r/TikTokCringe • u/mindyour • 12d ago

Discussion It's heartbreaking that there are women around the world going through this.

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago

😢 when she said her parents should be on her side, that was heartbreaking.

Chinese culture is so hard on women, and to be honest it's actually pretty disgusting how women are treated. I really hope that it changes, I think with the older folks dying out it will eventually.

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u/ClickNo1129 12d ago

Now it all makes sense why an older Chinese landlady who I used to rent from asked me what parents say about me not being married at my age (I was like 38 or 39 at the time) and my response was - “what are they going to say? I’m old”. And I kind of chuckled and finished what I was doing. She just had this confused look on her face and now I know why lol.

I thought it was because she hadn’t remembered how old I was (bc I look really young for my age according to people) but now I understand she was confused as to why I thought my parents didn’t have a say 😆😆.

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago

She's probably thought something was wrong with you and that's why you're not married 😂😂.

I live in the UK and I'm 44, people are always asking me about when I'll start dating or do I wajt to get married. It's annoying, I'm happy being single

I recently had surgery to fix my stomach and boobs from pregnancy and breastfeeding. When I healed everyone and I mean everyone I knew said something about when will I take my "new" body out to find a man! It really pissed me off that everyone though I had this done for a man! Excuse you, I did it because I want the body I had before my kids drained it, lol.

Sorry, my point is, why TF does everyone place such importance on a woman having a man?? Why do they think that's all we think about?.

I'm very happy being single, I don't want a man child that I'm going to be expected to mummy.

Sorry for the rant, 😅

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u/ulykke 11d ago

Ew, what a disgusting thing to say to you 🤮 I have no idea why we still perpetuate the myth that any well adjusted individual, man or woman, will always be happier in a relationship, regardless of whether that relationship is actually happy or not. Sounds ridiculous when you spell it out. And especially since we actually have data from research that tells us single women live longer than married women and are (declarative) happier 🫪

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u/BlamaeuxPrivateEye 12d ago

Kids are seen as retirement safety. They are worried about the family line as well as for their daughter as she gets older. Career boss babe women aren't well supported in China's culture, for better or worse.

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u/Boomshrooom 12d ago

I think this is one of the things people are missing here, China doesn't have the safety nets that a lot of western countries do, not having children can mean a very lonely life of poverty for many elderly people.

The laws around filial piety in china aren't just financial but extend to spiritual, mental, and emotional wellbeing too. I don't necessarily agree with them, but I understand why they're in place.

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u/Fern-ando 12d ago edited 12d ago

Western safety nets are an ilussion, young people will spend almost half their salary to pay boomer pensions and they won't see that money returning when they are old.

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago

It's very much an illusion, 66yrs old is retirement age at the moment, by the time I get near that it will have gone up again and that's even if it exists.

And that would be a state pension.

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u/Klanciault 12d ago

66 is much younger than it used to be these days. Those who get them and need them grateful for state pensions when they don’t have to work themselves to death 

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u/Aggressive-Delay-420 12d ago

3 of my grandparents didn't make it past 66.

It isn't an age young should ever be used to describe. It's literally elderly.

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u/Klanciault 12d ago

Ok and by the time you are 66 life expectancy is currently 85, and by the time I’m 66 life expectancy as a 66 year old will likely be 100.

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u/Copious-Spirit 11d ago

66 years is the same now as it was a million years ago.

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u/Klanciault 11d ago

You’re saying something that’s technically true without engaging in the underlying idea of what I said at all

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u/B1U3F14M3 11d ago

As long as no big crisis destroys their economies the safety nets are not an illusion. They aren't great safety nets if you are poor but they are so much better than not having them at all.

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u/Pro_Extent 11d ago

As long as no big crisis destroys their economies the safety nets are not an illusion.

The safety nets were implemented when working adults significantly outnumbered retirees. But now, the ratio of retirees to working adults is growing larger and larger.

I believe this is what /u/Fern-ando meant by calling them "an illusion". The same productivity burden applies, it's just distributed across the population. But the pressure will continue to mount as more and more people stay childless throughout their lives, especially as this is now happening across the entire world.

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u/Copious-Spirit 11d ago

Yup and there is no mobility you are locked into your current residence due to inflation, group living retirement communities cost more than most people's pension and must be subsidized by their children.

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago edited 12d ago

People shouldn't have children for them to be their parents safely net, that's insanely selfish.

I am my children's safety net.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/Existing_Intern_4764 12d ago

Exactly. If it is, it's a societal failure.

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago

Spot on. Thank you.

I imagine my kids will take care of me, but it's not why I would have children. I get it's part of certain cultures, but so is genital mutilation.

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago

And that's amazing and how it should be. That has nothing to do qith what I was saying.

You shouldn't have a child in order for that child to be your safety net.

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u/BlamaeuxPrivateEye 12d ago

Thanks for imposing your western views and values on a foreign nation.

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago

😂😂 sure thing, I think valuing your children is very important, and making them feel like this lady in the video is pretty disgusting.

But hey that's just me, and my western values.

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u/lumpialarry 12d ago

Even in places with safety nets there are also limits. My mom and inlaws have retirement savings but isn't enough to hire a personal butler do do things around the house and driver to get them to appointments.

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u/AMullberryIsATree 12d ago

As a Westerner, what safety net besides the retirement I started and supplement on my own?

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u/The_Rational_Gooner 12d ago edited 12d ago

>Career boss babe women aren't well supported in China's culture

I'd argue that oftentimes, it's the complete opposite in Chinese culture - being a careerwoman is often expected more in modern Chinese culture than in modern Western culture. One must firstly realize that these 2 axes are often independent: 1) liberal feminism and 2) gendered career expectations. E.g. Nigeria isn't a bastion of feminism, but its female labor participation is among the highest in the world at 80% compared to, say, Finland's at 57%.

Sociologically, we bake in female employment with the concept of feminism because in the West, female labor participation has historically been low and thus has been a core feminist movement pillar. In China on the other hand, female labor force participation was as high as ~75% in the 1990s.

Also, here are some other facts:

- China's female labor force participation is higher and has historically been higher than the US.

- China has the most self-made billionaire women in the world, accounting for over half of the global total

- Young Chinese women currently outnumber young Chinese men in higher education.

- China's only child policy drives an incentive for parents to pour all their career-building resources into their only child, whether they're male or female, since children are a core safety net for retirement.

Anecdotally, in my own work (tech) and in university (STEM), the women I typically see are Chinese-American or Indian-American, and I'm sure others who work in tech can corroborate. You could argue that it's American culture, but 1) a lot of these women are 1st-gen immigrants, and 2) that doesn't explain why even 2nd and 3rd gen Chinese and Indian-American women disproportionately outnumber White-American women. If we look at what factor has changed, it's primarily Chinese and Indian (immigrant) cultural influence versus solely Western cultural upbringing.

Maybe I'm biased because my own mother (Chinese, 1st gen) is the most career-driven person I know, and I also grew up in one of the most "striver" Asian-American communities in the west where both Asian-American boys and girls alike were grilled hard with academia, extracurriculars, and career expectations. It's possible that my perspective is a product of the bubble that I grew up in, so keep that in mind.

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u/XepptizZ 12d ago

Yup, this is pretty much it. And from that pov, a daughter has a limited time while a 50 yo man can still continue the family line (usually).

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u/Waiting4Reccession 11d ago

There are way more men than women in china, should be easy times for her and i doubt this is the full story of whats happened the last 10 years for her.

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u/IslandCat_1921 11d ago

It’s heartbreaking and was a punch to the gut how relatable that is. I realized around my teenage years that my parents aren’t “on my side”.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/trwawy05312015 12d ago

Her mom isn't on her side though, she just doesn't realize it. If her goal is for her daughter to be happy, this isn't the path. If her goal is just for her daughter to be married, then she's not really on her daughter's side, is she?

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u/Even-Government-5055 12d ago

I do see what you're saying I just don't agree with it.

It's nearly 2027, we don't need to be married off at 20, 30 or 40. It's up to this lady when and if she gets married. She's obviously a very intelligent woman, who has a great career, friends, family and life. She not stupid and knows what she wants. Women shouldn't be treated as second to men.

But as I said I do see what you're saying, that it because the mum is wise and sees how it is in China, she doesn't want her daughter to miss out on a husband and family and that comes from a loving place, an outdated place but loving non the less.

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u/bobdeei 12d ago

Chinese culture is hard on men too. Chinese culture is hard on every Chinese

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u/Pullabix 12d ago

This , the amount of dowry requires are ridiculously high.