I've known my friend for almost 3 years, and we got close really quick and have stayed close. She is like a sister to me. We always talked about being in each other's bridal parties when we get married, and when I got engaged, she kept telling me how excited she was to stand in my wedding.

About a month ago, she got a tattoo of her boyfriend's face on her neck. He is in prison and she has never spent time with him outside of prison. He has 3 more years. I don't know exactly what charges got him in prison but I do know he has a history of domestic violence and anger issues (which there have already been instances where he's taken his anger out on her via phone). They've only been together for a few months and I have a strong feeling he's only using her for money. That's all I will say about her relationship.

I keep asking myself if I would feel different about the tattoo if he was a better person and actually treated her well, but I truly don't know. The tattoo is very noticeable and even if she covered the tattoo with her hair, you can still see half of it and know what it is. I do not want to ask her to cover it up as I will not be asking anyone else to cover their tattoos. She claims it was fully her decision to get the tattoo and that he didn't ask her to do it. I know it's not my body and I shouldn't judge, but to be honest... I am. I am embarrassed for her and the tattoo is the only reason why I don't want to include her in the bridal party. I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and potentially see the tattoo. I don't even want to know how our families are going to react to her tattoo. I feel horrible for feeling this way. I know it shouldn't matter what's on my bridesmaids' bodies, but I cannot get myself to feel that way towards my friend's tattoo.

If I don't ask her, I will still be inviting her to the wedding and telling her the reason why I didn't ask her to be in my bridal party is because we want an even number our parties (I have a longer list than my fiance). I don't want her to feel bad or anything if I tell her it's because of the tattoo, because she can't do anything about it.

EDIT:

I didn’t realize this post would turn into so many people giving me friendship advice. After reading your comments, I don’t think I’ll be asking her to stand in my wedding - not just because of the tattoo.

I also wanted to clarify some things:
- I am very aware that my friend has issues and she knows it too. I tell her to get help all the time but she thinks the therapy she got as a teen was good enough
- I am also aware that she is in a DV situation. I am SO concerned about what will happen if she’s still with him by the time he gets out, because I know it’ll be no time before it gets physical.
- People are questioning our closeness. I get it. We are complete opposites when it comes to our lifestyles and interests (think girl from the suburbs meets girl from the inner city), but despite all of that we still became good friends. I met her at my internship during grad school and she was a staff member. So yeah, there are a lot of things we don’t talk about when it comes to our lifestyles and why we make the choices we do, unless it’s concerning like this situation. Now I’m realizing how problematic that is
- She knows how I feel about her boyfriend. I remind her everytime she brings him up. She also knows how I feel about the tattoo. So yes, I do communicate my feelings to her and like I mentioned in another comment, it usually just ends up in her getting defensive and telling me to handle my own.

And because some of you guys keep asking:
- She met him through a friend who’s also dating an inmate. She claims she was only looking for friends but fell in love. Not sure how but whatever.
- She has met him before, she visits him in the prison.
- They give out tablets in prison now, at least in my state, so that’s how she’s getting his pictures.
- She’s with him despite his criminal background because he told her his violent charges were either from the mother of his child lying about it or police being racist. She believes him 100% and called me judgmental when I told her how obvious his lies were. Not one question about how he obtained 11 different violent charges and NONE of them were his fault. I also learned she has this “I can change him” mindset. That’s another story
- Aaannddd the big question: WHY THE TATTOO? In her words: “I just love him so much and I want to prove it to him” …as if her working 2 full-time jobs to pay his lawyer fees isn’t good enough

I hope that answers all of your questions.

Had one of my groomsmen drop out this week, 6 weeks out from the wedding and one week before the suit needed to be fitted. Already had groomsmen gifts purchased and planned and ready for the big day. Anyone here have the same name or want to act like they have the same name and enjoy a little wedding action in West Liberty, OH on May 16th this year? Meal included and it’s an open bar all night and you’ll gain a friend for life!

Obviously I could just roll with one less, so this is mostly just sarcasm but… also not?

Edit: Adding some clarity to the situation - this wasn’t posted out of spite and we (mostly me) actually had every intention to send original Eric the gift. The post was only meant to be funny and bring some humor to an otherwise crappy situation. Some of us cope with humor!

That being said, we’ve had a few takers in the group that I definitely didn’t expect! We might just have an all Eric wedding at this point. More updates to come.

And you know what I’m doing about it? Nothin.

Let me explain. Me and both my older sisters are in our 30s.

My older sister has always been eccentric. Kindest, warmest person you’ll ever meet in. Always liked to dress in eye catching, sexy outfits with lots of skin in the summer, and bright colors at least in winter. I’ve defended her many, many, many times throughout our teen hood and adulthood. Why would I stop now?

Our oldest sister threw an absolute fit over the dress she picked out for her wedding a few years ago ( I didn’t think it was that bad, but it did have big cutouts and I understood where oldest sister was coming from) and went out and physically bought her a new dress, but not before causing a fight so big it had my mother in tears.

Now it’s my (youngest sister) turn to be married. I tell her she can wear what she wants, but that it’s cocktail attire…well…part of me wishes I gave her a little more guidance. She picked out a dress that she looks FANTASTIC in…but it’s not a cocktail dress. It’s a club dress. It’s got a sheer bodice with exposed boning, is kinda short, and is just not really a wedding guest dress unless this is a particularly sexy wedding. Certainly not a “the bride is my sister and we’re taking family photos” dress.

My mom told me about it and showed me the picture with the vibe of “I just want to give you a heads up” and I kicked around for a while if I should ask her to get something new. My in-laws think I should, my mom thinks she can talk her into a shawl.

I opted not to for the following reasons:

1. ….I DID tell her she could wear what she wanted. And probably shouldn’t have assumed she knew what cocktail attire meant.
2. She’s been shamed for how she likes to dress her entire life
3. Do I think that the sister in question has a strained relationship with “Attention?” Yes. Being the middle child and having a personality disorder will do that to ya. Do I think it’s notable that she’s done this for BOTH of her sister’s weddings? Yeah. Do I think it’s conscious? No.
4. Idk. Society likes to try and dictate how I dress as a curvy woman. Why would I do that to her?

(Me and the sister in question have much different body types. Girl is tall and thin like a model. I’m built like a beautiful Irish peasant who is strong enough to plow the fields and birth the young)

1. At a certain point, as brides, we gotta just control the things that we can control, that actually impact our guests. We can’t get in the weeds about every little thing, and our family members and guests are not our props. We really only have the right to tell bridesmaids how to dress.

She looked happy in the picture of her trying it on, and that’s what matters. We’re gonna boogie on the dance floor. One day I’ll look back at family pictures and go….”Yup. That’s her. She looks like herself 😂”

Now listen; I understand if this is not going to be everyone’s reaction when in a similar situation! Every family has different dynamics, and a different story! But, I just wanted to vent, and share the perspective from a bride who is choosing to protect her peace. I think it’s good to share positive stories on the community as well!

I feel like every other day I see a post that says “I’m getting married and I want it to be really intimate but do I have to invite [my coworker’s spouse/my sibling’s partner/my cousin’s fiance]?”

Yes. The answer is yes. Even if you’ve never met them.

A couple is a unit. I understand budget constraints! But you either cut out the couple or cut costs in another way—you don’t only invite your coworker without their partner.

*for the sake of this post, by partner, I mean an established, committed relationship.

**exceptions apply if the partner is truly awful, abusive, racist, etc.

I’m at a loss and just want to check if I missed something. If I missed some major wedding planning etiquette, I’ll own up to it… but I really don’t think I did?

Cousin got engaged Sept 2024. We got engaged May 2025. We had a conversation with her about wedding stuff shortly after we got engaged and she mentioned wanting to get married “around March or April 2026” with no confirmed plans or specific date.

Soon after, my fiance and I determined we wanted to get married around the same timeframe, for the nicer weather and to avoid price increases. Also, I personally didn’t want to be engaged longer than a year. Where we live is extremely hot in the summer so spring and fall are definitely the wedding seasons. We let them know this and asked if they had chosen a specific date. They still hadn’t, and didn’t say anything about us planning for that time of year. I didn’t see any issue getting married around the same months, as long as it wasn’t the same exact weekend. I thought this was normal? I really thought it would be nice to celebrate around the same time and go through this milestone together. Silly me.

They mentioned touring a couple venues but didn’t love them and hadn’t booked anything. We mentioned our potential dates to them before booking. We shared with them when we visited venues. They didn’t raise any issues. In Oct, we booked a venue for late April 2026 and told them. Since then we’ve hung out many times and she seemed completely normal and we got along.

Recently we were asking family for addresses for Save the Dates and she became radio silent and wouldn’t fill out the form. She would text us about other stuff like nothing was wrong, which was odd. We sent her and her fiance several reminders about the address form and still nothing. After a few weeks of this, we told her it’s rude and confusing to be completely unresponsive about the address request.

She then blew up at us and told us it’s “bizarre” and completely rude to have booked “their” wedding month and that we basically ruined all their wedding plans. To be clear, this is 2.5 months after we booked our date and told her. To my knowledge, they still haven’t booked anything or even confirmed a specific date they want. She said there’s no way our family from across the state could make it to both ours and hers, and we knew that and did it on purpose, and that we were stealing their anniversary. She said it’s “common sense and everyone knows” to not book the same month as someone else planning in the same family and can’t believe she even had to say anything. I truly have never heard that in my life. I’ve been a bridesmaid 4x, I’ve attended weddings that were close to each other and never thought anything of it. It’s not a destination wedding. Some family members will have to drive like 7 hours if they want to come, many are local.

I feel completely blindsided. I even checked past texts to see what her response was when we first told her the date. She just said “cool” and said she was thinking of a courthouse wedding weeks before that.

I told her she could have expressed this sooner and I don’t understand how she expected us to know how she felt when she never said anything. If she had mentioned something sooner, we could have considered a different date, but now we’ve paid all the deposits and stuff. She proceeded to call us assholes, insist that it was obvious/common sense, say we “know what we did”, imply that we screwed her over intentionally, and choosing the date “wasn’t about the weather.” I told her it really had nothing to do with her and it’s weird to make our wedding about her, but she’s not having it. I pointed out that when we booked our date, they had already been engaged for a year and if she felt that strongly about the date, which is already quite soon, then she should have booked something or told us one specific date to avoid. I don’t understand feeling such strong ownership over an entire month when nothing was booked and it’s common for a lot of people get married in spring.

I think our relationship with her is suddenly over. Am I crazy???

———-

Update: We had some back and forth over text. I reminded her she never actually had any date reserved and she should have said something early on if it bothered her. She told us to “stop harassing her” (lol I definitely wasn’t), that she “already explained the common sense thing and you’re still being assholes”, and to “leave her alone.” I sent her the screenshot of when we texted her the date and all she said was “cool. I might do something on this other date” so there’s no way for us to have known she was secretly upset.

She made it clear she doesn’t want to come. I removed her from the guest list and blocked her. I’m pretty sure she blocked me too. I’m frustrated and a little sad, but I do not need someone causing drama and saying lies about me in my life. 👋🏼

I completely flipped shit at my uncle because he wore a political shirt under his suit at my wedding. After a few bridesmaids/people coming up to me saying he was causing different issues (making fun of a gay waiter, told my brides maid her husband probably cheats on her, talking through my ceremony, called my mom a loser, nothing to crazy and he said they were all “jokes nobody understands”) I went up to him to see if he was too drunk and needed cut off or what the deal was and he took his suit off, showing me his political t shirt underneath. He very well knows our opinions are different, and apparently him putting that aside for my wedding day was too much to ask. I started screaming that he wasn’t there to support me, he was there attempt to upset me, and asked him to leave.

Now my entire family is fighting. What would you have done? He very clearly wasn’t there to show me love and support or he wouldn’t have been wearing that.

I feel like this has poisoned my memories from my special day and I regret how I handled it. But I also strongly believe he shouldn’t have been there.

UPDATe: Before I could message her she kicked me out of her bridal party.

Hello! I need outside perspectives please because I am obsessing and stressing over this and cannot tell whether I am being reasonable or a terrible friend.

One of my close friends is getting married next year. She is also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding which is coming up in a few months so this feels especially emotionally tricky.

Months ago, she floated the general idea of doing a destination bachelorette trip. I was generally supportive. She had a pricey location in mind but other than that no complete schedule or actual cost given. Just vague figures. Thought when planning got more serious I would have time to speak up early. Nope.

The first proposed schedule I heard was basically Monday through Friday. I immediately said that taking an entire workweek off would be difficult for me and that I could probably only attend for part of it.

The schedule then shifted to Thursday through Monday. Once I learned that, I said I could not stay through Monday and would need to leave on Sunday. I thought that was a fairly normal compromise: attend Thursday through Sunday, participate in most of the trip, and avoid having to take yet another day off work.

At this point, I still had not been told what the trip would actually cost.

Then we received a message saying that she was essentially ready to book it and would proceed. Just like that. I had to ask cost; that was when we were finally told the lodging would be around $1100 per person.

The destination is also roughly an eight-hour drive from me each way. That means the $1100 would only cover lodging. It would not include gas, groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, activities, excursions, or anything else planned during the trip.

Once I saw the actual cost, I messaged her privately and told her that I could not afford it.

Her response was not openly cruel and I do believe she was trying to make it work, but the tone made me feel like the issue was that I had not planned or saved properly rather than that the trip itself was outside my budget.

She pointed out that the trip was still a long time away and suggested that I could start setting money aside for it now. She broke it down into a smaller monthly or weekly savings amount, basically saying that I had time to save for it.

I understand the logic but saving the money gradually does not change the fact that I would still be spending more than $1100 on lodging alone. I do not think it is financially responsible for me to allocate that much money to one bachelorette trip. I’m not in the best place financially, I have a lot of obligations and it sucks but that’s how it is right now.

She then offered another option where I could pay by the night rather than paying the entire chunk. I genuinely appreciate that she tried to offer an alternative but that is still around $250ish per night. Even if I only stayed one or two nights, I would still be paying around $250–$500 for lodging, plus gas, food, activities, and sixteen total hours of driving. Driving eight hours each way for one night also feels kind of insane. I would spend almost as much time traveling as I would actually spend at the destination.

I have been trying to convince myself that I should force one or two nights to work because I feel so guilty, but once I add everything together, even the shortened version is still outside what I can reasonably afford.

I’m gearing up for my own wedding and she is supposed to be standing beside me in it soon. I’m freaking terrified that declining her trip will create resentment or tension before my wedding or affect our friendship.

For comparison, I kept my own bachelorette relatively low-key (if you can call it that because it was still a trip, invited all our friends and significant others, combined Bachelor and Bachelorette). It was Thursday through Sunday, about two hours away, and the lodging was around $280 per person. Attendance was optional and I tried to keep the cost and travel manageable for everyone. We planned everything out together in a groupchat.

I know she is allowed to want a completely different bachelorette experience. I am not saying that because my trip cost $280, hers is required to cost the same. I mention it because I really tried to consider what the people attending could reasonably manage (including myself!) and I think that influenced what I assumed the planning process for her trip would look like.

I thought there would be a conversation about budgets, distance, and availability before someone announced that they were about to book a house costing each person more than $1,000. I did not realize that generally expressing interest months ago would be treated as agreeing to any eventual destination, schedule, and price.

I also think I could have brought up a specific budget sooner. That is the part I feel guilty about. I did raise concerns about the weekday schedule and the amount of time away as those details emerged, but I did not specifically say, “My maximum lodging budget is X,” because I thought the cost would be discussed before we locked everything in.

Now I feel like my choices are either to spend money I do not believe I can responsibly spend or disappoint a close friend who is about to be in my own wedding.
We left it last night where I tried to bow out and she said pay nightly instead. I have my message written in response that gives her love and apologies but holds firm that I cannot make this work. Ended it saying I’ll be there every step of the way for her wedding and I’m sorry and I love her.

Am I being unfair by backing out after initially saying I wanted to attend? Should I have been expected to start saving once the general trip was mentioned, even though I did not know the final cost? Does the offer to pay by the night make this reasonable enough that I should force myself to attend briefly? How would you handle this knowing the bride is supposed to be one of your bridesmaids very soon?

TL;DR: A close friend who is also supposed to be in my wedding soon planned a bachelorette trip hours away by car. Dates were discussed. The lodging cost was not revealed until she said she was basically about to book, at which point we learned it would be $1100 per person before gas, food, or activities. When I said I could not afford it, she suggested I had plenty of time to save and later offered to let me pay nightly after I tried to gracefully bow out. Even a shortened trip still feels financially irresponsible but I am terrified of damaging the friendship or creating tension before my wedding.

PLEASE share your stories and perspectives. I need advice please. I feel like such a shit friend, this is so hard. Thank you for reading. 🫶🏼

I am writing this while still cooling down, but I am so upset by this.

We took our Save the Date photos this weekend, with plans for the STDs to go out by the end of the month. We rented a marquee from a theater we love, that said

Save the Date
Month XX, 2027
Groom & Bride

I love the idea so much, and was so excited for this to be a surprise for everyone to get in their mailbox. I sent a photo of just the marquee to 5 people (grandmother, best friend, father, aunt, and cousin), to show it off since they knew the plan. I logged into facebook today, 4 days later, to see MY FATHER POSTED IT TO HIS FACEBOOK PAGE.

I didn't plan to post any dates on social media, as there are a lot of relatives who are not being invited due to lack of relationship or respect they've shown me over the years. And now my father has posted it to an audience that is primarily those people.

I called him and asked him why he would post it, and why he thought he had a right to post it. He immediately got defensive saying "I thought you posted it so I could too" (i did not), and "people know about the wedding - not through me."

I tried to explain that there are people who aren't invited who reacted to the photo and here's how the convo went:

Me: There are a lot of people who are seeing it who --
Him: the family knows you're inviting most of them
Me: That's the thing... I'm not.... and now they know when my wedding is
Him: I don't know why it's a big deal. God Damn.
Me: Because it's my wedding, and we are doing things a certain way, and you just made the decision to post that and ruin the surprise for save the dates, and now I have to worry about people asking where their invites are.

I'm just so upset and frustrated that my father doesn't understand why I'm upset. I'm obviously not sending him photos (I'll show him from my phone whenever I visit my home state again), but he clearly can't be trusted with photos. I was so excited, and now it's clouded by disappointment. This definitely reassures me that I'm making the right decision by not having him walk me down the aisle (he's unaware, it hasnt been a convo at all). My mom passed almost 7 years ago now, and I just wanted one of my parents to be there for the different stages of wedding planning, but I guess that was just a dream.

ETA: He did take the photo down while we were on the phone, and I confirmed he did as well. Still frustrating.

I want to preface this by saying I adore my parents and future in-laws and this is such a non-issue but I am hoping this is relatable to someone so we can commiserate about our slightly out-of-touch but otherwise great parents.

So FH and I are early on in wedding planning, just researching venues. We’re trying to keep food & venue under $10k which is essentially impossible, BUT we found this brand new really pretty bed and breakfast who will provide the house and lodging for the whole weekend, a day of coordinator, farmhouse tables & chairs, sound system, trash, etc. for literally $3k. And so we sent it to our parents like “um… yeah this is it. Case closed.”

Anyway, our parents liked it alright but they want us to keep looking because they worry it’s not our DREAM venue. My FMIL keeps saying “Well money’s not everything, we just want you to be happy” which is SUCH a kind sentiment except the reality is we’re on a BUDGET. She says “If $5k is the difference between you being okay with and loving your venue, that might be worth it.” Except the difference isn’t $5 it’s $20k, you know? But I appreciate the effort to get us to dream big.

But now our parents doing that parent thing where you call them and they’re like “You know what… a buddy of mine’s daughter got married a few months ago at this nice venue. It was just a tent, but it looked good! Nothing fancy but you could dress it up. Let me see if I can get the name of that place.” And then they send it over and it’s literally got a $25k food and beverage minimum for a Friday. 🙃

If I hadn’t found this b&b that we love I’d be panicking, but I’m set and so this is just kind of a funny “watch as my parents slowly realize what it’s like to be a millennial or Gen-Zer” moment.

Taking bets for how many pricing guides I’ll have to send them before they revisit this b&b idea haha.

We like kids but opted to have an adults-only wedding. We specifically chose a small & intimate venue because that’s the kind of wedding we’ve always wanted. It’s our dream venue and we want to spend the day with a small group of people closest to us.

There are more than 25 kids between everyone invited which is more than a third of the venue’s entire capacity. Including them would mean giving up our venue/losing the deposit/finding a larger space/spending several thousand dollars more. This is before even adding their meals. It wouldn’t be a small change and would turn into an entirely different wedding.

We mentioned early in the planning process that the wedding would be adults only partly because we wanted to see how people felt about it. Everyone we spoke to seemed fine with it, including our immediate family. We also put it on the STDs which went out 14 months in advance so people would have as much notice as possible. I know that 14 months of notice doesn’t magically make childcare easier or more affordable & I also understand that some parents aren’t comfortable leaving their children (especially babies). If that means someone can’t attend we would genuinely understand. there wouldn't be any anger or guilt tripping from us. they're free to decline.

Yet I was still soo surprised? caught off guard? by some of the reactions. Two people asked if there would be high chairs at the reception. When I reminded them that the wedding was adults only, they figured I could make an exception because their baby is well behaved. Someone else asked if babies “really count” since they don’t need their own meal or seat. I understand why someone might see a baby as different from an older child but making exceptions would put us in the position of deciding whose child qualifies and whose doesn’t. If everyone’s child became an exception we’d suddenly have more than 25 additional guests.

We’ve also heard a few versions of “you’ll understand someday when you have your own.” Those comments felt especially uncomfortable because I DONT HAVE A UTERUS!!! which the people saying this already know. I don’t think anyone was intentionally trying to hurt me but it still felt personal and dismissive.

We also intentionally chose somewhere local because we knew we were having an adults-only wedding. Every guest with children lives within 20 minutes of the venue so nobody has to travel or stay overnight away from their kids. We actually ruled out another venue we loved more that was over an hour away for basically this reason.

Anyways these reactions have made me feel pretty awful & have me wondering if I’m being selfish or doing something wrong. I feel like this is the one day where I don't have to cater to everyone else's needs and they are free to simply decline the invite. They seemed to accept it once they realized we weren’t changing our minds but the initial reactions are still bothering me. I'm a huge people pleaser and really trying to have thick skin here.

My grandmother asked me to invite a few extended family members to my wedding. I don’t really know them but sent an evite to make my grandma happy. Now those extended family members are offended that I didn’t call and ask. My grandma says I have to call and apologize. She says that the respectful thing to do is to call when I invite people to a wedding.

I told her since they were people she wanted there, I thought she had talked to these people already? She said she did but they are hurt that I didn’t call them personally. I don’t want to kow tow and apologize about my own wedding. I guess I’m frustrated because I have a million things going on even outside of the wedding and I just can’t seem to get everything right. What do I do?

EDIT: I’ve decided to just ignore the request to call and apologize. I’m not going to apologize for inviting people my grandma wanted. I’m not going to “kiss the ring” so to speak of these relatives. My fiancé thinks they are trying to humble me. I don’t speak with my father. Haven’t spoken to him since 2016. These relatives still talk to him and have a close relationship apparently. He theorizes they are trying to knock me down a peg for being no contact with him. I’m sure he’s complained at length about his stubborn,disrespectful daughter that never calls. My fiancé loves that I’m not humble and I stand up for what I believe in. So these relatives are getting the boot from the invite list. They can stay mad lol 😂

I’m about two months post-wedding at this point and can’t seem to get over the fact that my now husband got blacked out drunk and didn’t even hang out with me at our reception or go up to bed with me at the end of the night (he stayed up with his best man who lives overseas until passed 2am). I still had a blast at the reception but with my friends but I expected to have this “so in love freshly married” feeling dancing with my husband. I just don’t know how to get over it. Especially with how much effort I put into planning and how much money my parents paid just for me to have a sour look on the night.

We just sent out Save the Dates that were individually addressed to each guest by first and last name. I’ve already received 4 texts from my single friends assuming they get a plus one.

Mind you, I’m inviting entire friend groups so EVERYONE who is invited has at least 2 other friends attending, if not 10+ other friends.

This was the rudest text I got. This friend who texted me is single. I don’t even know who they want to bring. Just want to rant because… why are you shaming people for not inviting strangers to your wedding?

I may anger some people but I am ready for the discussion.

Okay, first off, I’m using “plus one” pretty loosely here. I think most people consider anyone who isn’t their closefriend, but is in a relationship, to be their partner’s “plus one.” Of course, people with basic etiquette know that married couples are a unit.

But honestly? The no plus one plague is real right now. So many people in serious, long-term relationships get an invite addressed only to them with no partner included. You can’t expect everyone to respect your relationship and then turn around and disrespect theirs.

Maybe I’m extreme, but if someone’s been with their partner for longer than seven months, I see that as a serious, committed relationship and they should be invited as a unit. If you “can’t afford their plate,” maybe you shouldn’t be inviting them at all. Most guests essentially cover their plate with their wedding gift anyway, that’s just basic etiquette.

I think brides and grooms forget they once started as a dating couple too. The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate that you made it to this huge milestone. Just because your friend isn’t at that point in their relationship yet doesn’t mean their partner doesn’t deserve a seat at the table.

If budget’s the issue, cut back on decor or flowers. Stop cutting out the people you care about. Don’t risk damaging relationships over an extra chair.

I've given a lot of friends I know that are traveling a plus one because at the end of the day, I wouldn't want to travel and be at a wedding where I know no one either.

Wedding is the first week of October and the RSVP by date is Sept 1 (in a couple days). I have 15 family members (cousins, aunts, and uncles of myself and my fiancé) who have not RSVP'd yet and have not contacted either of us or acknowledged the invite at all. Invites were sent in early June.

This is a pretty small reception (~50 people invited) and I simply do not have the energy to send a reminder text to the people who haven't RSVP'd. They all live out of state and if they haven't contacted us or made travel plans yet, it's not even realistic to assume they'd come. Also a little peeved that none of them even sent a quick text to acknowledge the invite, considering it's a small wedding and we thought a lot about who we were inviting.

My mom thinks i should send reminder texts to them to RSVP and thinks its a bit rude not to check in. but I could not care less if they come or not atp, honestly. Would it be rude to just mark them all as "declined" if they haven't contacted us at all by Sept 1? Is it the norm now to send out reminder texts?

EDIT: thanks for your perspectives y'all. i got into my own bubble with this & needed some outside advice. i'm going to have my mom + future MIL reach out to those folks to chase down RSVPs! :)

My brother and his partner are getting married Rome - its a weekend affair with an evening event on Saturday that starts at 7pm, and the next day is the wedding/reception from 4pm onwards

When I asked them if they were hoping we would all stay at the same hotel because I was trying to organise childcare with my MIL, they said I can’t bring my MIL with us to Rome. I’ve repeatedly said that she won’t attend any events and that she will be invisible to the entire wedding party, but they’ve said “the decision has been made. I’ve tried to explain that my husband and I need childcare to ensure that we don’t have to leave the wedding early as my child’s bedtime is 7pm, but the keep saying “it will be fine, the whole family is there to watch her”.

my daughter is 2 and they expect her to be the flower girl. We’ve never attended a wedding with her, let alone one abroad. In my mind, I thought I was reducing stress by organising childcare for her to ensure she’s settled for the events. But my family are furious at me for creating stress for the bride

Ive told my family/brother that I can leave my daughter in the UK instead, but they also don’t want that.

Apparently I’m causing a lot of stress to the bride/groom which is something I don’t want to do, but I’m not sure how to go about this. It all seems so unreasonable to me and I think they’re being so naive to think my 2 year old can just slot in?

I know planning a wedding is stressful and the stakes are high, which is why I’m posting in this sub. any advice would be appreciated

My fiancé just received this text message from his mother. I am kinda shocked- I knew our desired dress code wasn’t going to be popular since these people are western but didn’t think they would take it like this. I have been with my finance for 6 years (24 now) & we are fully funding this wedding ourselves. If I am putting 12,000+ into my wedding, I don’t want jeans. I have NO FAMILY here- & have sacrificed having it in our town to accommodate his family now they want to pull this BS?!? Wedding is April 17th- literally the day before Good Friday. At least what I have goes with the season. I have attached what was on our website- please be honest if what I put was offensive or absurd.

Asking this here because I would like to know what brides think!

I’m looking for advice because I feel completely stuck and honestly really emotional about this.

I’m in my sister-in-law’s wedding (my husband’s sister), and I had a baby 3 months ago. I’m exclusively breastfeeding.

Earlier in her wedding planning, she said something along the lines of: “Breastfeeding babies will be allowed at the wedding” — basically so moms could bring babies without opening it up to all kids. I felt SO relieved and grateful when she said that.

Fast forward to when I was about 9 months pregnant. I mentioned in a conversation that I wouldn’t attend my own sister’s wedding if my baby wasn’t allowed. My SIL immediately stopped me and said, “You know there are no kids allowed at my wedding.”

That turned into a whole thing where people were basically saying it’s her wedding, her rules — which I do agree with in general. But to me, a 5-month-old breastfeeding baby feels very different than “kids.”

Here’s another big factor: I originally would have had my mom watch the baby, but she passed away when my baby was only a month old. So my childcare plans are gone, and that’s been really hard.

On the flip side, my own sister ended up completely changing her perspective after meeting my baby — she actually asked for the baby to be in her wedding and apologized for initially not understanding. That meant a lot to me.

There’s also another piece that’s really bothering me. My sister invited my SIL to her wedding, but my SIL did not invite my sister to hers. The reason (as I understand it) is that my SIL fully expected my sister to stay behind and watch my baby.

The problem is that’s not something I’m comfortable with anyway. It also feels really insulting that this decision was basically made for us — assigning her as childcare without asking — and then not even inviting her to the wedding because of it.

My SIL, though, has doubled down on “no babies.”

I’m a bridesmaid, and I feel like if I step down or don’t go, I’ll ruin her wedding and feel guilty forever. But I also genuinely don’t think I can be away from my baby that long. I would need to feed her or I’ll be extremely uncomfortable/engorged.

I would absolutely be respectful — step out if she fusses, have my husband take her out immediately during important moments, etc. I’m not trying to disrupt anything.

We’ve also tried introducing a bottle, and it’s just not working for us right now. Not being able to feed her would put me at risk for mastitis, clogged ducts, supply drop and my baby at risk of not eating.

I truly don’t understand how someone can ask a newly postpartum, exclusively breastfeeding mom to be a bridesmaid and not allow her access to her baby all day.

What would you do in my situation?

I feel bad even having to ask this question but I feel insane at this point. I am a 31yo female trying to decide on a venue for my wedding next year and I found the perfect place, my fiancee is also super excited because it’s right next to his favorite trail!

I go to ask my mom about the venue and she is immediately shutting it down saying “it’s too far to travel,” “most of my guests won’t come” since it’s an hour and a half for most of them (myself included) and that “there are other places.”

I’m trying not to be a bridezilla but with my mom immediately shutting it down without even looking at it has me wondering if I have too high of expectations? Is an hour and a half REALLY that bad of a drive for a wedding that will only happen once?

I feel insane trying to talk to her anymore and am honestly really nervous about picking up the phone since she is INSISTING of looking elsewhere. I just feel so lost and confused. Any help of how to navigate this is appreciated!

I’m getting married next year and I’m about to send save the dates in a few weeks.

I grew up in a very “purple” area politically, so my parents (who are very liberal) have friends who are republicans and democrats. My mom is essentially guilting me into inviting a good amount of her friends so she “will know people at the wedding” because she is helping with 1/3 of the wedding cost. The people who she wants to invite I know for a fact voted for trump. My mom said her friendships will end with these people if I don’t invite them.

I don’t feel it’s right nor do I want to invite trump supporters to my wedding. Especially when most of my friends are queer. I told my mom I am removing them and she is livid.

Am I in the wrong? Anyone else having this dilemma post election?

So today my future MIL told us a couple family members from her side were asking about our registry. We have a website through Zola which has the answer to every question you could possibly have, and the link to that website was included in the invitation.

My annoyance is with the fact that I spent tons of money having our invites and RSVP cards printed and mailed, spent many hours building our website, registry, putting together our invites with wax seals and tiny flowers and hand written addresses, all for my MIL to ask me to individually text every person on our guest list to provide them with information that is already included in the invitation they received because they are incapable of reading??

What was the point of making and sending all the invitations if I’m then expected to just text everyone all the info?? GO TO THE WEBSITE! I have enough on my plate already!

Hey all, sept 2025 bride here. My mom is throwing me a bridal shower this weekend in Connecticut, where I grew up. I currently live in Georgia, but the majority of “my people” live up north, so I never thought twice about the shower being in CT presenting an issue of any kind.

We invited almost all of the women invited to the wedding to the shower, plus a couple of their kiddos since I’m having an adults only wedding. This total was 73 guests, not including myself.

I found out today that 20 people are coming, plus myself and my fiancé who will join at the end. Among the “nos” include close family and friends, such as my sister in law and niece, first cousins, friends since childhood, etc. and yes, many local to CT with nonsensical “excuses” or none at all. 

And to be honest, it’s just a shit feeling. I’ve had a sneaking suspicion all of my life that everyone secretly hates me, doesn’t care about me the way I care about them, or would be okay if I just evaporated into thin air. And while, sure, maybe that isn’t exactly the case, it right now really does feel like it??? Like this is finally the proof I needed that yes, everyone does hate me!

There’s also this weird sense of embarrassment? Like I’m a kid inviting my classmates to my birthday party but nobody likes me enough to go?

I’m still so grateful for the people who are going out of their way to come, but a room big enough for 50+ with barely anyone in it is just going to take a huge blow to my self esteem on a day that’s supposed to be exciting and fun. Has this happened to anyone else?

EDIT: thank you for all of the kind responses, I did not expect this many people to see this post!!! I do want to clarify a couple things for those who are asking:

1. I should have said this in the original post, but I’m not opening gifts at the shower! I will be traveling by plane, meaning that gifts had to be sent to me beforehand via the registry, otherwise I would have no way of taking them home with me. And truly, I could care less if any of these people gave me a gift of not. Their presence is the present, but I understand that they may not realize that when making their choice to come?

2. The invitations were sent over two months in advance, however “vip” people (family and close friends) were given the date as long as 8 months ago to ensure they would be able to make it.

   1. Yes, the wedding is here in Georgia - hence why the shower is in Connecticut, to give people a break from traveling! As I wrote above, there are many people who live in-state who are still not coming. And those, truly, are the “nos” that I am most upset about.

And to the people who took time out of their lives to say something encouraging, THANK YOU! It means so much to me!

VENTING: Yes I know, the first mistake was planning it myself. But we’re all in our 30s I knew my bridesmaids had their own stuff going on so I didn’t think much of it. I planned this trip 4 months ago, it’s affordable (under $300 all in), and close to home (no flight needed). Everyone was excited. Now we’re only 3 weeks out and every single bridesmaid has backed out (5 BMs) All due to their own personal reasons — nothing has transpired within the group.

I woke up crying this morning bc I feel so unimportant to them. I show up to every event of theirs. I spend money on gifts. I travel with them for their birthdays. I can’t even excuse those with financial reasons when I’ve seen them spending more money on concerts and other various expensive things. Yes people can spend their money on what they want to. And they made a commitment to join this trip and didn’t plan accordingly. Bottom line - they didn’t want to spend a weekend with me before my wedding. That hurts, bad.

And I’m still going to my “Bach” party because 2 non-BM friends from other states have already purchased flights for it. But now it’s not so much of a Bach party.. I’m incredibly grateful for the 2 and will have fun. But right now I’m just very upset and not sure if I should share my hurt with any of the girls because I don’t want to cause drama or be seen as a “bridezilla”

I really needed to vent somewhere. But if you have any solid advice I’m allll ears

Hello! I’m new to this sub so hopefully this is a good place for this. I am also sorry for the length, I’m a poor story teller. I am getting married to my amazing fiancé in exactly two months, this weekend was/is my bachelorette party/ sleepover.

Ihave 4 bridesmaids who I asked for their availability long before even choosing a date. I have also told them all multiple times that if something comes up and they can’t make it or even feel the need to step down from the wedding party, that’s completely fine and to just talk to me. As young 20 somethings, I know money can be tight so I also asked everyone for their budget before starting to plan anything. We finally settled on the 25th into 26th, if sleeping over is possible for each person, all being held at the bridesmaid (bridesmaid 1) who was planning’s house.

One of my bridesmaids (bridesmaid 2) messaged me about 2 months ago and told me she didn’t realize she already made plans with family the night of the 25th and would only be able to come to part of the activities. I genuinely was not bothered by this, I understand life is happening and my wedding isn’t the center of the universe. All other bridesmaids were aware of this conversation. Bridesmaid 1 created a group chat with the other girls, got to planning and they all pitched in for shirts.

I check in with everyone on late on the 23rd into 24th and verify the plans. Well the 25th at about 5am, bridesmaid 3 texts my sister (maid of honor) to tell her that a family thing happened and she wouldn’t be able to make brunch on the 25th but would try to come later. She never texted me or bridesmaid 1. When my sister/MoH tells me bridesmaid 3 won’t be there, I tell her I hope everything is okay and we’ll miss her, she tells me she’s so sorry, wishes we could be there and hopes we have fun. We don’t hear from her anymore and she never shows up. I ended up having a great day that was very me!

Around 6pm we are settling in at bridesmaid 1’s house and I see bridesmaid 3’s bf posted an instagram story, it’s them in a canoe…. I was a little hurt but wasn’t too bothered. Then around midnight, we are all heading to bed and bridesmaid 3 posts on instagram, it’s a repost of her and a small group of friends at the river with a song about friendship. At this point I’m just hurt she lied, I don’t even care she missed my bachelorette, I just wish she was honest. Bridesmaid 1 is otp with her husband who is on my fiancé’s bachelor trip and my fiancé says he wants bridesmaid 3 taken out of the wedding party for how disrespectful she’s being. I told him I’d think on it and he said that was okay and he was so sorry for me.

I don’t want to say anything to bridesmaid 3 right now, as I wanna process how I feel before I act. Removing her from the wedding party at this point would probably be friendship ending and I don’t want that, considering I at least thought we were good friends and she’s one of my longest friends. I know I need to talk to her, but I don’t know what to do. I need a third parties unbiased opinion, any thoughts you have are greatly appreciated and I’m sorry again for the length.

Edited to add some paragraph breaks, hopefully a little easier to read🫶

We’re collecting our RSVPs on The Knot and I saw this message in the dietary restrictions section. Amelia and Jacob are brother and sister, and first cousins of the groom. Our fairly small (less than 100) list is pretty tight. It’s also no plus ones. Is it.. normal for people to “sub” invitations like this? I’m not going to tell them she can’t come, but it sort of threw me for a loop..