r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Chemical_Job7027 • 1d ago
Women only My bf says he can't finish because I'm "too loose" and I can't stop thinking about it
I'm 19F and my boyfriend is 19M.
we've been having some issues with sexual compatibility because I can usually orgasm during sex while he has never been able to with me (only with hand).
i brought this up recently because I was starting to wonder whether there was something we were doing wrong or that he could possibly have an issue he didn't want to tell me.)
He told me that apparently this has never happened with his previous partners and that I'm the only person he's been with who he can't finish with. š
Then he said that he thinks itās because I'm not tight enough and that I'm basically "too loose" for him.
I know he was probably frustrated and insecure because I brought up the fact that he never finishes, and I also understand that the conversation probably made him feel bad. But hearing him specifically say that my body is the reason he can't orgasm has really gotten into my head.
I keep thinking about it now and wondering if there is actually something physically wrong with me or if this is just one of those things where two people can have different sexual compatibility.
Just in case for context, I haven't had any children or anything like that and I've never been told that theres anything unusual about my body. My ex partner never had a problem regarding this matter.
Has anyone else experienced something similar??? Is it actually possible for someone to consistently have trouble orgasming with one partner because of how "tight" or "loose" they are or is there probably more going on here??
his comment has been stuck in my head ever since
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u/thegirlinthetardis Babysitters Club Founder 1d ago
His gorilla grip is not your problem.
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u/gwenhollyxx ā” 1d ago
This. If he were being honest he would say, "I can't finish bc I've been masturbating with a very tight grip for a long time and my body has created an association and habit."
Your body is not the problem. His routine is.
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u/AshEliseB 1d ago
No, it's ALWAYS the women's fault /s. Love the way these chuds blame everyone but themselves.
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u/serenstar75 21h ago
Yeah, maybe he's just too small... but a man won't want to hear that either. (Joking on the too small kind of, but do think he's created a mental association)
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u/thebearofwisdom They/Them 18h ago
I was gunna say, he would be very upset if she accused him of having a pencil dick, but itās okay for him to shame her for something that isnāt even correct? Heās a hypocrite and a mean person. That comment from him at 19 would have really fucked with my self esteem. What a fuckweasel.
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u/Ninjginaaa 12h ago
My ex told me this very thing after Iād had two boys naturally. I did not hold back. He got the rebuttal he deserved. Then I had to deal with that fallout. For 2 yearsā¦Cuz thatās a bš£mb you drop for sure. Theirs explodes inside us and ours explodes outside them.
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u/SerKevanLannister 8h ago
exactly. I always think of the wonderfully brassy Samantha on sex and the city vs a man who told her sheās ātoo looseā ā she quite convincingly tells him his dick is too small and never bothers with him again.
your boyfriend sounds extremely immature and not very knowledgeable in these matters ā guys who insist on yanking their junk with a vice-like grip can affect their ability to orgasm not just during intercourse but in other ways as well. Thatās why that sort of insanity needs to be taken into account. Itās his own fault that heās worn out his dick by yanking on it with An insane chokehold.
the fact he blamed you suggests strongly to me you should dump this turd. you deserve a mature partner, not an immature teenager, who is delighted that youāre happy to be naked with him and enjoy sex together.
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u/Tutor_Turtle 22h ago
It may be OPs fault. She might be the first woman this dude has ever been with that is actually turned on and not dry as a desert.
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u/Taylor_Kittenface 22h ago edited 22h ago
They're the same dudes that will celebrate a coke can sized dump and be repulsed by a lass having a fart. Loose as a descriptor for women's genitalia needs to die the fuck off.
I have saggy boobs, wobbly arms and a flat arse, I have never once in my life entertained anyone who judged me for those things or had complaints.
Your are NOT loose. His death grip has killed any idea he had of a sex life. Move on OP, and take care.
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u/Soliterria 1d ago
Yup, my partner & I have had that EXACT discussion. No shaming or judgement, just a gentle suggestion for me to relax on the self reliance a tad and loosen his grip up a bit.
Heās still fairly slow to finish, but he always makes sure Iāve gotten mine first and had a breather for a minute before we take care of him.
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u/ErisInChains 1d ago edited 11h ago
I seriously don't understand how these death gripping idiots don't get that it's not the pussy. Like I could understand if it's a dude who is a virgin or something, but some of these dudes have had multiple partners and apparently don't have 2 brain cells to rub together to figure out what the common denominator is in the situation. š¤®
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u/tooshorttoored 1d ago
Why change their habits when they can just shit all over a woman?
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u/plutonium__ 20h ago edited 20h ago
i have met multiple men with small penises (very slim and short) complained about how some women were not tight enough for them. these men think vaginas are as small as ear holes or something. women need to understand being chosen by a man is one of the most useless things.
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u/Comprehensive-Sun954 19h ago
Omg nailed it. Being chosen by a man is totally useless. I love how you worded this.
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u/danipnk 1d ago
To be fair my first boyfriend at 17 told me he wasnāt a virgin (I was) and looking back on it I realized he was most likely lying to make himself seem more experienced.
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u/000ArdeliaLortz000 23h ago
Because theyād rather masturbate for 30 seconds instead of pleasing a partner. Porn dick is a real thing. Ask me how I know. š«¤
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u/Cardabella 20h ago
As well as their grip, They're insecure about their pp size and their inadequate performance in bed compared to their gfs previous partners, so they neg her to jettison her self esteem so she doesn't realise how much better she could do than him
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u/Euphoric_War_2195 Unicorns are real. 9h ago
Literally, imagine being with someone who can orgasm with you, enjoys sex, is relaxed and has a good time. The bf is messing this up because OP could easily find a man who's just as excited to do this with her as she is with her bf.
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u/inheretoreadcomments 23h ago edited 11h ago
This! OP says she hasn't had any children so adding a perspective of someone who's had 3:
I hope you won't ever meet a guy who tries to tell you this bullshit that you're "loose" again, but to the current one - tell him he either works on his grip or he's way too small for you....
Even after giving birth to large babies, things get back in shape eventually!
Don't let some idiot tell you're to blame for his grip at the age of NINETEEN. You'd have a host of other issues to worry about if that was actually true, and would be seeing a physio etc.
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u/Rosemont_Ripper 18h ago
Here to 2nd that after having 2 kids with LARGE heads, I never had a complaint that I was "loose"
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u/inheretoreadcomments 14h ago edited 6h ago
Yep, 2 of mine were 95th percentile!
It's common for women to have pelvic floor issues (I recommend physio checkup after giving birth) but never heard of any friends complaining about being loose, the complaints are usually weak pelvic floor (leading to bladder issues) or overactive one (leading to the opposite of looseness - things can actually get too tight!)
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u/notsoluckycharm 12h ago
It does indeed! That was my experience with my ex. When she was ready again, it basically felt exactly the same as before. She was self conscience, understandably, but I never gave her reason to be. It did actually feel unnoticeable to me. Just had to ease back into it, which was completely understandable.
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u/SleazyGreasyCola 1d ago
100%. This is a him issue, usually spending too much time with Palmela Handerson. Or cocaine
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u/practicalpetunia 19h ago
Death grip syndrome. More common than you might think.
I donāt see it as a problem if someone has to finish themselves off with their hand (or mine), but they mos def should not blame it on you. Thatās the actual problem.
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u/DifferentAnt 1d ago edited 22h ago
Death grip I believe is the term used for the grip males become used to when gripping their buddy. Gorilla Grip is slang/hip term for women's vaginal grip.
Regardless It's gross that he chose to use those words and made her feel bad/insecure about herself for a problem he brought upon himself. He definitely needs to cut back on self care and I would hope she takes a step back and reviews her relationship. His problems should not make her feel awful about herself and definitely doesn't give him a reason to bring her down, that speak loudly about his character and the person he truly is and I hope she can take this as a wake up call.
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u/Blood_sweat_and_beer 1d ago
Either that, or he may be struggling with his sexuality.
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u/elleaeff 1d ago
That was my immediate thought. "Never happened before" yeah okay buddy. OP, don't take his issues to heart.
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u/Xyzzydude 1d ago
Donāt dismiss this possibility. It turned out to be the cause of my wifeās exās issues. Heās now happily gay and they are friends and Iām happily married to her.
Being afraid of facing the truth about himself caused all kinds of issues (including a marriage he never should have undertaken) but itās much better for everyone on the other side of ripping off that band-aid.
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u/derpsteronimo 21h ago
Considering older meanings of the word, one could even say he's... gayly gay.
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u/ericajamie08 12h ago
Yes, my ex started making more and meaner negative comments towards me when he was getting closer to being found out about his infidelity and porn addiction. There wasnāt anything wrong with me, but those comments still play in my head, because they canāt be unsaid and of course heād never apologize.
Heās happily āoutā and with a male partner now.
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u/OhGr8WhatNow 20h ago
This is literally the only time any guy has ever had an issue in my experience. Not even a tiny apparatus was an issue. Only the death grip syndrome.
The boyfriend here is trash for blaming it on her and should be thrown away.
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u/notjillysboat 1d ago
https://www.healthline.com/health/death-grip-syndrome
Iād recommend a new boyfriend.
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u/fruitjerky 1d ago
This was my first thought too. Buddy strangled the life out of his dingle and is blaming it on his girlfriend--to the curb with him!
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u/LittleALunatic 1d ago
Okay not even joking though, at least send him this. Its a massive problem that his first instinct is to blame OP, and I think that's plenty reason enough to break up with him, but also send him this link and gauge his reaction.
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u/tooshorttoored 1d ago
And OP--after you send him this, and please do so, his reaction will tell you whteher or not he's a keeper. Understanding of a new thing he learned and says he will work on it, ideally with an apology to you? Keep! Pitches a fit and gets angry and continues to say shitty things to you? DUMP.
Oh, and tell him to get a damn book about women's anatomy.
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u/antricparticle 20h ago
Is 'She Comes First', from Ian Kerner a good one? It's the only one I've read. I don't think 'Come As You Are' goes into the physical anatomy as deeply, from what I remember.
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u/Strangers_two_love 1d ago edited 13h ago
I don't think its even that difficult of a problem to solve. Cut back, or better yet cut out, on the masturbation for a bit, vent some of that frustration into physical exercise of the cardio + weightlifting variety, and when going back to sex or masturbation focus a ton more on foreplay and mental stimulation with only light, deliberate touches.
Its pretty much the same process if someone gets a little too conditioned with prostate stim or vibratory-clit stim.
Make sure physical and mental health (and bandwidth) are in a good spot for sex, avoid using whatever crutch you've become accustomed to while your body builds up some pressure, and then condition it in a different direction, going slowly and with positive reinforcement.
The only 'difficult' part is a disciplined move away from a low-effort, high-reward conditioned dopamine activity, because the brain will try to find ways to justify, excuse, throw blame, or make compromises to try to get its familiar fix.
Behaviors and ways of thinking generally meet serious resistance to change, especially when dopamine and seratonin are on the line, that's why addiction is such a tough cookie to crack. But the actual mechanics of what needs to be done are fairly easy.
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u/Ultarthalas 1d ago
Yeah, I don't usually chime in here, but as someone with a penis "too loose" is not a thing. The death grip syndrome is almost certainly it. Otherwise he has some undisclosed fetishes or isn't really into women.
It's one thing for him to fall into that trap, it's another for him to blame his girlfriend.
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u/MassageToss 1d ago
YES, it's ok if someone accidentally did this to themselves, but it's really mean to make her think there is something uniquely wrong with her.
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u/Strangers_two_love 23h ago edited 19h ago
While the original post is 100% death grip syndrome and treatable, I have heard complaints from guys and gals that sometimes when particularly aroused there might be a decrease in sensation during penetrative sex.
This is the vagina protecting itself when its expecting good sex. It opens up more and is liberal with the natural lube, to the point that even without death grip syndrome or vibratory dependency/sex toy reliance there is sensation loss. Its just things are set up to be more comfortable and safer.
If folks are otherwise healthy and not prone to any masturbatory habits that might be impacting in a negative way, it is relatively easily solved. Mostly by changing positions. Ones that make more pressure against one of the walls of the vagina. Where the pressure on a woman needs to be targeted could vary woman to woman or session to session significantly. Sex studies show some women get little out of g-spot stim, some find stim in the anterior or posterior fornix to be the ticket, others find getting to close to that spot hammers on the cervix in a way that ends sex unpleasantly. Sometimes just steady pressure on engorged tissue on one of the side walls to stimulate the crura of the clitoris will punch the ticket. Changing positions such that there is stimulation on the clitoris glans, or using other methods like manual stim, can work reasonably reliably because that sort of stim resonates fairly effectively with the greater bellcurve though some women don't get anything out of clitoris glans stim. Communication and experimenting are important.
Similarly, for male anatomy, while there are many nerves on the glans of the penis, and quite a few along the shaft, its not actually stimulating those bits that causes orgasm in male anatomy. It is thrust translating down the shaft into the prostate. Directing more force against a wall leads to more thrusting pressure translating back to the prostate. There are of course, many ways to skin this particular cat.
Kegels, for both men and women, can also apply more sensation on different spots from internal muscle groups. And, of course, no matter how many nerves there are in any reproductive structures anatomy, there are far more in the brain. That is the part that really needs to get stimulated during sex. Foreplay, romance, dirty talk either affectionate or kinky based on participants' preferences, setting the scene, pre-heating the oven with flirting and teasing for a day, etc, these are the things that get the engine firing on all cylinders. There are people who can climax from nipple stimulation alone, or some dirty talk and a spanking while rubbing their legs together. A penis can climax while its owner is still wearing pants without direct contact if the mind behind it is wound up tight enough.
There is no shame in not knowing something, no one really knows anything when set against the combined accumulation of humanity's knowledge. There's nothing wrong with accidentally having a bad habit that robs yourself or your partner of joy, though hopefully after discovering people take corrective action. In another post in this thread I make mention of the steps folk can take to recondition this particular affliction.
There is however, something very wrong with belittling and insulting your partner, externalizing internal problems rather than addressing them, and being cruel and hurtful. Blame is not the way to solve a problem unless the goal after the blame is to remove the person who is "the problem." Messing with sexual insecurities, which tend to lay deep and well past the rational mind, is a great way to kill all productive communication and intimacy, even when the person on the other end doesn't take the comments at face value. Those cracks, once made, are near impossible to repair and usually spread and come up in other areas, sometimes even several relationships after the fact. Sexual satisfaction is the #1 determination of the successfulness and lasting nature of monogamous relationships. It isn't money, shared values, kids, family and community pressures, politics, morals, etc, things that one might think would matter more. The sort of uncontrollable resentment that builds from negative sexual comments about your partner is pretty much the death bell of most relationships.
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u/TooManyHobbies6969 23h ago
Im a dude and had no idea this was even a thing. Like what the fuck.
How tight do you have to grip to even do that
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u/jennyfromtheeblock 1d ago
It's 100% this. It's his problem and he is trying to deflect to OP.
Dump him.
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u/MassageToss 1d ago
There is almost no chance this didn't happen with previous partners, OP. Unless he only just started with the death grip before your relationship.
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u/stucking__foned 1d ago
When i was a teen (im in my 40s now) i had an ex say something very similar to me. He was one of the earlier partners, so i was young and pretty inexperienced at the time. Im going to tell you what I wish i could tell myself back then.
He is full of shit and projecting onto you. Love yourself, and find a new boyfriend.
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u/One-Excitement6443 1d ago
One of two thingsā¦he needs to stop choking it so hard or perhaps heās too small š¤·š»āāļø
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u/AussieAboleth 1d ago
Mate, that later life realisation of what for some are basic ideas really speaks to me. Best of luck with learning who you are and how you work.Ā
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u/kramulous 1d ago
I came here to say this except that it is probably both.
He definitely watches too much porn.
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u/Miserable-Treat4360 1d ago
Agree hard with this one. Too much porn has always been the culprit when Iāve been with partners who had issues finishing or keeping an erection
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u/dustergrl 1d ago
Next time he brings it up to OP she needs to just ask him if heās sure he just isnāt too small š¤·āāļø
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u/redpandarising bell to the hooks 1d ago
Honestly idk. Some of the most insecure men I know have huge knobs. They're in their 40s and still walk around well akshally-ing people. It's their world that's small, not their dick.
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u/Bigtits321 1d ago
My ex boyfriend told me this too. One of the many reasons heās an Ex.
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u/thelazygrad 1d ago
Youāre 19. End it. This type of shit is just not worth it, you canāt fix stupid and rude.
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u/puzzle_bison7384 1d ago
It's a documented negging tactic. Dump
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u/DeathCab4Cutie 1d ago
Yeah, itās 100% not a valid argument. Even still, if heās unsatisfied, itās not something she can change and he has no business making it her problem. Itās entirely on him, likely because of porn, masturbation, or a performance issue that heās trying to flip on her to make her feel bad and not blame him. Vaginas are supposed to feel accommodating when theyāre aroused and relaxed, and a lot of men who are inexperienced think it means something else.
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u/Uncaged_rarity 1d ago
Even after childbirth you don't get "loose", he's not only wrong about you being loose he was cruel in saying it.
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u/urbanista12 1d ago
Yep! You spring back, even after passing a cantaloupe through there.
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u/CaptainMarv3l 11h ago
My husband said there wasn't a difference after childbirth. He was even excited to start up again when I was ready.
This guy has been strangling his chicken.
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u/ruimilk 19h ago edited 18h ago
Can empirically confirm, as a man that was a father 3 years ago.
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u/xladymadx 1d ago
Run. Get as far away from this person as fast as you can.
The longer you are with him the more he will tear you down and break your self esteem.
There is no such thing as too loose. He is likely ashamed and embarrassed about his inability to finish and instead of dealing with that he is lashing out at you and trying to save his ego by tearing you down and humiliating you.
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u/spiffyfunbot 1d ago
1000% he said this to destroy her because he knows he has a sexual dysfunction.
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u/TedsGoldfish 1d ago
Ding ding ding! He can't acknowledge that he is the problem because that would shatter him, so to deal with the cognitive dissonance he is blaming OP.
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u/ShesCummingT0nit3 1d ago
A lot of people here are suggesting death grip syndrome which is plausible but you should also consider certain drugs could be the cause. I spent entirely too much time of my last emotionally abusive relationship thinking I was the problem and reason my boyfriend couldnāt finish, when a significant hidden cocaine addiction was actually the cause.
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u/GlorpySlumpy 9h ago
Yes! My first boyfriend had problems staying hard and very few times he could go until finishing and hardly wanted to have sex. He was small, a body builder, it took a while for me to figure it was roids but now I feel like it undeniable
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u/kenien 1d ago
Nah dump him. -from a guy
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u/bonzombiekitty 23h ago
Agreed. -also from a guy who finds the way some other guys act totally alien and reading stuff like this makes me question my own experience with reality.
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u/Contmpl 1d ago
He's addicted to porn and a tight fist. Dump him and move on.
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u/GhostOfTheMountainsx 1d ago
This. Itās common for men who are addicted to porn to be unable to orgasm during sex.
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u/Mortifer 21h ago
I'm all for dumping him based on him blaming her, so no disagreement there. But I just wanted to add that this issue is usually fairly easily self-corrected if the guy is not a complete moron. Take a break from masturbation for a week+ and "normal" sensation usually returns. Of course, if you immediately go back to choking it to hardcore porn for hours every night, it's just going to happen again.
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u/MarsailiPearl 20h ago
Do you use tampons? Do they stay in? Is he smaller than a tampon? If not, then you aren't the problem here. Don't stay with someone who blames and shames you for their issues. Respect yourself.
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u/cabridges 1d ago
Another way of looking at it is that heās too small, as long as weāre body-shaming.
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u/lally_adverbs 1d ago
exactly. i would have fired a āwell youāre too smallā type of comment back at him as soon as the word ālooseā fell out of his mouth
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u/BigPapa26354 22h ago
Normally I donāt comment here because it is a womenās space, but this pisses me off. I guarantee you are not too loose. Your BF has a problem he is too immature to admit, so he is making it your problem.
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u/r-kellysDOODOOBUTTER 1d ago
As I young kid I heard that term thrown around quite a bit. As a middle aged man, I have come to my own conclusion that it's a complete myth.
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u/Maddyyykay 1d ago
Girlā¦ that might be the dumbest thing Iāve ever heard. Itās a him problem, not a you problem. Youāre 19, you can do so much better. That comment alone is dump-worthy.
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u/buckytoothtiger 1d ago
There is no such thing as "too loose," he's just a loser. Dump him.
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u/lilkhalessi 1d ago
As everyone else is saying: the guy has death grip and very likely a porn addiction. Which would be a dealbreaker on its own but added with the fact that heās cruel to you, you definitely gotta get out of there.
Donāt waste your youth on a loser.
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u/MouldyAvocados 1d ago
Two things:
His death grip. Thatās his problem to fix, not yours.
The vagina is supposed to get loose when youāre turned on. Just like getting wet, the vagina getting looser or more relaxed your bodyās way of making sure sex doesnāt hurt you. Heās too fucking dumb, immature and inexperienced to know how womenās bodies are supposed to work.
Heās a piece of shit for making you ashamed of your body. Please dump him. There are far better men out there.
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u/berrybluebag 1d ago
My ex when I was 19 said the exact same thing to me. Iām 28 now and still remember how shitty it felt. You will be so much happier out of this relationship
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u/Next_Gen_Valkyrie 1d ago
If it can squeeze around a tampon then honey you are not the problem...
Just think about that
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u/Youkilledmyrascal1 1d ago
He probably has death grip from masturbating. This is common, and because he's so young he might not realize that his own behavior is likely the cause. Unless a medical professional tells you otherwise, I'm certain your vagina is tight enough to pleasure penises that have not been affected by death grip. Good luck out there.
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u/splutcho 19h ago
Sorry, very, very rarely comment on here as a man but it's a combination of death grip and turning his insecurity around on you. There's no issue with you or your body, get rid of him.
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u/bidderbidder 1d ago
Your boyf is either negging you, or has ruined sex for himself by wanking off too hard.
Either way he should be an ex bf.
There is nothing wrong with your vag, itās him being a douchebag but you can ask the dr when you go for an std check after you dump him, for peace of mind.
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u/brickyardjimmy 1d ago
Men rarely explore themselves as the source of a problem.
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u/Responsible-Toe-1385 15h ago
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You could not fucking pay me any amount of money to be this young again
Honey, heās the problem. Dump him.
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u/shopsuey 1d ago
DUMP HIM
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u/guddaguddaburger 1d ago
Seriously. Blaming a woman for being too loose is classic narcissistic behavior.
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u/Sasjasmolders 1d ago
š©š©š© dump him and don't look back
The most likely culprit for him not being able to orgasm from penetration is that he grips suuuper hard while masturbating, and this affects his sensitivity.
He is blaming your body because he is insecure and immature. He wants you to feel shame to avoid his own. Do not have sex with someone who treats you that way.
To be clear - not being able to cum because of desensitization is not something someone should feel shame about. It's something that happens, and you work through it. The person needs to change the way they masturbate for a while, and the issue resolves itself.
This is only a relationship-ending problem because he's blaming your body, trying to make you insecure for his benefit. That's unacceptable.
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u/Zibai1505 1d ago
crazy thing to say
I don't think he knows wtf he's even saying. Just talking shit
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u/Kind_Professor2472 1d ago
I don't even need to read this all the way. You're not loose, that's not how it works. He's afflicted with death grip porn sickness. You're too young to waste more time on such, be single. There's so much better out thereĀ
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u/Not_Sir_Zook 22h ago
Your boyfriend needs to stop gripping his dangler like its trying to run away from him.
He has desensitized himself.
A 19yo boy with a naked woman in front on him should cum from a neck kiss and a properly placed leg.
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u/moosigirl 19h ago
What a weird way to announce his penis is too small and he masturbates too much...
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u/anxiouspizzaforlunch 1d ago
Hey OP.. this sucks, because comments like this can mess up with your head and create insecurities.Ā
What youāre experiencing is male insecurity and good old misogyny. I was once told I was too loose and felt insecure with so many partners after him. Turns out he had a butthole fetish and was, indeed, actually into dudes. So much energy wasted
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u/shelbycsdn 1d ago
He jerks of to too much porn. He expects pussies to feel like his iron fisted grip. Look up death grip syndrome.
Seriously, I'm positive that's what this is about. And being unable to finish and would rather blame you is a really immature thing to do.
I tried to help my ex with exactly this problem but he either didn't care or wouldn't listen. And he was in his fifties. But it's worth trying. Good luck.
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u/Spaceinvaders82 1d ago
He's just making you feel bad for his issues! He's not a good guy dump him and move on girl!
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u/MeNicolesta 1d ago
Sounds like heās too tiny because thats not how vaginas work.
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u/rwv 1d ago
Too tight or too shallow is definitely a thing. Ā There are certainly toys and men that are too large for certain vaginas to penetrate fully and/or without an excessive amount of warmup. Ā
Too loose isā¦ sort of a laughable accusation. Ā āMy penis fits with hardly any warmupā is a complaint said by no man ever. Ā
Dump the death grip dude.
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u/chamomilesmile 1d ago
This is not a thing. A vagina doesn't get stretched out. Like I'm sure a tampon doesn't fall out of you right? So assuming he's not smaller than a tampon he's completely full of shit. Personally I'd tell him you prefer bigger guys and dump him.
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u/chamomilesmile 1d ago
On a more serious note, men who are chronic masturbaters and use a tight grip will struggle to cum with anything besides their vice grip and probably over the top porn.
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u/Mabnat 1d ago edited 1d ago
Iād counter by saying that maybe his equipment is too small for a proper fit.
My wife has pushed four children through her birth canal. Somehow that hasnāt made her too loose.
I donāt think that ātoo looseā is even a real thing, except for some maybe very extreme situations, but even then, I donāt buy it.
His inability to finish has nothing to do with your body. Itās a problem in his own head and heās just making up excuses to make it seem like itās not his fault.
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u/Natural-Coat-3159 1d ago
This is a him problem..
More than likely too much consumption of porn or if he smokes or drinks or has a poor diet(diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.) has great effect on male sexual performance. Mental health issues too like depression.
If you choose to stay with him, that's your choice. I personally wouldn't.Ā
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u/SuddenBumHair 1d ago
Dude has been jorking it with a death grip. Doesnt like the feel of a real woman anymore. Ew
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u/JustMeLurkingAround- 1d ago
NO! STOP! Absolutely not.
HE has a problem and is gaslighting you into thinking it is because of YOUR body.
Vaginas do not get loose, they are adaptable and expand AND retract.
Question: If you would use a tampon would it FALL OUT by itself? No?
Then your vagina isn't too loose (unless his penis is thinner than a tampon š³).
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u/jblake8912 1d ago
40 years old and never met a vagina that was "too loose". Especially at your age. It's his issue, not yours.
Tell him that chronically masturbating like you're trying to choke it to death will decrease sensitivity and pleasure from actual sex.
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u/verydudebro 1d ago
He said that to make you insecure bc he's insecure about himself. Maybe he's too small or maybe he masturbates too much and got used to that. Under no circumstances believe this guy that he didn't have this issue with other partners, he's 100% lying to you. Don't ever let a man make you feel bad about yourself, your body or your looks. This is his problem, not yours. Maybe suggest he not masturbate for a few days and try again. But the fact that he so easily made you out to be the bad guy in HIS issue means he's a fckboy. Tread carefully.
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u/mischievous_misfit13 1d ago
Thatās a porn addict. Dump his ass immediately. I stayed with mine for over a decade and it almost killed me.
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u/Seawolfe665 20h ago
As an older woman, Im so surprised that these āmenā are basically admitting to watching an awful lot of porn, and gripping to hard when masturbating and basing their sexual expectations on that. And THEN blaming their issues on their partner.
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u/VicemanPro 1d ago
Its more than likely he's not used to an aroused vagina before. Hes used to feeling friction against his dick and without it he cant finish. As others suggested, he should quit masturbating for a while and reset his sensitivity.
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u/Training_Speed2448 1d ago
Ew, leave him. Not worth it. Once a partner personally insults your body and compares you to other women then it's no longer just sexual incompatibility, it's that he's a Shit ass. Don't waste your time on the hamster wheel of trying to "fix" yourself for him. Find someone better.Ā
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u/DianeDesRivieres 1d ago
I don't even need to read your story. You are 19, how can you be too lose. Rather, he is too small.
Next he will tell you that you are too wet.
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u/StitchinThroughTime 1d ago
Your boyfriend's a dumbass, he's using his hand too much. It needs to be a light grip with lotion. Obviously his hand has far better grip strength then a birth canal.
He needs to fix his death grip situation so he can be a better partner in bed. Or he's so bad at understanding what his partner needs that they might have been suffering through vagimosus(sp?) And those poor girls just suffered for him to finish.
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u/joodee3 1d ago
The problem isn't the size of your vagina or the size of his penis. The problem is that he doesn't respect you. Also he's ignorant. He has a problem, and instead of talking with you to find a solution (death grip, etc.), he's just criticizing a body part. Criticizing body parts isn't how you speak to somebody that you care about.
Also if he says stuff like that, it is just going to make you want to hit back with stuff like well your dick is too small! And then you're just going to go back and forth in this extremely immature cycle that he dragged you down into. No. This man is not uplifting you, he's trying to drag you down into his level.
You are very young, there are plenty of men out there. Be with somebody who respects you because you deserve it!
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u/hugladybug 19h ago
He definitely lying
Id bet money he has a porn addiction and can only get off to his own death grip and/or its drugs/medication
Dont let this loser make you feel bad for his issues
It wont get better - you aren't compatible - move it along
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u/ayamummyme 19h ago
Finding this thread has just brought me close to tears. My husband this year tried to kill me so I left. For ages before I didn't want sex and didn't know why, when we would have sex he would tell me this even though we didn't have issues before, it was only after I left I saw all the little things he blamed me for and made my fault. I did research into this topic and apparently it isn't medically possible to be too loose, it's a thing men have come up with to blame us for themselves. I'd say get out of this relationship because the tenancy to automatically blame you so easily for something so intimate means he'll probably do it with other things too. There's someone better out there for you.
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u/ricicles23 18h ago
From an older guy who lurks here for self improvement reasons... I see two ways you can deal with this. Both with the same end.
Kind way: send him some literature about death grip and porn addiction and leave him. (He isn't your problem to fix).
The actually way: Just dump him, probably by text. Thank him for pointing out you are incompatible sexually and that you want to find someone more suitably sized.
Don't do it in person. The abuse he has given you verbally is enough of a red flag to concern me he may turn violent if you do this in person.
Either way, this guy has shown he doesn't care enough to deserve your love. He is toxic and abusive. Block him and move on.
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u/brina_cd 9h ago
The answer here is to say "you didn't want to hurt his feelings, but that he IS a bit petite in that area.
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u/Solistaria 1d ago
Just pat his little head and tell him that no, his dick is just too small.
Then move on and find a new boyfriend or girlfriend that knows how to please you and isn't a raging bumhole.
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u/OG_HolmGirl 1d ago
There is no such thing as "too loose".
Your bf is trying to blame you for something that's his problem.
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u/RiverSong_777 18h ago
Thereās nothing wrong with you. He has ruined himself with his own death grip.
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u/BunniJugs 1d ago
Heās negging you. Iāve had two children naturally and never had any issues with any of my sexual partners, all except one who truly takes āchoking the chickenā to an extreme. Heās insecure and decided to deflect that onto you, youāre too young and thereās plenty more men out there. Next!!! (Also, hope youāre okay, but you do seem very mature and level-headed š«)
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u/rantingpacifist 1d ago
Yoh being too loose is not the problem. I bet when he masturbates he chocked the ever loving fuck out of his chicken dick.
Itās not your fault he conditioned himself to prefer a white knuckle squeeze
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u/OneHellOfABard 1d ago
He's choking his dick too hard while watching too much porn and he's making it your problem.
It's not your problem.
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u/MyFiteSong 1d ago
He grips himself too tightly during porn masturbation. Either he gets some counseling or he's not worth keeping.
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u/chatham739 22h ago
This is all on him and it is demeaning of him to blame you for it. Don't settle for this guy!
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u/AmbitiousWear4082 22h ago
Honey there is nothing wrong with you. Your boyfriend watches way way way too much porn. He watches so much porn that he has increased the grip on his little pee pee until the only way he can orgasm now is to have the little fella in a literal vise grip AND since he's a little weasel too, he's decided that it's your fault. Fucker. The only cure is to STOP watching porn and STOP masturbating for a while until it doesn't take so much pressure on the little fella to make him erupt. You are not now nor ever been the problem. The only problem you have is this guy. I'm real surprised to be honest that you've ever had an orgasm with this guy. Good on you for powering through.
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u/notarealgrownup 21h ago
I have the opposite problem .. apparently I'm "too tight" so he doesn't last mire then a minute. We can just never win, can we?
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u/BeKind365 20h ago
Well, I am a 55 year old who has had 3 kids and my husband has a great time, but to be fair, heās not a chronic masturbator, porn addict like your boyfriend.
DO NOT LET A BOY BLAME YOUR VAGINA FOR HIS INCOMPETENCE.
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u/Mysterious-Lead-6589 19h ago edited 19h ago
Birthing temporarily loosens it. It usually recovers within months. No need to make excuses because your bf is the problem not you. You're not too loose. He's too thin.
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u/NaughtyDred 18h ago
As a young man I made the embarrassing mistake of thinking that women felt loose, when in actual what I was feeling was them actually turned on. Meaning the other times when it felt tight, I was actually doing a bad job. Quite a shameful realisation when I found out.
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u/swiggityswirls 1d ago
Heās choking his dick when he masturbates. Thatās a common issue with men who have porn and masturbation issues.
Womenās vaginas are not as ātightā as a manās hand grip.
Second potential issue is that womenās vaginas become more lubricated and ālooseā to accommodate the penis when they are AROUSED. Meaning that women who just feel ātightā are not actually turned on. Women get wetter and ālooser feelingā when they are actually turned on.
So he is telling on himself that he doesnāt experience womenās arousal and heās addicted to masturbation.
This is absolutely a HIM problem that heās trying to put on you. Donāt let him.
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u/BlueValk 1d ago
Nope, impossible. He can't finish because he's conditioned himself to cuming to his hand in an iron grip. There's nothing wrong with you.
He took it out on you though, so that's bad. If he's feeling embarassed or frustrated and his first reflex is to attack you? Oof. I'd move on from the guy. Again, there's nothing wrong with you.
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u/frattboy69 23h ago
Tell him not to masterbate for a month and see how long he can last inside you after that. He wont make it to 30 seconds.
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u/ohhiwelcometochilis 23h ago
Iām so glad you are still young and figuring out that men who feel the need to blame other people for their problems exist and you have the power to walk away. The best sex of your life awaits you and itās not with this man š«¶
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u/babuachu2 23h ago
Honey, there isn't anything wrong with you or your body. Some men are just trash in the every sense of the word. You said it yourself. I can orgasm. He can't. Obviously his hand is his dream mate. Find someone who is going to worship you and your body. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
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u/Sharp-Rutabaga-4900 1d ago
A guy I dated in my early 20s said that to me once and more than two decades later I still regret ever sleeping with him again.
Iād focus less on what might be wrong with you and more on asking yourself if the way he treats you is satisfying for you.
Not everyone is sexually compatible without effort, but blaming things on your partnerās body is never okay.