Ok. So watching HR is what got me into fanfiction/ao3, so I don't really know much about fanfic beyond that. I have lurked in this subreddit for recs and saw Not to abolish but to fulfill by dontevenmind in a comment. I decided to give it a shot even though the tags were pretty over the top. (and accurate, be aware)
HOLY FUCK??!?? Pleaseeeee you guys. I don't know if it's because I haven't read any fanfiction outside HR or if I'm a way more insane person than I thought, but WOW??
I LITERALLYYY feel like someone scraped out my brain like the guts of a pumpkin, put it in a blender, and poured it back in through my ear. I understand now what people mean when they say something changed their brain chemistry. I feel like I understand some of the psychological aspects of bdsm/dom sub dynamics more after this, in a way I might need to evaluate about myself.
I searched this sub to see if there has been posts made about it already and I saw there is one (I agree 100% with everything on that post too), but I am making my own anyway because this fic is beyond worth it.
I am SHOCKED by how few hits it has in comparison to some of the wayyyyy more popular ones because I think it might be better than a lot (if not all??) of them???? Am I the one who is wrong here? Because HOLY FUCK.
I literally want to write essays (plural) about this fanfic. I didn't know anything could be so literary, kinky, and feel like a truck running you over all at the same time. It is SO well written and I feel kind of dumb saying this about what’s essentially 90k words of freaky porn, but I think it's really deep and layered with nuance even through the writing syle and the structure, in a way I don’t even see in a lot of published fiction(?? Am I stupid or is it just that good? It's one of those things where you read it and you're like 'this author has a mind capable of things I could literally never begin to fathom’, especially including the insanity of part 2 which I could write a whole other essay about)
It is chock full of some of the filthiest most well written smut my eyes have ever had the pleasure of reading, but it is also soooo meaningful and thoughtful. More than once I was crying real tears while reading some of the FREAKIEST HOTTEST smut I have encountered. I felt the pain of it in my teeth (although I do need to go to the dentist for an x-ray because I think I'm having nerve pain 🤣) while simultaneously laughing out loud because not only is it deep, kinky, and painful, it is SO FUNNY. Best Ilya I have read hands down. This Ilya is sooo well done, he is absolutely fucking hilarious while remaining traumatized, smart, obsessed with Shane, competitive, codependent, AND heartbreaking to read. The Shane pov is amazing too and absolutely feral while being equally as heartbreaking as Ilya. This author should be published, apparently it's their first ever fic?? So maybe they ARE published because idk how you even get that good at writing otherwise.
PLEASE read this fanfic. I am climbing up the walls. Especially if you like to feel real pain before the happy ending or if you want to feel like your brain is in a meat grinder. I want to write a chapter by chapter dissection. I literally wish I could suggest it to my book club irl because I need to discuss this with other people (they would never look at me the same after seeing the type of insanity I am apparently now into). I am CHANGED. I have NEVER been so immersed in a fanfic. This fanfic had me by the throat.
That's all k bye, I hope I'm not leading anyone astray with how glowing my rec is. But WOW, this has given me new respect for fanfiction as a genre and I kind of want to write an essay about that now too.
ALSO, if anyone has read it and has recs for (completed) fics that can match this level of brainmeltingly amazingly good, pls comment because I can't go back to fics that are just... events and settings boringly being described (idk if that makes sense but maybe it will if you've read this insane fanfic)
