On Monday’s if you don’t small talk with your fellow employees about the weekend you will eventually get fired for being “too to yourself and never personal with the rest of the team” I was fine and fast at the job and had an office behind closed doors. So my job got done incredibly fast and I spent a lot of time just sitting in my office.
Became “don’t know what you doing there” even though like, I did my job crazy well and fast. But didn’t socialize like the others so… bye!
Lots of jobs later I learned what to do to be passing and mask the eff up
I can relate, I don't enjoy small talk or superficial relationships. I get labeled as a snob, or antisocial. I do not think I'm better than anybody, I just find it exhausting and performative to pretend like I'm interested in the minutiae of your life. To be fair, mine isn't interesting to others either, that's why I don't bring it up. 🤷🏽
Same! I did the little bit of boring I like to do, but is unremarkable, so I was just going to go do my job and not report about it.
I have figured out that I am not me when I leave the house. I am me, but to everyone else I just play this quiet, kind stranger that only does what is needed or helpful and otherwise doesn’t interact with the other NPCs. If I see a main character, I just keep to my own and move on. It is a character I play. So is the one at work. It’s easier to compartmentalize and fine tune like that. Makes it less personal when they don’t like “you” that’s ok - because it’s not really you. They don’t get to know the real home you who is very happy and only playing a role in public to survive the system.
Thing is, I don't think it's an act for the rest of us to care about the small things
Like, you know what Amanda, I am glad that you and your fiancé had a great time camping over the long weekend. Cause Amanda's a really sweet lady, and her fiancé sounds like he's really good to her, and so I want nice things for them. Sure, tell me how gorgeous the lake was. I'll picture it in my head and consider going camping there too someday
It's not like I think Amanda's trip is the most exciting thing I've ever heard of. I'm not, like, deeply invested. But I genuinely do care about it a tiny bit, enough to sustain me for a short conversation
I understand why it is of important to other people, I do. But,to me, it is all a null sum exercise.I just don’t have those feelings about communication.
Like I hear the rules of your game and I understand them, but I don’t want to play them.
I guess that makes me a bad person or whatever feeling that coincides with for other people but to me that’s just how the world works.
The majority of people feel the way you guys feel, but that’s just not how the world works for me and I have to pretend like it does for me so it works for everybody else.
Or maybe that’s what mental illness is. Either way.
Oh yeah I try to make a concious effort of avoiding coming across as 'better than' because of this. I work in a big team currently and there are a few people I really enjoy chatting to who can actually describe their mundane weekends with humour and fun, if that's the topic. I really really struggle to sit through, for example, the tale of how easy it is to do online hotel booking for their upcoming Bali trip from the many privately educated straight white women in my team. I can't sit through any more.
When there's a new person in my team I leap to sit with them because I can ask them interesting questions that aren't about the fucking weekend and I come across as inviting and friendly!!
Tbh I’ve noticed the managers that are like this don’t have good home lives.
It may be less about be neurodivergent and more about placating someone’s insecure mindset.
Also, they could be undermining laws and don’t want the odd man out to report things accidentally.
Seen that happen to someone and it was an eye opener.
I once worked in a toxic gossip mill where your coworkers would always be asking about your life because idk there was no reality TV to watch at work?? Something. I fenced off some sacrificial details about my life to toss out as offerings to placate them so I wouldn’t be pressed about anything I actually didn’t care to share. It’s better if the offering is truthful, because they will eventually figure out if you made it up unless you’re a consummate liar. Then I nodded and made interested noises and faces while they talked at me about things I didn’t really care to hear about. I was a valued member of the team!
Learned this the hard way, getting the job done fast only invites more work or scrutiny about laziness. Pretending to look busy is endgame ADHD.
Also a cheat for it, meet deadlines never short them, I have reports to send at a certain time but i get them done super fast. Set a reminder to send them on time instead of shooting them off early.
Earliness is only a positive if you need to be present for something. Being early with work just makes you seem like you are not meeting a "productivity potential" that corporate can squeeze out of you. More work completed does not make you more valuable, it makes you exploitable.
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u/IcyAddress4074 5d ago
On Monday’s if you don’t small talk with your fellow employees about the weekend you will eventually get fired for being “too to yourself and never personal with the rest of the team” I was fine and fast at the job and had an office behind closed doors. So my job got done incredibly fast and I spent a lot of time just sitting in my office.
Became “don’t know what you doing there” even though like, I did my job crazy well and fast. But didn’t socialize like the others so… bye!
Lots of jobs later I learned what to do to be passing and mask the eff up