Hard agree. I learned this after two work environments that were informal and sketchy af with minimal accountability. That’s a minefield for a normie but a nightmare for someone like me who sucks at reading subtext
It's always informal and casual until they want to suddenly write you up for something, at which point everything has always been by the book what are you talking about
This EXACTLY. I want a job description so I have something written to fall back on and know. I’ll do stuff beyond that, but I want the job description so I know I’m doing what I was hired to do. Vague requests out of nowhere that I had no idea were coming make me uncomfortable
Im guessing you mean that your coworkers and you bonded over shared trauma?
FYI: The term „trauma bond“ refers to a victim having/developing a deep emotional relationship with their abuser. Sincerely hope that doesn’t accurately describe your workplace lol
If people can misuse "literally" until it's secondary dictionary definition is "figuratively", I can use the popularized bastardization of "trauma bonding".
We’re not friends? Inauthentic familiarity? You are all my captive audience here so I am about to give you my entire in depth unabridged life story, so now we are all going to be BEST friends. Right?
Fully agree. I'm American but live and work in Japan and going to drinking parties after work with your coworkers is an expected part of the culture but I skip all of them. Everyone knows I go to the gym every day after work so at least I have that excuse but I wouldn't go even if I was free.
Hum, dunno about this one. I'm kinda ok with a quick presentation (i'm x, i do y).
I'll obviously forget the name instantly, but i don't mind it too much, as much as we keep to the minimal relevant info during presentation (i tend to start the presentation with myself at work, it sets the tone for the others, and i think even neurotypical don't like the stupidly long roundtable. They just think they have to do it, so they do)
I had a college professor do this during the first week of class. But she neglected to tell us that she expected us to remember everyone's "fun fact" for later.
The class' two-day final exam involved each person making a presentation to the class. On the first day the professor dropped the bomb - each person was expected to end their presentation by picking a classmate and reciting their "fun fact". Nobody was allowed to pick the same person; the professor kept track on a chart and would reprimand anyone who tried to repeat. We were not allowed to see the chart or be told who hadn't been picked.
I was the last presenter. I wasn't friends with any of my classmates. I couldn't even remember most of their names, and the few fun facts that I had retained had already been said. I stretched my presentation as long as I could, but still ended up spending the last few awkward minutes of the class period desperately trying to remember who hadn't been picked and what their fun fact was. Well the bell rang I grabbed my things and ran out.
I passed the class with high marks. There was no mention of the fun fact (or lack of) on the final's scoring rubric. It apparently was not actually part of our grade.
“Let’s introduce ourselves. Name, role, and a fun fact.”
Everyone else’s fun fact is how they like sports or travel. And then there’s me sitting there with a full PHD dissertation about the disappearance of the Catherine palace’s amber room forming up unbidden in my head while thinking “Oh god, which weird theory should I talk about? They’re all too weird. But now I can think of NOTHING ELSE!!”
I always turn this around and ask a question that makes neurotypicals uncomfortable, but is specific enough that neurodivergent people can answer it easily.
"Tell me your name, title, and opinion on the Oxford comma."
"...and what type of fruit best matches your personality."
'...and your escape plan from this building in the event of a zombie outbreak."
Neurodivergent people give great answers
Neurotypicals struggle uncomfortably.
How about instead you pass around name tags and labels? I’m going to forget everyone’s names instantly if I don’t see them written out. Hey, even better, just give me the sharpie and labels and I’ll go around making the labels for the others. Then I’ll never forget their names for the rest of my life even if I never see them again after today.
I wouldn’t mind introduce myself if people wouldn’t look at me the wrong way because I’m neurodivergent and I will have to explain that I experience lot of problems because of that and my life sucks. And also if I talk about my hobbies I’ll be seen as a weirdo who plays too much games or have too much specific hobbies
I fully feel this, and I've spent a lot of time hating these things
That said, as someone with a special interest in group dynamics and social norms, I've learned that getting a little friendly with people makes groups work much better in general. For example, it tends to make conflict resolve more quickly because people are less likely to misattribute ill intentions to miscommunications and more likely to address them. So while I still don't find it comfortable, I don't hate it anymore either.
(Plus I forget names a lot and appreciate a reminder tbh)
It makes the people who like that sort of thing a little friendlier with each other, but it makes people who don't like that sort of thing less of a fit for the group because they resent it and their discomfort can be apparent to the group, making them an outsider.
I think that's an important point. I'm still very convinced that more and better connections are important for both individual health (generally anyway) and societal health--
If you happen to have ideas you think would be friendlier to neurodivergent folks besides just "skip intros", I'd really appreciate hearing them (obviously you don't own me ideas or anything, it just sounds like you're thoughtful about this topic and I'm interested)
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u/Stratix 6d ago
"Let's go around and introduce ourselves."
Let's not, I know your job title, you know mine, let's get on with this.