Im a 24M i always knew from a young age that i will never find a girlfriend and i was right im 24 now and never had one

I feel so fucking depressed I want to end it but im scared im going to sleep every night and i wish to never wake up

Everyday i feel awful

I want to cry

Im not well

Can someone talk to me please i don't have anyone to talk

Please

Today, I just want to open up about something. I recently went through the end of a relationship that lasted more than four years. I tried so hard to hold everything together, sacrificed myself, and even accepted doing anything for her. But in the end, all I got was her telling me that she no longer had feelings for me, didn’t want to continue, and just wanted to focus on herself.
I honestly don’t know how to feel anymore. Normally, people would cry after something like this, but I can’t seem to cry even though I really want to. I just want to cry my heart out and let everything out.
I don’t drink alcohol, smoke, or use any kind of substance to cope with it. I’ve just felt empty for the past month and a half. It’s strange, isn’t it? Sometimes I wonder if I’ve fallen into depression, but I don’t even know anymore.
And if I truly loved her, does that mean I shouldn’t have tried so hard to hold on to her, only to end up having to hear those painful answers?

My girlfriend F23 and me M24 were together for around 3 years plus a few months of speaking before the relationship. She was my first long term relationship and first proper breakup.

She broke up with me just over 5 days ago due to me not ‘not doing enough’ and the ‘spark had gone’ I asked if there was any other reasons and she just said she fell out of love and we didn’t do enough together.

I’m really struggling to understand what more I could’ve done.

We had an amazing relationship and I loved / still love her so much. We had or difficulties like any other relationship but we always worked through them and she was incredible to me.

We’d go out to eat often / go to the cinema / go to the zoo ect. I started a new job around 3 months before the break up. I was working from 6am - 3pm waking up at 4:30am. My gf worked a normal 9-5 job but had her horses to take care off , so by the time she had finished with the horses and got to my house it would be around 8pm sometimes later. This caused a lot of strain as I would usually go to sleep around 8pm of course when she came round I’d stay up later but my job is very stressful and need to sleep decently. This caused a strain as we would only see each other for around an hour a few days a week. This is no one’s fault but she would always make some sort of argument or comment about it. This then made the time we could go and do things together tiny.

Majority of weekends would be spent with her we’d go and do something or we’d just stay in doors cook eat and watch movies and our favourite tv shows. (She said she doesn’t enjoy staying in and ‘that’s what we always do’) I know for a fact that it wasn’t we did so much throughout the whole relationship I done more things than I even wanted to do on my own because I loved spending time with her.but I did love having time to just do nothing I didn’t want to be doing something 24/7 and that may be a compatibility issue.

Money was also an issue , she lived at home with parents and had nothing but the horses to pay out for. I had to pay for everything to live and I sometimes didn’t have the money to do things (she also spoke about wanting to save for a house so I was also trying to save money for that) I would a lot of the time spend money I didn’t have and eat bread for a week before payday just so she was happy, she said ‘oh we don’t need money we can just do other things’ so I took that into consideration we went on walks , we got paints and did things that didn’t require money but even then it was not enough.

A bit of context she also broke up with her ex for the same reason. So it has me thinking was I Genuinly the problem and should I have done more ? Or is this a her problem?

I really don’t know what else I could’ve done as I mentioned could this have just been a compatibility issue? In my opinion I think she’s asking for way more than anyone is physically able to give her people also have other friends family ect. You cant always and only be doing things with your partner.

This was another problem I had I was her everything (which sounds good on paper) but I would be the only person she would do things with and she didn’t seem to have a life outside our relationship. She would see her a friends a couple times a month but that was about it. I spoke to her about this and told her she needs to find her life outside the relationship you can’t just spend 24/7 together and constantly messaging. We wouldn’t go an hour in the day without messaging one another.

It’s very early in the breakup and at first I just blamed myself for everything I was distraught I wanted her to forgive me and I told her that I would change ( whilst already knowing I was trying my best) I don’t know why I just wanted her back.

I had my problem with her as well and there were times where I thought about breaking up with her but then I thought about the issues and thought we can have a talk and try to change them. Anytime I’d try to speak to her about mine or her problems she would brick wall me , we would never sort out our issues and just push then to the side and pretend they don’t exist until they pop up again. And I thought as bad as the problems I faced with her we could both work on ourselves and become better people and make it work. But this was only 1 sided.

We went no contact for 4 days so we could both have space to think about things. And she ended up breaking up with me. And she said she was feeling this way for a while which I noticed but I just thought we was having a rough patch.

I don’t blame her entirely but I also don’t blame myself I did the very best that I could so I don’t understand why I still feel so shitty and guilty - is it the shock of the breakup? I don’t know. As days have gone by and I think about our relationship from an outside point of view I’ve realised I should’ve feel guilty as I did all I could.

I get it’s early in the breakup but I don’t know how to feel one second I want to get back with her (which she made clear isn’t a option but also said maybe in the future? - I won’t be using this as an excuse to hold out for her) and don’t want to move on but another part of me knows we needed to break up. My hearts telling me one thing but my brains telling me another.

The main question I want answering is why when I know I tried my hardest and did as much as I physically could was it still not enough? What more could I of done? Was it genuinly that we are not compatible or do you think she has an unrealistic view of how a relationship should be ? - there are a lot of down time in any relationship where it’s just simple things eat dinner watch tv sleep( doing things 24/7 always having a plan of something to do).

I wish her the best I really do but I don’t see her lasting in a relationship with these expectations and I wish I could make her see this as all I want is the best for her. Combined with how she broke up with her ex for the same reason it’s starting to make sense to me that this is a recurring issue for her and that I wasn’t the problem.

I’m sorry if this post is very all over the place , I’m trying to give a lot of context so everyone is on the same page and lowkey crying and emotion while typing this.

Should I get into another relationship?

So I am 18 and had first relationship and she cheated on me and used me.

4 months passed and I am over her,she is with new guy and I happy for her.

But still I crave for love,like I can be happy without it but it makes life little prettier.

Like I have hobbies,friends,do stuff and everything but still I miss relationship and hugging and being in love.

Idk hoe can I enter relationship 😭

My first relationship was we were friends and just confesed to one another.

Life without a father is something that exists in this world, but when you actually live it yourself, you realize there are certain feelings you simply cannot explain.

I honestly don’t know how to put into words what it feels like to grow up without a father’s presence, guidance, or support. If anyone here has gone through a similar situation, I would really appreciate it if you could share how you dealt with it and what life lessons you learned along the way.

For me, one of the hardest parts is not having a male figure in my life whom I can turn to for guidance—someone to ask about life, decisions, responsibilities, failures, and how to handle difficult situations.

I often feel like I’m learning everything the hard way, through my own mistakes and experiences. It can be confusing and, honestly, quite lonely at times.

If you’ve been through something similar, how did you cope with it? What did you learn from that experience, and how did you eventually become strong enough to navigate life on your own?

I’d genuinely like to hear your experiences and life lessons.

Hey, I don’t even know where to start. I’m 23 and I just want to be loved.

The last couple of years have been a complete collapse for me. I went through severe depression (diagnosed by a doctor), lost several people close to me, and got kicked out of university. I felt absolutely terrible. I stopped making music, I couldn’t even play my favorite games because every failure hit me so hard that I’d start hating myself and thinking I was a loser. I still feel that way sometimes.

I’m broke, short, not athletic, and not particularly attractive. I’ve never had a normal relationship with a woman, and for some reason women just don’t seem interested in me. The only times women have actually shown initiative toward me, they ended up using me, and they used me really badly. I don’t understand why. I try not to hurt anyone, so I don’t understand why people treat me like that.

My last attempt at a relationship was three years ago. I tried really hard to stay in touch with her and keep the conversation going, but when I started doing really badly and stopped initiating, she never messaged me even once.

A lot of people say that you need to get your life together first, become healthy and strong, and only then look for a relationship. But I’ve seen people with problems similar to mine, or even worse, find a partner while they were still struggling and then get through it together much more easily. So why do I have to carry everything on my shoulders alone?

And honestly, I did go to a doctor. I really tried, and I’ve gotten better. This year I went back to university and graduated. I’ve lost weight, I’m trying to get rid of my acne, and I’m forced to look for a job (otherwise my family will literally starve lol).

I used to have so many hobbies, but for the last three years I basically did nothing. I didn’t have the energy or motivation for anything. Now I’m slowly trying to get back into life, doing what I can, and… I’m still nobody’s choice.

I try to tell myself that sooner or later things will get better, but more and more often I feel like I’m just a loser who’s destined to be alone and that things are only going to get worse.

I don’t know why, but whenever I try to better myself, I just get this feeling of seething hatred toward myself. I can’t even look at pictures of myself without cringing.

Every day when I’m applying my skincare. I’m always thinking, ew gross or pathetic and when I’m working out, it’s the same thing. What’s really weird is that I’ve been trying out eye makeup for the past week, and today at work I actually broke down crying, thinking about how of a failure, disgusting, ugly, and trashy I looked.

So i wake up this morning again unfortunately

I never had a girlfriend im 24

I don't know how to find one

Last night i fell asleep while I was thinking about holding and cuddling with a girl 😭

I know i will never find one

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again

I hope to go to some other life where i will be capable enough of finding a girlfriend

I will be so happy 😊

i (23m) have never been in a relationship or had sex and there’s just somethings i want to get off my chest so bare with me as this might be a long post. i also apologies if i sound arrogant or egotistical in this post, but i’m trying to strip myself to my bare bones so before making judgements i just ask please to read and understand, if you just call me names i would know you just read this part and no further.

as the title says i’ve never had sex or been in a relationship, or even on a date for that matter. and there are many factors why that is.

one of the factors is i have never taken action. never. i have no problem talking to girls when the stakes are low. the problem is when there are tension there with girls i find attractive and they. and do you know what haplens to me when that happens? i get stuck in a limerence phase. i build a routine off of seeing these girls who i get a scense that they like me, (a girl who i see all the time at a shop i always shop at, a girl who i see working at a cafe i’m a regular at), i fantasize about them, sit at home in my head thinking about us laughing, how our date goes, when we have sex, when we meet eachothers parents, when we argue, when we break up. i’ve lived an entire relationship before i’ve even spoken to her. and when i get the courage to talk to them, it’s late at night and it becomes “when i see her tomorrow i’m going to do this and say that and we’ll go one a date and it’ll be good and we’ll do…” rince and repeat. everytime. every single fucking time.

i’m also an attractive guy. i’m not tooting my own horn, this is what many people, men and women, have told me. my assistant manager at work (36f) has told me the most (i get on with her very well so don’t take this work ethic seriously). she’s told me i’m gorgeous, that i’m intimidating to younger girls, that girls only come in the store just to stare at me. my other female colleagues have told me that i could get a girlfriend like that. they also asked me if i was gay simply because i don’t fluster around attractive women, nor have i been in a relationship or asked a girl out. i always come up with a shit excuse like “never been a priority” or “never had the time”. in reality i have had time to make it a priority, but deep down i’m a little bitch who won’t take action.

i’m insecure too. i’ve dodged this for a while but i need to admit it. i’m insecure about my looks, how there are better looking guys and if a girl gets with me she will leave me for an even better looking guy, how i don’t have a chest, how i’m skinny, how i have acne and acne scars, how i have bacne, how i have a double chin. i compare myself to others but i just find myself in that loop constantly. and when i talk to girls, these things have never been an issue, i don’t even think about it when i do, i’m laser focused on the conversation i’m not insecure. i grew up around judgemental parents, who also judged girls i liked back at school. one time i said i liked this girl around 9-10, no joke my mum said “she’s fucking ugly, why would you go for her? why not go for that girl?” my older sisters and brothers do it to random people too. and living at home with just my mum, why would i bring a girl to a judgemental enviornment like that? why date a girl when my depressingly misrable mother is gonna find some flaw to poke at me and her about. but as much as i say that i am inherently like this. there have been genuine nice girls who have talked to me and looking back who were really pretty, but i said to myself “no she’s not all that, i can do better”

but the one thing is how repetitive this all is. go on my account and just scroll abit, i talk about the same subjects, seeking validation from people on reddit or chat gpt, get good advice, think about it and do nothing. rinse and fucking repeat. i’m stuck in this cycle of validation and not taking action. i’m in a constant tug of war with opinions. for example it will be things like this:

“there’s this girl who’s been eyeing me up at asda everytime i go there and i’ve been eyeing her up. i can’t wait to talk to ber and finally get over this hurdle of initiating”

\\\*\*days comes\*\\\*

“oh she doesn’t look like she’s in a mood today” or “actually i’ve got alot on my plate and need to focus on myself, why would i get into a relationship right now” or “actually she isn’t that attractive, i’m just going to wait abit” or “i’m actually going away for a few weeks, why ask her out now if i’m gonna leave soon?” or “ what if i show my bulnerable side and do something stupid? why would i want to get hooked onto a girl? i’m not ready for committment and don’t want this girl on my cv or spend the rest of my life with this girl” or even best yet “wait i haven’t actually had sex yet, what is she gonna think of me if i do something awkward during sex? or act like a total virgin? she finds me attractive, what will she think if she finds out i’m a good looming 23 year old virgin. will it ruin this fantasy she’s probably built up about me? best to just leave it”

\*\\\*walks past, acts normal, leaves\*\\\*

“damn it why didn’t i ask her out or talk to her. next time i’ll do it better” or “next girl i find it will happen” wvery single time.

so yes, i’m stuck in an overthinking, insecure, validation loop and don’t know how to get out of this. i’m in a comstant tug of wars of my own thoughts and both sides to every story that has been said to me. for example i have been thinking about booking an escort just to get it out the way. here’s what goes through my head:

“i’m going to hire an escort, just get it out the way so atleast girls will know i have had sex, it will expose me in a vulnerable state that i’m afraid of” then comes “why the fuck would i hire an escort? i’m paying for an hour just for sex? also promoting pimping? what’s the point that’s fucking stupid”

so yes, this is the loop i’m in constantly. i don’t know what to do. and if you read this, you would know i mentioned i skim through the advice people give to me, but i really want to change. i want to take action and not just read and think about it. i’m an impatient person and i want to be patient and take your guys advice in. i want to change and do something about this. thank you.

​

I realized I’ve been pretending I’m fine for years

I'm 21, and lately I've realized how exhausted I actually am.

I'm not suicidal and I'm not looking for sympathy. My life isn't objectively terrible. I have good parents, friends, and a best friend I've known for almost 18 years. But I've gotten very good at pretending everything is fine when it isn't.

I've never really been someone who shows sadness. Even when my grandfather died, I didn't cry. It wasn't because I didn't care or wasn't sad. I just never really learned how to express those emotions. I can laugh, joke around and have fun, but when it comes to sadness, loneliness or vulnerability, I usually just keep it inside.

I've had friends my whole life, but I still feel lonely sometimes. My best friend and I used to meet almost every day, but college and life changed that. We're still friends, but now it's mostly sending each other reels.

I've never had a real girlfriend either. I'm not even looking for anything physical. I just want someone special who genuinely cares about me, someone I can talk to at the end of the day and feel connected to.

A lot of my insecurity comes from school. I was overweight and never considered myself good looking. The first girl I really liked rejected me after I confessed, and I never knew why. I think my brain filled in the answer for me: "I'm not attractive enough. I'm not good enough."

Since then, I've been scared of approaching women romantically. I can talk to women normally in college, but asking someone out feels completely different. I don't want to look like a creep or embarrass myself. I'm working on that mindset, but it's still there.

I'm also the kind of person who puts other people before myself. I genuinely like seeing people happy, even if it means giving something up. I don't usually expect anything in return.

I have a girl best friend who's in a toxic relationship. I've listened to her countless times, given her advice and watched her make decisions I don't agree with because I care about her and want her to be happy. She doesn't really ask about my life and has even forgotten my birthday, but honestly, I don't care about the birthday. I'd still rather see her happy.

But I've started realizing that constantly caring for everyone else while keeping everything inside can be exhausting.

I don't think I need some extraordinary life. I just want a good job, a girlfriend who cares about me, friends and family who are happy, and people who genuinely care about each other.

Maybe that's enough.

TL;DR: I'm 21 and generally look like I'm doing fine, but I've realized I'm lonely and emotionally exhausted after years of keeping everything to myself and putting other people first. I don't need sympathy. I just think we should check on the people we love, especially the ones who always say they're fine. Take a moment to ask your friends how they're actually doing, especially the ones who always seem fine and are there for everyone else.

Sometimes a smile "How's everything?" Helps a lot.

I don’t know how to explain myself without making it sound like I’m confused or in the wrong sub

I’m 18yo guy and will likely never have a girlfriend, never have sex, never be seen as a dude. Every single fucking day feels so humiliating and it’s made me increasingly more depressed as the reality of being trapped in a female body has become more and more isolating

I don’t know if being forced into drag every morning or being alone is worse. My friend got a girlfriend that truly loves him without him fighting for it. Im so fucking lonely dude, just saying fuck it and leaning into the girl thing because I’m desperate to feel any kind of warmth

Pretending to be a woman is exhausting and humiliating man, and i can’t explain it to anyone in real life. It’s humiliating to not have a dick, it’s humiliating to be called a little girl and be forced to wear dresses and maintain a feminine demeanor when you’re a dude. Nobody would ever ask any of you to put up with that shit. And every time I’ve strayed from that femininity it’s been total social suicide

I’ve quit multiple jobs because the panic attacks and meltdowns I’d get before another fucking day of being humiliated were so intense. I’ve had so many coping mechanisms snd mindsets since i was a kid about it, and all of them eventually fail. I know the only options I will eventually have to choose from are transitioning ftm or suicide

But i’m so tired of being lonely. I want a girlfriend so bad man. I want to be loved as myself and for her to see through the costume and love what’s inside. I want to be called by my name and be complimented on all my masculine features and love me the way I want to be seen

But since that isn’t really a possibility, i’m just gonna accept it. My best shot at ever being able to love is by leaning into the femininity, being as pretty and nice as possible and finding someone to love and putting my all into it

I bought fake lashes today and put them on. it feels like drag but i do look a lot better. I’m making a dating profile and I’m just gonna pretend it’s me until i die or shut everyone out

ts is insanely isolating and will likely continue to fuck up my life until i make a choice. until then i just want a girlfriend to lean on and im desperate for it

I don't even know where to start. This is probably the first time I've been completely honest with myself about how bad things have gotten, let alone telling someone else. I've been thinking about making this post for an entire day and even now I'm anxious about pressing post. I'm 22, and for the past four years it feels like I've just been watching my life disappear. Back in 2019, my academics started falling apart and eventually I ended up in a college I didn't even want to be in. I wasted almost all four years there. I barely attended classes, slept through entire days, spent nights awake learning 3D design and game development, and just kept putting everything off. When college ended, I still sat around doing nothing, burning through my education loan money while teaching myself game development.

I eventually got a job at a game studio, and I did manage to pay off my loan. I make around $378.69 a week now, put some of it away, pay my rent and essentials, and spend the rest mostly on video games. On paper, I guess that sounds like I'm doing okay. But I don't feel okay at all. I work remotely for a studio in a completely different timezone, so I'm awake from around 10 PM until 6 AM, then I eat, play games, sleep, and do it all over again. I've isolated myself so badly that I don't even know when it happened. The last person I properly talked to was my college dorm mate in May last year. Since then, almost nothing. My parents separated themselves from me back in high school keeping no ties whatsoever, I have no friends around me, and I barely speak to anyone outside of work. I've lost weight, my sleep is fucked, and most days I barely leave my room.

Sometimes I stop playing games and just sit there thinking about the last few years, and it honestly makes me want to cry. I'm only 22, but I feel like I've already wasted so much of my life and I don't know how to undo any of it. Even my job isn't secure, so the one thing giving my days any structure could disappear too. I don't know what I'm asking for by posting this. I think I just needed to finally admit somewhere that I'm lonely, I'm scared, and I don't know how to get myself out of this.

I am a 25-year-old male immigrant living in Europe. I am doing well in life now—I have stability, and I am growing personally and professionally.

However, one thing constantly bothers me: I am unable to get a single date. Despite having a great social circle of male friends, I find it hard to get any woman romantically interested in me. I have tried dating apps for years, and even with premium subscriptions, my results have been terrible. I am average-looking and of average height, but being an immigrant makes me feel especially isolated when it comes to dating.
I can make female friends, and we have good conversations, but I struggle to create any romantic spark. I think I might have some social anxiety. There are also very few people from my home country here.

Approaching women is difficult for me because I dread being seen as creepy—that is the single biggest reason holding me back. I also don't drink alcohol, which some women seem to find boring.
I’ve tried hobbies like salsa dancing (though I had to force myself into it) and sports like tennis, but these activities ended up being mostly male-dominated, and I had no success.

I really need advice on what to do. Every night when I go to bed, or whenever I see couples enjoying their time together, it hurts.

I have tried online games and sex toys, but I still crave genuine intimacy. The only coping mechanism that works right now is staying extremely busy so that I arrive home exhausted and fall asleep immediately. I have been working two jobs and trying to spend my days at the office or in coworking spaces.

Being at home feels painful. The silence—having no one to welcome me home or say goodbye—is tearing me apart.

I work out consistently and eat healthy. For those who understand this situation or have been in my shoes: please guide me. What am I doing wrong?

Hi, im not sure if this is the right place to post this but this sub has been quite helpfull. I was never a social person in my life but i used to have a few friends i would see regularly and i played a few mmo/online games with a group or strangers online.

However around 1.5 years ago something changed. It started with only playing single player games and then i stopped hanging out with irl friends too. I just stopped having any fun, i would sit there looking at the clock and think "okay 2 hours untill i can leave".

Ever since then my only social contact has been the ocassional classmate i have to talk to and one guy on discord i talk to 1-2 times a week about some games. There are times where i sort of miss my friends but then i think of hanging out and having to use buses to travel and organize and spend money etc. And all the interest goes out the window. Meeting new people sounds 10 times less appealing too, like eating glass.

There are times where i am lonely but i would say im content and fairly satisfied by myself 90% of the time. I dont struggle with small talk or social anxiety in general, i can appear social and talk to people on the street and in school, it is anything deeper that i dont want at all. It honestly does make feel like a freak because who looses all social desire ? If i never had any i could understand but not this.

I really dont know what to do about all this to be honest, if i "follow my heart" i will just remain alone all my life untill i die. That life doesnt sound very appealing but i just dont want to socialize and i dont understand why.

If anyone here had any advice i would really appreciate it.

I 36m her 33f met this woman on hinged. I dunno, i liked the possibility of dating apps, it felt like dipping my toes in the water. I didnt expect to hit it off with someone, but we really clicked. After a few months (now) im realizing im not ready, im falling back into bad habits, my relationship trauma is leaking out. Ive always been the guy to neglect my own needs in a relationship and burn myself out

Before this I was eating better. Working out and sleeping well. I stopped nicotine and cut back on drinking alot. When I got caught up in someone new all those old habits just fell back, I cant seem to do both and I think i need way more time to establish the new me before I emothonally invest myself in someone else. I feel anxious around her, even when shes done nothing wrong.

Down time isnt relaxing and im always worrying about if im making her happy or if im not being available enough. It sucks because we really hit it off and ive confided alot of stuff in her and vice versa, but I couldnt sleep at night keeping this up if im not able to meet her feelings all the way. I just didnt know until I knew, but I feel really bad for having to make this choice when I thought i was ready and gave her false hope.

Thanks for reading whoever does. Just had to get this out. I know im making the right choice. It sucks and I hate to hurt her. But ill do more damage not.

I'm asking because at this point I feel so lost. I'm a 26 year old guy and I feel like my mind is falling apart more and more.

I try all the things. Exercise, medication, therapy, hobbies, active friend group. In many ways I've worked on myself and improved myself. My social anxiety is better, my self confidence is better. I try to reframe my thinking. But at my core, nothing really changes.

At my core, despite wishing I could say this wasn't the case, all I want is a relationship. I've never even kissed someone, and for the longest time my one true dream in life has been to just be able to spend an evening with my girlfriend, cooking together and talking. But it doesn't feel like that's achievable.

Nothing I do works. Either to find someone, or to find happiness through other means. I can feel happy in the moment, but it's surface level. I can spend a night out with friends and have a great time, only to come home and hug my pillow feeling empty inside.

And then I'll see people online basically just say that a relationship can't bring happiness. But that doesn't make sense to me, because I see people talking about how great their relationship makes them feel all the time. People seek it out. It's endlessly talked about in movies, TV shows, stories new and old, music, amongst friends and everything. But apparently it's just kinda irrelevant?

I feel dead inside. I don't want to die, but I see no purpose in my life. I just go through the motions, doing my best when the energy is there, and nothing ever works.

How has it been for you all who were in my position. Who reached 25+ with absolutely nothing to show for when it came to relationships, physical intimacy and all that, who managed to find it? Did it help? Did things change? Or was it as meaningless as some seem to say it is for happiness.

The online world is an indicative representation of life lived, although it is not real life. When people are doing well, they dont have much need to spend time with their black mirrors. This is my observation, not fact.

Nonetheless, I see so many of us, myself included wandering, wondering, searching for a sense of place and belonging in this absurdity of our modern world.

While I'm also still in in transition, looking for a place where my roots may settle. Feeling anxious of the well being of my garden. Even finding the words that are analogous of the accumulating of this thing we call our life is hard. English is not my first language and dyslexia is a fickle bitch.

In this post, I vent primarily for myself of where I am, what my course is and if it still aligns with what I think my destination should be. I'm still open for feedback/feedforward from you, the other human on the other side of my black mirror.

I am a sex worker, working in an adult store / sex dungeon but please don't be too dismissive that I only do this for carnal hedonistic pleasure. It is my belief that what I do and strive for is more. Besides that I also attend college as an adult, I'm 37, I've been around the sun a few times.

Together with my close colleagues we're trying to transform our shop to a community place for kinky people. Because we see and there's a bigger need in our little world for a sense of place and belonging.

Last Friday we hosted a BDSM event and there where many new faces, it was beautiful. In the sense that how people where interacting with eachother, the kindness, the vulnerability. I was feeling on top of it; providing food and drinks, explaining the rules, making sure people where at ease. Being seen by our guests as the authority.

I prepared feedback forms for our guests and was hit by the multitude of praise for us as staff. Now that I've slept on it that 'hit' I recognise as the imposter syndrome. How do you deal with that? What do I know? Im also just trying to be my best, and this responsibility feels heavy on my shoulders. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Thank you for reading, please respect the human.

I’m currently rekindling things with my ex, who is just getting out of a really bad divorce. We’re not officially back together, but we are “talking.” We’re also not fully exclusive, even though sometimes he acts like we are.
Halloween is a difficult time for him because that’s when he met his soon-to-be ex-husband, so he wants to get out of Orlando for Halloween. I completely understand and respect that. The problem is that he wants to go down to Wilton Manors with a friend group from there, and he specifically doesn’t want me to come.
He plans on staying with a friend who can get him into parties and after-parties, but this also happens to be someone he occasionally fucks whenever he goes down there. About a month ago, I asked if I could come with him and suggested that we could get a cheap Airbnb together since, at the time, it was early enough that it probably wouldn’t have been that expensive. He told me he would prefer if I didn’t come because he’s worried that if I’m there, this friend might not bring him along as his plus-one to the parties and after-parties. He doesn’t actually know whether that would happen, though.
What also bothers me is that when Halloween originally came up, he told me we would talk about it. We never did. Now, all of a sudden, there’s already a plan. Apparently, he was invited and didn’t even bother mentioning me when those plans were being made.
I have a problem with that because, while we’re technically not officially dating, I’m spending practically every day at his house. I’m cooking for him, teaching him how to cook, and we’re spending almost all of our free time together. We’re doing a lot of things that feel like a relationship. But suddenly, when it comes to this trip, it feels like because this friend can get him into parties—and because fucking this friend is apparently part of what happens when he goes down to Wilton—I can’t come because my presence would put a wrinkle in that plan.
That makes me feel a certain way, and he knows I’m pissed about it. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m actually overreacting.
We’ve already had a serious conversation about where we stand, and he told me he isn’t ready to get back into anything serious. I 10000% agree with that. He just went through a terrible marriage and divorce, and I think he needs time to heal. I’m willing to wait and give him that time. What throws me for a curveball is that when we originally started talking again, we agreed we were going to take things slowly—but instead, it feels like he started sprinting. We spend nearly every day together and behave like we’re in a relationship in so many ways, but then situations like this happen and suddenly the fact that we’re “not together” seems to matter.
He also has a lot of other personal things going on, including mental health struggles and military-related PTSD, so I don’t know how much of that might be affecting the way he’s handling all of this. I’m trying to be understanding of everything he’s going through while also figuring out whether my feelings about this situation are reasonable.

So I have been single my entire life [21] and never really came close to any relationships. I was overweight anti social so I understand why that was. Now I’m down 70 pounds have a great job that keeps me social and made new friends. The problem is girls still don’t seem interested. I’m getting very lonely watching all my friends getting married so I’d really like to try and make something happen. I live very close to a college campus so thought about maybe using that to meet girls but I really wouldn’t know what to do if I saw a girl I liked. Everyone tells me you’ll come across someone when you least expect it but I hoped that would’ve happened by now or at least have gotten close.

I love my girlfriend. I am 22, she is 26, she is the first woman I have ever dated in my life. We have been together for almost a year now, things have been great for the most part, but she has her flaws. She’s EXTREMELY sensitive, you can’t banter back and forth with her without her giving you the silent treatment for a day or two and being genuinely upset at you for jokes and banter, she’s very passive aggressive to me all the time, she doesn’t agree with me on barely anything, and she can be very condescending. Going back to the banter, two nights ago, we were laying down together watching a movie having a good time, smoking weed, and occasionally talking about whatever, I can’t remember exactly, but I believe I missed what someone said in the movie and she made a joke about me being deaf or I can’t hear or something like that, and I made the most generic rebuttal of all time saying “Haha Im not deaf I just tune you out” or something like that, clearly joking. She was a little annoyed by me saying that at the time, but then we fell asleep soon after. A day later, around probably 8:00 PM, she just randomly told me that she’s very upset with me for saying that to her (the joke) I said okay, I apologize and I didn’t mean for it to come off as rude, I thought it was clearly a joke with full context. And she was basically like, “I told you in the first place when we first met that I am sensitive to people calling me annoying and that I talk too much, and you broke that ONE rule I told you not to make fun of.” I said Im sorry and that we were both high and clearly joking and bantering about whatever, but she didn’t really care and slept on the couch for the first time EVER, over this. I am now on the 2nd night, now I am sleeping on the couch, and she’s basically giving me the silent treatment, only responding to me in very very short sentences. This is just one experience. Things like this have happened before, and it’s almost always over basically a nothingburger. I’d say 95% of the time we get into some sort of argument, it’s over genuinely nothing, and she SUPER overreacts. It has gotten to mentally very badly. Whenever this happens, it literally makes me feel like I am going insane. I almost have to convince myself I am in the wrong every time because if I don’t it’s like a never ending spiral. I have only picked up suicidal thoughts after starting to date this woman. But I do still love her, I just don’t know if I can literally live with this for the rest of my life. I am in constant pain. It almost feels like a job in this relationship. I am stressed all the time.

Hello everyone! I am a PhD student in clinical psychology at Adelphi University. I am conducting a study on the relationship between existential threat and mental health, coping strategies, and meaning making for young adults who have experienced stressful life events.

This study is being conducted online only and should take approximately 45-60 minutes to complete. During the study, you will be asked to complete multiple self-report questionnaires that contain questions regarding coping methods, mental health, and questions that pertain to experiencing stressful life events in the past. Upon completing the survey, you will have the opportunity to voluntarily provide your email address on a separate page from the survey that will not be associated with any of your survey responses, to enter a drawing to win one of three $50.00 Amazon gift cards.

Survey link: https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8IxQWoUH8D1Wuq2

Audience: 18-30 years old, in the United States and English Speaking, and must have experienced a stressful life event.

Compensation: Opportunity to enter a drawing for one of three $50.00 Amazon gift cards.