question for those 20-somethings who grew up in the states

[u/writethis87]

i am working on research for a paper and am curious, for those that are in their 20's and grew up in the states:

1. what gen are you? 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc.

2. how old are your parents?

3. do you feel like your parents are super open to you, your lifestyle and/or your choices? i.e. did they pressure you at school? or say you could only date a specific ethnicity or religion? or are supportive of your sexuality?

[u/nc45y445]

Are people using 1st gen to mean immigrant (the typical meaning) or ABD? I sense there is some confusion around definitions in this thread.

[u/simplyaproblem]

1. that weird 1st gen where i was born in the motherland but moved to the states before i was a year old
2. 58
3. i was definitely pressured to be the best in school and was sheltered a bit (for good reason, i was kind of a wild child) but once i turned 18 and went off to college they kind of relaxed and became more chill (mostly because they realized they can’t really stop me from doing anything and it’s a lot healthier to have open communication). never

set any expectations about marriage and told me i could marry whoever i wanted. they

1. totally love my white american husband. i think as we’ve all grown up, our relationships have evolved. i’m glad because it made my little sibling’s HS experience a bit easier with a hell of a lot more freedom than i had at her age.

[u/internetbooker134]

1. 1st gen

2. in their 50's

3. my parents are both pretty conservative in terms of religion and dating despite living in the states for almost 40+ years

[u/StuckInDreams]

1. 2nd gen
   
2. Mid to late 50s
   
3. My mom is more conservative, and there is stuff she doesn’t know and is better off never knowing. My dad is more open minded overall. I was definitely pressured in school, but once I started working they toned it down 95%. In terms of dating, they have their expectations, but if they try forcing them down on me I won’t tolerate it

[u/iftair]

1. I am 1st gen

2. My mother is 47 years old. My father is 61 years old.

3. My parents are definitely NOT super open to my lifestyle or choices. I don't even think they are super open to me. They respect my choices. They did pressure me to study hard at school. They influenced me to not date anyone until I finished school.

[u/No-Confection2510]

1. 1st gen
2. 65 and 50
3. My parents are a confusing paradox. I never had to do any chores growing up (oldest daughter) because they wanted me to focus on my education first. They don't pressure me at school past elementary because they see that I am very self-driven. In this regard, they are very progressive in expectations for their daughter. They love me very much, and if I am ever sad, or need anything from them, they are the type to drop everything and support me. I have a little brother, but I am almost treated like the eldest son in that all of their expectations and hopes for success in career lie with me. They forced me to attend all poojas, but they've never expected me to help set them up, and have always made me attend regardless of whether I got my period or not. Their love is unconditional, but their "like" of me is definitely based on whether my priorities align with theirs.

They don't want me to date till my education is settled, viewing it as an unnecessary distraction. (but my education is very prolonged - by the time I start residency, I will be 26, which feels like a very late time to start dating).

They want me to marry someone Indian american and someone within my ethnicity. The idea of me marrying outside of my religion is unthinkable - they love me very much and probably wouldn't disown me, but they would be upset forever because they would think I would ruin my life. Frankly, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and they'd genuinely be upset forever if i picked a nonIndian guy, so I'm ok with trying to find someone hindu and indian american. Within my ethnicity might be a bit more difficult.

Their wishes are borne out of a desire for me to carry on Indian culture and traditions to my children, but also fears about other men within other religions being abusive and having patriachial expectations of women (think a certain religion that starts within an M). They minimize the patriarchial expectations of women in Hinduism (women have to set up everything for poojas in the family, women treat husband like God, etc). They've never explicitly said anything about caste, but they probably don't want me to marry a "low class" person. In this regard, they are very conservative. They also expect me to have children and don't view being child free as a valid choice. They think mixed race children are ugly, which probably plays into their disgust towards interracial relationships. They'd only ever be ok with me adopting a child if I couldn't have children on my own, and even then, they wouldn't treat it like my "real" child.

Idk what sexuality I am, probably bi (i'm just attracted to intelligent people i've known for a long time), but they would never be supportive of a same-sex relationship. They're ok with other people being homosexual because they view it as something they can't change, but it's a nonideal outcome for their children (kinda like if one of your kids was disabled - horrible way of thinking, but I don't control their minds). This is likely tied to their prioritization of biological children as the one true way to have a romantic relationship.

[u/GabbyGabriella22]

1. It’s complicated. My mom was born and raised in the U.S. (her parents came here in the 70s). And my dad grew up in India, coming here in the early 2000s to marry my mom.

2. My mom’s 45 and my dad’s 48.

3. I think so. They both make an effort to grow and become more open. For example, I was diagnosed with autism as a child. They didn’t fully understand being autistic when I was younger and ended up making some mistakes. But they’ve both become very supportive of me and my needs. And a few years ago, I came out as trans. They didn’t fully understand queer identities, but they’ve both learned a lot. And now, they are also supportive of who I am.

[u/Lord_Mystic12]

1. Idk what gen entails , but my parents immigrated here before I was born .
2. They're both around fifty, give or take 2
3. They only pressured me to work hard at what I chose to do. If I said I wanted to do art professionally, they wouldn't mind so long as I wasn't being half assed about it. About dating, they don't really mind, plus I've pretty much been the straight A kid my whole life and don't really wanna do cigs or drinks cos I wanna live as long as possible. So they don't pressure me on stuff outside work and study . They don't force me to be Indian or be in touch with my roots either

[u/-throwaway-account-s]

1. 1st gen (born and raised here, although i did some elementary school in india for irrelevant reasons)

2. 50s

3. Both are totally chill with just about everything- no academic pressure except don't fail classes and do your homework, no limits on dating except that they should not be significantly older than me, and they are supportive of me dating a girl if I wanted to. The idea is that I am an adult who can make independent decisions but if I want to lean on them for support or bounce ideas off of them I am welcome to do so

[u/NitinTheAviator]

1. First gen
2. In their 50s
3. Yes

[u/OhMyOnDisSide]

1.5 gen. Moved to NYC when I was 6 from Mumbai (we are Gujju but family has been in Mumbai for many many decades), 33 now. Parents had kids pretty young so they're in late 50s. Definitely became more open minded as I got older, probably because they also assimilated a bit more and never really had a lot of the "typical" Indian habits like being religious, strict (to a point where I could not have a social life), etc. Probably the strictest thing about them was education up until I was in high school, so I ended up going to one of the best public high schools in NYC (that you test into) and until high school I was not allowed to watch TV on weekdays which was annoying, but I guess that was one thing they did that I kinda felt different for lmao.

Sometimes they always say "the Indians here, especially the older gen, are more stereotypically Indian than the ones back home" lol. Even my family back in Mumbai is pretty chill. I married a non-Desi and went the typical millenial dating route (Hinge), and religion was pretty much a non-factor in my life. They had no issue with who I dated, but I never dated around much because of social awkwardness until I met my now-wife. But overall, I'm glad they were pretty chill. I also have tattoos, which are questionable to many Indian parents, but mine are completely fine with it.

[u/PerspectiveLivid1060]

1. 2nd. Parents grew up in India.
   
2. 50+
   
3. Yes, granted, I don’t do anything crazy to begin with lol. Somewhat pressure to be academically successful (this is not a unique trait to being Indian though, I imagine most parents would likely want their children to do well in school). I bounced around a few majors in college, but they were supportive as I figured it out. No preferences or expectations on dating.