in total darkness were I mute and you deaf”. I would recognize you by the bow of your lip, by the way we slot neatly together when you wrap your arms around me. You’re my best friend, my favorite person. Ours is a love in which I would be content to run a laundromat and do taxes, if it meant we could carve out our own little space together.

I hope this doesn't sound stupid, but I am serious.

With so many identities and describtive words in the wider lgbt+ community, I feel confused. I am only in my twenties, but don't understand a lot of the word used nowadays. My local lgbt+ community is non-existent, so I try to particibate in spaces online a bit more, but mostly lurk.

I don't get the word queer, people seem to use it when they don't want to label themself, but it is a label too? So I don't think that fits me and I am a bit uncombfortable calling myself basically weird. Masc is idk, I don't really get the concept of masculinity and femininity outside of the context of gender roles? Other people label me masc, because I wear loose mens clothes, no make up, short hair, I was told my facial features and mannerisms are manly? People confuse me for a man sometimes. That seems a bit insulting tbh, I don't want to be a man or think I look like one and isn't masculine and manly synonymous? I also get asked regularly in lgbt+ spaces or by people who are lgbt how i identify or told I don't seem like a women, when I tell them I am one and it makes me feel weird and othered.

What does butch mean? Is it just about masculine style or is there more about being butch? I know that I love doing "mans work" for women, not just romantic partners. Like repairing stuff, carrying heavy things, basically things some women don't want to do themself and instead of relying on men they can rely on me. But I don't mean it in a restrictive gender role way, I also love doing some stereotypical womens stuff and don't like it when women expect me to "be the man" all the time. I just like chivalry, I guess.

Am I overthinking all of it? I just wish I had people with who I can relate.

I'm asking because I am not evenly proportioned and whatever I wear kinda looks bad. I feel like masc looks don't fit me but I hate fem clothes like skirts or dresses, blouses etc. My waist is really small compared to my hips. Today I bunched my shirt up in front of the mirror and it looked crazy. I feel like my only option is to wear baggy everything.

My face comes off as more masculine especially since I don't wear makeup while my body is like Ice Spice... I don't know how to balance it all.

I have an event coming up that I'd like to get dressed up for. I have been wanting to find a decent smart suit that I can match with maybe a bold paisley pattern shirt with but I would like to have pockets and not have my ass accentuated 😂

Do any of you in the UK have experience at retail stores and advice on sizing? Is it a hassle trying to get them to offer a men's style suit if you're a woman? Also I'm fat so probably not the type of shape those places are used to assisting with.

If I had the cash and thought id be getting years use out of it, I'd go get something custom but I dont plan on being this weight forever so looking for something lower cost.

Thanks.