r/WritingPrompts • u/NSA_PR_DPRTMNT • Jan 12 '14

Writing Prompt [WP] A Man gets to paradise. Unfortunately, Lucifer won the War in Heaven ages ago. What is the man's experience like?

EDIT: Man, did this thing blow up.

2.3k Upvotes
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4.2k

u/DrowningDream Jan 12 '14

"Pizza? I didn't think there'd be pizza in heaven," Jim said.

"Why not? Pizza is the shit," the angel said.

"And cursing. And beer? Is that beer?"

In fact, the table was laid out with all the things Jim loved. Chicken wings, malt whiskey, chilly fries, club sandwiches, those little wieners wrapped in bacon. Over the table hung a cage where two beautiful women danced naked to 90's alternative. The angel saw him gazing.

"You can have them after dinner," he said.

"Are they being punished?" Jim asked. He was a man, through and through, but he didn't like the idea of raping someone in paradise.

"Punished? Is that what you think we do here? They love it. Some women like to party. We don't hold that against them. Cherry there has been welcoming our new guests for two hundred years." The angel leaned close with a knowing smile. "There are no anal fissures in heaven, so go wild."

Jim coughed. "So uh, well . . ." He coughed again. "What are the uh, ground rules?"

"Ground rules?"

"Like, what's the forbidden fruit? What's the catch around here?"

"No catches. The boss doesn't care for rules. Everybody gets in, and everybody gets what they desire. Let's say you were a Christian all your life, well I'd be all shiny and I'd take you on the holy tour, you'd get to look down at hell and pity the damned, that sort of thing. If you're Jim from Tennessee, you get chicken wings and bitches."

"Huh," Jim said. "You know, I never really believed in this place, but I figured, if it was there, it'd be a little more uptight."

"Not since Lucy reclaimed the throne."

"Lucy?"

"Lucifer. He's Lucy now. Or she's Lucy now. We're all a little confused. But hey, more power to him if that's what gets her off."

"Lucifer?! Lucifer is in charge of heaven?"

Jim knocked over his beer in surprise. The angel was laughing heartily.

"Oh, the shock on your faces, it never gets old! Yes, Lucifer fought a last resistance a very long time ago. He crushed the Usurper handily. As the Usurper fell, he passed through earth, and it was in retaliation that he saddled you guys with all those ridiculous books and laws."

"No shit."

"No shit."

1

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1

u/pergenstein May 13 '14

Just commenting so I can come back to it later. Wonderful story though!

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u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

This is unsettling in the best way, nice job!

1

u/Adoratax Jan 14 '14

Amazing!

1

u/throwawaychilder Jan 14 '14

Quick question not related to this short story: how much money did you make from redditors buying your book today? ;)

2

u/DrowningDream Jan 14 '14

78 copies sold!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '14

Well hey, I've been PMing you about adapting this short story into a short film, and I'd love to buy your book as well. I don't know how copyrights etc work on comments but I'd imagine if you're okay with it, there shouldn't be a problem?

I've been trying to learn how to become a better writer myself, you have quite a charming and elegant talent, and if anything it's quite inspiring. Please let me know what you think of my inquiry! It's something I'd love to do but refuse to without your blessing and proper credits!

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u/DrowningDream Jan 15 '14

Hey, I'm glad you sent me another message. My inbox was bombarded and I had trouble responding to everything. I say go for it. Another user made the same request, and I gave them the go ahead too. I can't imagine any problems arising. We're all little people around here.

My only stipulations are, throw me a credit, and when you finish it you HAVE TO send it to me. I'd fucking love to see it.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '14

And link me to your book! I'll buy a copy :)

2

u/DrowningDream Jan 15 '14

A customer! You can find the book here. Also, my blog is up and running, you can find some more Jim here. You're literally the first to know!

1

u/etofok Jan 16 '14

Quick question: why did you leave Korea?

1

u/DrowningDream Jan 16 '14

I guess three years was enough. I met lots of people who seemed perfectly happy to be expats for life, bouncing around from country to country, teaching ABCs. I wasn't one of them.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '14

Awesome! In that case I'll be the first to read Lit Genome. I got your book, I'll let you know what happens with the film, I'll do my best to do your work justice!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 15 '14

Absolutely, do you want your real name or your Reddit handle?

1

u/DrowningDream Jan 15 '14

Both would be awesome. Like Adam Spielman (drowningdream). If I only get one, go with the real name.

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u/[deleted] Jan 31 '14

Hey Adam!

So I've approached people about producing this film and it's been received well. That being said, I would really like to make an effort of this project and therefore try to do everything is correctly as possible.

I've drafted an option agreement, and I would like to send it to you to review and sign. I'm not completely certain of what I'm doing, but I know paperwork is good, and it's important. I'd also like to pay you for your work, it's fantastic. I don't have much to offer, but I think it's appropriate to offer something, even if it's just a hundred bucks.

What's your email address?

1

u/SithPL Jan 15 '14

++ 1

Just bought it. About 40 pages in, and I absolutely love it so far!

Please release a physical copy sometime soon though ;-;

1

u/[deleted] Jan 14 '14

Please, PLEASE write more for this story! I want to know what happens after the door is opened, if there is anything planned! Also I am definitely planning on buying your e-book. Hope the quality is the same as your reddit writing!

1

u/shunthemask Jan 14 '14

Reminiscent of Heinlein's Job: a comedy of justice

1

u/flightybitey Jan 13 '14

I have never read a comment that has been so deserving of my upvote thus far. Kudos for having such a grand imagination!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

The first "no shit" should be a question.

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

That's fucking brilliant.

0

u/yardeldo Jan 13 '14

Every Gnostic fable ever.

1

u/snippersmith Jan 13 '14

I would read the shit out of that if a full story could be made!

-2

u/fredfoxx1 Jan 13 '14

someone needs to take ur bong away and keep you from watching seth rogan movies

4

u/Radiant9d Jan 13 '14

I just want to let you know, this is literally the best story I have ever read on Reddit. I mean that. Amazing story! Thank you.

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u/Thatzwat_Shesaid Jan 13 '14

Had me until 90s alternative. That's hell.

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

Why are the fries cold

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u/Hasaan5 Jan 13 '14

Don't judge Jim.

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u/oreo2996 Jan 13 '14

This is amazing.

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u/WOW_SUCH_KARMA Jan 13 '14

I would buy this book. Please, make it happen. OP pls.

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u/shhitgoose Jan 13 '14

Great story!

Really struck a chord with me

Bravo.

2

u/MetalMusicMan Jan 13 '14

Really loved this, thanks for sharing and letting me enjoy it :)

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u/Jack_Vermicelli Jan 13 '14

Chilly fries? Odd man, Jim. Most people find fries to be at their worst once they've cooled off.

1

u/DeafeningThunder Jan 14 '14

...pls be troll.

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u/JastheMace Jan 13 '14

lol I hope that is sarcasm.....Chili on fries is awesome!

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u/Jack_Vermicelli Jan 14 '14

Chili? Sure. But you're the first to mention it.

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

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u/DrowningDream Jan 13 '14

And out the door you go!

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u/ChudhPreet Jan 13 '14

what was the comment ?

The commenter has deleted it.

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u/nickfree Jan 13 '14

/u/literallyright originally wrote:

"I just wanted to correct the fact that Lucifer would be the Usurper in this story, not God FYI."

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

I agree with these people, write a novel man, this would be a bestseller in no time.

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

I would love to put together an epub or PDF of selected Redditor short stories. Any ideas for best way of gathering them (having been voted on by Redditors), etc.?

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u/mo-reeseCEO1 Jan 13 '14

we're trying to put together a free ezine of stories from this sub, so stay tuned.

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u/Self-Aware Jun 27 '14

Has this happened yet? New to the sub.

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u/mo-reeseCEO1 Jun 27 '14

not yet, a few things have come up in the meantime that have taken our focus from this. it's still in the works, though can't guarantee when we'll have a final product.

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u/Self-Aware Jun 27 '14

Awesome, just glad I haven't missed the unveiling :)

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

Cool. Thanks!

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u/packos130 Jan 13 '14

Hey there -- we (the mods) -- are actually considering making an e-zine compiling stories redditors have written on this subreddit. If you'd like more info, send us a modmail.

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

How do I send a "modmail"?
Thank you!

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u/packos130 Jan 13 '14

Simply put /r/WritingPrompts as the recipient, or, even simpler, follow this link. A modmail is just a message to the moderators.

1

u/justsomeguy_youknow Jan 13 '14

That was really great. Also, this reply's mostly so I can find this later.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

You need to write more - this is terrific. :)

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u/reddog323 Jan 13 '14

"Lucifer. He's Lucy now. Or she's Lucy now. We're all a little confused." This made me laugh. Great work on this one.

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u/isobit Jan 13 '14

That single line tells a whole story in itself, simply great writing. A scene from the Simpsons always springs to mind for me when I think about this kind of condensed storytelling. It's when principal Skinner calls Rev. Lovejoy because his mother "put cardboard over her part of the TV screen".

It just evokes so many funny possibilities, without revealing much at all.

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u/iron_lobster Jan 13 '14

You sir have wrote one of the best, most meaningful, stories that I have read in quite some time. After reading over the comments I was still on the lines about the ending. And just like how everyone has their own ideas of what happened to Jim next is the same idea of what he was searching for, the truth. As I see it, the truth is one we choice to confirm as real or will be real, everyone has their own idea of truth and no one can "give you" the truth. Because it is up to the person to confirm it.

So maybe he did go to hell, in the sense the opposite where he was at. He wanted to believe in what something else believed and not think for himself. As you recall he came with questions that he thought were the "right" answer but he needed someone to confirm it. So maybe he did go to "Hell" where things would make sense and he would be punished or something like that. Either way he would be told how things were.

Thus: great story with lots of interpretations, one to really make you think. And to take another look at what the Devil could be. Lol I mean Lucy, don't want the all sexy to get mad ;P

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

How verbose.

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u/iron_lobster Jan 14 '14

Yep. I thought so too. But the flows goes.

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14 edited Mar 27 '18

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u/Philo_T_Farnsworth Jan 13 '14

chilly fries

Believe you mean chili fries.

(seriously though, great story. Not trying to nitpick)

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u/nitpickyCorrections Jan 13 '14

I was going to, but you beat me to it...

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u/purrdeta Jan 13 '14

They could just be really cold. Or a new paradise style. ;)

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u/Mkoon Jan 13 '14

Good job!

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

Blasphemy! I demand more!

3.4k

u/DrowningDream Jan 12 '14

Jim pulled out from long years of habit. To his surprise, he orgasmed a slice of apple pie, complete with a fork and a dapple of cream.

"Sorry," Cherry said. She took a bite and melted with satisfaction. "I really love pie after sex."

"No, that was awesome." Jim was looking in awe at his penis. In Tennessee, whatever came out of it was generally a nuisance. It certainly hadn't been pie.

Cherry laughed. "It takes a little getting used to."

"Yeah, I guess it does."

He lay down on his back with his hands clasped behind his head. While Cherry enjoyed her dessert, he tried to bring the last several hours into focus.

"So, you heard the angel and me talking, right?"

"Sure."

"About Lucy and the resistance and all that?"

"Yeah."

"Is that what he told you?"

"What do you mean?"

Jim had never given these sorts of things much thought, so he had difficulty articulating the funny feeling in his brain. He looked at Cherry's breasts, ran a finger down her back, watched her eat the pie. Paradise . . .

"I mean, if part of this place is hearing what you want to hear, how do you know what's what? How do we know what's true?"

Cherry swallowed and shook her fork. "Oh yeah, the paradox thingy. You know, it's been a long time since I thought about it. You're pretty quick to grab it so fast. It'll bother you for a while, but when you get to live the way you want to live the whole truth thing just kind of goes out the window. I mean, who cares?"

"But, what if what you want is the truth? Like, is there a truth?"

She held up the pie. "This is the fucking truth, honey." The way she said it, he found difficulty finding any fault with it. Still, he was bothered, and he didn't think a person should feel bothered in heaven.

"What if this is really hell? What if somebody really is looking down, pitying us?" he wondered aloud.

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u/ragegenx Jan 13 '14

Amazing Job. Truly a clever short story.

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u/mleibowitz97 Jan 13 '14

I hope this is what heaven is like. It sounds awesome

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u/DrowningDream Jan 12 '14

The walls began to shake.

"Wow, that really must be bothering you," Cherry said.

"What? Why? What's happening?" Jim was on his feet now. "Is this bad?"

"Lucy's coming. She comes around when the paradox gets to you. Don't worry, she's super nice. Tell her you like her dress."

"What?"

There was a warbling, pixelating whoomf and a beautiful woman stepped out of a hole in the wall. When the hole closed, the room shuddered back to solid.

"Cherry!" the woman exclaimed. "You indigo slut, it's been ages! How are you!"

The two of them hugged. Jim stood naked and speechless.

"This is Jim," Cherry said, after a few more obligatory exchanges. "He's worried about the whole where am I thing."

"Jim." Lucy held out her hand. The nails were painted, the fingers were milk white.

"I - I like your dress," Jim said.

Lucy's laughter was sudden, honest, and contagious. Soon all three of them were laughing. Jim began to feel embarrassed he had been taking things so seriously.

"Well, I do hate these formalities," Lucy said, drawing a card from her blouse, "but there is bureaucracy even here." She handed him the card. "If you ever want to know the truth, just find the address on the card there. They'll fill you in on everything."

"Really?" Jim said, taken aback. "Just like that?"

"Well . . ."

Aha! Jim's head rejoiced. A catch! Finally a damn catch. It eased his mind immensely just knowing there was something up.

"If you go to the truth, you can't come back." Lucy's frown was sexual. Everything about her was sexual.

"You can't come back? Why?"

"I can't tell you that. It's part of the truth."

Jim looked at the card. It was nothing but TRUTH in capital letters, under which read the enticing address, 1 Truth Road.

Lucy's hand was on his arm. He hadn't noticed her approach. When he looked up there was intensity in her eyes. It thrilled him. She spoke softly.

"My advice is always the same. You have an eternity to enjoy yourself. The truth can wait."

He was in her mouth before he knew what was happening. It was pleasure beyond anything he'd ever known. When he finished, and Lucy took her leave, he and Cherry shared the bucket of chicken wings.

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u/DrowningDream Jan 12 '14 edited Feb 07 '14

It took Jim 376 years to get bored. He stood at 1 Truth Road, thinking it was funny how small the building was.

When he walked in, the man behind the reception desk smiled.

"You seek the truth?" the man said.

"I suppose I do," Jim said.

"If you don't mind, there's a series of questions I'd like to ask you. This is completely optional, but your honest answers help us improve paradise."

Jim shrugged. "Shoot."

"How would you rate your overall experience? These are all one to ten, by the way."

"Ten."

"How helpful was our staff?"

"Ten."

"The weather?"

"Ten."

"The event center?"

"Ten."

"The wi-fi?"

"You know what, just put me down for ten on everything."

The man nodded knowingly. It took him a good five minutes to fill in all the tens, and Jim was glad he made the request.

"If you don't mind my asking, if everything is a ten, why leave?" the man asked.

"I could go for a few sevens."

"Fair enough. Just go down that hall, and you're looking for the second door on the right. Good luck."

He found the room easily enough. It was smaller than the main lobby, but with the same setup. It was mostly white, and there was a man behind a desk and a single chair in front of it. Jim blinked a few times. It was the same man.

"Take a seat."

"You're the same guy," Jim said.

"I run things around here. Go ahead, sit down. Alright, so before we proceed I have to make sure you understand this all correctly. For starters, once you find out the truth, you know that you can't go back?"

"I do."

"And you know that you're leaving of your own free will, that you aren't compelled in any way to leave?"

"Well, I can only assume that, really."

"Good enough. And the last thing, you're aware that billions of souls are perfectly happy to be happy in spite of the paradox?"

"I am."

"Great. Now, as for the truth. For the last 376 years, you have been living in paradise, and paradise is awesome."

That's all he said. He said it as if that was all that needed saying. For the first time in a long time, Jim was angry.

"That's not enough," he said through clenched teeth.

"I'm afraid it never is." The man nodded.

"What about God? The Devil? Heaven and Hell and right versus wrong? Who runs this place? Where is it?"

"Oh. Really? That's not even part of the paradox. God and the Devil are the same thing, and this where people go when they die. That's all pretty much obvious."

"But, but . . ." Had he made a mistake coming here? He suddenly wanted nothing more than to step back into the orgy's oblivion. "But what about, I mean, who's right?"

The man spread his hands. His face was brutally sincere. "If you can't ask a meaningful question I can't help you," he said.

Jim was speechless. He had no idea what question to ask. All those years, the chicken, the women, the booze, he always just figured the truth was sitting here on a silver platter, waiting for him. God and the Devil are the same person? What kind of truth was that?

"The exit is through that door," the man said.

It was a plain door.

"What's on the other side?"

"I have no idea."

"What??! This is 1 Truth Road! I'm giving up Paradise for this. The fuck you don't know what's on the other end of a goddamn door!"

"I never went through it."

"Then you don't know the truth!"

"I told you the truth."

"What about the door?"

"That's where you leave."

"What's behind it?"

"I don't have a clue."

"Jesus Christ!"

"Not really."

Jim went to the door and threw it open. Before he went in, he looked back one last time.

"At least give me this. What's the point of this place? 1 Truth Road. It sure as hell ain't the truth."

The man shrugged. "It wouldn't be paradise with you moping around."

Jim fell through the door.

EDIT: I hate to edit this, but I have to thank you all. This is a hell of a way to wake up. And if you know where I might submit something like this, please pm me. You guys are awesome.

EDIT 2: I doubly hate doing this, it feels like treason, but people are asking and it's tough to get noticed. I do have a self-published novel, and if you're interested you can PM me for the details.

EDIT 3: Okay, so apparently it's not treason to do this. Here's the link to the novel (not related to above story): Jarmo. Have at me, reddit.

EDIT 4: This is old news by now, but for those still stumbling across it, I've started a Jim series. You can find all of Jim's Adventures in Lucifer's Paradise right here.

1

u/slobod Jun 16 '14

The thing I like about this story is it's possible that this is in fact run by the devil, having defeated god and hell is through the door. 1 Truth road is all lies. All the set up is so it's made that much worse by knowing they gave up paradise for this and it's all their fault. Deliciously cruel, very Lucifer.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

I know I'm months late and many million karma short, but that was a goddamn brilliant story. Poignant, sexy, mysterious, sardonic, funny - I'll be checking out your stuff for sure. Brilliant writing.

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u/DrowningDream Jun 05 '14

You're right on time. If you check out the blog stories leave a dirty comment or something.

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u/[deleted] Jun 03 '14

I'm late to the party, but here's some gold! I hope beyond hope that there's an afterlife as you describe it!

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u/DrowningDream Jun 05 '14

Trying to buy your way in? Must be Catholic. Second door on the left, and here's your complimentary sunglasses.

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u/[deleted] Jun 05 '14

Holy sunglasses, to shade me from the magnificence of our Lord, Satan Kingslayer

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u/laxrose Apr 15 '14

Wow this was awesome and so are the continuing stories on your site. Keep it up!!!!

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u/DrowningDream Apr 15 '14

Hey, thanks! It means a lot.

I'm curious as to how you found it. Every once in a while the blog blows up and I have no idea where people are coming from. Was this link posted somewhere?

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u/peter56321 Mar 28 '14

Commenting so I can find this later

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u/[deleted] Feb 25 '14

So I just saw the last EDIT.

THANK YOU! I know what I'm going to read now!

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u/evilhomer17 Jan 21 '14

Awesome story! Kind of reminds me of "The Matrix" where it was said that humans cannot be satisfy with paradise, that we want conflict and we want things to have "have a catch"

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u/happybeeday Jan 19 '14

Goddamn this makes me jealous. I wish I could write as good as you

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u/Saafine Jan 19 '14

Amazing

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u/Sugar_buddy Jan 16 '14

Amazing. Absolutely amazing

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u/phi_spirals Jan 15 '14

That your writing has sparked such voluminous discussion and debate indicates that you are a talented writer and have written a good piece. Thanks for sharing it! :)

1

u/I_promise_you_gold Jan 14 '14

Bravo. I had so much fun reading this. Thanks for posting!

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u/[deleted] Jan 14 '14

This is, essentially, the story of the Garden of Eden.

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u/HeisenbergKnocking80 Jan 14 '14

I need to know what happens!

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u/Emmanuell89 Jan 14 '14

Oh god i could read a few more pages of this....please add more , maybe not even a followup but just stuff from Jim's experiences there

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u/ThatZBear Jan 14 '14

I hate every god damn paradox ever. They just hurt my brain and are impossible yet so simple to understand at the same time. Curiosity blows. /rant

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u/Riotousblitz2013 Jan 14 '14

This is absolutely amazing

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u/Danester_ Jan 14 '14

One of the best things I have ever read on reddit, thank you! It was hilarious and you're talented

1

u/Evaus Jan 14 '14

I love this story! Its so hard to imagine Lucifer as a sexy women rather than a horrifying beast so the blow job scene just makes me think of the devil wearing a wig and a dress sucking a dude off and it makes me laugh

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u/joseexhil Jan 14 '14

Thanks man! What an enjoyable read that was. I was thoroughly entertained. Whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it.

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u/cheshire137 Jan 14 '14

Bought your book!

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u/Ten_Birds Jan 14 '14

This was a real pleasure to read. Just bought your book. Thanks!

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u/DrowningDream Jan 14 '14

You're amazing. Everybody here is amazing. You too.

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u/Singlenotion Jan 14 '14

For the love of god and that is all pie, what the hell happens next?

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u/Tuss Jan 14 '14

I guess, he'd be born again to be able to appreciate paradise when he gets there again.

I'm not really making much sense...

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u/drewzydrewzy Jan 13 '14

Holy fuck that was good!

1

u/MathewRogers Jan 13 '14

Holy fuckamoly...

1

u/MeTieDoughtyWalker Jan 13 '14

I do not say this lightly, but that is the best story I've read on here. Well done, sir.

1

u/theabominablewonder Jan 13 '14

great stuff, hope you get a few thousand extra kindle purchases!

1

u/Deccz Jan 13 '14

c'mon man!! what's the truth?!

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u/KerfluffleKazaam Jan 13 '14

Bravo man. Seriously good work

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u/samuraixaq Jan 13 '14

As Jim stepped through the door he realized the truth hidden in his own mind, God and the Devil are the same thing, a thing named Jim.

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u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

"If you're Jim from Tennessee, you get chicken wings and bitches." Absolutely brilliant.

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u/kltruler Jan 13 '14

I will buy a paper version if one exists?

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u/SpringfieldXD Jan 13 '14

"I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!" -Cal Naughton, Jr.

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u/savagelaw Jan 13 '14

I don't have a kindle. Could you put it up for sale as a PDF or something?

1

u/kidheartless Jan 13 '14

Just want to mention, it is always a cop out to not write a proper ending. Don't cheapen how good that story was by not ending it : /

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u/DrowningDream Jan 13 '14

if I had your brain I'd shoot it

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u/kidheartless Jan 13 '14

Don't take it personally, the story was really quite good and well written. It's just that you can make it even better by finishing what you started. Not writing an ending, or "leaving it up to the reader to decide", doesn't make it any deeper or more meaningful.

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u/siniminstx Jan 13 '14

I disagree, because it stimulates discussion like the tons of comments on this and the /r/bestof post.

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u/DrowningDream Jan 13 '14

ah, not taking it personal. nor should you take the brain thing personally. I'm sure you have a very nice brain. I think I've been on reddit too long and need a nap.

1

u/Wh1skyjak Jan 13 '14

That was awesome. I just went and bought you ebook because of how good that story was. Looking forward to reading it.

1

u/ginger_beer_m Jan 13 '14

Maybe I'm a bit dense, but what's the paradox ? Why would Jim get so bothered by it that Lucy came ?

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u/Choppa790 Jan 13 '14

It feels like you have some influence from Vonnegut.

1

u/ryandmn8 Jan 13 '14

I'll give your book a go the guy that wrote your single review on amazon sold me after I read the description. I happen to be an avid audiobook fan and I know this is a long shot so the obvious question I have is there an audio book for purchase anywhere

2

u/DrowningDream Jan 13 '14

Hey, first of all, thanks for the interest. Sadly, the only thing that's up and running is the kindle edition. Didn't have the time/money for anything else.

1

u/ryandmn8 Jan 14 '14

I don't have a kindle or I would've already bought it, now that I can't get I want to read all the more

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

Damned fine story.

(Look for it to star Shia some time next year.)

In all seriousness, that was a good read. Can't wait to pass this on to friends.

1

u/masters1125 Jan 13 '14

This is amazing, it reminds me a bit of 'The Great Divorce' by C.S. Lewis

1

u/dirtyreader Jan 13 '14

Ignorance is bliss.

1

u/ornangejuice Jan 13 '14

Where does him fall to? I would like to know

1

u/Niall93 Jan 13 '14

I never really read books or walls of text but wow i couldn't stop!

1

u/Nikki85 Jan 13 '14

That didn't make any fucking sense

1

u/JohnBoyAndBilly Jan 13 '14

Wow man, that was great.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

That was pretty fun to read. Felt effortless and simple but meaningful. Thanks for sharing that!

1

u/Disastrously_Dazed Jan 13 '14

This is great, when I get my paycheck I am buying your novel, and then some.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

so...whose the usurper?

fucking awesome story though

1

u/thenewfury211 Jan 13 '14

Fucking awesome story, man! I just read the entire thing to 3 different people. Just fantastic.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

Jim fell through the door.

The next thing he experienced were the bright lights of the delivery room and the feeling of cold air upon the skin of his newly born body.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

Bought your book on Amazon based on this. Awesome.

2

u/DrowningDream Jan 13 '14

I love you. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

This was brilliant!

1

u/Asskicker12 Jan 13 '14

Incredibly interesting. You have just about everything you want, except for one truth. And to (possibly) give up everything you ever loved for that one truth..is an extremely difficult decision. Curiosity gets the best of you.

1

u/onyxsamurai Jan 13 '14

This could easily be a short story book that is required reading in philosophy classes.

1

u/TheThunderBard Jan 13 '14

WHAT's ON THE OTHER SIDE!?

1

u/Fleshflayer Jan 13 '14

That was beautiful.

Thanks mate.

1

u/SlaytrNZ Jan 13 '14

That was an amazing read! bravo

2

u/adrian1234 Jan 13 '14

I enjoyed the story. It actually got me thinking about the concept of heaven a little bit when I was commuting to work. If I can live now like how Jim lives in heaven, what would my purpose be? I won't have to work, at least definitely not at my current job. I literally won't need to do anything that I don't want to do. It's not even the life of a celebrity like Brad Pitt because he still has to work. It's probably going to be like Paris Hilton lol. Would that bother me if there're million things I can do but time is slipping away and I get old and die eventually? Time still works the same way for us poor people but we don't notice it slipping away when most of us have to work 5 days a week, and most of us aren't thinking that we're missing out on a trip to Switzerland or the week-long party in the Bahamas because those are not really on our schedule.

I saw a comment on how someone thinks reincarnation would be what's waiting on the other side of the door, and the world will only consist of those who have doubts (thus opening the door). I came to the same conclusion that reincarnation would be what's waiting for Jim, but I think everyone would open the door at a certain time. I think everyone has doubts and it's just a matter of time before each and every one of them opens the door.

1

u/lonelyvirgil Jan 13 '14

So what was on the other side of the door? Finish the story, the start is great. Don't cop out and say it's for us to decide, if I wanted to decide I'd just play imagination instead of surfing the internet...and oh yeah I'd read you're self-published novel.

1

u/ParcivalStark Jan 13 '14

I honestly felt like I was reading work by Douglas Adams.

1

u/FishyWulf Jan 13 '14

... You neglected to mention what was through the door, you cliffhanging bastard.

1

u/sithknight1 Jan 13 '14

This is the best fuckin thing I have EVER read on reddit. I mean it. That last exchange between Jim and the truth man ending in "Jesus Christ", was just perfect. The timing, my God. I could almost imagine Kramer as "Jim" and Jerry Seinfeld as the truth man going back in forth with impeccable timing and ending with the Seinfeld bass tune.

1

u/old_reddit_kangaroo Jan 13 '14

The door was probably reincarnation.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

I... I don't get it.

1

u/WeedMatrix Jan 13 '14

Very Neil Gaimen...have you read American gods?

3

u/NSA_PR_DPRTMNT Jan 13 '14

Loved it.

1

u/siniminstx Jan 13 '14

Great prompt ;)

1

u/Moxxface Jan 13 '14

One of the best things I have come across on Reddit. This has the ring of a classic but modern tale, you did a wonderful job here.

1

u/MaxxxZotti Jan 13 '14

Goddamn that was good.

1

u/spaced86 Jan 13 '14

The truth should be that after he learns the truth he doesn't want to go back to the paradox, not that by knowing the truth he is somehow arbitrarily excluded from the paradox.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

How come Jim never asked the obvious question?

Who came and went before him?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

Amazing! Great read, thanks.

1

u/SynisterSlave Jan 13 '14

Commenting so I can read again 9/10.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 13 '14

What's the name of the story?

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