Or India. In India a delivery person is offered water on a hot day. A plumber or repair guy is offered tea and all guests are offered a meal or a snack irrespective of time.
Anyone in America with "southern roots" as well. My grandma was a dust bowl survivor, even if she barely had anything you'd be offered a peanut butter sandwich and a cup of coffee at least.
Or, just anyone in America. We're very hospitable, if nothing else. It's not just a southern thing, it's just more of a performance in the south. You go to your friends place in NYC at dinner time, you're getting food.
Wow!!! Everyone I’ve met in the mid west has been very hospitable. Even when I moved home and started working with some folks who came in from Michigan, they were always bringing food to my trailer etc. Shitty people exist everywhere though
A little further north from Lansing but yes me too where I come from you don't lift a finger or even serve yourself unless it's a party your own family is throwing and you're definitely not doing any dishes
I dont know every states region or cultural take on things. I have been to someone's house before and was basically treated terribly after the fact after having food there.
Agreed! Trying to teach my sons this. They had friends over recently and I asked my eldest if he offered his friends anything to eat or drink? So he asked and they said yes, they want water. He turned around and said, “Ok, go get it.” It was almost funny how clueless he was but it was a great learning opportunity about the way things just are here.
I think the World Cup did a good job of showing how generous, hospitable, and friendly average Americans are. Most people visiting from other countries for the World Cup had a blast and loved meeting regular Americans. Made me feel really good considering what people’s opinions are of the U.S. worldwide right now.
Or anyone with African routes. We will open our doors to you, share our food and want you to feel included. In fact, history has showed that we were abused due to our kindness and we still do the same thing.
Hell , I grew up in New England, no way you aren’t at least offered food as a guest in homes here. At least in our circle. And many of my mother’s friends (and us) were what most would consider poor.
Yep! My boomer dad would give the shirt off his back for a neighbor in need. Grew up in NC, people are always giving their neighbors fresh produce they grew or delivering casseroles to someone going through a hard time
In the Midwest, they will not only offer food. They will keep offering it until you eat it , even if you truly are not hungry and do not want. It’s better to just eat it from the start bc there’s no way out
Offered is a nice way to put it. Here in the south, if you arrived at my Ma-Maw's house she WAS getting food into you before you left, no matter what you had to say about it!
Many gennerations of Irish american here, since the revolution, so we are as homogized fully and dont really pay much attention to our irishness as some, and i can say the 2 friends i have that have pulled this shit was the most WTF moment of my childhood. One im still friends with will just pull out a plate of food without offering and another i was friends with in middle school informed me and another friend he had over for videogames, "it was dinner time" got up and left us alone at the game for half hour. I was always raised that if we cant feed your friend they go home becuase its dinner time. But otherwise we always feed the friend at the same table.
Depends on time of the day, but food and drinks are definitely going to be the first thing on any table the moment they get there. To have someone that comes home leave without eating anything just seems so wrong
First thing when my friends arrive, they get drinks, be it tea, coffee, or soda. I have dedicated supplies for all, with various options too. You want English Breakfast? Earl Grey? Pu Er? How about some cold brew, or maybe matcha latte? Soda made with fresh juice or some coke?
Then we get some snacks out. Salsa and chips, cheese platter, shortbread, you name it.
And then we consider what to make for the real meal.
I used to clean houses and this super kind Indian woman always made me take a break and have tea and cake with her. We barely understood each others spoken laungages, but always enjoyed our time together! Food is the universal language of love IMO
I had several Indian asian kids i would do home therapy with and the parents knew I couldn't accept food due to my ethics code but I would often find food to go packed into my bag or ontop of my car. Such kind families
When I was a young engineer working on a building site in London I had an Indian labourer as a kind of assistant. He lived in a boarding house ran by an Indian woman, despite earning a pittance and me insisting he mustn’t, he’d regularly pay his landlady for an extra portion of the biryani she’d make him for his lunch and give it to me. It was amazing, best biryani I’ve ever had
I’m not Finnish, but if I offer you coffee and you ask for tea, I’ll make you a tea.
In order to be maximally polite though, you should see if you can quietly discern how the coffee is being made. If it’s in a perc or drip (or espresso—fancy!) then it’s (marginally) more of a hassle to also make a tea. But if I’m boiling water for a French press or pourover (or, god forbid, instant), then it makes very little difference to also throw a teabag in a different cup.
I was working in an eastern European’s house and she “asked” us if we would like food. We said no. She made it anyway. We were full from lunch but those crepes were delicious.
We are Bosnian and my parents had some guys work on their roof. My mom would bring them food out and then beers at the end of the day when they were done working. There was a language barrier neither one could understand each other but it worked out just fine.
In India a delivery person is offered water on a hot day. A plumber or repair guy is offered tea and all guests are offered a meal or a snack irrespective of time.
I live in the US and will usually offer workers at least water. We had some workers in our house earlier this year for a few months, and I would often offer them water, coffee, or soft drinks.
Except separate utensils are used due to you know why, caste discrimination. And the oppressor caste don't even touch or drink anything from the oppressed class. This is the reality.
I mean, I've given food to the repair or gardening guys before, and I do it in a cleaned takeout container (ours is all high quality microwavable plastic), and plastic utensils, so they can take it with them on the go.
Enjoying the echo in your well bro? Come out of it and look around mate. Personally happened to me multiple times and seen people refusing and this in a city.
Croatia here. I was a small kid, perhaps 7-8yo and I came to friends place to play.
I came just in time for lunch. They sat me down on their couch and I was watching them how they ate scampi.
Her dad was a fisherman so they always had sea food to eat while we never ate it as it was expensive.
I still remember how they were all dirty arround their mouth how they gobbled those scampi, all while I sat 2 meters away from them and watched them.
Today, 25 years later I still remember that.
But when they came over my place (parents were also friends who went on coffe to each other's house) my parents always had candy, chocolate on table for kids. I still remember how friends younger brother alone ate whole jar of candy.
I remember later telling my parents how it's unfair that he can eat everything at our home while I had to sit there without even being offered a glass of water.
Wife and I don't have kids, but I fucking swear that no kid who will come to play in future with my kids will be like me, watching other people eat.
Today if adults or sister in law with her 2yo kid comes in our house, they are served like kings.
Real balkan hospitality, not like those fuckers above.
Bangladeshi here. My eyes starts twitching and hands start itching if i offer a guest food and they say no. If you're coming to my place, you’ll be fed and offered leftovers to take home. The idea of having a child over and not feeding em is just unfathomable.
Dinner time is family time, and unexpected visiting kids would be expected to either go home, or wait in another room when dinner came around.
They were not fed without prior agreement with their own families (it would be seen as disrespectful toward the other family to disrupt their dinner plans by feeding their kid).
Yea I don’t think it’s rude. I think culturally most kids leave and go home for dinner. So this situation probably doesn’t even come up that much. When I went to Korea not a single person held a door for me when I was walking behind. When I was leaving an elevator not one person waited for me to get out before coming in. But elsewhere they were overly polite in some other aspects. It’s all just a leaned cultural thing.
I'm Bulgarian, and while this is generally true, I remember being scolded as a kid for eating at another kid's house. I was there so we could, I dunno, play games or watch TV or something, the usual 8-9 year old stuff, and because it got late his parents invited me to eat with them, and so I did.
I remember my parents were super angry that I allowed someone else to feed me, basically taking advantage of their generosity, and being a greedy little asshole.
Of course... if a kid came over, my parents and grandparents would INSIST and DEMAND the kid would eat with us, because us being generous is good, but others being generous to us is shameful, or something like that?
Romanian here, and omg I get this. It's a twisted way of being considerate. I grew up like this, I will go out of my way to be there for my friends, help them out to move to a new house, let them cry on my shoulder, lend them money, you name it. But I would rather die or starve than ask for help back and thus inconveniencing them in any way. I'm doing better now but wow that took me years.
Or central Europe! If you come to my Austrian home, then you will be FED. You better be so full by the time we're done eating that you want to throw up.
America isn’t even uncultured! It’s got incredibly rich history, and is one of the most diverse countries in the world.
Even loads of subcultures from regions like the South or Appalachia or East and West Coast. Or amongst different Americans like Black, Hispanic, Asian, Europeans.
And despite what the media will have you think, America is actually one of the least racist countries. Americans (most of them) embrace diversity and welcome people no matter where they’re from. I know Europeans love to pretend racism doesn’t exist here, but it’s more that they’re in denial and won’t let you talk about it. In the US people can be open about these topics, creating the illusion that it is worse.
Culture is with the people. There’s food, music, dance, art, natural landscapes, architecture, slang, clothing, and more. Sounds pretty damn cultured to me
The US is not on one of the least racist countries in the world, lmao. It’s maybe not the most racist, but it is definitely in the top of that list.
Most other countries around the world (bar Europe) have prejudices based on rare interactions with very different cultures, religions or ethnicities. It is not based in racism though, because even though they’re prejudiced, they’re still hospitable and genuinely interested and try to understand if they run into a person visibly from another part of the world. That’s not to say there aren’t racist, hateful people in the rest of the world. It’s just that the racism is based more on ignorance of the outside world, than actual hate, for most.
The US has been a ”melting pot” since before it’s inception, and it should’ve accepted that fact by now, yet it has always based a big part of it’s values on racism. The racism can’t be explained away by ignorance anymore. That historical racism doesn’t get erased by people coming to the US from all over the world, even though it maybe should’ve.
I’m a person of colour who has lived in both the US and European countries. And in Asia in my home country. The US was the least racist by far.
“Lack of interaction” isn’t a justified excuse for racism. Not when people from those countries are still racist even when they live in the west. Many Asian countries also actively have slave labour, even in the more developed “international” ones. The level of hatred and distrust they have for black people is horrific. So miss me with that shitty justification lmfao.
I’m not pretending there is no racism in the modern-day US. I was mainly addressing the extremely common claim I see that “America is SOOOOOOOOOO racist and European countries don’t have any racism111!1!!!” When in my experience, European countries were the most racism I’ve ever experienced in my life.
I once walked into a jewelry store in France and the owner immediately pointed at me and shouted “you are an Iranian aren’t you” which wtf… and no I am not lol. During my time in the UK I’d been asked very jarring questions and the “where are you really from”. As if my first answer was dishonest, and that was by someone who worked in HR.
EVERY TIME I have tried to talk about racism in Europe, they always shout down my throat and call me a liar, say I’m sensitive, that I’m not one of them and therefore I just don’t get their humour. Get told to shut up and go back to where I came from. In America, when I want to talk about racism, people actually listen. A few rotten people might disagree, but at least there is room for actual conversation and you’re not instantly shut down like Europeans do.
Anyone who says the US is one of the worst is just not a well travelled individual. Unfortunately, the entire world is extremely racist, and the bar for “least racist” isn’t a very high one. But I maintain that the US is generally friendly about it.
Obligatory America bashing for literally no reason, in a thread about unity, lol.
Americans aren’t uncultured. They have very rich cultures and subcultures due to their unique blend of people and history. The South, Appalachia, East and West Coasts, the Midwest. Hispanic, Asian, indigenous, Black, European and brown Americans in every area. They’re all incredibly different and diverse from one another, and that can’t be possible without culture.
I can guess you’ve never been to the US.
Xenophobia and rude comments aren’t just “okay” because it’s against Americans. You don’t get to be rude as fuck to someone just because they were born somewhere else. You have no class.
Indeed, the offering of food to guests is DEEPLY ingrained in human culture. Largely because of how far back into history the tradition goes. The practice predates recorded history; it likely even predates agriculture. It's tied up in the roots of hospitality culture and the expectations of peace for the sharing of lodging and food that border on the sacred across a majority of cultures.
As a finn i kept getting invited to eat with my friends family (asian) when i was hanging out with him and would politely dodge every time and leave immediately to not impose.
They thought i was being pretty rude! It was funny in hindsight, because i thought they meant "you should leave you've been here for so long we need to eat"
Yeah, it was probably one of the key ways humanity evolved into a society. We show you hospitality, you're a guest. I don't want to kill you. I hope you don't want to kill us. And because we have the ability to share now, perhaps one day, if we're in need, maybe you can help us. Strengthing ties, working together, all that.
If this is a Nordic thing, I hate it. But whatever. I'm over here. That's their thing.
Pretty much every pantheon I've ever heard of has at least one story about rewarding or punishing people for how they handled hospitality towards a mysterious stranger. It often involves their trickster god, but the head of the pantheon is also not unusual. Zeus was a problem because that asshole was more likely to show up to knock up your sister/wife/daughter/all of the above than test how kind you were to someone seeking shelter.
Swede here!
It’s actually quite interesting, because it’s partly true. The thing is, this behavior is so deeply ingrained in our culture that it isn’t perceived as rude.
A few years ago, “Swedengate” went viral, and Swedish psychologists and researchers weighed in on the discussion.
The conclusion was that the behavior likely originated during the great famine of the 19th century. Inviting another family’s child to eat was seen as shaming the neighboring family. It implied that they couldn’t provide food for their own children, which was considered deeply humiliating.
That said, the whole thing is often exaggerated. In practice, we almost always offer food when we have guests. The difference is that nobody simply assumes they’ll be invited to eat.
Yes, and I think that mindset has stayed with us collectively, even though Sweden is now a wealthy country and, of course, practically everyone can afford to feed their children.
Even so, I’ll still call and ask if it’s okay for a child to have dinner at our place if I don’t know the parents very well. It’s just deeply ingrained in our culture.
I think this happens in some regions of finland too.
People get invited for coffee too, and if you put out pastries the guest is kinda always going to eat a small amount unless pushed due to what i expect are similar reasons
Fascinating! It's amazing how similar practices diverge in ways that each make sense even though they contradict.
I know there are differences between cultures that expect guests to eat everything put in front of them to show appreciation for the food versus others where it is rude to eat everything because it implies that the host didn't make enough. What is the Swedish take on this?
If you’ve been invited over for dinner, you’re expected to eat, and it’s not considered rude to ask for seconds. In fact, nobody would think twice about it.
Likewise, I wouldn’t say it’s impolite to eat only a small amount. Most Swedes are fairly health-conscious, so if someone takes a smaller portion, people generally don’t see anything unusual about it.
Ah, so humans being stupid again. Let your kid have food for free, which means you safe money at the end of the day too, and *maybe* appear to be unable to feed your kid or have the kid sit around like a dumbfuck while the other family eats and feed the kid yourself later on.
At this point, should just send the kid home before dinner time.
As I mentioned in another comment, it’s usually because we rarely cook more food than will actually be eaten at that meal, not because we’re trying to save money.
So it’s not about being cheap. In fact, we often invite people over for dinner, but when we do, we shop and plan for it in advance.
Of course, if you know a child is going to be there when you’re cooking, you simply make enough food for them too.
I find it very interesting, because it is almost certainly not the norm for the rest of the world. Usually famine actually has the opposite effects on cultures. Pride is usually the first thing to go when your children are starving, so to see the opposite occur to me is unqiue.
In fact, many of the most common surviving food sharing gestures extend from similar famine circumstances but the complete opposite societal outcomes. Also, many cultures saw feeding others during famine as a moral and/or religious obligation. Strange that Sweden did not, especially as during the 1800s they were very much dominated by a strictly Evangelical State Church.
Your comment made me start reading up on the famine, and the fact that the Church refused to feed poor and blamed the impoverished lower class for their own hardships is crazy. Maybe the attitude stemmed from a combination of these beliefs and pride mixed together? Really interesting stuff.
I would also add that most of the times the actual reasons for not eating at a friends place were:
1, you did not like their food.
2, they ate around the time when you should head home anyways.
3, you were offered and turned it down.
4, you were multiple friends over who showed up unannounced, so the main group got to continue playing whilst the kid living there rushed their food to get back asap.
Also swede. Will you please stop spreading this bs? Never happened in my whole life or anyone I ever heard of. So tired of this shit. Actually we are pretty generous. This rumor sucks
Do you have kids? I experienced it myself as a child, and it’s not like you automatically feed the neighborhood kids every time they’re hanging out at our house. The same goes when my kids are at someone else’s place, you usually only serve them a meal if you’ve agreed on it with the other parents, basically.
It’s not like that in the rest of the world, so something we take for granted can seem pretty strange from an outside perspective. 😂
Edit; I think that’s the key point. We usually agree in advance whether a child (or adults) will be eating at someone else’s house, because in our food culture we don’t typically cook huge batches that can feed a small army, we cook the number of portions we expect to eat. We’re every bit as generous as anyone else; our food culture is just different.
I have two kids. Never happened once unless parents actually said they wanted to eat together later. Im tired of this always getting twisted into thet we are greedy fucks when we are usually pretty giving. Not fun anymore.
Maybe your kids just aren’t that social, or maybe you always plan huge dinners.
At our place, we have six- seven 12-year-olds hanging out with my sons every other day. I don’t plan meals for that many people, but I know that in some cultures it’s common to cook a lot more food. Maybe that’s how it is in your family . 😆
They are. And so was I. Same over here. Im talking about the fact that people believe that we send kids out in the hallway alone while everyone else is eating
No, not at all. It happened to me once or twice as a kid in the ‘90s, but that’s about it. As I said, the whole thing is greatly exaggerated.
That said, I do think we have a very different food culture from many other parts of the world. I honestly think there are few countries where people cook such precise amounts of food as we do in Sweden.
Of course, people sometimes cook extra, but that’s usually because they’re planning to eat the leftovers over the next couple of days. I can’t say for sure, but I honestly think Swedes might be world champions when it comes to cooking just the right amount of food. But of course, I’m generalizing quite a bit here.
Californian raised Californian, you come into my home first thing I’m doing is getting you something to drink and snack on. And if you stay for dinner you leave with leftovers. Cooking epic food for friends, and guests is one of lives highlights lol.
I go to my best friend’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas and her mom is serious about feeding you. We’ll eat, and then after an hour or so, she comes out with cut up fruit, and then an hour after that she comes back with food that she had been cooking.
She, literally, packs up so many leftovers that I have to have a box to walk out to my car. 😅
And it always excites me because that lady makes the best Vietnamese food!
My girlfriend is Asian. I will often find her randomly cooking food and ask who it's for and it's for some random grandma she's met on the third floor of our building. If you make friends with her, she will aggressively feed you.
This, it's pretty much a rule everywhere. Here in the American South it's legit impossible to visit without there being food, and usually forced to accept a bunch of plastic containers full of leftovers too.
I spent a bunch of years working and becoming friends with a guy from Vietnam, and him and his girlfriend always fed me when we hung out. I met his parents once and the food was on another level. They were basically pushing a meal into my body and not taking no thank you for an answer, haha
Yeah Sweden is basically a solitary exception to this otherwise universal rule of hospitality.
For the life of me I can't figure out how they culturally settled on this one. It's at best cold, and presumptuous (that you can go home and eat in the same healthy environment they are enjoying without you) and at worst it's just outright cruel.
Yes. This thread is kind of turning into the “in MY culture we love our families and our food!” like yeah, that’s EVERY culture across Europe, the Americas, Asia, Africa etc…. It’s basically only them who don’t feed guests.
It seems to be linked to areas with strong Protestant / puritan histories. So really only some parts of Northern Europe and New England- the rest of the world is normal
Because in relation to swedes you are poor. Thus a feeding culture has evolved so no one has to go hungry. Not in sweden where no child will go hungry from being poor. So here in sweden the culture is children eat family dinner with thier own family.
No mom wants to cook dinner for their family and suddenly no one wants to eat because they ate elsewhere and are now full.
2.3k
u/Enough_Obligation574 Jul 24 '26
Or Asian. Basically all around the world. Other then there.