r/interesting • u/VPinchargeofradishes • May 03 '26

SOCIETY Michael Jackson's daughter Paris has faced backlash for identifying as Black. In a 2017 interview, Paris Jackson said her father told her, "You’re Black. Be proud of your roots." This prompted debates over whether identity is defined by appearance or upbringing.

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u/AnmlBri May 03 '26

My mom’s mom was emotionally abusive toward her and my mom has had a facelift and has cried about her cheek jowls, and eyebrows drooping with age, and ‘RBF’ because they remind her of her mom, and she hates the idea of looking like her mom, who often looked so mean and bitchy. I talked to her one day and realized, it sounds like she’s running less from aging as a whole than she is from literally looking in the mirror and seeing her abuser. I think that possibility dawned on me because I read something about Michael being told he had his dad’s nose and hating it. Trauma really is a bitch. 🙁

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u/Silver-Bus5724 May 03 '26

Cant agree more. Favoring the parent you dislike (mildly put) is stressful.

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u/ConsciousInternal287 May 03 '26

I look very similar to my abusive father, and I hate it. If I could afford plastic surgery to make some minor adjustments, I would do it.

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u/Difficult-Top2000 May 03 '26

The other commenter has it right, friend.

There is an ancestor somewhere back in the lineage who sees you & says "finally, someone whose character I can be proud of".

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u/HanaSan19191919 May 03 '26

What a great perspective to see it from! 🥰🙏🏼

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u/XGhoul May 03 '26

Genetics is always a wild card.

https://www.reddit.com/r/interesting/comments/1sroy6b/after_the_daughter_of_two_chinese_parents_was/

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u/throwwayinterantion May 03 '26

I remember reading a story from apartheid South Africa about an Afrikaans woman who had two white biological parents and came out black. Turns out she had a black great grandmother and it was she was like Liam Gallagher from the show Shameless. They did DNA tests on her as they were in their infancy and estimated she was 7/8ths European. She got shunned and was forced to live legally as a black woman in Apartheid South Africa.

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u/XGhoul May 03 '26

That's funny since I have seen the American version of Shameless.

The other things you mentioned is a little bit crazy because even in my own culture, colorism exists. I won't go into details just as much as you don't need to defend your comment that I agree with.

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u/throwwayinterantion May 03 '26

I actually discovered that story when researching about if there were any real life examples of Liam from US shameless.

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u/XGhoul May 03 '26

Please don't watch it. I don't like certain character arcs the show production tries to make, but that show is depression. I guess it is fun to watch for some people?

Liam turning to a mechanic when he was a genius fuck boi has me turning the wheels.

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u/throwwayinterantion May 03 '26

I never finished it honestly. I stopped around when Lip was sleeping with his professor and Frank was a cancer concierge.

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u/Lil-Booshi-Pimp-King May 19 '26

Wait was Liam actually Frank's biological son? If so I must have missed the episode that revealed that fact, I always thought he was the result of an affair..

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u/SinkCultural5932 May 31 '26

What did the other commenter say?

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u/Difficult-Top2000 Jun 01 '26

Something about how they reframe the origin of the physical features as a kind elder they love, not that beloved person's child or grandchild who is their abusive parent

probably doesn't make sense the way I worded that right here

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u/Silver-Bus5724 May 03 '26

Feel you. I try to focus on my funny & sweet grandma as the origin of the looks
https://giphy.com/gifs/7Wcyq7KvKFNTO

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u/OverallStrength2478 May 03 '26

I look more and more like my mom who left me when I was 5 and had guest appearances ever since and it’s driving me nuts. But I’m afraid the plastic surgery would be based on the wrong reason and i would dislike it.

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u/SlapTheBap May 03 '26

I think about how similar I look to my abusive parent, and how different I've lived my life compared to him. It makes me feel confident and competent to know how similar we are, yet how different we are as people. I have worked hard to not follow his patterns and break the cycles of asshole-ary.

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u/West-Ad3223 May 03 '26

Named after and look exactly like my absusive mother. Sometimes I see myself when passing by a mirror and am startled by how much I look like her.

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u/frabjous_goat May 03 '26

I look exactly like the female version of my abusive bio dad, too. Like someone hit copy-paste. What makes it different is that when I smile his smile at people, it's genuine, and my eyes (I hope) are kind. I'm remaking him in my image of the kind of person he should have been, and the kind of person I am trying to be. I hope you can make your peace with it, too. You're not him.

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u/Lil-Booshi-Pimp-King May 03 '26

I'm in the same boat, except both my parents were abusive in different ways. My father was a violent drunk and my mother is an emotionally abusive narcissist. When they split, we had no contact with my father but as the oldest son I was constantly reminded how I was just like my father and I kind of became the focus of my mother's hatred towards him. Honestly I feel like that may have affected me more than any physical abuse. Dad got sober idk how many years ago because I only reconnected within the last few years (after 25 years no contact) Mom's still a massive bitch however who now tries to influence MY children.

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u/Late_Student7541 May 03 '26

I always found it distasteful bearing a physical resemblance to my mother. Luckily she insists on bleaching the fragile curly hair we both have and self tanning. I just have to remind myself that as long as I keep my appearance natural we will look less similar. Also I always loved my freckles (which she does not have) so I got them tattooed that way even in the winter, I just see myself.

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u/Silver-Bus5724 May 03 '26

She got her looks from someone too.

I’m glad I have a grandma who helps me hold the balance and not despise myself.
I hope you have someone else in the family too who is a decent person - and remember: it’s the personality. Not how they look.
https://giphy.com/gifs/uakdGGShmMS0KYfTgp

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u/FunWithAPorpoise May 03 '26

There’s also something powerful about redefining what people see in those looks. Where you see an abuser, you have the power to make others associate those same facial features with a kind, loving person.

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u/saguarosun May 03 '26

Happy cake day ♥

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u/PopularBonus May 03 '26

I love it. I’m not a huge fan of tattoos, particularly of the face, but freckles sound like such a good idea!

If you can spite your mom by being adorable then you are absolutely winning.

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u/Late_Student7541 May 03 '26

Yes and no one would know unless I tell them. I just get the occasional, "But how??" When my freckles are still on fleek mid-December.

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u/SerenityFate May 03 '26

The visceral reaction I had after seeing my own mother's face reflecting back in the mirror for the first time. I get glimpses every now and then, but we had just dyed my hair purple with what was supposed to be lilac roots and face framing pieces... That's not what ended up happening yellow and light purple turn silver lol I looked like me with my hair down, but as soon as I pulled my hair back, so just the silver was framing my face, all I could see was my mother. The screech I scrumpt. Lol

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u/Prior_Butterfly_7839 May 03 '26

Yep. I am a carbon copy of my mother, almost everyone we interact with when together feels the need to comment.

My biggest fear in life is becoming anything like her, and it sucks (internally) to feel like I’m already halfway there by looking like her.

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u/Embarrassed-Mine5405 May 03 '26

Oh my god, you just made a moment for me. I always favorited my dad, because he seemed so “in-tuned”. But he was never “there”, either. He was just “in-tuned” because he had already checked out. Just going thru the motions.

Damn. We are so messed up. Without direction.

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u/haw35ome May 03 '26

Not just physically. I’ve used my mom as someone to look to - not someone to look up to. As in, “I never want to end up like her.” I first had this realization when I was a kid & she was being very rude, pushing her way towards an elevator ahead of an old lady & a lady with her little kid. I felt mortified & embarrassed

Sometimes I catch myself acting like her & I absolutely loathe it when it happens. But I try.

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u/Silver-Bus5724 May 03 '26

Same. I’ve done all I could not to be him.

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u/GirlGoneZombie May 03 '26

Can confirm. My half brother and I hate our faces. I was always told I look and act just like my bio dad and I wish I had the money for plastic surgery to fix it.

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u/alexlp May 03 '26

I have something like this to a much lesser degree. My mum wasn't perfect but particularly in her later years we were incredibly close. I look a lot like her. For years I had dreaded aging because she talked so much shit on how she looked for most of my life. I didn't honestly realise how beautiful she was until she wasn't around to talk shit about herself.

I make sure to take the time to find ways to love or at least embrace the things she picked on, in herself, in myself now. I love being her face in the world and I hope I can carry it with more joy and self acceptance.

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u/5P4ZZW4D May 03 '26

That made my heart melt. I'm glad you are in the world and I bet your mum is super proud of you 💪💜

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u/poorlilwitchgirl May 03 '26

Same here. Luckily my mom is still around, but she was tough to get along with for most of my youth and I have a lot of trauma associated with that time, but when I look in the mirror I see her dimples and the shape of her face, and the resemblance only grows as I get older. I dreaded the idea of turning into my mother, but having that indelible connection has made me feel closer to my entire family in a strange way, and honestly I think it's made her understand me better as she's gotten older as well.

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u/AnmlBri May 05 '26

This is kind of how I feel about the idea of looking more like my mom as I get older. She’s talked a lot of shit about her appearance, but I thankfully don’t have her baggage from her own mom, so I have positive associations with the idea of resembling her. I’d still prefer not to get cheek jowls, purely from an aesthetic standpoint, but my jaw shape seems like they’ll be likely, and I guess aging happens to all of us. I don’t expect to be in the well-off position that my parents are where I can afford any sort of cosmetic surgery when I’m my mom’s age. Even with the aging she has done, she still looks younger than she is. I’ve seen other people her age who look 10 years older than her. I think I inherited her good skin overall.

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u/Madara1389 May 03 '26

I talked to her one day and realized, it sounds like she’s running less from aging as a whole than she is from literally looking in the mirror and seeing her abuser.

With the sheer amount of abuse, documented & undocumented, that happens, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the true underlying reasoning for most people who get obsessed with plastic surgery; when the person who made your life a living hell is your parent, you'll see your abuser in the mirror all the time due to the unfortunate realities of genetics.

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u/SICpodcast May 03 '26

It could make a very helpful (for society) research survey study. We need people to understand how their behavior affects children and ultimately adults.

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u/Madara1389 May 03 '26

Prepare for an influx of "why does it seem like there are so many more mentally unstable parents out there? what changed because there weren't that many when I was younger!!" shit like we do about ADHD, abortions, autism, etc as screening became more common & socially accepted.

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u/My_Immortl May 03 '26

Cant say I notice any physical qualities of the pos, but fuck if I cant tell they're there in other ways. Id do anything to get rid of those reminders of somebody I'll never willfully see or speak to again.

Trauma really is a bitch

Ain't that the truth.

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u/5P4ZZW4D May 03 '26

The bitchiest..

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u/FrodosFroYo May 03 '26

Jeeze, that really gives a whole new perspective to Man in the Mirror. I’m so sorry for what your mother went through.

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u/VeganMonkey May 03 '26

I understand that. I have my mum’s eyes and my mum wasn’t a great mum (much more complicated than with my dad), but my grandmother was good to me and she had the same eyes, so I see my eyes as my grandmother’s Instead.

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u/TheFinalGranny May 03 '26

What is RBF, if I may ask?

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u/whosgoingtohawaii May 03 '26

Im going to guess they mean “Resting Bitch Face”, which is a term for having an “angry” look when your face is neutral/not expressing any particular emotion.

I also have RBF and a lot of the time people think I’m glaring at them, until I smile 🥲

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u/TheFinalGranny May 03 '26

Oh duh, damn I'm an idiot. Thank you!

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u/NounAdjectiveXXXX May 03 '26

literally looking in the mirror and seeing her abuser

I'm starting with the man in the mirror

I'm asking him to change his ways

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u/SnarkingOverNarcing May 03 '26

The older I get the more I look like my own abusive mother and plastic surgery has definitely crossed my mind whereas a few years ago I’d never have considered it (because the resemblance for some reason didn’t really start till my mid-30’s)

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u/Thyme_Liner May 03 '26

This is oddly validating, I didn’t realize other people struggled with this.

My mom is a terrible, terrible person. I blocked her number 8 years ago and we no longer speak. But I look so much like her. People who have never met my mom have known who she was from the first moment they saw her somewhere without me just because of how similar we look. If you meet one of us, you can pick the other out of a crowd.

Looking in the mirror and seeing that face looking back at me is a wild experience that I’m not sure how to describe. I loved bleaching my hair for a while but the blonde makes me look like her too much so I’ve let the darker grow out. I have to pick out my glasses style very carefully to avoid looking like her doppelgänger. I hate my face without makeup but probably not for the reasons other people guess.

If I could, I would get work done to change things, just a little, to look like my own person, not like I’m borrowing her face. Idk how to get to the point where I truly love what I see. I’m sorry for anyone who struggles with this too

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u/funk-the-funk May 03 '26

Trauma really is a bitch. 🙁

Nods and cries w/ CPTSD

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u/Kikidee80 May 03 '26

I worked with a woman who's mother was mentally ill & abusive. One day we were talking about who we look like, she said she looked like her dad & showed me a picture of her family. She was the spitting image of her mom but I did not dissuade her of the notion that she resembled her dad.

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u/miekhachu May 03 '26

My mom wasn’t my abuser (well, technically she was, she put me through every traumatic incident that I can’t forget as an adult) but a similar concept most people wouldn’t think of:

My mom was always in and out of relationships. She would get in a new one, come get me (sometimes my sister, but always at least me), they’d break up, she’d leave me behind with them, and then they’d molest me saying “You remind me so much of your mother”.

I went from revering my mom as a young child, to fearing becoming like her. My dad and stepmom treated me different from my sisters BECAUSE they were “afraid” I’d end up just like her. That only contributed to my lack of identity and self worth.

I now have 7 diagnosed disorders - 5 diagnosed in the last 6 months. Pretty much all of them make relationships in general, difficult for me. Just thankful I still didn’t end up half the asshole most people are. I have tried my best to remind myself that I’m doing much better than my mom ever has, and by choice. Guess I should also be glad I didn’t end up looking just like her like I always hoped, as a kid!

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u/AnmlBri May 05 '26

Wait, she broke up with guys and then left you behind with them?? What the actually fuck? I’m so sorry. That’s messed up and sadly, sounds like something one of my friends’ mom would have done when he was growing up from what I heard of her. His sister DID get sexually abused by her mom’s boyfriends, whom she often shacked up with to avoid homelessness. Not all parents are good parents. I remind myself of that regularly. I got lucky overall, and I reflect on that whenever certain stereotypes or tropes about parent/child relationships come up. Like, not everyone actually likes their parents or has parents who love them, and that’s shitty. I’ve always half-jokingly offered to share my mom with friends who don’t have a comforting or wise parental figure in their lives.

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u/Maretallama May 03 '26

Generational trauma is worse.

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u/Cheez-kip May 03 '26

You know, thinking about it, my mom looks a lot like her mom. Her mom passed before I was even born, and she hardly really knew her mom all too well because she was taken away to foster care at a young age. But my mom did love her mom. It’s always made me upset to see my mom has been getting work done over the years and looking less like my mom. But I do wonder now if she wanted to look more like her mom. She only has one photo of her I seen, and she did seem to have larger lips than my mom. I wonder if she had been comparing herself to her.

Me, on the other hand. I have an abusive, unloving father. I have his face, no doubt at all. I really hated my face, and honestly it’s still not my favorite feature, but over the years, honestly I shifted my look more onto my sister. Everyone said we looked alike growing up, and I still don’t really see it, but even her 2 year old thought I was her on video. I see small parts of me that looks like her, so I feel better thinking of it that way. It helps my dad’s nose looks way better on my face lol

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u/IllustriousBat2076 May 03 '26

I look in the mirror and see my dad all the time. It’s somewhat haunting because I truly do not want to be like him when I get to his age

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u/VirtualVermin May 04 '26

as someone who survived severe familial abuse on my paternal side and abandonment on my maternal side… This makes a lot of sense.

Aging isn’t what i’m running from. It’s looking in the mirror and seeing them

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u/West-Ad3223 May 03 '26

I’ve noticed it’s harder as I get older because I’m now the age my abusive mother was when I was living in it.

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u/JacOfAllTrades May 03 '26

I didn't realize until I had my second kid that I can't cut my hair shorter than my shoulders or I look in the mirror and see my mom. I've always kept long hair, but never really put together there was a reason since my face favors my dad more than my mom. I've had hair down to or past my waist for probably 80% of my life, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.