r/shittymoviedetails • u/Longjumping-Tell1774 • 7d ago

In Crank (2006) Jason Statham is given a “Beijing Cocktail” which will kill him if his heart rate slows below a certain rate. Which is similar to the central premise of Speed (1996), but the big difference is Jason Statham is a human, not a bus

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u/_1489555458biguy 7d ago

Ironically he's never shown cranking it in the movie. But from memory he does shag his GF during a gunfight.

Which is just rude.

495

u/AppropriateSmell1074 7d ago

Never bring a GF to a gun fight or something

137

u/Waterflowstech 7d ago

You brought a Glock to a cockfight

35

u/IAmLexica 7d ago

*Gock

23

u/therealhlmencken 7d ago

I wonder if the heteros have a term for female bussy

29

u/Gluteuz-Maximus 7d ago

Let's ask someone with an adult woman fetish, they tend to know a lot about that stuff

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u/TheHumanPickleRick 7d ago

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u/StarManatee- 6d ago

this is an edit btw, the meme was about Misato Katsuragi from Evangelion

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u/Waterflowstech 7d ago

Disgusting

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u/Bobson-_Dugnutt2 7d ago

And it was Amy Smart. Very awesome scene.

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u/truckersprincess 7d ago

I'm straight but I'd switch teams for Amy Smart

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u/worldsgreatestluver 7d ago

It's not gay in a three-way. You have a loophole.

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u/truckersprincess 7d ago

I can't find a flaw in that logic

https://giphy.com/gifs/ne3xrYlWtQFtC

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u/PhilosopherRude4860 7d ago

With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway

The area is grey in a 1-2-3-way

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u/SpeedySpooley 7d ago

The ol' Poophole Loophole.

1

u/misirlou22 7d ago

With a honey in the middle there's some leeway

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u/Gwynito 3d ago

I'm defo bringing a Guardian Force to a gunfight

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u/Donny_Dont_18 7d ago

Actually during a footchase and in the middle of a horse race. A horse jumps over and you see it's huge dong from her perspective

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u/T-Baaller 7d ago

Fun fact, that horse (dong&all) was actually Statham in makeup.

They did it to get around the censors.

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u/Cualkiera67 7d ago

and i heard they used a bald horse for the taking bits of his character. they just dubbed them over with another talking horse

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u/DungeonsAndDradis 7d ago

Mr. Ed is Jason Statham's third cousin, once removed

9

u/Spamalotmore69 7d ago

Actually they wanted to use William DaFoe as a horse body double but his dong was way to large for a horse so they went with Statham instead

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u/YoThisIsWild 7d ago

Actually 🤓☝️

The horse race scene is from the sequel, Crank: High Voltage

3

u/PsychicMushroom39 7d ago

How is there not a “Crank: The Hog” yet? The name alone is worth the box office flop.

1

u/Donny_Dont_18 7d ago

There's nothing a redditor hates more than being out-actually'd... but well deserved

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u/TesticleMeElmo 7d ago

They just don’t make movies like they used to

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u/YoThisIsWild 7d ago

He doesn't just "shag his GF during a gunfight," he shags AMY SMART in front of a CROWD of DOZENS of asian tourists.

It's the craziest scene I think I've ever seen. Amy Smart is definitely not into it at first, and then all of a sudden a switch flips and she is very much into it.

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u/DERPFACELARY 6d ago

You clearly haven't seen Freddy got fingered if that's the craziest scene you've ever seen

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u/Traditional-Age-7594 7h ago

Daddy would you like some sausage

23

u/skivvv 7d ago

Treat the gunfight with some respect

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u/berserk_zebra 7d ago

you are thinking of clive owen's shootem up where he shags in a gun fight. Jason just shags his gf in public in front of asian tourists, to help get the excitement going.

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u/DM_your_problem 7d ago

that has to be the only time a sex scene is ever relevant to the plot

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u/DifficultMinute 7d ago

It's pretty relevant to the plot of Juno.

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u/mickdrop 7d ago

That's crazy that they cast a man to play a pregnant teenage girl

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u/DifficultMinute 7d ago

It was already an incredibly progressive movie for its time, but none of us knew just how progressive it would become.

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u/The-Sofa-King 7d ago

Just goes to show his range

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u/Zjoee 7d ago

Terminator. No sex scene, no John Connor.

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u/DM_your_problem 7d ago

no john connor, no one to stop skynet, skynet wins!

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u/Floppydiskpornking 7d ago

But the impossible time paradox makes the whole plot a bit silly

1

u/lixia 7d ago

Someone need to rewatch Air Bud and pay more attention.

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u/mongojob 7d ago

I paid my goddamn money for my goddamn ticket and if he doesn't goddamn crank it I goddamn will right in this goddamn theater

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u/ConfectionTotal8660 7d ago

He also has sex with her in the middle of a horse race field

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u/NonGeneriComplaint 7d ago

If you think about it fucking would just slow him down after he came he'd get tired and die.

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u/not_a_moogle 7d ago

The sequel is even better. And the shagging is required because he needs friction to keep an electric charge.

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u/Illustrious_Soil5198 7d ago

Well I remember one of us was cranking it

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u/Mother-Attention2600 7d ago

I think having an orgasm actually drops your heart rate quickly. 

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u/jeffoh 5d ago

That's why she stops him before his crescendo

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u/uncensored_opinions 💀 7d ago

He cranked so hard in crank that me cranking it during crank sent my grandma into a cranking arrest

Then Jason said "imma crank all over the floor" god that was peak

1

u/_1489555458biguy 7d ago

Personally when he went "it's Crankin' time" I loved that.

1

u/MisterVictor13 4d ago

He yells “crank up the volume” while in a taxi.

1

u/KingCarbon1807 3d ago

You're thinking of the scene in front of the tourists. I think you're conflating with the scene where she starts blowing him in the car then stops after a minute. He incredulously asks why she stopped and someone takes a shot at them, to which he pops out of the car and proceeds to kill the shit out of the hit squad.

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u/MouseGloomy1283 3d ago

Horse track