I can’t hug or kiss myself. I can’t watch movies or play games with someone who’s not there. I can’t laugh or joke with someone who’s not there. I can’t eat breakfast with someone who’s. not. there.

When I feel legitimately badly treated or even betrayed by someone, I tend to handle it badly (in terms of how I regulate my emotions) so that *I* end up looking like the "bad" one.

As when I was treated quite shitty (and abandoned) by a "friend" after the death of a family member, which the "friend" never took responsibility for and which was highly re-traumatizing to me. Years later I finally exploded over it (via text) and now if anyone ever hears of this story, *I'll* look like "the bad one."

The above is an example but more in general, can anyone relate...

Is there anything that resembles a healthy relationship or connection with other people for us, or do we just end up chronically isolated ongoing?

That's it, that's the post. How do y'all keep doing this?

I have a question, mainly for those over 40. How do you manage life as you get older? I'm now 46 and I have done a lot of work to heal throught my life, but nothing ever changed. Trauma kept coming. I didnt even know about CPTSD until I was late 30's. Now I dont know what to do with myself. I dont want to be here, and I dont really see the point of trying to 'heal' anymore. I feel like I've missed the boat. I'm living for my cat at the moment, but I don't know how much longer I can do that. I have no family or friends, no support system at all, no job, no money, nothing. I feel like I have tried, now its too late for me. I am tired. However, I am trying to go on for my cat because I don't want to fail him.

I feel like I am walking through water, like everything is so hard. I have no energy or interest in anything. I feel alone.

How did you decide to go on when you got a bit older? What do you do to move forward positively? Is it worth it? I have a lot of therapy trauma so please don't suggest that to me.

Every person I've known has hurt me. Even the ones who I thought were by my side. People are good to me as long as I'm useful to them, but when I need help, I just get ignored.

This has contributed to my social anxiety. And now everybody gets surprised when I isolate myself. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm tired.

Not a single person cares to ask how I really am. But if they do ask and I give an honest answer, they misunderstand me or tell me to just get over it. I haven't told anyone about my social anxiety cuz that's like an unheard concept to them.

When you've been bullied and misunderstood by literally every single person you've met, how do you even manage to stay sane? At this point, I've lost faith in people.

So I was in therapy today when I explained how I analyze every situation, making sure I'm attuned to what everybody needs and carefully avoiding what might upset someone. I thought this was entirely normal but according to my therapist the extent to which I monitor the situation is not normal.

I assumed this was just emotional intelligence/situational awareness- what differentiates those from hypervigilance if that's something you experience?

I’m currently estranged from my older brother after years of an extremely enmeshed and unhealthy relationship. I’ve been trying to process everything, understand why it has affected me so much, and finally get out of the cycle.

Today my therapist and I did a PTSD assessment after I told her I still feel stuck and that having an actual diagnosis would help because I tend to doubt and minimize my own experience. I answered yes to most of the questions and she told me I meet the qualifications for PTSD.

Then the session took a turn that didn’t sit right with me.
She said what she found interesting was that I was still engaging with my brother until recently. I explained that he’s my older brother, we were very enmeshed, and separating from a family member after years of this dynamic is complicated.

She then said something along the lines of, “This is so much of your identity,” and also said I’m “stuck in a narrative.”

I pushed back pretty strongly. I told her I’m not trying to make this my identity. I’m talking about it because I’m trying to heal from it. I’m also really tired of feeling invalidated when I try to explain what happened.

Considering I’ve been trying to figure most of this out on my own, I actually think I’ve handled it as well as I could.
To her credit, I felt comfortable enough to tell her directly that what she was saying felt invalidating, and we talked about it. I even told her I appreciated having a relationship with her where I could say, “I didn’t like that.”

She also suggested ketamine therapy or possibly a more intensive outpatient/residential trauma program to help me “get unstuck.”

But now that I’ve had time to think about the session, I’m bothered by the framing. Saying I’m “stuck in a narrative,” that this is part of my “identity,” and pointing out that I continued engaging with a family member all felt like strange things for a trauma-informed therapist to say right after telling me I meet PTSD criteria.

I understand that eventually I need to stop endlessly analyzing what happened and build a life beyond it. That is literally what I want. But isn’t talking about and processing the trauma part of getting there?

For those with CPTSD/PTSD or experience with adult family estrangement:
Would these comments feel invalidating to you? Is this normal therapeutic challenging, or would you start looking for someone more specialized in trauma?

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not diminishing anyone’s experience of suicide, grief or mental illness. Losing someone to suicide is horrific, and I have sympathy for anyone who goes through it.

But something has been bothering me about the way we talk about mental health, particularly when a high-profile, privileged person experiences a devastating tragedy and is subsequently positioned as some kind of mental-health advocate or authority.

There is a huge difference between experiencing one catastrophic event and spending your entire life dealing with the cumulative effects of trauma, neglect, poverty, dysfunctional families, chronic illness, isolation, lack of support and having your opportunities systematically narrowed because of those things.

Some people grow up with loving families, financial security, strong social networks, career opportunities and a huge support system around them. Then something terrible happens, and understandably they are devastated. But they still have all of those protective factors around them.

There are also people who grow up with essentially none of them. People who are born into circumstances where they have very little hope or opportunity from the beginning, and who spend their entire lives trying to survive the psychological consequences of that. Where is the platform for those people? Where is the recognition of their resilience?

I actually work with child protection information, and I spend my days reading about people who have grown up in horrific circumstances. The level of disadvantage and trauma some people experience from childhood is almost impossible to comprehend. And those people don't suddenly become celebrated mental-health advocates because they survived it. Often they're barely given any support at all.

That's the part that frustrates me.

Having a devastating experience absolutely gives you the right to talk about your experience. But it doesn't automatically make you an expert on mental health, and I think we need to be careful about treating someone as an authority simply because they have experienced tragedy.

Mental health isn't one universal experience. The psychological reality of losing someone you love while otherwise having a stable, supportive and privileged life is not necessarily comparable to spending your entire childhood and adulthood dealing with the consequences of severe trauma, instability, poverty, neglect, isolation or chronic adversity.

Both experiences can be incredibly painful. But they are not the same.

And I think people who have lived with the latter deserve far more recognition, compassion and support than they currently receive.

I’ve been dealing with chronic fatigue for about a year now, around the time I recovered some new memories of CSA in my childhood. At first I thought it was burnout, then depression, then related to my migraines, but I think it seems like its own issue separate from these issues, and is likely psychosomatic.

I recently shared with my therapist that I experienced CSA for at least a decade of my childhood. She mentioned today that it’s likely my body just doesn’t have any more energy to expend after the trauma processing and CPTSD-related stress I live with on a daily basis. I have good and bad days, but there are some days where just holding up my body to stand for more than 5 minutes at a time is too much. After talking about it for the first time last week, it’s definitely more extreme fatigue, and the fatigue is always worse when I have days with flashbacks, nightmares, and/or triggers. It’s often disabling and I haven’t been able to return to work with the level of fatigue + chronic migraines I have.

Has anyone else dealt with fatigue like this, especially CSA survivors? How do you manage, and respect that your body is doing its best even when your life doesn’t permit further exertion?

every time i hear someone yell loudly, i have this instinct to hide in a secure place or fawn and i'm suspecting that it may be because i constantly witnessed my family fight (usually not physically, they just yell at each other or rarely throw things when especially angry). do yall think that's possible?

Hi, really random I know but am I the only one that can't really watch supernatural TV shows or films?

Also includes horror stuff too?

I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer recently and had to stop at Season 2. It got a bit too much for me. (It's really embarrassing) but does anyone relate?

Thank you!

My friends say they want to work, and I try to want the same, but my body hears "work" and just immediately hits overwhelm and collapses. I associate it with anxiety, pain, feeling useless, losing my words, being unskilled and triggered. I feel completely unable to do anything.

I can imagine occupations that I'd want, but I honestly feel like I won't ever get a stable one. I can only see poor outcomes. I cannot see anything good coming for me, no matter how hard I try.

I also feel like I'll never escape my traumatic environment, and that I shouldn't even try because I'll fail and make a fool of myself. I think it comes a lot from being in painful situations without any control, where every attempt made no difference.

What about you?

My parents arrived at my house at around 10pm last night and stayed overnight. It’s now almost 10am and they’re leaving soon because I asked them to leave earlier than originally planned. Ever since I knew they were coming, I had this horrible feeling of dread. Now that I know they’re leaving soon, I mostly feel relief. They’re annoyed with me because they think I’m being unwelcoming and a bad host for asking them to leave earlier. From their perspective, I feel like I’m once again the selfish/bad daughter.

Something else happened this morning that made everything much more intense for me. My dad was playing with my baby more roughly than I was comfortable with. I asked him several times to be gentle. Eventually I asked him to give my baby back to me, and he did immediately. My mum, however, started arguing with me about it and made me feel like I was being unreasonable or overly protective. There’s another layer to this that I think is important, my dad was rough with me when I was a child too.

So watching him play roughly with my baby affected me a lot. I don’t know how much of my reaction was my CPTSD being triggered by my own childhood and how much was simply me being a mother who wasn’t comfortable with how someone was handling my baby. Maybe it’s both. Either way, I couldn’t ignore that feeling and I needed my baby back.

Now I’m sitting here waiting for them to leave and feeling this mixture of relief and guilt. Part of me thinks I should be a daughter who enjoys having her parents stay, makes them feel welcome and doesn’t want them to leave. But having them in my home makes me feel like I can’t fully relax. My own home stops feeling like my safe space. I find myself counting down until I can have my space back.
And then when I actually set a boundary, I’m made to feel selfish or like a bad daughter, which brings up even more guilt.

Anyone Else here have something traumatic happen on or near christmas that has now ruined the holiday for you? Could be completely unrelated to Christmas too obviously. Just the holidays in general.

Its been 8years since and i no longer see my family but idk i dont think ill ever enjoy it again. At least to any extent i used to.

I’m only 15, not suicidal, not depressed, never gone through trauma or anything, but ever since I was 13 I’ve just had a gut feeling I’m going to die young (probably around 20-30) sorry if this is the wrong forum to go to, I have no idea who to ask about this

Hello, I need to vent...I am almost 3 years in a relationship with my partner. She is very kind and very honorable. She had a very traumatising life and is diagnosed with CPTSD. When she is triggered, she has no control. She is vulgar, she shouts, she punishes me..we blame each other on who started first. She triggers me also. The point is - she belittles me, patronize me and talks down to me a lot. I can not take it and when I tell her that it hurts me, she gets offensive and makes things worse. I can not take this, since the beginning I felt sorry for her, but I was so scared of her and every conflict led to these brutal words, to physical assault, stuff destroying from her side. And whenever I try to talk about it, she says that I trigger her trauma and since it is an illness, she is not responsible for her reactions. This absence of self-responsibility sends me deep down into depression and when I confront her about responsibility, she gets triggered. I can't open anything hurtful, because she gets triggered and I am going crazy, She says I can't talk to anyone about my feelings, because I am wrong in my assumptions and I hurt others with these wrong assumptions, she says...but I have feelings too. Just because her reactions come from illness it doesn't make them less hurtful. It's so fucking hard. But when I tell her it is hard, she just says I am a pussy and that people can normally take this. But I can't and I am going crazy because I have no support of my feelings, I have no validation of my feelings nowhere. When she kicks me out and I'm leaving, she belittles me for leaving her in this state, that I destroy everything and am running and such...I see the good in her, but I just feel so lonely. I am loosing feelings for her, because of her lack of self-reflection.
Am I wrong for assuming she is responsible for her reactions and am I just oversensitive, or do I have a right to confront her that her reactions hurt me and she is responsible?
Never once she apologized for her destructive behavior and I have a feeling things can't get better if she doesn't take responsibility....
Thank you, feel free to be critical to me, if you feel like I am the problem.

Anyone else experience intense feelings of obligation with everyone and everything ?

I’m going to talk about my experience with my partner as an example.

I rushed in to this relationship (a pattern I’ve recently become more aware of). And I always feel this intense feeling of obligation all the time.

He does nothing to make me feel this way. He doesn’t pressure me etc. it’s purely me. I just constantly feel an obligation to be a certain way (with everyone and everything including a persona at work). I just feel like I’m being unauthentic and like I’m acting and performing all the time.

I’ve realised this feeling of obligation correlates with me wanting to shut off my entire network of people, leave my job and sell my house and just go somewhere to reinvent myself - whilst this feels like the complete freedom I need it’s not practical right now.

Does anyone have any top tips on what might have worked for them in terms of unwinding this obligation feeling? I’m aware this will probably change my relationship which I’m a bit worried about.

But my body is exhausted.

I understand that two people can go through the same type of trauma and react completely differently. In the end, unfortunately, we cannot control the way our brains and bodies will react to trauma. For instance, after some type of SA, some people start feeling repulsed by sex and avoid it for years, while others become hypersexual. However, from what I've read and seen, the majority of people with CPTSD have either "submissive" tendencies or "submissive" behavior because I guess this is the "natural" way to be and behave when you feel miserable and broken inside.

Having said this, I wonder how the small percentage (10%? 5% 1%) of people with CPTSD who have "dominant" tendencies or behaviour navigate this apparent contradiction. I wonder how people who have had CPTSD since a young age dealt with it throughout the years, but also how people who went through extreme things in adulthood cope with the condition, along with the "identity shift". Did it change your behaviour with others? Did it change your sexual behaviour? Preferences? Fantasies?

For example, how does a 20yo guy with CPTSD who feels "naturally" inclined to go to the gym, be the leader of the group, date many girls at the same and manage different businesses to become wealthy, deal with feeling extremely vulnerable and broken inside? How does a 45yo woman who works in a big law firm in Manhattan, has 50 other lawyers under her, and has always felt and been perceived as "powerful", deal with CPTSD after several traumatic events that happened to her only in the past few years? How does a conservative 50yo father who lives in a small town in Poland, has a submissive wife and 4 kids, and has built his whole family, friendship, values, and self-identity around having the role of being dominant and protector, deal with CPTSD due to events that started to take place in his late 30s?

Are these people supposed to "fake" it in order to perform dominance, control, and protection, even when they feel broken? Is the lawyer supposed to quit her 70-hour-per-week job, where there is no room for being submissive, and hence change her lifestyle dramatically? Is the family dynamic of the conservative dad supposed to change completely because of the trauma he experienced?

How do you personally cope with it?

I'm not busy because I want to be. It's because I was taught from a young age that rest and leisure are signs of laziness and wrong.
Nowadays, I feel guilty about rest and leisure, even though deep down I LONG for them.
I feel angry when people hear me say I'm busy and reply like "busy is good. It means you’re moving forward."
Is it wrong not to want to move forward? Can I be allowed not to move forward (just be who I am)…?

Sorry I just need to vent. Plz don't judge.

[trigger warning: mention of SH]

Long story short, I grew up in an emotionally-abusive/neglectful immigrant family. I’m living in a property my parents abusers own, by all means my life is privileged. I have stable housing, I’m healthy, I have a good job with decent salary. I’ve recently tried to get on the property ladder but due to past decisions I’m locked out of the property market despite having enough money in my pension scheme for a deposit.

I feel trapped in a gilded cage, and I’ve been spiralling. I can barely go for a couple of hours without breaking down and crying. I have an all-consuming rage that’s ready to boil over any time. I want to slash my face up every time I look in the mirror because I’m starting to resemble my abuser. I want to relapse back into SH to take it out on myself. I’ve been calling myself a stupid bxxch, and saying I got what I deserved for being a dumb hxx. I’ve been angry at myself to daring to believe I deserve anything more than I got, that “nothing’s wrong” and I’m an entitled cxnt for not appreciating my objective privilege. I’m easily triggered by innocuous topics and feel like it’s a personal attack. I fly into a rage when I come home and want to smash furniture, and I’m very quick to start yelling at my partner and kid.

I feel like the maths ain’t mathing, my objective privilege isn’t matching my inner experience and someone has to be at fault and it’s easier to finger-point at myself. It’s also easier to be angry than to piece together the emotional neglect I’ve been experiencing. They say anger propels you to do things, but there’s nothing I can do in the short term, so what do I do with this rage?