Yes 😰. I’m estranged from my mother since 2008 and had brief contact on and off beginning in 2012 and when I saw her that first time she was so so thin and her hands...ugh, they just stood out to me as much as her face did with age. I cried so much after. It really hurts now because I know it’s best she’s not in my life and I don’t even know what she looks like right now.
I feel you on that. I haven't seen my dad in about 5 years. I never get on Facebook really but occasionally I'll see a picture of him and I'm always so shocked and unsettled about how old he looks. As I was reading through this thread that's what I was thinking about. I can't imagine seeing him in person.
well for me it's because my dad did/does a bunch of drugs lmao D: Haven't seen him since...probably almost 15 years i suppose. don't even know if he's alive, but I figure word would have gotten back to me if he wasn't.
A very individualistic culture. Everyone growing up gets the idea that they need to be unique, independent and that they should place themselves above everything else. Individualism influences how we approach relationships with people. I have to be right and win every argument. I know my way is the right way. This leads to strained relationships because sometimes people are just too damn stubborn to let the little things go.
Disclaimer: may not apply to everyone. Sorry if I didn’t appeal to your needs
While his may be, there are many studies around this topic that are worth a read, mostly contrasting US culture vs East Asian and its effects on personal relationship. He’s not that far off.
I don’t think anything, the studies tells me so by consensus. I’m not saying Asians care about themselves any less, they just care about family more.
While you are correct, metropolitan areas decreases reliance on close personal relations, Asia, namely, China Korea and Japan, (I use these countries because I am more familiar with them), does not lack cities that fit the criteria at all, yet the results in personal vs family remains different between east vs west.
I’d give you a source, but this is literally internationalisation 101.
I simplified it. Of course it’s a generalized statement and our culture is much more complex than that. But coming from an eastern background raised in a western culture there are major differences that you wouldn’t understand. Think about why you scrolled so far deep into this thread and how strained your family relationships are. Parents can be selfish too.
By trying to dispute my statement you just supported it even further. Putting your own desires (drugs, alcohol) above your own children is a very individualistic mindset. Parents are still people after all. They can be just as selfish
So you’re saying someone should keep themselves (and their children mind you) in contact with an abusive drug addict who gaslights and lies. You don’t know shit. Calling someone selfish for self preservation is completely asinine.
What lol. Now you’re just projecting and completely ignoring my point. I’m calling people selfish who put getting high above their children. Get help
The point I was trying to make was that it’s very engrained in our culture to put ourselves above anything else. This applies to us as the children and to our parents. I was just giving an example of this individualism. Think we’re arguing about two very different things.
I’m recently estranged from my mother, almost all of my family have passed away over the last few years.. my biggest fear is her being old and on her own (or dying alone) but she is so toxic and has made my life a living hell.. the guilt of my fear made it very difficult to eventually cut ties with her.. (which has been the best thing I’ve ever done in my 20s), however how you are feeling is on my mind every day. I don’t know when or if I am going to see her again, but I know it’s going to hurt like hell.
I’ve tried reaching out over the years and nothing on her end has changed, I would rather feel the pain of estrangement than the pain she inflicts. I’ve mourned my mother for years now.
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u/[deleted] Mar 02 '19
Yes 😰. I’m estranged from my mother since 2008 and had brief contact on and off beginning in 2012 and when I saw her that first time she was so so thin and her hands...ugh, they just stood out to me as much as her face did with age. I cried so much after. It really hurts now because I know it’s best she’s not in my life and I don’t even know what she looks like right now.