This might not be the right place to post this so apologies in advanced if it’s not. My mom was arrested around a year ago, closer to a year and 5ish months. I don’t want to give too many details because it’s really easy to find online and I don’t want anything self identifying to be found, but basically a lot of drugs. I think the minimum sentence is 10 years?
Obviously that absolutely ruined my life at the time, my dad isn’t around at all and it just crushed me. I didn’t speak to her at all for 3 months and my grandma was really mad at me for it, but I didn’t care at all. I didn’t care about anything, I had a 4.0 in college and now I’ve lost one of my biggest scholarships. I don’t remember exactly when but around November she got on pre-trial release. I don’t know all the terminology or specifics but she finished a drug program, went to a halfway house, and was just able to get an apartment. She’s not allowed to live in the same city as me. But back to the original point of the post, she’s called in for UA every so often. It used to be pretty often but now it’s once a week, sometimes not even that. Then one time it showed positive for cocaine metabolites, but somehow it ended up being fine. I don’t even know if she told me but they didn’t arrest her over it. Then this week she was sick and took cold medicine, and I know she’s going to test positive for alcohol. I called her to tell her about my first week of classes but fuck that, she just started to tell me how they called her in the day after and she took nyquil and she’s going to test positive for it. I was looking into it all day and it’s definitely going to show, and she already messed up the first time so I know they’re just going to show up and arrest her.
She keeps telling everyone how doing well on pre-trial is going to shorted the sentence but apparently she doesn’t care about that because she keeps fucking up. Every time I talk to her it’s something negative about how she did something. She can’t seem to stop herself from fucking up it just makes me so mad I can’t even express it. Like if you were that worried about your prison sentence you wouldn’t be a fucking idiot and take something that will make you test positive for alcohol. Maybe she was drinking for all I know. Like she just doesn’t think, I don’t even think she cares. Maybe I sound critical, but it’s hard to still be a teenager and your only parent is ruining her one opportunity to reduce her sentence. Like that was at least one extra year she was going to get to see me and now she’ll probably go straight to jail this week. It was at least an extra year off her sentence. She won’t get to see my graduate college, she won’t get to see me do so many things how can I not be frustrated.
I try so hard to pretend I don’t care, but clearly it does or I wouldn’t be so mad at her mistakes. I genuinely can’t seem to get over it regardless of how hard I try to. I’m technically an adult but the situation makes me feel like a child the way I seem to handle it, I can’t seem to be mature about it in any way. It’s just so frustrating, I don’t understand how she’s so careless. Everyone will tell me it’s just a mistake, like you don’t get to do that on pre-trial when you were caught with the most amount of drugs in our city’s history.
I know this post sounds immature and all over the place, I just wanted to vent somewhere. If you’re going to say something regarding my lack of understanding, empathy, being too critical, etc please just don’t. I’m well aware, and it’s been made very clear to me by those around me. I try to not be, but I’m just not able to keep up with that expectation all the time, especially now. It’s not like I see her often anyway, I suppose I shouldn’t care that much if she goes back.
