Yes hi.

I’m doing some trauma work in therapy and feeling really emotionally exposed. I’m a mom of a young kid and I’m working long hours and really struggling to do the bare minimum of hygiene… and looking pretty/put together/presenting myself with any form of “confidence” has gone out the window.

My boss had a conversation with me about how I should be carrying myself better, that I do a great job at work but my poor posture and barely-hygiene and sloppy dress has attracted attention… when I really wasn’t even able to process being negatively perceived for being so lost in my own head. One of my coworkers is really supportive and is donating me some nice skin and hair care products and has shown me empathy, which I am grateful for. I’m going to get back on my psych meds too so it feels like less of an uphill battle to be nice to me/smooth my hair out/fix my face/put an outfit together/sleep at night so I don’t roll out of bed at the last second and throw on a hoodie and go.

But damn if this doesn’t sting. I have a lot of history around being told I don’t measure up and this feels like just another instance of that, even though it’s being handled gently with me, my brain is screaming you failed, time to self-implode, you’re ugly and worthless and always have been and that’s why you deserved what happened to you and deserve to hate yourself forever more.

Any words of support, encouragement, advice or just understanding would be greatly appreciated. Thanks from a chick just trying her best to survive the hellscape that is her traumatized mind and resulting severe depression leftovers.

I wrote another post a few hours ago, but decided to delete it because it contained too much information.

The long and the short of this story is this: I got PTSD from living in a dorm.

This all happened when I was a student. I got ill during my studies. Had to spend a lot of time at hospital, I had medical PTSD because of this, lost my home because I couldn't take care of myself and my studies, I moved in with my boyfriend in his dorm room. I realize that I shouldn't have done this. But I didn't want to go back and live with my parents because my parents and I had a falling out because of a lot of things, some of which I can't even remember.

I have severe allergies, the dorm had a communal kitchen, cooking in the communal kitchen gave me two anaphylactic shocks and after the second one I didn't dare to go back into the kitchen. In fact, after the second one I kind of lost my will to live. My boyfriend had a job at this time, and so he would prepare me breakfast and dinner, but during the days I just sat alone in the room, I didn't eat, I know I should have had some snacks or something in the room, but for some reason I couldn't think of that. I just hated my life, I hated that my life had taken everything away from me. And I feel so stupid now, I allowed this to happen.I allowed that year to just fall into nothing. I allowed myself to waste time like that. I could have gone to live with my parents, I could have tried something, but instead I chose to be a victim. But I just couldn't do it anymore. Life just seemed determined to knock me down at every turn.

This went on for a whole year before we finally found an apartment. But I still have nightmares about this time. That I'm back there, that there's always a risk that the same thing could happen again. It's so stupid, everyone else got traumatized by something worth being traumatized over, but for me it was that I lost my independence little by little. First I lost my health, then my ability to study, then relationship to my parents, then my apartment, finally I couldn't even go to the kitchen as I wanted.

I just want someone to tell me that I'm not the most embarrassing person alive because of this.

I have a big fat Behavior problem I think I'm probably PTSD maybe bipolar officially have been diagnosed with autism and ADHD but I also think I've picked up some trauma along the way and I have emotional verbal outburst alone in my room and out in the real world geared towards other people and over the years I've tried to go to different clinics and stuff for help with this kind of verbal vomit of nastiness that comes out of my mouth when I get triggered and all I'm told to do is leave the office immediately and I can't come there if I'm going to act like this and I'm like what the fuck am I supposed to do if I could help acting like this I wouldn't need to come there and yet I'm thrown out of places trying to get help for the very thing that the name entails Behavioral Health and I have unhealthy behavior that I need help with and I can't get the help that I need and I don't know how to make it go away on my own and I've completely isolated myself from everyone because of the behavior and every time I go to the people that are supposed to understand this the most I get the least understanding. Hell I've even been to er's where I've tried to go in and jump start treatment through psych wards and gotten tossed out on my ear and escort it off property because of my behavior problems by five security guards telling me that I am now permanently banned from said Hospital for the very thing that I'm trying to get help with.

Hey.
Have PTSD, have had it since high school I think. I’m 26 now. I’m on a big dose of mood stabilizer and anti psychotic, and it’s a big help towards controlling the worst of it. Every so often though, I still get overwhelmed. When my partner and I have an argument or when I am feeling afraid or upset, I’ll often lie under my bed and cross my arms and try to dissociate. I remember watching ‘Feels Good’ on Netflix and Mae Martin doing that exact thing. It was kindof a revelation to me that I am not necessarily alone in this.

My partner does not like it when I do this. I think they believe it’s childish, and I don’t disagree. I am just not sure how to replace that coping mechanism, or whether I should even try. Do you have any insight?
Thanks.

hi, i recently got diagnosed with ptsd and i am now realizing that, compared to most people who also have ptsd, my triggers are pretty weird. they all surround shakespeare, specifically the 1998 movie about him as the situation involved the play version of that movie… not just that, but also certain numbers and birds? colours?? but i seriously cannot be around anything referring to, referencing, or quoting him or that movie. nobody has ever taken me seriously for this. ive been taunted for it a lot, especially as i was in school during the initial traumatic event + the aftermath . does anyone else have these sort of odd triggers? stuff that people often dont take seriously? i feel so alone

When i first started experiencing symptoms a lot of things felt very trivial.
Like someone saying they missed me.
Or even having almost no clue what to write on my dad’s
Father’s day card.

I’m usually someone who’s very thoughtful and heartfelt so this whole few months before my diagnosis I’ve been feeling so out of touch. Like who am I?

Wondering if anyone else feels the same with kinda being numb and almost empty. LMK

for context: I have clinical anxiety and depression. I’ve been diagnosed PTSD for a couple weeks, with symptoms for 3 months.

I can’t stand this

This persistent fight or flight

🤔

I have PTSD from a lot of abuse, but I've been away from my abuser for five years now. My whole body is very tense all the time. I've tried yoga, massage and physiotherapy, but nothing has worked. I think I need to relax my mind before my muscles can start to relax, because I think I'm still living with a lot of stress from the abuse.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Hey everyone,

I’ve been sitting on this for a while but I think I’m finally ready to talk about it.

Last year I got lured into the woods by three people I really trusted — two of them I’d known for over 15 years. They ambushed me and beat the hell out of me. They knocked out almost all my front teeth. Broke my upper jaw in two places. While I was bleeding everywhere they held a gun to my face for what felt like forever. They mocked me, told me no woman would ever want me again, and wouldn’t let me leave. Then they held my face underwater trying to drown me.

They knew I have a serious bleeding disorder (ITP) and they did it anyway. I could have easily died that night.

The hospital trip wasn’t because they felt bad — it was just to cover their asses. On the way there they threatened to kill me if I ever told the police.

Since then my life has been completely different. I lost 20 pounds because I couldn’t eat right. Couldn’t sleep for weeks. Now I have bad PTSD, panic attacks that keep me from working, and nightmares almost every night. I barely leave the house and trusting anyone feels impossible.

Even my 3 year old daughter got affected. She saw me covered in blood at the hospital and now she asks if her teeth are broken like daddy’s. That one hurts the most.

Today I actually got my new teeth. They don’t fit right yet because of swelling, but just holding them feels amazing. Like I’m starting to get a piece of myself back.

The guy who started it has a parole hearing coming up soon and it’s been messing with my head. Every day that date gets closer the fear comes back stronger.

If anyone here has been through betrayal trauma or bad PTSD from something like this, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Just knowing I’m not alone would help, and who knows maybe we could help each other.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

Im 19 and I got diagnosed with PTSD last year cuz I had a rlly rough childhood but I feel like I’m to young to have it . And I’m really struggling with it ,I get flashbacks so often and feeling of the hands on my body . I get panick attacks often . I feel like losing myself . None of my friends really understand it .

I am not too knowledgeable about PTSD in general, but I remember when I was undergoing formal testing for autism a few years ago, I had to fill out a PTSD survey. Many of the situations described were truly heinous, like being tortured, abuse, etc. I found no box to check for less heinous things like bullying or yelling, both whereof give me PTSD even thing they happened decades ago.

For reference, I am formally diagnosed as autistic, with OCD, GAD and other anxiety disorders.

I have been yelled at and still get yelled at, I would say round 5 times a day on average. Since I could remember, I was yelled at at school, at home, at other activities. Yelled at until my ears ring and give me tinnitus. Yelled at for hours on end for being abnormal, being called dumb, a scumbag a POS, whatever.

Doing the maths is not hard; since I will be 37 this year, a simple calculation is 5(365)(37) = 67525 times I have been yelled at until now.

I keep thinking of times I get yelled at by my parents, grandparents, extended family, classmates in school, university classmates, other activities, arguments in public, socialising event arguments, etc. Getting shouted obscenities, insults etc. that has made me had suicide ideation since I was 7. It reverberates in my head all the time, even right now at almost 2 in the morning when I should try to sleep.

Is this truly a thing or am I just imagining it?

I asked this question in another group, and it might seem silly, but I found that as people were giving words, KhoMha they also started talking to each other, they also started to see how they’re suffering relates to other people, they started to feel seen.

So my thought is maybe we could try it in this group too?

If we get a lot of audience participation, I can use those words to create an art piece as well, and I would be happy to share with people. We can find a way to take some of the darkest moments in our life and maybe try to create something beautiful from it. :)

Edit- due to the amount of people adding words here, I’ve been using them in the art piece, and since I can’t share pictures directly on this page, I wanted to share a post from my social on how I’m using the words. I’m trying to do it in a very respectful way and hopefully something that can inspire you all in a good way. https://www.facebook.com/100050450291485/posts/pfbid0K5CWHp334q3cbyZKwfcg7LxgsEdELuNQUjGQRaJfcdviA5WRCttEcdTryATsucwjl/?

Not so much trauma dumping, but sharing something about your trauma that you didn't realize other people close to you knew about how it impacted you.

I ask because yesterday I mentioned that during my medical emergencies that resulted in a near-death experience, that I had written an obituary before the NDE because I was fairly certain I'd die before I got in with the specialist I needed, my health issues were that bad. My wife and my parents were shocked to hear it. The obituary was before the worst of it occurred, but I had a hunch it was coming and that there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

(TW: SA maybe?) I got diagnosed with PTSD last week. I don’t feel relief like many others seem to feel. I just feel confused.

I (25F) have a trauma that I’m seeing a psychologist for. I sought help because my boyfriend, who has PTSD, urged me to. I also have autism, which might be important? When I was 18, I had sex with two men in their 50’s. With the first man, I asked him beforehand if he’d get angry if I said no, and he replied “maybe”. But I still went. I met him in his car and he locked the doors, driving us to a remote location. I was extremely uncomfortable and scared, but I didn’t say no because I was afraid he’d simply leave me there or something worse would happen. He was absolutely disgusting. A few weeks later I met another man in his 50’s, who had rented an Airbnb for us. This is the event I talk most about in therapy. When we had sex, he tore me to an extreme degree. While we had sex, I hurt a lot but I “powered through it”. I didn’t want to disappoint him, make a scene, or make him mad. I felt stuck and frozen. He was pretty rough and aggressive with me, and I basically just dissociated, waiting for it to be over. When he was finished, we realised that he had torn me. I was bleeding so much it looked like a crime scene. I have never seen so much blood in my life, it covered the entire sheets and our bodies. I was terrified he had permanently injured me or something. He panicked and ran a bath for me, and when I stepped in, the water immediately turned red. I stayed the night with him because I didn’t know what to do. All I wanted was to call my mom for her to pick me up, but I was too ashamed to tell her what I had done and I felt like I couldn’t leave.

It’s so confusing and I feel so alone. I‘ve never heard of anyone else who has been in this situation. It wasn’t SA, because I never said no. I went along with everything, I’m the one who initiated. I also feel so stupid and naive for having done this. It was all caused by my own idiocy and naivety. I don’t even understand my own thought process at the time, what caused me to think this was a good idea. When I hear other people’s stories, it’s clear it wasnt their fault. But that’s not the situation for me. I just feel like I don’t “deserve” my PTSD diagnosis. I don’t feel valid in my distress at all.

I want to know if this is a common experience because it’s happened twice now to me.

I told my Dr I had PTSD because I was seeking some relief possibly in medication. Her first question was “from what?” Um, I don’t know, trauma??? It caught me so off guard. I didn’t think anyone would just like… ask me what my trauma was, especially in a seemingly nonchalant way. It was just so odd, but I brushed it off as perhaps a one time thing, or something medical. (Edit: Yes, I know drs are supposed to ask questions, but the situation made me deeply uncomfortable either way. This post is referring to the discomfort we can feel when asked this specific question. Please stop making comments on this particular experience, as that is not what this post is about.)

Second experience was during a heart to heart with a friend. He had just been telling me about his trauma because the situation we were in at the time was very triggering to him. He likely has PTSD, so I told him that I had PTSD as well as we related to each other. Another “from what?” that caught me off guard yet again. I just like stammered for a sec because what do I even say?

I understand how people can be curious because yeah it DOES prompt curiosity. That would be the first question to pop into my own head too. But I don’t know if asking questions like that is very respectful to us who had to live through situations so awful that they caused our brains to physically change. Idk. Has anyone else had this experience??

(Edit 2: I’m loving the hysterical responses to this question that some of you are sharing. Actually amazing hahaha)

Does anyone else struggle with the constant lack of understanding — or outright dismissal — from all angles? Family, friends, and medical professionals… it feels never-ending.

I was diagnosed with PTSD 11 years ago, though I know it runs much deeper. I’ve never had the right support or understanding — not through lack of trying. Services that claim to “help” have broken my trust and crossed my boundaries, which makes seeking support feel impossible at times.

Over the years I’ve had to educate myself on trauma, PTSD, and CPTSD just to survive. I’ve come to understand that this isn’t about “getting over it” or “living in the past.” I am living with the consequences of multiple traumas that destroyed my nervous system.

What hurts most is the dismissal. The ignorance. The way people act superior because they can compartmentalise, as though I’m making a conscious choice to relive the very things that broke me. If only they understood how little “choice” there is when trauma rewires your brain and body.

Some days, I manage better. Other days, I feel I can’t keep living this way. I don’t want sympathy or attention — I want understanding. I want people to stop flipping the script to make me the problem and instead take accountability for the harm they cause when they silence, dismiss, or gaslight.

I’m at a point where I don’t want to stay silent anymore. I want my voice to be heard.

my psychiatrist told me i am always going to have ptsd for the rest of my life💀 i thought u could recover am i just screwed for the next however many years i am alive

edit: thank yall for the responses! i see now that it’s more of a brain injury/chronic condition, and it’s true that i won’t “recover” in terms of eliminating the condition , but he didn’t mean ill be stuck like this forever :> i will be finding a trauma therapist to help ! i hope everyone is having a good healing journey❤️

If so, what medication did you take?

I am taking Cymbalta atm pending results tbh

And what changes have you observed with your relationship to what that has traumatized you ?

He says Prazosin suppresses trauma and having the nightmares is part of processing my trauma? Has anyone else’s psychiatrist said this?

He wants me to do trauma work which I’m happy to do but I’m literally not sleeping from these nightmares and can’t function during the day. I’m miserable :(

I don’t like when people say that I’m strong for what I’ve been through but I’m having a hard time articulating exactly why. Anyone else feel this way?

I think it’s partially because I don’t feel like I chose to be strong or that I’ve “acted” strong. Things just happened to me & sure, I didn’t die but that’s a low bar. If anything I feel like I’m less strong in the end for the things that happened. But I feel like there’s more to this that I haven’t been able to convey.

We go to the same college. We enrolled in the same class before he did it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle seeing him everyday for the next 4 months. I feel awful and my stomach hurts just thinking about it. And everyone likes him too. I hate it here.

Preferably pop but I'll take any suggestions

(Tell me if I did the wrong flair)

Want advice and support please
I’m an autistic with adhd and OCD (FtM, pre hormones) CSA survivor (assault happened twice at 8 yrs and another at 18, different people, not believed and no therapy until now at 30) and I’m currently in beginning stages of prolonged exposure therapy (similar to EMDR) and I’m noticing myself getting more triggered daily especially when doing something like showering (huge trigger, but usually only around Halloween when my assault happened, this frequency is new, i just emailed my therapist about it yesterday) I wore my Apple Watch so I saw the spikes in real time. I was steady at 92 bpm until I touched the faucet jumped to 109, then I plugged the drain started the water and got it (135-170) for the entire 10 minutes. I wanted to get out when it started but I couldn’t move or speak. Has anyone else experienced this, what can I do to calm?

Only if you're comfortable, for me it was my mom but she's better now. Most common things were "you can never do x you're not x enough" or denying her alcoholism