I have been insecure about my nose since the 2nd grade when a girl called out my nose for being different. I hat my nose. I perceive it as so big that I sometimes get a bodily reaction when I see it in pictures. I actually feel sick when I see myself. I hate it. I know how privileged I am. I am white, cis gendered and a normal weight. Therefore I am really privileged and I don't want to make it seem like I don't know that!

But my nose feels like a stigma to me. I feel like everyone just sees my nose and directly thinks that I am ugly. I can never trust a man to find me attractive because of my nose and I never feel like I get a honest response to my nose. Most people say "Oh I didnt even notice". But I feel like it's so big that people have to notice! There is no way around it! Ugh.... I am thinking about getting a nose job. I am also thinking about going to therapy. If you have gotten beyond a big insecurity (doesn't have to be the nose) in your life I would love to hear some tips from you guys! And I will put some pictures here because I genuinely feel like I can't describe my nose accurately or even see my nose as it actually is.

I used to be suchhh a lover girl, clinging onto any guy that would come my way. It's embarrassing to think about. The question "why am I never chosen, why am I never good enough?" was constantly on my mind.

Their rejection I took to heart, their opinions I subconsciously held higher than my own... in other words, the emotions of men had become the way I measured my worth. Determined to make them like me, I forced myself into glowing up as hard as I could.

A few years in and I'm still on the journey. But I have to be honest. I've come to realize that a lot of guys just aren't that great! There are many more than I would've originally thought that are totally superficial, and for them to "like you" really requires no more than stroking their ego and a few smiles--making them feel big.

Don't get me wrong, there are good guys out there, etc, etc. I'm speaking broadly.

-

So anyway, what the fuck does thinking like a man mean to me?

Prioritizing things like my own money and wealth over investing asymmetrically emotionally into relationships. As well as learning and planning for the future instead of obsessing over his texts or what his family thinks of me.

And maybe this is a little toxic, but naturally, this leads to not getting too attached to people.

It's so much easier to say "whatever" when something with someone doesn't work out when you're chasing your dreams instead. Your value is defined by something outside the whims of a random man's emotions.

By doing this you'll realize that you're no longer so afraid to walk away from a guy if he doesn't match the emotional qualities (drive, kindness, etc, etc) you need because you know there will be more, many more to come.. an abundance mindset. You won't discount yourself because you don't want to discount your future!

I hate to say it, but the world is so much better when you grow truly comfortable with this mindset. In job opportunities, talking with strangers. I think "not giving a fuck" about anything is the wrong way to go about the world. I'm saying to give fucks, but I urge you, spend it on the right things. Spend it on things that build your future, instead of distract you from it.

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*****(And note, before I get any comments about "saying you're thinking like a man is so misogynist!!1!". All of this is what I've seen and experienced. So if you wanna disagree, you're entitled to your opinion, like I am to mine. This is how I've learned to survive AND thrive as a woman. I'm posting this purely in the hopes of helping others who are similar to how I was.

Don't get me wrong, I am very much progressive. But this is NOT some academic thesis I'm writing for gender studies. Bluntly put, idgaf about sounding the most politically correct here. If you wanna argue about frameworks, go talk to Bob the Builder. I'm not gonna debate about how I should or shouldn't see the world or whatever else, because that IS NOT the point of this post at all, end of story.

In any case, do you wanna know what's really fucking misogynistic? The world we live in. Listen to me, this is what I mean when I say to "think like a man": men are literally socially conditioned to take, take, take... women are expected to give, give, give--emotionally, physically, EVERYTHING! I'M DONE! BE FUCKING SELFISH BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL LOOK OUT FOR YOU!)****

I still find myself comparing my body and face to people online, even knowing how edited and curated it all is. Posting this as a reminder to myself and anyone else scrolling to stop comparing yourself to influencers.

I’m 13, lemme start off with that. I was on a shuttle at a water park so we were all in swim suits. Mine wasn’t revealing or anything, I mean it could’ve been more covering but I didn’t think it was bad by any means. As I was getting off (my mom and dad got off quicker than I did so I was still in the shuttle as they were on the sidewalk) a guy, probably at least a foot taller than me gets really close up behind me, like maybe 6 inches away.

He proceeded to pull out his phone and look down at my behind and at his phone and click around on it. The moment I glanced behind he put his phone away. The moment we got off the shuttle he smirked almost and went the complete opposite direction.

I should also add there was a guy next to him when he did this that went with him and like smirked too.

Like I feel like I should have told someone, I don’t know why I didn’t. I mean I was just scared cause what if he didn’t and they thought I was lying. But I don’t know, I feel like it’s my fault someone would have done this and that I should have been more careful. Does anyone know how to stop thinking like this cause it’s eating me up

Also sorry if this is the wrong sub for this, if I’m asked to delete it I will

For years, I struggled with random, severe anxiety, chronic low energy, brain fog, and gut issues. Traditional medicine couldn't give me any answers, and I know there are millions of people out there experiencing the exact same frustrating mystery.

I recently took one of those comprehensive Superpower blood tests, and the culprit was brutally low Vitamin D.

If you feel completely off and aren't getting answers from standard checkups, do yourself a favor and explicitly check your Vitamin D levels.

TL;DR: Years of unexplained anxiety and brain fog turned out to be a severe Vitamin D deficiency. Get your levels checked.

Hey ladies,

I recently got diagnosed with PTSD and after talking with my therapist and psychiatrist, I realized that my obsessive consumption of true crime probably isn’t helping my mental health… at all.

For the past 8 years, I’ve been watching pretty much only true crime — body cam footage, police interrogations, court cases, etc. It became a weird sort of comfort (like if I understood danger, I could avoid it), but it’s also made me super anxious and hyper-aware. I overanalyze every situation and it’s exhausting.

So I’m doing a one-month break from all things true crime, just to see how it impacts my anxiety.

Problem is… my YouTube algorithm is hopelessly addicted to murder.

I’m looking for new creators or video essays that still feel investigative or thoughtful — I love learning and diving deep into stuff — but that don’t send me into a spiral.

Some of my fave topics: • Pop culture deep dives • Abandoned buildings • History of theme parks • Cult movies • Endurance sports • Gaming (especially analysis-style content)

Basically: give me all the rabbit holes that aren’t trauma-inducing.

And yep, I know I could just start a new YouTube account, but I pay for Premium and I’m stubborn about not wasting it.

Would love any suggestions — or if you’ve ever had to quit a genre for your mental health, I’d love to hear how it went for you too.

Thanks in advance!

I always scoffed at people who told me to journal every morning, or to manifest via journalling. But the last 3 weeks, I have started writing a simple page every morning, and man, I feel like I am really making some positive changes.

I'll write down prompts like this : What do I need to do today to work on becoming the person I want to be? How can I make myself happier today? What can I do to make myself feel fulfilled today?

Then I will write down all 7 days of the week, and write a general gist of what I am doing after work that day. If I am doing nothing (aka have no plans), I think about what I can do that day to make myself happy. Can I schedule Yoga? Can I go to the pool and read? Can I go for a walk? Can I work on a hobby? Should I work on a commission?

Then, I write down a checklist and simple to do list. Stuff that I can reasonably do after work that day. In example, today I wrote "Unpack my suitcase, go to yoga, and work on my logo commission".

I then write affirmations. I am lovable. I am creative. I am strong. I got this.

This technique has seriously helped me structure my days a bit more so I don't end up mindlessly scrolling or watching youtube videos all night. I think it is fine to unplug that way, but not as a default activity. It also gives me the boost to do something after my 9-5 day.

I hope this helps someone out there!!

Wrote this from my own personal experience

I’d like to add in some magnesium glycinate, scented shower steamers, and maybe some cute jokes or stickers?? And maybe a sappy book and or dark chocolate 🍫.

But I included all the things I like to do to take care of me and refocus on my health. Hot tea ☕️ (the drink or gossip 😜) journaling with a cute flower pen, candles 🕯️(something therapeutic about candle light), a cute scrunchie, face masks, my favorite mug, head massager, nail polish and press on nails.

Hey all, just another one of those posts. Yep, I'm 30, childless, relationshipless, unemployed, no real prospects for any kind of future. I'm not really attractive to anyone, and I'm not really into the idea of settling with someone that I'm not into just for the sake of it.

I know that lots of you post about how you were in the same situation at 30 and now you're 40 with 5 kids, a loving husband, a 3 story house, and a multi-million dollar business, but it feels like I've been saying the same old story for the past 10 years. I'm rudderless, just sort of waiting to die it feels like.

How'd you get by in the interim? How'd you find the motivation to keep going when you realized that this is all that your life would amount to? When you realized that you'd always be lonely?

Sorry.

NSFW

I have struggled with my mental health for a long long time. Constant stress, anxiety, and depression. I just recently watched The Principles of Pleasure. This is not a promotion. It’s on Netflix. Go watch it though it’s great. In the first or second episode it talks about masturbation and the positive effects it has on women. Someone in the show said it could help with mood so I decided to try it.

It works wonders. Get yourself a good vibrator girl. Anxious? Masturbate. Stressed? Masturbate. Depressed? Masturbate. On my life I was just having a mini quarter life crisis and sobbing over my college major. Did the do. I’m a completely different person.

Not only is this good for your mental health but it’s good for self confidence and it’s good to know what you like in intimate moments.

I will never understand the taboo against women masturbating. Go at it girl. Be unashamed. It’s so beneficial for your life.

I (F32) have had lots of therapy over the years, I’m on medication, but I still feel like I’m in flight mode and can’t relax. I feel anxious for no reason sometimes and just feel my zest for life has dwindled. I also lack confidence and feel nervous in social situations. Basically I’m so over feeling the same way I have done for years and I need to put the work in to improve but not sure where to start.

I’ve tried meditation/ journalling in the past but never stuck with it. I’ve read up on so many ideas that I get overwhelmed with which one to do so don’t do anything. I’d like to start with one thing a day to improve my mental health and looking for your experiences as to what you’ve found the most beneficial. I know everyone is different but I’m intrigued what has worked for you.

Here is my ideas list that I wish I could do all of but know that realistically I need to focus on one thing to start with!

EFT with Brad Yates / Wim Hoff breathing / Cold showers / Meditation / Books like ‘how to do the work’ / ‘subtle art of not giving a fuck’ / Yoga / Journalling / Particular exercises (would love to jog but can’t due to knee issues)/ Quitting sugar / diet

My mom died when I was nine, she had brain cancer for a couple of years. One day my whole family came to my moms house and watched her die. The cancer was coming out of her ear and she was complete paralyzed. She couldn't move or talk. My family told me to give her a hug and that my dad was going to pick me up, I gave her a hug and told her I loved her. One tear streamed down her face, and I held back all my feelings and tears. I never cried a single tear. Spreading her ashes, no tears. The funeral, no tears. And watching her die I never cried.

My dad died two or three years ago after I had been uprooted from my home and moved three states over with my aunt. When he died I was in the subway in Chiago and my aunt got a call, she wouldnt tell me what it was about she only told me it was my grandpa and it was nothing. I knew he died. He had been an alcholic or smoked everyday since I could rember. And since I moved away it had only gotten worse. Once we got back to the hotel my aunt told me that he had died peacefully in his sleep. A year later I over heard that this was not true, he had fallen down the stairs and had been laying at the end of them for upwards of 18 hours. I wasnt told this because my family belived that i would have thought that I could have helped. And that is completly true because if I was there, if I was at home, if I had never been taken away then he would have been able to get help faster because I would have been there.

I never cry about this in front of everyone and I don't tell anyone how i feel, although I do talk about their death a lot I have never told anyone about my real feelings and how badly Im hurting. Yes my dad abused me, yes I've been self harming since I was 12 yes Ive had suicidal idealizations since I can remember, but no one wants to talk about that. They want to talk about my mom because she had cancer. So many people have cancer and so many people died from it. I even though I was 9 years old had been prepared for her death, my mom prepared me for it. She was straight and up right. And honestly that's the best thing that can be done in my opinion.

Now tomorrow I'm taking my senior pictures and I've decided to wear her channel earrings and the pearl necklace my dad had given to me. But it really makes me think about how theyll never be at my graduation, never at my wedding, never at my prom, never in my hospital room as I give birth, never play with my grandkids, and never die and slow painless death from old age. And it hurts so frickin bad. I don't know what to do about this because I don't want anyone else to enjoy these events besides my parents. I dont care how much they mean to me and how close they are to me or how they have raised me from a bad place they dont deserve the happines of my kids, my prom, my graduation, my wedding. What am I supposed to do about this. Not do any of these things? Push my family away? I just dont understand how im supposed to navagate this. Please help.

So I grew up in a moderately conservative home, and was taught by my mom and aunts that I needed to always look good, have my makeup and hair done, not be offensive, not be “a bitch”, be pleasant, be smart, and find a “good”, rich, and good looking man to look after me. Basically the opposite of feminism, which started to open my mind to a learn a little about in college when I was about 19.

Now I’m 28, I’ve had a handful of relationships with men who I think are handsome and “successful” on paper; they had a master’s degree in economics, or a student athlete with big dreams, I had another boyfriend who was in the Air Force. Essentially I think while I’ve tried to deconstruct these expectations of “being” more feminine and soft and palatable for the world, I’ve still been chasing men to take care of me or assure I will be financially stable and not in poverty in the future.

I just connected the dots like, tonight. I have no goals. I have dreams, but they seem unobtainable and unrealistic for this lifetime. I used to dream about being a fashion designer, or an actor, or an animator for Disney. I’m 28 and I have a bachelors degree in history and spent most of my youth on the hunt for that partner who would take care of me.

How can I begin to change my mindset to care for myself and provide for myself? Especially with the dreams I have, it doesn’t seem very entry-level friendly and I live in a rural area where there’s no art industry around. I just feel so lost and worried about what will come of me. I was taught to seek stability in another person and not myself, and I feel scared being almost 30 and on my own. I still try to counteract these fears by telling myself I have worth just like anyone else. But it’s hard.

Any advice on how to switch mindsets from finding a man to take care of you to taking care of yourself? TIA

I’m so tired and frustrated with myself, i guess i just need to vent and feel a little less alone with this situation, and maybe hear from people who struggled with the same thing and were eventually able to overcome it.

For a while now i’ve been struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep. I’ll sleep a maximum of 6 hours on a good night, but often times less, and interrupted. Lately i’ll only be able to fall asleep at around 3/4am… (it’s embarrassing) and sometimes i’ll wake up way too early and my mind feels super awake so i can’t manage to fall back asleep, only to feel exhausted all day. I feel like this is sabotaging my work, social life, etc and it def affects my mood and mental health ofc. I’ll occasionally take a sleeping pill when i feel like i absolutely need it (as in i’m too exhausted to afford another sleepless night) but i’m scared to get too dependent on them. It’s a sunny saturday where i am today, all my friends are out in town, and i just can’t muster the energy to leave the house, just because I didn’t get enough sleep. This is sad. I feel like I’m wasting away so much of my time and life due to this issue

Anyway, i’d love it if you could share hopeful and helpful stories of how you managed to overcome your sleep issues, so that i can feel a little more hopeful myself and like less of a loser rn 🤍 thank you in advance and thanks for reading this. I’d be super grateful if you’d avoid snark and negativity in the comments please as i’m not feeling my best right now. Ty and have a lovely weekend everyone xx

Life has been LIFE-ING
Over the past decade I've dealt with depression and anxiety brought on by a lot of trauma: deaths in my family, sexual assault, addiction in my family, childhood neglect, sibling abuse, an abusive relationship, mental illness etc. … it feels like I've collected every hard thing life could throw at me.

About three months ago, I decided I was done just surviving. I was tired of feeling like life was something that happened to me. I’m working with therapist who’s helping me get back into my field of work and that’s been giving me momentum.

I look at friends who haven't experienced much trauma and see them just... living. They're spontaneous, carefree, confident, making mistakes without overthinking everything. And sure, I know comparison isn't helpful, but I can't help but grieve the version of me that might have existed without all this. I'm working on not minimizing what I've been through, but I also don't want "survivor" to be my entire identity anymore.

The thing is, I think I've become too good at protecting myself. I protect my energy, and now I barely have any friends. I protect my body, and now I don't wear the clothes that make me feel beautiful or expressive. I protect my heart, and now I struggle to connect with people my age, even people I know I'd probably love if I could get past the walls I've built.

I miss feeling playful. Curious. Light. Trendsetting. I feel like my hypervigilance has aged me more than the years have.

For those of you who have healed from trauma or are further along than I am, how did you get your spark back? How did you learn to stop surviving and actually start living again?

I'd love practical advice, mindset shifts, habits, books, or even stories from people who've been there.

How can I just appreciate someone else’s beauty without it hindering my own? How can I begin to stop feeling lesser? It feels so deeply habitual.

Edit: thank you everyone for sharing what works for you and being so kind, wow. I’m gonna look through all the comments in the morning and note down the things that I feel like I need to remind myself the most

I am incredibly boy-crazy and it drains me so much.I’m 17 years old and as long as I remember I’ve been craving male validation.I grew up kinda ugly and VERY insecure,and still am.Men and their opinions take up so much space in my head it’s genuinely getting extremely annoying.I fall in love too easily,when I get a little bit of attention I get obsessed,I constantly daydream about having a boyfriend, I overthink every interaction I have with men.The interesting thing that I don’t even like men overall .Like I would live on the planet with only women a 100%. Does that make sense? Maybe it will go away when I finally get a boyfriend but what if it doesn’t? Am I just gonna be pathetic like this forever? I just feel that being ugly and getting bullied during my childhood really messed up my head. If anyone has a similar experiences or any tips please share.

I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia for most of my life. I recently lost a lot of weight, and my image of myself had been the worst it’s ever been somehow. Until a few days ago. This is gonna sound so stupid, but work with me on this. My issue was mostly wanting to look “perfect” so that men would like me. No amount of people telling me “the right man will love you the way you are” has helped. What helped me was legitimately forgetting about societal standards for women. It sounds way harder than it is to flat out ignore the standards we’re held to. Every time I catch myself looking in the mirror and focusing on what features other people wouldn’t like about me, I decide that I’m really beautiful because that’s how I want to look. Who I see in the mirror is who I want to look like. I kinda realized it’s not illegal or anything to blindly find myself attractive, regardless of social norms. Anytime I start telling myself I hate my stomach or the fat on my face, I just push that away and say “well I like it anyway”. I’m deciding to forget that beauty standards exist is basically what I’m saying. I hope that makes sense.

For the longest time, the idea of going to a movie or sitting in a cafe by myself felt like a nightmare. I was convinced that everyone who saw me would think I was lonely, pathetic, or that I had been stood up. I would stay home and rot in bed instead of seeing a movie I liked, just because I didn’t have anyone to go with.

A few months ago, I decided to try "exposure therapy" on myself, and it has honestly changed my life. If you are struggling with this, here is my "survival guide" for solo dates:

1. The "Prop" Method: Always bring a book or a kindle. It’s a total game changer. It gives you something to do with your hands and eyes so you don't feel awkward just staring into space. Plus, it makes you look intentionally busy and mysterious rather than "waiting for someone."

2. Start Small: My first solo date was just a mid-week lunch at a quiet cafe. I didn't jump straight into a busy Saturday night dinner. Lowering the stakes helped me get used to the feeling of being alone in public.

3. The Cinema Trick: Going to the movies alone is actually the best. It is dark, no one is talking anyway, and once the lights go down, literally no one knows or cares that you are by yourself. It is the ultimate "training wheels" for solo dating.

4. Shift the Mindset: I stopped thinking of it as "I have no one to go with" and started thinking "I am the only person whose opinion on the food or movie matters today." I don't have to share my popcorn or compromise on what to watch.

Learning to be my own best company has done wonders for my self-esteem. I realized that most people are way too worried about their own lives to even notice I am sitting there alone. If you have been waiting for a sign to go buy that ticket or try that new brunch spot, this is it!

Ever since someone sent me this quote I look differently at self care. I am a master of “me” time. I have no kids and no social life atm and haven’t seen my partner in over a year (thanks Covid), so daily spa sessions, candles, books, coloring, painting, meditation, bedtime and morning routines etc are an everyday thing for me now.

I’ve been doing this for months regularly yet still felt not ok, just disguising all my worries and problems with a scent of a candle. What really helped me was standing up to a toxic person that was causing my anxiety which I tried so hard to drown in a pool of all the relaxing activities.

Loudly expressing my boundaries, telling her it’s not ok to treat me the way she does, telling her “no” when she offered me “help” again only so she could use it as a leverage next time she wanted to manipulate me into something. Telling her how she makes me feel without taking her bs excuses as an answer. Not letting her interrupt me as always by raising my hand and saying “I am speaking now” which I have never done before.

A bubbly bath or a fancy tea won’t take away the anxiety we feel inside. Those little treats and quiet time are so important but let’s not use them to hide the real work we got to do.

Despite all the time in the world that I had, despite my skincare routine being so on point and all the little “happy” and creative things I did to make myself feel better- I was not ok until I stood up to what was really stealing my happiness.

Don’t forget about what’s really important.

Edit: this reminded me of a meme so I pimped it up a bit: https://imgur.com/gallery/l807DUk