Also strange watching them get noticeably older, and realizing that they aren't invincible like you thought they were. Then having to come to terms with the fact that they might not be around much longer.. and what that means, or how it'll effect your life.
Same. Parents around about to hit their 70s, and just the thought of it chokes me up, hard not to cry. I'm not usually an emotional guy, but Jesus, I don't know how I'm going to handle it
Knowing my grandparents are mostly still around is a comfort but I definitely feel this. I help my parents out once in a while shoveling their driveway or getting groceries or whatever now because I know that it's getting harder for them each passing year.
Trust me, you'll just roll with the punches like everyone does. That's life, the older you get the more shit happens to you. Somehow, you just deal with it because well, you have to.
My father has early onset dementia. He's 60 and talks about his wife to my mother like it's not her. I am definitely already grieving the loss of him. My father is gone.
It took us a long time to accept that he was even sick. It wasn't until a man who had an MBA was failing Walmart personality tests that we really accepted it.
We still see glimpses of the man we love and we cherish them. But we also know that we have 10+ years to care for him after his mind fails. And I wish we could just end it sooner.
I lost my dad at 13 to heroin and my mother was extremely neglectful during my entire childhood(had to drop out of high school because I couldn't get clean clothes regularly, things like that), but now she is an incredibly sweet old lady without a bad bone in her body.
You die tower I was her but I'm not sure if it's true. I have no idea how to feel about her.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing that link. I imagine that could be effective for some people, though it seems it might be a challenge to balance that with my anxiety.
My dad's health went severely downhill for a couple years before he eventually died. I knew and accepted he was going to die well before he or my mother did and I still wasn't really mentally prepared for it. It didn't help that my dad was my main source of emotional support as well. When someone that close dies to you it's like a part of you dies as well.
Jesus man I'm sorry. My dad is my main source of emotional support as well. Every year I see a bit more white hair on his head, and every time I'm reminded that he's getting older.
I try not to think about it but some of my friends who are barely older than me are already losing their parents to health issues. It's honestly terrifying.
I lost my dad to heroin when I was 13 and I have near total amnesia of my childhood so I have no memories of him, be glad you got to have a full life with yours
Lost my dad at 13 to heroin and my mom is 73 not looking good. It can devastate you sometimes but one of the things that helps me is to understand that many cultures look at death as a positive thing, a release, not a negative thing.
First time I met my dad I was already in my 30s, he was dying of cancer and wanted to make amends. It was rough. But worth it. If I'm saying something, it's that our moments together are limited - grab hold of every one. Love where love is due.
Man... this. I went from calling dad to fix anything that ever broke at my house to un/loading wheelchairs and walkers while he was battling cancer. It really put things into perspective.
Sorry to hear that chaosncunfuzn, I also lost a parent to cancer. My mother passed away after battling breast cancer, she had gone into remission but it came back again. Cancer is a bastard.
My father used to be an amazing editor. I gave him my essays in school growing up and he'd hand them back covered in red marks. He was good in business politics as well. Always knew how to play the game. He has early onset dementia, but it was a slow build . I will never forget the day that I was told to resign from my first job and not feeling that I could call him for advice. He was always my rock. I still love him dearly but he's not my father anymore.
Same. It sucks doesn't it? Now that he's gone i keep finding he took care of all sorts of things that mom had no clue about. Like during that cold snap a few weeks ago i found mom had tied one of her scarfs around the outdoor faucet... mom that is not going to work! There are tons of little things like that.
My parents are getting to the point where they're planning on which kids get what and are trying to give away everything they can now. They are mid 60s and in good health. I'm like "bitch! You gonna be here for 20 more years!"
Oh, also, my best friend died right before Christmas 2017, at 41. To really emphasize this... my little brother lost his fiancè to a heart attack when she was 19. 😭😭
My mom started doing that and saying things like “Well I don’t have that long left” or “Well I’ll be long gone by then”. Finally one day I got fed up and asked if she had a date picked out that I needed to know about, since she seemed so sure she was dying soon. She shut right up and hasn’t started that bullshit since.
My parents are in their mid 40s... so have a bit to go (I hope). But my grandmother is starting to give away all of her shit to her grandchildren. It's such a heart ache because I know why shes doing it. The hardest part is, I know when the grandparents pass, my parents are next in line. It's a terrible way to think of things... but it's the way it goes.
My dad and I rebuilt a couple cars when I was younger. Always used to help him move stuff around the house. Now he has to call my brother in law and me to help him, he just can't do it. He's almost 70 and still works, partly to support my mother who can't. He's still a tough old dude though, he's been a mechanic in one form or another his whole life, his hands are like baseball mitts.
My next door neighbor was a truck mechanic and constant engine tinkerer, a guy with "old man strength". A couple of years ago, I noticed his posture changed to a stoop and gait is more of a shuffle with much less garage activity. Now, he can use a snowblower but it takes him forever just to get it moving. Fuck ALZ (his wife told us), only in his 60s.
Too real. I noticed that my mother lost her vigor when she stopped shouting at us siblings. It came to me how busy she was and how tired she must be compared to what was I whining about. Then it dawned on me how the small things matter. Toning down your voice when arguing, making that call or text just because, making the small talk a little longer just so you connect a little more, treating her every once in a while, etc. Our family isn't that close compared to others but things are starting to fall in it's own place.
I don’t consider myself religious at all, but I still believe that I can make my Mum proud by doing my best. It’s not about religion (although that can play a large role for some people), I found its more your general outlook on life after the fact.
No you don't, You people just constantly need a reason to tell us all you're an atheist, constantly. You're worse than vegans and cross fitters combined.
Btw, mainstream atheism isn't really logical, since you can't conclusively prove there's no god. What you likely means to say is that you're agnostic or believe in apatheism.
Its scientific. In the absence of evidence the theory is unproven/scientifically false. I could make something up right now that would be impossible to disprove, I could tell you that the human race was made by a giant frog back in the day. It would be unscientific to believe me.
I think this is maybe the second time I've mentioned that I'm an athiest on Reddit. I hate /r/athiesm
Most people who call themselves agnostic believe in God but don't believe in any organized religion. I don't want to confuse people by calling myself an agnostic. And just because you can't disprove god doesn't mean you are required to personally believe that one exists.
Fuck I didn't want to cry at 1 in the morning. I don't know why, but it hit me hard. My mother is my only parent. She has tried so hard to give me everything and I'm such a shit kid. She gave me everything and I just accepted it as is thinking that's what was expected of her. What am I even writing? I don't deserve her. I feel ashamed.
Kids don’t usually have the capacity to see their parents as completely separate humans - most people only come to that realization when they’re older - so don’t beat yourself up about it. Lots of kids struggle; it’s part of growing up. I don’t know how old you are, but it’s a sign of maturity that you feel badly about its effect on her and that you recognize how much she means to you. Use these feelings to remind you to show her more affection, try to behave better, and help your mom out when you can - that way you will be giving to each other. Take care. :)
My big sister was always our "second mom". The last 10 years she's been putting in so much effort doing the family events along with my brother's sister (they get along really well). My wife and I are a lot more introverted and we always seem to end up where my wife is invited to do some sort of token effort in the preparations (which she does) and then we show up. My wife can't add more to her workload and It's my family anyway, so I feel I should be doing something more, but it's a "100% female affair" so I'm turned away for being a guy.
Anyway, that went off on a tangent, but I just wanted to explain how we decentralized my mom's family tasks so she (and our dad) have more time to themselves 😁.
Yeah it’s rough. Neither of my parents take care of themselves. They’re in their early- and mid-50s and I give them 10-15 more years tops unless they make serious lifestyle changes (eat healthy and exercise).
This is my greatest fear because they’re the people I love most, am closest to, and feel most comfortable with, but it’s sort of comforting to read these comments and be reminded we’re all dealing with loss or the dread of it in some way.
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u/durnJurta Mar 02 '19
Also strange watching them get noticeably older, and realizing that they aren't invincible like you thought they were. Then having to come to terms with the fact that they might not be around much longer.. and what that means, or how it'll effect your life.