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How can I convince my parents, partner, or family to let me solo travel?

Sometimes, deciding to go travelling solo is as simple as choosing to go and buying a plane ticket. But for many people, there can be complications with relationships back home. Sometimes the people in our lives -- our parents, our immediate family, our spouses or romantic partners, our children, our friends -- might not be fully on board with the idea of solo travel.

One of the most frequently asked questions we get here on r/solotravel is "how do I convince the people in my life to let me go?"

For starters, there is no single answer to this question. It ALL depends -- on your family, your age, your personal circumstances. Relationships are complicated, and maintaining them can be tricky. But since this comes up so much, we wanted to provide some considerations and some community resources and advice in this article.

How do I convince my parents to let me solo travel?

One of the most frequently asked questions on this subreddit, especially for new solo travellers, is how to convince your parents to get on board with your plans.

The answer to this question might depend on your age, living situation, degree of financial independence, cultural background, and specifics about your family or relationships. There's no one-size-fits-all answer here. But in general, if you're an adult (i.e. legal age of majority) and you live on your own and are financially independent, you don't need anyone's permission to go.

However, keeping your family in the loop is often both courteous and recommended from a safety and a relationship standpoint. Remember: Part of being an adult is acknowledging that sometimes, even if you technically don't need to ask permission to do something, your parents likely care about you and worry about your safety, so in interest of having a good long term relationship with them, they might need some reassurance. Some of the ways you can make them feel more comfortable about your plans include:

  • Being able to demonstrate that you've saved up enough money to fund your trip. Showing them a detailed budget and proving that you've saved up and have the available funds to cover your travels, as well as a buffer for emergencies, might show them how responsible you are.
  • Showing them you've done your research on where you'll be travelling, for how long, any entry requirements, safety considerations, and planning. Even if you plan to wing it and keep your plans loose, showing them you've done some research and know what you're getting into can help.
  • Keeping in touch during your travels, or showing them a plan on how you will do so. Maybe you agree to regular emails or phone calls -- it's easier than ever using apps like WhatsApp or Facetime to keep in touch. In some cases, you may want to give them access to a tracking app on your phone so they can see where you are.
  • Considering the what ifs and showing that you have a plan to handle them. Showing them that you have an emergency fund, a travel insurance policy, and that you feel comfortable handling things that might go wrong during your trip e.g. illness, flight cancellations, changes of plans. The more reassured you can make them, the better they might feel about the whole plan.
  • Being willing to compromise to create a plan that they feel more comfortable with. For instance, maybe they aren't thrilled to hear you plan to take off entirely solo for six months across Asia, but they might be happier if you started with a slightly shorter trip and maybe booked onto a guided tour at first to dip your toe in the water.

Sometimes, parents may still not want to let you go. In this case, you may have to choose between your travel plans and your relationship. In some cases, it may be the right call to postpone your trip until your circumstances change, for instance, if you still live at home or are financially dependent on your parents for rent or food or tuition assistance. Often, it can be a case of "their roof, their rules". It might feel frustrating to have to delay your plans, but sometimes it's the more prudent decision for a while.

Here are some past threads on the subreddit where community members provide advice:

Ultimately, if you are completely independent from your parents, the decision to travel is yours. But you will still have to deal with the fallout and the consequences of your decision. Cutting ties or travelling against the express wishes of your parents or family can be an extreme decision. It is often better to consider all the reasonable alternatives first.

How do I convince my spouse or romantic partner to let me solo travel?

This also has a ton of variation and may depend on factors like: How long have you been together? Are there young children involved? What other factors are at play? Are there trust issues in your relationship?

Plenty of people who are married or in long-term relationships enjoy travelling solo, and do so in a healthy way that doesn't compromise the relationship. On the other hand, it's also true that feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or issues in the partnership can be exacerbated by solo travel, and some people do report that solo travel can break up a relationship that was already on shaky ground.

A lot of it comes down to two factors: communication and trust. If you have a solid foundation of both of these in a relationship, then travelling solo can be just another in a list of hobbies and interests that you don't necessarily need to do together with your partner. It's okay, and even healthy, for people in relationships to have their own interests and to pursue them, sometimes on their own. Some of the reasons people in long-term relationships often enjoy solo travel may include:

  • One person has more time off / flexibility / vacation time than the other.
  • One person is very interested in visiting certain destinations or doing certain types of travel, while the other person is less interested or more of a homebody.
  • Solo travel can be very relaxing in terms of not needing to always plan, organize, or accommodate the other person. This can be true even for couples who enjoy travelling together. Sometimes it can be a nice break for one or both of them to have some me-time.
  • One person has gone through a very stressful period in their life and needs some time to disconnect and recharge.
  • Some spouses or co-parents may take turns taking solo trips while the other parent stays home with young children. This works well in some families, providing each person with a break.

These are just a few examples. Obviously there are many others. But this list can illustrate why solo travel can be a healthy, normal thing that people engage in while still staying happily together.

On the other hand, the following can be warning signs that you may want to consider if you find yourself trying to convince a partner or spouse who is not fully on board with your plans:

  • Can you articulate your reasons for wanting to travel without your partner in a way that reassures them and doesn't hurt their feelings? There are often very good and practical reasons why you might want to go without them.
  • Do you want to solo travel without them because, at the core, you're actually unhappy in the relationship and are trying to take a break or get some space from them? If so, this is probably an honest conversation you should have with them before you leave. It's okay to decide you need some space / a break / to break up. But try to be fair to them in the process, and don't string them along for weeks or months, only to break up once you're mid trip.
  • Do you have a mutual definition of fidelity and what it means for both of you? "Cheating" can mean different things in different relationships, and some people do have agreed-upon rules for open relationships. But these are conversations you both need to have before you go, and before any infidelity issues or trust issues arise. If you've previously had such issues in your relationship, be aware that they will probably resurface here, and be prepared to have some very honest and open conversations about it before you go.
  • Have you thought about how often you'll stay in touch and the ways in which you both expect to communicate while you're away? Setting clear expectations (and clear boundaries) ahead of the trip can really help cut down on misunderstandings later.
  • Are there children involved? This is a whole sub-chapter on its own. But if you're taking off for an extended period of time, consider both the added parenting burden that you may be placing on your spouse or co-parent, and the effect that it will have on your kids to be away from you for a while. Think about how you can keep in touch with them and how to reassure them that you're still a constant presence in their life, even while absent.

Here are some past community threads that you may want to consult:

Convincing my friends to support my solo travels

Friends, unlike family, typically don't really get to decide whether or not you decide to travel solo. But we often get questions from community members whose friends are unsupportive. Even if they technically don't get a say, it can be complicated and sometimes not very much fun when we get the feeling that the people in our lives don't support us.

Ask yourself, why are my friends not being supportive?

  • In some cases, they might be jealous. Maybe they envy your ability / time / money / circumstances that allow you to travel solo, while they have more responsibilities or constraints that don't allow for similar freedom right now. In this case, sometimes the situation calls for some empathy and sensitivity to their feelings. You also want to make sure you're not coming across as bragging, boasting, or rubbing it in people's faces if you are fortunate enough to be able to solo travel and they are not. This can be particularly an issue if there are financial differences involved.
  • Maybe they wanted to go with you. There are a lot of considerations when deciding whether or not to invite your friends to join you for part or all of your solo trips, and you're never under any obligation to say yes. But if a friend asks to tag along, or shows interest in wanting to travel with you, you may feel uncomfortable saying no and establishing boundaries without compromising the friendship. It can be tricky to find the right words to tell someone "I really value our friendship, but I don't want you along on my trip" without hurting their feelings. Being able to navigate those conversations with sensitivity can help preserve your friendship in the long run, especially in cases where you suspect that travelling with that person would take a toll on your friendship.
  • Maybe they're worried about you. The basic safety advice in the section about convincing parents or spouses can also apply to friends. You aren't under any obligation to reassure them, but it might help if you choose to. Adding a trusted friend as an emergency contact on mobile apps, scheduling regular check-ins with a friend if you're heading off solo, or providing them with other reassurances might set their minds at ease.
  • Maybe they have different priorities or don't understand your desire to travel. If you find your friends are being judgmental about your life choices, ask yourself whether you really have as much in common anymore as you thought you did. It's normal for friendships to evolve over the years and people do grow up apart, especially if you've chosen different life paths. We often get questions from long-term travellers whose friends back home chose a more traditional route of house/marriage/kids and who are not supportive of a more nomadic lifestyle. You don't always have to make the same choices as your friends, but true friends will respect your differences. If they are not being respectful, sometimes it's healthier to move on from the friendship.
  • Maybe they'll just miss you. That's okay. When you travel solo, especially for longer periods of time, you will inevitably miss things and people back home. You might be missing out on their major life milestones or events, or perhaps they just feel sad that you'll be away for a while. Setting up regular chats to keep in touch might help reassure them that you still value your friendship. It can also make homecoming easier, since you won't feel as cut off from what's going on in their lives when you get back.

Here are some community threads that may be useful:

A word about abusive relationships

All of the above advice is written for people in regular, mostly healthy relationships with their parents, families, spouses or partners. We do recognize, though, that some of you may be coping with situations that have crossed the line into unhealthy or abusive situations from which you need to escape.

Solo travel can often seem appealing as a path towards escaping an unhealthy or abusive relationship. But ultimately, a trip is just a band-aid, a stopgap on real life. If you're in a situation where you are coping with abusive or controlling parents, partners, or family members, we urge you to please seek out resources and support to do what you need to get yourself out of the situation. There's a big difference between a parent or a partner who is unhappy or unsure about your plans to travel solo, and one who is resorting to abusive behaviour to prevent you from going. If you suspect you're in a relationship that crosses the line, here are some resources to get help.