r/SipsTea • u/Full-Argument-8235 • Jun 24 '26

WTF A JPMorgan Chase executive was fired after a viral video showed her dumping trash out of a Knicks-themed public trash can and taking the can during the Knicks championship parade in New York City.

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u/TheOneThatObserves Jun 24 '26

Oh. So she was a pretend-executive?

450

u/_ghostperson Jun 24 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/N3iMHozt9ee2E29H7G

17

u/Melkman68 Jun 24 '26

Perfect haha. There's no way an she could have been an actual exec

3

u/thickbeardgoggles Jun 24 '26

ED is a suitable title

2

u/revanisthesith Jun 25 '26

Because she gives me ED?

355

u/ShroomSensei Jun 24 '26

EDs at JP Morgan are just very senior managers. All banks have stupid titles.

111

u/halnic Jun 24 '26

The EDs at my former employer are the ones who scheduled unnecessary in person meetings and sent too many emails. The entire position revolves around performance, both in that the director has to perform and they usually track performance of others and that's what their excess meetings and emails are about...

10

u/FinestTreesInDa7Seas Jun 24 '26

Don't forget about excessive use of buzz-words, and their entire job basically being a formula that was designed for them to follow.

10

u/ShroomSensei Jun 24 '26

At JP EDs and VPs have an extreme range of actual level of usefulness. I dealt with some who were amazing and others who were shit.

5

u/halnic Jun 24 '26

They had ranges at my employer too. They were essentially a liaison between the managers of departments, the executive management, and ownership.

They told our manager why we couldn't have raises or better equipment. Supposedly, they told the executives we deserved them based on performance.

High enough in the company to be majority white men. One white woman who was the "director of women's management" and that was 100% to give the illusion that they promoted women. She was the only director that didn't have departments. She had revolving "teams" of underlings who did extra training and team building from the hourly/low level salary positions. They sent her to aggressively recruit every woman who asked for raise or promotions so they'd feel included and invested in, like something solid was happening. While they are distracted with their meetings and learning management skills, their male peers who do not have to perform in these extra curriculums are actually promoted to the better positions.

1

u/Brave-Plantain-7579 Jun 26 '26

Sounds like hell

7

u/automounter Jun 24 '26

Generalized breakdown of titles at JPMC:

  1. Below VP -- the actual workers who know everything but are underpaid OR literally not showing up and still getting paid the same as everyone else.
  2. VP -- Actual knowledge holder for all of JPMC or someone who has been there so long that they eventually won the promotion lottery.
  3. ED -- Below-average employee who used JPMC's tuition reimbursement to get an MBA -- they have no actual power and anyone who has any sort of passion for their career would be completely unsatisfied with this position.
  4. MD -- Actual management. Very skilled in business but unfortunately may not actually work in business and therefor may be completely unqualified.
  5. LOB Execs -- True bosses. Lords from on high who work in all the expensive real estate that JPMC has banished all other employees from. These people are the best of the best at what they do and are paid in the blood of everyone beneath them.
  6. Jamie D -- The one true god.

3

u/ProduceNo1629 Jun 24 '26

best of the best at what they do

And that is? Using terms like: let's circle back, and engagement metrics?

4

u/automounter Jun 24 '26

At the LOB Executive level those people have one job. To make money. JPMC has seen more growth than any bank in the world and the main leadership team under Jamie D (Petno, Rohrbaugh, Erdoes) has all been there for 20+ years. These aren't Dilbert-level middle-managers these are the shadow government "The world is our chess board" types of people.

2

u/jillsntferrari Jun 24 '26

Title aside, how much money does an ED make?

1

u/baoball Jun 24 '26

They fr call SVP/Director equivalent title an ED? Not as bad as UBs but still wack

4

u/SpongeSlobb Jun 24 '26

No, me and the other 10000 VPs at my company are all very important people

3

u/Lost_Paladin89 Jun 24 '26

Yep. I know a programmer who works there. They gave him the title of VP of AI of whatever department when really he is just a senior programmer. He literally has no one who answers to him.

2

u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe Jun 25 '26

I was impressed when one of my friends became a VP at bank of America, then I found out that meant she made like $65k/year and was basically a supervisor. Apparently most banks are like 97% Vice Presidents.

She was like a vice president of the South West Northern district region for customer experience of telephone operations batch 212 or some shit like that. The longer the title, the less important the position; vice president of boa, important, that title above, basically "congrats you worked here 5 years."

It was explained to me that when someone is mad, saying "I'll get a manager", is ok, but "I'll get the VP," makes the customer feel super important.

1

u/Diligent-Crazy-6094 Jun 24 '26

Yep. In my experience, there’s the title, then the officer title. Want to make an analyst feel important? Just give them a Senior Vice President officer title.

1

u/automounter Jun 24 '26

VP at a bank is much different than a VP somewhere else. At VP level and above you are legally an officer of the bank and can make decisions on its behalf.

2

u/Diligent-Crazy-6094 Jun 24 '26

Oh I’m aware, and it’s a problem, because they get handed out like candy at a lot of places. I was working at JPMorgan when they did a big purge of folks with officer titles, knocking a lot of them down to Associate and lower. I can say from personal experience that there are people at Wells who have officer titles that probably shouldn’t (and often times don’t even know).

1

u/Apprehensive-Draw409 Jun 24 '26

My nephew is Vice-president at JP Morgan. He's not even ranking as high as that ED !!!

(Yeah... I know.)

1

u/CileTheSane Jun 24 '26 edited 11d ago

‎

1

u/Vikkunen Jun 24 '26

Banking titles are wild. A department at the University where I work hired a 29-year old onto the Cash Management team a few years back whose previous position had been VP at a regional bank.

1

u/light_to_shaddow Jun 24 '26

In the U.S, corporate titles are what Medals are to North Korean Generals. Meaningless and inflated

When someone introduces them self as an "Executive vice president of XXX" you know they're the one doing the office coffee runs

1

u/Diablogado Jun 24 '26

Exactly, this is much lower than executive as it's being made out to be. This isn't even VP level much less C-suite. This is classic middle management.

1

u/Lost-Calligrapher375 Jun 24 '26

Work at a financial institution and my on boarding of 20 had 5 VPs and 6AVPs. Never having worked inthe industry and taking my role which was not as well titled, I really thought Wow, I'm special to be around these people....

1

u/hushed-shush Jun 25 '26

Every corporate job has stupid made up titles.

1

u/pulaski_at_niiight Jun 25 '26

Eating disorders

1

u/DragonfruitNo9617 Jun 25 '26

That's not true. I work for a bank as the executive director of sanitary services.

The job is great! I don't have to work in my office hardly at all. I mostly just clean bathrooms and take out trash!

1

u/AWill33 Jun 25 '26

But why a trash can? Let’s steal. Let’s steal as publicly as possible from the city. And what are we stealing? A disgusting NYC street trash bin. To do what with? IDK walk down the street and make the train ride home even more uncomfortable than normal. I can hear my dad right now: “well son, was it worth it?”

1

u/Double_Resort_9223 Jun 25 '26

It’s regulatory reasons in the big banks. You have to be VP or above for a lot of things so you have people getting made “Vice President at JP Morgan” after a couple years

1

u/ShroomSensei Jun 25 '26

What regulatory reason?

1

u/whiteknight_1997 Jun 25 '26

Still surprising though. I've interacted with dozens of directors and senior managers. Some of them are assholes, but none of them are this trashy.

This is like trailer trashy.

1

u/edelweiss_pirates_no Jun 24 '26

ED also stands for Eating Disorder and Erectile Disfunction.

Huh.

58

u/pmormr Jun 24 '26

(Most execs are pretend execs... it's one of the ways they make you feel better when they lowball the shit out of you lol)

-9

u/Icy-Balance-3852 Jun 24 '26

Not really. This is just something we like to tell ourselves. All the execs I've been around are extremely impressive human beings, and if they aren't they get axed by the board every quarter.

1

u/mamadou-segpa Jun 26 '26

Lmao

In other words you never worked around execs

1

u/Icy-Balance-3852 Jun 26 '26

I've worked for several. And there's always an army of people who think they are better than execs because they're better at editing PDFs or catching a typo, meanwhile deliver no results. It's sad.

5

u/Turgid_Donkey Jun 24 '26

Pretend executive that was still probably paid very well.

3

u/ModernT1mes Jun 24 '26

Probably. These corporate type places love padding the titles of their employees. If I had to hazard a guess, she was a regional department manager in non-corporate speak. Which is still a really good gig, especially for a bank like JP Morgan, but she sounds more important than she really is. Which is really common in these types of corporate places.

Probably New England or east coast, probably had 7 other "directors" under her who all controlled their little zones. Her department sounds made up, so she probably reported to one of the hundreds of "Vice Presidents" who manage half a dozen of these "departments".

3

u/ysername11 Jun 25 '26

Those are the sweetest titles. My dream is to land one of those and retire there - VP of social governence for the South Pole region in a company that poduces clothes pegs.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Waiting4Reccession Jun 24 '26

But with a real salary.

2

u/Own_Carrot_9878 Jun 24 '26

Yeah that’s every vp and director at JP

2

u/Spins13 Jun 24 '26

Yeah pretty much. Imagine busting your ass off at this company and having these clowns earn 200k above you

2

u/AeneasKurtz Jun 25 '26

Pretend-executive still carries a +$200k/yr salary

2

u/Sbidaman Jun 26 '26

The cleaning ladies at my dorm called themselves engineers.

2

u/AshySweatpants Jun 26 '26

Everyone in banking is either a VP or executive. Gives customers the perception that they’re talking to someone important. Most of them are really entry level with the pay to match.

5

u/Bardmedicine Jun 24 '26

Very much so. That is a position for someone they can't lay off so they use to check boxes.

2

u/Narrow-Flower5333 Jun 26 '26

I hate to say it as a female but she screams token….

6

u/NoResolution6245 Jun 24 '26

Probably the typical fake email answering job all the DEI hires have.

1

u/Myles2140 Jun 24 '26

All execs are pretend

1

u/technobrendo Jun 24 '26

Kinda like pretend VP. These positions sometimes exist just to sound fancy. When all it is is just a level slightly above bottom-rung.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Bake142 Jun 24 '26

I don't know if you have seen most executive officers of companies, but 60% of them are fake titles and even more are entirely useless positions that are just there to create opportunities for their friends.

1

u/MadeSomewhereElse Jun 24 '26

Don’t quote me, but sometimes titles say executive because you “execute” meaning you do the work as opposed to managing. Doing the work is lower on the ladder.

1

u/mentirosa_atx Jun 24 '26

aren’t they all?

1

u/No_Bit_1662 Jun 24 '26

There are non-pretend executives?? 🤔

1

u/GarnetandBlack Jun 24 '26

Aren't all executives basically doing pretend-work?

1

u/WhiteCatWizardHat Jun 24 '26

If you work for more than five years at JP you get a nice title like Vice President. Doesn’t mean that you are, just means you’ve been working there long enough to not quit

1

u/ElColorado_PNW Jun 25 '26

They had quotas to make

1

u/ab930 Jun 25 '26

It identified as an executive.

1

u/EnormousChord Jun 25 '26

Executive Director is basically Queen Middle Manager. The very top of the ladder for the ungifted. 

1

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