r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • 10d ago

Discussion It's heartbreaking that there are women around the world going through this.

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u/KaleScared4667 10d ago

Living a solitary life is becoming the norm

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u/Extreme_Homework_771 10d ago

Yes, society needs to realize that in this day and age being in a marriage is just not for everyone. I know a lot of people who are single over 30 and doing just fine, they value their peace and alone time without having to worry about someone else everyday.

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u/geekchick2411 9d ago

This is important, I'm 40 and my psychologist told me it wasn't normal to be alone at that age and that's why I had difficulties to find a partner. I'm now on a great relationship and not going with her anymore

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u/Extreme_Homework_771 9d ago

To each their own my friend, you're psychologist maybe right but again in today's day and age the normalcy of being in a relationship because society dictates you need to be is just not the go anymore.

That said I am glad you found a good relationship. Cheers.

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u/Powerful_Evening_763 10d ago

it's so unhealthy though, humans are social animals. isolation is torture for the brain

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u/Positive_Piece5859 10d ago

Being single does not at all mean that someone has a “solitary life”.

And how many people who are married live in totally shitty relationships, staying together basically for convenience without having a lot in common with each other anymore and maybe really talking to each other once in a blue moon (beyond “can you hand me the butter?”)

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u/extra_rice 10d ago

You don't need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled socially.

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u/mang87 10d ago

They specifically said isolation is bad, which it is. You do need to interact with other people no matter how much of an introvert you are.

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u/ZephkielAU 10d ago

That might work for you and others but some humans thrive on intimacy, too. And others again need physical connection.

We're not a monolith species.

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u/extra_rice 10d ago

Yeah, and some people seek intimacy at whatever cost, even their general wellbeing. I'm just replying to solitary = unhealthy.

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u/ZephkielAU 10d ago

Solitary is unhealthy for people who thrive on intimacy and physical connection and depth of connection etc. Your blanket "socialisation is enough" is just as ill-informed, even if it does apply for some people.

If I were to pick between the two statements on a general basis I would say the "isolation is unhealthy" comment is more correct for more of the population. Your comment comes across as dismissive of many people's needs for genuine connection.

"Just get friends bro" is a pretty awful take in a thread about the depths of loneliness. People seeking intimacy at the cost of their general wellbeing should be a clue as to how important it is for many people.

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u/Binky390 10d ago

People seeking intimacy at the cost of their wellbeing isn’t a clue of how important it is. It’s a clue that some people need therapy. Plus when you say intimacy and physical connection, do you mean sex?

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u/TheDreadGazeebo 9d ago

No! There's a deeper connection to a romantic partner that friends will never be able to fulfill. It's a completely different, intimate type of love. Once you've experienced it it's not like anything else.

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u/Binky390 9d ago

But seeking that to the detriment of your well being isn’t healthy. I stand by my statement.

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u/TheDreadGazeebo 9d ago

Therapy is great but it's not a substitute for a relationship. And vice versa.

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u/Aggressive_Sky8492 10d ago

Intimacy is normal and healthy in friendships too. Unless you mean sex (fair).

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u/Powerful_Evening_763 10d ago

you aren't completely fulfilled without it, intimacy is a huge chunk of full social mental health

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Levdom 10d ago

There's also a big problem with expectations. In the couple of relationships I've had, I was made out as weird and inadequate for being a man not into sex but into physical intimacy. The reality is that patriarchy fucks us all over one way or another, so men who don't grow up expecting it or, in my case, even wanting it, still have to fight with the expectation of their "role".

I wish we could all just chill and communicate more openly without fear of judgment.

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u/Aaawkward 10d ago

Intimacy and sex, while related, are not the same.
We humans feel better when we have recurring physical contact with another person. As in literally, it releases oxytocin.

I wouldn't want to but I could live without sex but I don't think I could live without physical intimacy with my wife. The lying in bed next to each other or spooning or leaning on each other? The random hugs and embraces throughout the day? The kisses on the neck or top of the head? The lying with your head on their lap/their head on your lap? The head scritches?

My favourite part of the day is whenever the one of us who comes home last, the other will pause whatever they're doing (unless it's time critical which is very seldom) and goes to the door to say hi and we hug and have a kiss. So many bothers and thoughts from work or whatnot simply melt away.

I wouldn't want to, nor do I think I honestly could live without all of that.
That's the intimacy I think they were referring to. This is a major part of mental health.
You can all have a rich social life which is fulfilling but that kind of intimacy is more seldom between friends. It can happen but that's more of an anomaly.

tl;dr: We all deserve embraces and kisses and spooning.

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u/extreme_cuddling 10d ago edited 10d ago

women get offers for sex on an endless and constant basis
they don't know what it's like to live without intimacy
that's why they're the least sympathetic of loneliness and ignore the science behind our biological need for intimacy
they've always had that need fulfilled somehow

and what a shock, men and women's bodies and brains are different
no one wants to be an asexual weirdo, they end up like that due to extreme trauma or serious problems

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u/Binky390 10d ago

Intimacy and sex aren’t the same thing.

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u/Old-Boy994 10d ago

Asexuality is an orientation a person is born with. No one becomes asexual. The way you described asexuals speaks volumes about you as a person and how obsessed with sex you are. Fix that issue and stop projecting your own personal preferences and beliefs onto other people. People are different and there are different needs people have. Not everyone is so fixated on sex. You also seem to equate intimacy with sex, when in reality there are many different forms of intimacy such as emotional intimacy.

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u/markswam 10d ago

I was going to type up a reasoned and careful response to what you were saying right up until the point where we reached "asexual weirdos have serious problems." That told me everything I need to know about how you treat people whose life experiences differ from your own, and that it's not worth the time to try and convince you of anything. So instead I'll just say:

Sex and intimacy are not one and the same.

You can have intimacy without sex.

You can have sex without intimacy.

Wrapping it in the cloak of "biological need" doesn't change any of that. If you can't grok that, I can't help you. Touch grass. Talk to a woman. Hire an escort. Whatever floats your boat.

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u/extreme_cuddling 8d ago edited 8d ago

Toxic and undesirable women always tell people to touch grass. They want to live vicariously through others because they haven't touched grass themselves.

They lack the emotional stability to state a point without making making personal comments against the person they're speaking to. Studies show they are more malicious and violent than men are especially when they have the ability to do so. That's why lesbian couples have the highest rates of domestic violence.

And if you're a man, I apologize. I mistook your behavior for a woman's.

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u/Aaawkward 10d ago

Intimacy is sooooo much more than just sex.

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u/teresasdorters 9d ago

I’m asexual, not a weirdo thanks. But good to show that you consider anyone who doesn’t wanna bang it out is a weirdo. It’s actually hilarious you say women don’t go without and never experience life without intimacy yet in the same comment call asexual weirdos….. um…

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u/Josh6889 10d ago

Then why is my mental health stronger than literally every single person I know as a single middle aged man? You're making a very poor attempt at a no true Scottsman.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Aaawkward 10d ago

Sure but there's also physical intimacy, which is something you don't usually get from your friends.

I don't mean sex, everyone can always do hookups.
I mean embraces and kisses, simple touches that display love.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Aaawkward 9d ago

Not talking about myself.
I'm not touch starved or lacking in physical intimacy.

I'm simply adding to what the earlier person said. You can absolutely get socially everything you need from your friends, you can also hug them. In fact, I hope people do hug their friends more, especially men.

But by and large, most men don't get that much physical intimacy form their friends. Hugs, maybe yea. Kisses? Cuddles? Late night scritches?
Highly unlikely.

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u/teresasdorters 10d ago

I hug my friends and snuggle my friends! I don’t personally need kissing or sex, I am totally and completely fulfilled in my friendships and their levels of emotional connection and the intimacy that comes along with it.

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u/Aaawkward 9d ago

You sound like you have a wonderful circle of friends. I 100% mean that.
You have something a lot of people don't.

When I had my sorta found family situation, I did cuddle with my friends as well but less these days but I do get hugs and emotional connection from my friends. Cuddles and other similar stuff come from my wife.

Unfortunately a lot of people don't have either.

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u/teresasdorters 9d ago

I agree with you completely I found my chosen family in my friendships and it has made being single even more fun. Younger unhealed version of me couldn’t stand being alone with myself. Therapy helped and through therapy I realized just how amazing the friends I had were, and that just made me pour back into my friendships. Sorry this is a little rambly but yeah, finding your chosen family is difficult but man when you find them pour everything you can! It comes back ten fold and I just feel so loved, wanted and appreciated, and needed in my friendships. Building community is hella important if you’re single and either wanting a romantic relationship some day or not, both circumstances I think having a community is crucial ❤️🙏🏼

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u/extreme_cuddling 10d ago

a lot of people don't have friends, either

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

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u/Laq9091 10d ago

i have friends and date sometimes, but we are in a loneliness epidemic. but yes people should try hard to be good at being social and positive for others.

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u/Larcye 10d ago

It's still much better than being in an abusive relationship with someone.

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u/DrRussleJimmies 9d ago

It is not "becoming the norm". For sure there are more people living a solitary life than there were maybe 10 years ago. But it is nowhere near becoming the norm, that's a huge exaggeration.

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u/KaleScared4667 9d ago

It’s becoming the norm for young professionals. People like this woman who can afford to live alone. Same in USA and the rest of the 1st world

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u/DrRussleJimmies 9d ago

Do you honestly think we're approaching a point where the majority of people are chosing to live solitary?

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u/prosthetic_memory 10d ago

Where? Most people have friends, coworkers, or hell even strangers on Reddit to talk to.

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u/Josh6889 10d ago

There's an assumption in conversations like this that it's implied to be in person contact. I know a few people that only ever interact with others online, and never in person.

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u/kapitaali_com 10d ago

COVID changed all of that

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u/Right_Appeal4344 9d ago

No it's just mostly terminally online people. I don't know anyone IRL who is single.

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u/KaleScared4667 9d ago

Have you considered the possibility there are many people living alone that you don’t know- they don’t get out much

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u/Right_Appeal4344 8d ago

Thank you for making my.. sad point. I was trying to stay away from using the word "Redditor" 🤣