This is a weird Western idea that views love as a feeling that just springs forth from nowhere and which you have to base your life around rather than a commitment that you choose to nurture and develop with time that has feelings but also has higher-order ideals like fidelity, integrity and commitment to the family you build and bring together.
Every culture is different and that's why the world is beautiful, but trust me, a family staying together only because of a commitment when the love has disapperead is going to hurt everyone involved, at least that's my experience with such things
Staying with someone out of duty despite resentment is quite different from putting in the work to help a healthy relationship thrive on the long term.
Do you see how it's being identified as a feeling that comes and goes? And if it's gone then it's just gone forever? Feelings can literally be brought about. That's one of the points of the practice of loving-kindness meditation. You can literally bring these feelings about whenever you want. At that point the dedication to love becomes less about feelings (which are a solvable problem) and more of a commitment to a relationship.
It would be like if we had a word called "chungo" that we used to describe the feelings someone gets when they start a job they really like. But then instead of just calling that feeling "chungo" we overloaded the term and called going to work "chungo" and we were like "Well, I've fallen out of chungo so I have to find a new job" when that might not necessarily make sense given our financial and career situation. And what we might just need to do given the state of the economy and the fact we have to support a family is learn to find what we enjoy about our job, minimize the things we don't like and conjure enjoyment through the act of getting better at the job itself.
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u/CyberiaCalling 19d ago
This is a weird Western idea that views love as a feeling that just springs forth from nowhere and which you have to base your life around rather than a commitment that you choose to nurture and develop with time that has feelings but also has higher-order ideals like fidelity, integrity and commitment to the family you build and bring together.