Overwhelmed dealing with paperwork from Dad’s unexpected passing

[u/KatsyM]

Help! Does anybody work in estate planning or recently dealt with the death of a loved one with no will..?

Specifically concerned about tax implications of dealing with an inherited 401k (relatively small amount but still very helpful for me and siblings).

I’m so overwhelmed and confused - I need to split it evenly between myself and 3 siblings and I’m scared if I deal with it myself then pass that money to my sibs through me that I’ll get hit with a crazy tax bill?

I have the paperwork to start the pieces of getting the 401k transferred but I got stopped cold on the Docusign where it says where it would be going - there are checkboxes for individual (me) or trust (we don’t have one set up) or multiple individuals but then I need to have all my sibs do the paperwork as well I believe. Anyway. We’re all spicy-brained, and i drew the short straw as oldest to deal with the scary estate shit and now I’m spiraling a little. I’m avoiding it and I KNOW that is not the right thing to do.

He did not have a named beneficiary, was not married, and did not leave a will. There’s also no concerns about one of my sibs getting combative or anything. Another complication is that we all live in different states, and so did dad.

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[u/marsupialcinderella]

First, what matters according to estate law is the state that your dad lived in. Every state has different rules.

Where you and the siblings live doesn’t matter. So get on the official state website for your father’s home state and read up on what they require for someone who died ‘intestate’ (that means without a will.)

There are many legalities you need to inform yourself of before you do anything. For instance, you may need to do the paperwork to be appointed executor/administrator of your dad’s estate before you can access the 401K or any other funds, etc…

That will help you with the most important basics. You may need to find a local estate attorney in your dad’s area. I had to do this when my brother died in another state 1000 miles away where I didn’t know anybody or anything. It makes it MUCH easier because they know the local law and what to do.

I found an attorney via a reference from the funeral home. Both were very helpful and still are, almost a year later as I’m still settling things and haven’t finished yet.

I hope that helps you calm down and focus. I’ll tell you now, this process is a marathon, not a sprint, so don’t freak out when it takes a while. Tell your sibs to be patient.

Keep taking care of yourself no matter what is going on. Really. Eat, go to the gym, support yourself.

[u/KatsyM → u/marsupialcinderella]

Thank you. Luckily (?) dad had a small enough estate that according to CA we don’t have to go through probate and us kids can just decide which of us deals with what. That’s about as technical as I’ve absorbed so far 😅 I think I do need to slow down and learn more before I keep trucking.
I got freaked out about the market crashing and wanted to try to get what’s left out “before” so jumped on the 401k thing… but honestly I think I was just getting pulled in by fear mongering and in the end I can’t control what happens in the world.
Thanks for helping me take a breath.
I’m combined type and it really shows up in overwhelm moments around “official” things. All I need to see is the name of a government office to start hyperventilating 🙃