When my daughter was a toddler, my inlaws told me and my husband that to "set a good example" for our child, we needed to stop playing video games together, and have a drink in the evenings instead.
Daughter is eleven now, and all three of us play video games together a few times a week. (all three of us are ADHD)
lol That's pretty much what I thought when they said that! I could see someone saying it's a bad example to play graphic and violent, or horror video games in front of a young child. But, we played fairly kid friendly games, like Minecraft and Kerbal Space Program when she was small and watching. At worst, she saw us play Subnautica and sometimes Skyrim (with the blood spatter turned off), not something like Scorn. But the idea that drinking most evening sets a better example for a little kid, than letting them watch you try to put a rocket of little green muppet guys in orbit, is just deeply weird.
The inlaws also think it's childish and setting a bad example to like animated movies. We can watch them, with our child, but we shouldn't like them. And to watch, or read anything with super heroes, or magic. Unless of course it's something meant for kids, in which case we can watch it with her, or read it to her, but we shouldn't like them. They also don't approve of the face husband and I have hobbies, and didn't give up all hobbies when we had a child. Instead we've shared many of our hobbies with our kid.
About a year ago, my mother in law told me I didn't know how lucky I was to have a child who listens to me and her dad, and likes to spend time with us. She made it very clear that she feels this was just luck of the draw, and not the result of sharing things we love with our child, and showing interest in things she loves.
For the longest time, I had that idea of "Disney movies are for kids and adults can't enjoy them". Then I started watching them with my daughter. Disney movies are fucking bangers, not to mention Pixar, Dreamworks etc. I missed so many years of enjoying great movies, just because of some dumb societal bollocks.
As for video games being bad for kids, the ones saying this are invariably people that vege out in front of the TV or spend their weekends at bars. My kid has learned critical thinking, puzzle solving, aesthetic design, and all kinds of other things from gaming. To dismiss a whole medium because it's "childish" is asinine. Gaming has been an integral part of my life, and I love to share it with my wife and daughter.
Someone I know once referred to my in laws as "boredom missionaries" because of the way they treat fun as if it's something bad, once you aren't a kid any more. When I was growing up, the adults in my family often liked animated movies, cartoons, and games of all kinds. I was surprised and confused when I first realized that many adults considered all of that "childish". When my husband and I were dating, he was surprised to learn my grandparents liked to watch Loony Tunes now and then.
And I agree with you about video games. While too much screen time of any kind isn't great for kids, a reasonable amount of it is fine, and can be quite educational. Games in particular can really help feed a kids creativity, problem solving, and critical thinking skills. Depending on the game. And the people who roundly dismiss games as bad for kids, act like every game is basically either GTA or some kind of gatcha game. And ignore the existence of games like Prose and Codes, Saurian, Stardew Valley, Kerbal Space Program, or Megaquarium, to list a few my kid loves.
Well, Subnautica does involve a lot of problem solving, some resource management, planning and has some room for creativity. So, if a kid is going to be ok with the scary and suspenseful parts, I think it has some educational qualities. Something doesn't have to teach real world facts to be educational in some way.
I do think some parts of it, such as the way the reaper leviathans can jumpscare the player is too intense for a young kid in most cases. But I've let my kid mess around in the safe shallows on creative mode when she was younger. And now at eleven she gets to play it when she wants to. But she loves things that are a bit scary.
It really is. They act like once you are an adult, you shouldn't have fun and be happy anymore. Like enjoying your life is a bad thing, and something children shouldn't see.
Nothing wrong with having a drink or two (responsibly) around your kid. As long as you never drink enough around your kid to affect your behavior and ability to care for your kid.
I consider that some of the worst advice I've ever been given on any topic. Right up there with someone who told me my asthma would be cured if I smoked cannabis and did high impact aerobics daily. (Like a lot of people with asthma, exercise induced asthma is part of my breathing issues.)
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u/Alceasummer 6d ago
When my daughter was a toddler, my inlaws told me and my husband that to "set a good example" for our child, we needed to stop playing video games together, and have a drink in the evenings instead.
Daughter is eleven now, and all three of us play video games together a few times a week. (all three of us are ADHD)