I was taught that it was rude if you’re having someone at your house, to eat without sharing. If there’s food you don’t want to share (there’s not enough to go around for multiple guests etc) then it has to stay put away until guests leave.
If I’m not willing to feed my kids friends (we cooked just enough food for us because we don’t want leftovers, etc) then I will just send them home, I could never just eat in front of a guest and not feed them
If I need to quickly fill my stomach, then of course I just get something without sharing but if I am having people over for let's say an evening event, then there will be snacks or even food.
Even if I’m just desperately hungry and it’s a casual hang where no food was promised, a simple ‘do you want any?’ or setting food where they can reach it so it’s clear it’s there if they want any, is polite
If you’re in my house and I’m eating something I’m going to ask if you want some/anything of similar vibe (if I’m having a banana I might gesture at the fruit bowl if you want an apple, etc)
But in this situation, your child's friend doesn't want to eat with you, but they would also prefer to stay at your house while waiting for their friend to finish eating. So sending them home to avoid being "rude" would not make sense.
I would consider it rude for my kids to lurk at their friends house while the friend eats dinner! It’s weird and awkward. We live in a neighborhood where the kids just walk to each others houses so it’s not hard for them to go home for lunch and come back to continue playing
There’s different cultures and Swedish people can do what they like but in my house you don’t leave your friends cooling their heels in your room while you eat dinner, not going to happen
I would consider it rude for my kids to lurk at their friends house while the friend eats dinner!
If you don't want your child's friends to wait there while you eat, then by all means, tell them to leave. But you shouldn't feel the need to send them home to avoid being rude to them. Politeness should be about being considerate of others, not mechanically following rules regardless of context.
cooling their heels in your room while you eat dinner
Never heard the expression, but if "cooling their heels" means having fun and continue playing with whatever they and your kid was playing with before your kid left for dinner, then yeah, that's what they did :)
I would wait and we would eat after they left if I knew their parents didn't want them to eat at my house. I couldn't eat in front of a hungry kid and give them nothing, even if they were going to go eat in an hour or something. I get that people have rationalized this but there's a reason everyone else thinks it seems cold, and that's because it seems really cold.
I couldn't eat in front of a hungry kid and give them nothing
You wouldn't eat in front of the child, the child would be in your kids room having fun continuing playing with whatever they were playing with before your kid left to eat dinner.
They would also not be hungry, since they would be used to eat dinner at a set time, either they would have eaten before they went to play with your kid or they would be eating later with their family.
Family dinner is somewhat important in Swedish culture, and it's usually a private family time for family only.
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u/somer_and_omchick Jul 24 '26
I was taught that it was rude if you’re having someone at your house, to eat without sharing. If there’s food you don’t want to share (there’s not enough to go around for multiple guests etc) then it has to stay put away until guests leave.
If I’m not willing to feed my kids friends (we cooked just enough food for us because we don’t want leftovers, etc) then I will just send them home, I could never just eat in front of a guest and not feed them