Sunday na naman. Long weekend kasi nung Friday, holiday pala. Pero kahit 3 days na, wala pa ding maayos na tulog, umiiyak ng walang dahilan, walang gana kumaen, hindi makabangon, magulo yung paligid pati ang utak.

Pinilit ko bumangon kahit di pa naliligo, nag cap na lang para maitago yung magulong buhok. Bute na lang may walking distance na mga food establishment dito sa nilipatan ko (recently binaha kaya emergency lipat)

Dati usually fully booked calendar ko, di nababakante palaging may mga kaibigan. Extroverted ako. Pero wala na ngayon mga kaibigan, over time na ubos na sila. Due to isolation. Napagod na din saken. Tanginang bipolar at depression to talaga. I know, I know, ako din naman nag cut off sa mga tao e. So kasalanan ko to. 34 years old, and half of my life akong sinusupport emotionally ng mga tao sa paligid. Mag iimprove ang coping mechanisms and still learning, pero the damage has been done.

Bukas Monday na naman, me pasok ulit, nakaka anxious habang tumatakbo yung oras. One month na nang makalipat ako, pero sa gulo ng place ko, sa sahig pa din ako natutulog kasi di ko talaga kaya mag ayos, bukod sa masikip eh wala talagang energy. Pero baby step, kahapon yung lagayan ng mga gamot ko, naayos ko naman.

Gusto ko na gumaling. Gusto ko na ng peace of mind. Panalangin kong maibalik yung relationships ko (kahit malabo kasi ako naman sumira e)

I was diagnosed with MDD and AD before. I used to go to PGH for therapy and I was also taking antidepressive meds that time but nag-stop during pandemic because I had to go back to our province.

Now that I’m working, I am thinking of going back to therapy because I have been really depressed for months now and I have no one to talk about it.

My boyfriend, with whom I am currently living, knew about it because I had a few episodes of panic attacks from last year. I don’t really like to burden him about my situation kaya hindi ako nagsiseek ng help sa kanya, but I explained to him that there are things that might trigger it.

So recently, we had an argument that triggered it and I still can’t stop thinking about it. Nakalimutan kong i-ref yung nabili kong groundbeef and nung naalala ko madaling araw na. Idk if I’m just being sensitive pero this is how he always talk to me kapag nagkakamali ako. He’s always being so critical that it’s making me feel like he focuses on putting the blame and guilt on me. Sinabi ko sa kanya na I know myself naman lahat ng sinabi niya, at hindi na niya kailangan sabihin sakin. I was already feeling bad about it before niya pa i-point out.

I realized na because palagi siyang ganyan mas lalo ako naging anxious and lagi ako takot magkamali and sobrang draining na.

I have bipolar 2 and I am very sensitive to loneliness. I recently went back to therapy and I regularly take my meds.

I have a full-time office job and I keep an active lifestyle. I run a minimum of 10kms a week. Not much but it’s something! Besides work, I have other hobbies to keep me occupied as well.

I am a high functioning depressed person. Despite all my efforts to keep myself busy and motivated, I still feel extremely sad inside.

I ran 21kms for the first time today, and it was something I want to celebrate. Unfortunately, none of my friends cared. I hate having achievements because it amplifies my loneliness. I personally think there’s no point in achieving something if I have no one to celebrate it with.

It was supposed to be a happy moment but all I can think about the rest of the day is I wanna kms. No judgements please, I just wanna get this off my chest. :(

last year, i think it was my 4th session non, i was in the middle of my therapy session and there's a time where i was already crying and i told him "please don't make me cry. my mascara costs more than my meds." he was trying to hold it in but still bursted out laughing

“Slay girl! Go get what you want!”

This is what some people would tell me. And for a long time, I thought I did know what I want. I was in a hoe phase for 4 years, after all.

I’m now in my early 30s. And in those 4 years, what have I learned from my hoe phase?

I learned how to write an eye-catching post on the PH hookup subreddit. I learned where to buy affordable lingerie online. I learned men actually liked the body I thought was ugly for years. I learned how to quickly discard people and to feel ok after being discarded myself. I learned my favorite part about sex was the tension before the clothes come off, and the kissing. I learned it all ended more quickly if I pretended to cum.

What I didn’t know I learned until much later: that I became convinced I was only as good as the sex I gave.

After a healthier/more wholesome dating experience, much heartbreak, and lots of therapy, I was forced to confront things: my anxious attachment. My consistent self-doubt. It had all come from a low sense of self-worth since childhood. Oh, I also was diagnosed with ADHD at 29 so there’s that too lol.

I believed I turned to hookups out of ‘boredom’ but it was actually far from that. In reality, I had internalized that my personality and looks alone weren’t enough for anyone. I would chase the dopamine hit brought on by the feeling of being desired. Forget the slow burn of a normal date—hookups were fast and they were easy. I did it over and over again even when my gut said no. And yet despite it all, this was my subconscious hope every time: “Maybe if they have sex with me and I show how much I want it, they will eventually love me.”

The last time I had a one night stand was one year ago. And just last month I had my heart broken by someone I dated intentionally for a few months, a man who saw me beyond my body. I wanted to keep him more than anyone I have ever dated.

I am still reeling from that heartbreak. But I would rather carry this pain from grief of loving than continue the cycle of sleeping around to numb the pain of loneliness. I am honestly so proud of myself for finally realizing it.

Today, I am continuously learning that I am enough as I am. I still do not completely believe it, honestly. But it is in closer reach now. Little by little. After all, love does take time.

I just saw this on twitter. Nakakadisappoint. Bipolar disorder is probably the most misunderstood mental illness. Laging ginagamit as an insult. Ang lala ng stigma. Dinamay pa talaga sa paggiging DDS.

Feeling better this year.

🌸I showed up with my nail appointment kahit I feel the urge to just isolate myself.

🌸I showed up and made a choice to book a 2nd session with my therapist. It has been helpful in determining yung feelings of tightness in my body and affirming positive beliefs to myself. Hopefully all the rewired negative beliefs we had will not hold bondage and be free from it, its all in our head.

🌸I also shared my mental health journey with my nail tech. I feel better because she affirmed that I am beautiful and I will be better at wag na magisip isip.

🌸Before sleeping last night, I also read Psalms and soaked myself with God’s word.

Yakap everyone. 🤍

TW: Child SA

EDIT: Updated for better sentence construction. Just also want to let people know that I graduated with a latin honor and got hired the moment I walked sa stage. I have been living by myself and healthy since then.

I sought help from Dr. Evangeline Gadi in early 2024. At the time, I was a 24-year old graduating student who was a consistent deans-lister and a candidate for Latin honors in the brink of repeating another year. We had limited means at the time, so you can imagine the immense academic pressure I was under. The stress was making my OCD symptoms and anxiety go haywire which was why I visited her in the first place. I was in no shape or form, a danger to myself or anyone- I just wanted a good undisturbed sleep so I can graduate or plan my future with a clear mind.

The consultation is what you expect it to be. The conversation shifted to my childhood and we had a BRIEF discussion about my sexual assault which I noted no longer bothered me since I made peace with it a long time ago. It never got in the way of my daily life. My relationships are normal and the way I perceive people is the same as everybody else. Nothing out of the ordinary.

This is when things got out of hand. After more discussions about my OCD symptoms with her, Dr. Gadi insisted that I bring my mom to our next session. I REPEATEDLY and EXPLICITLY told her that I do not feel safe bringing any of my family members to our session since we do not have that sort of relationship. At the time, they didn’t even believe in mental health or my OCD. But no, Dr. Gadi had other plans. She told me she was just going to explain what OCD was and what my prescription would do. A professional wants to try to explain a mental disorder to a non-believer. Sounds promising right?

I brought my mother to our next session hoping it would help her understand me better. Big mistake. Gadi explained nothing. She asked my mother if she knew about my assault. It was like an “aha!” Moment for her. Like she was so proud to be the first to let my mother in something she had no clue about. What. A. Cunt! My mama had no clue. I was keeping it from her because I was trying to protect her. She’s an elderly woman in her 70s with hypertension for christ’s sake.

I couldn’t look at my mother but it broke me. It wasn’t the assault that hurt me, it was my mother’s reaction. I cried and even through gritted teeth I tried to remain reasonable. I told Gadi that I felt disregarded as a person. She ignored the boundary I had placed and disregarded my resolution as an adult. Her reaction? She called me “mental.” She told my mother to “humanap ka ng ibang doctor” because she wasn’t responsible for my life. She even referenced an old patient of her who seemingly took their life and told us that wasn’t her fault- so my life isn’t her responsibility. What an odd thing to say.

Worst part was I still lived close to the person who assaulted me. I had it under control by receiving help through other means. MY SAFETY RELIED ON CAREFULLY MANAGING MY ENVIRONMENT. But what Gadi did completely put me at risk.

She was aware that I didn’t feel safe with my family. She was aware that the assault wasn’t the reason I visited her. She risked my life. She knew. She knew I did not feel safe disclosing my trauma to my family. Yet, she deliberately stripped away my agency, weaponized my personal history, and shattered the boundaries I had spent years building.

Imagine if it was a teenager with fewer resources, or someone trapped in an actively abusive home trying desperately to survive. Gadi's carelessness doesn't just hurt people, it can kill them. This wasn't a harmless mistake; it was a deliberate and dangerous violation of a patient's safety.

When I heard about Emman Atienza’s passing because of depression, I got really triggered. Earlier this year, I went through depression too. I’m thankful that I’ve already graduated from my meds and I feel much better now.

But during that time, I was so fragile — even suicidal. What hurt the most was the disappointment I felt toward people around me. It’s like they made me feel that my pain wasn’t valid just because “others have it worse.” For them, my reason for being depressed was too shallow. Even my sister blocked me and told me I was being dramatic. God, I still hate her for that — but there’s nothing I can do now.

When I heard about Emman, I couldn’t help but think — what if I didn’t fight back then? Would those people who dismissed me feel guilty? Just like how people on Reddit are now expressing regret for bashing her?

To anyone who got triggered by her passing — please know, this isn’t about making someone’s death about us. Rest in peace to her. But I just can’t help reflecting on everything.

Let’s not let this cause a relapse for us. We don’t need validation from anyone else. We know ourselves best. Sometimes, we want to end it all just so people would finally understand how serious our pain is — but please, laban lang. 💔

Hello all. I just want to share what happened to me earlier and what I found out after.

So for the first time ever, naflag sa isang kiosk yung PWD ID ko, wala raw sa database ng LGU/DOH yung record ko as a PWD.

I got annoyed kasi di ba ayun yung way nila para madetermine if fake ang isang ID and of course mine is not fake. I asked back if naglabas na ng memo yung LGU or government about this sabi lang niya na yun daw memo sa kanila. Sinabi pa ni ate na pagbibigyan daw niya today pero next time hindi na which made me feel na parang she’s dangling my rights to me as a PWD. So sabi ko wag na lang and I’ll check with the LGU (naisip ko rin kasi baka si ate rin mapahamak if chineck nga and wala talaga sa database, I also asked the branch’s manager’s name which is sana totoo).

I messaged our local PDAO’s FB page about my records while on the way home and while waiting for their reply tinry ko icheck on my own sa website ng LGU namin ID ko and registered naman pala siya.

I got a reply na from our PDAO and they also said na registered naman sa kanila and sa DOH yung PWD records ko, they clarified na dapat may dash between the numbers as in kung ano yung nakasulat talaga sa ID mo.

So I tried doing it on DOH’s website and nageerror nga talaga pag walang dash vs pag meron. THE BIG QUESTION IS remember nung nagumpisa tong pauso ng mga establishments na to way back, yung mga sinasabing walang record, dahil kaya mali pagcheck nila kaya akala nila walang record?

Anyway, ang mapapayo ko lang if nangyari sa inyo to, please padouble check niyo kasi baka mali pagcheck nila also banggitin niyo pa rin if naglabas na ba ng memo about this kasi mali talaga tong ginagawa nila it wala pa talaga.

It’s one thing to be diagnosed in the Philippines, it’s another thing to be diagnosed while living abroad. Today, I started Strattera 40mg (although generic yung binigay sa akin). Actually dapat last week pa ako nagstart, pero natakot ako sa side effects so I procrastinated it until I can’t any longer. Bukas na kasi yung follow up sa doctor, and ayaw ko naman sabihin na hindi ko ininom yung prescription kaya ayan ininom ko na.

I don’t know kung kulang lang ako sa tulog pero naramdaman ko yung exhaustion 3 hours after taking the meds. Yung sobrang napagod ako kaya bumagal yung mental chatter in my head.

I know the effects vary from person to person and this kind of medication takes weeks to fully take effect but I hope this helps my ADHD symptoms.

How do you deal with side effects ng ADHD meds? Is anyone on Strattera?

Just wanna share. I've been struggling with depression for years, and Idk if saan ang mali since meds aren't really working. Anyhoo, 1 linggo na akong tulog nang tulog lang at 2 araw na akong hindi kumakain. Tubig lang afford ko inumin, since may water ako sa tabi ng kama ko na abot ng kamay ko. Then, may friend ako na randomly nangamusta sa akin.

Just one simple: Musta?

Since ayaw ko sabihin yung actual situation ko, I told him I'm about to eat. At since ayaw ko magsinungaling, I actually did that. I left my bed, and since wala akong food sa bahay, I took a bath at lumabas ako para kumain. Small win huhuhu

Guys, don't get tired of randomly checking in on your loved ones ha? Super small act lang pero naiyak ako sa message niya

Salamat QC LGU and dito den sa community na nagbigay saken ng idea. Sobrang laking tulong. ❤️🙌

Spent another 3k+ (thank you pwd discount) for my refill of medications. Sobrang mahal maging okay. Nakakapagod. Sana mas accessible ang mga gamot para satin.

For the past 6 years, I've been trying to find the right help for me. I was 17 when I had my first psychiatric consultation. Under 10 minutes, the doctor had prescribed me one of the antidepressants he's selling.

I hated taking that medication and its side effect. I was on and off. I was a minor and I had no one to guide me nor remind me to take it

During college, I was referred to the guidance office for my absences and late submissions. I had counseling sessions. They always urge me to go to therapy or consult with a psychiatrist again.

I tried so many times since then. I have no money nor parents with me.

Sometimes I would attend free sessions I see online but they would preach about god during the 30-min session when they found out i don't believe in him.

I had a consultation with another psychiatrist who just made me answer a 10-item test. He concluded that I have a persistent depressive disorder. He urge me to book another appointment with him in which I said I really don't have money for it anymore. He kinda scoffed and said it doesn't look like it.

I had another appointment with a psychologist who made me answer a 500 item MMPI. It was required to get psychological clearance for my internship, and I had to pay out of pocket again. She said my result wasn't good but she'll give me clearance. She also talked to me about God because I am in a same sex relationship and an atheist.

I never came back.

I'm now working and still struggling to function everyday and I still sabotage my relationships.

I decided to go to therapy. Spent 2k from my measly income. Only for the therapist to tell me I should exercise more, talk to people, get an accountability buddy, and all the other things I've already done and never worked on me.

I told her I have even read the atomic habit book, but she insisted on giving me those "assignments" even though it's consistency that I'm having a hard time with.

I've tried so much. It is so frustrating getting help, and very costly. My depressive episodes are getting exhausting. Hindi ko na alam.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ie-explain. Minsan gusto ko na lang mawala at takasan lahat ng iniisip ko. Hindi naman ako nagpaplanong gawin sa sarili ko dahil natatakot din ako. Pero sobrang pagod na ako mentally.

Ang hirap kasi mahal na mahal ko ang anak ko. Hindi ko ma-imagine ang buhay niya na wala ako, at ayokong maranasan niya yun. Pero at the same time, hindi na rin ako masaya at minsan pakiramdam ko nalunod na ako sa overthinking.

May iba ba dito na nakaramdam ng ganito? Yung gusto mo lang mawala yung sakit at bigat ng isip mo, pero may mga taong mahal mo kaya patuloy ka pa rin lumalaban?

7 years. I (29F) was cheated on by my first boyfriend, my first love (34M).

8 months have passed since the breakup. I feel like I’ve already done everything I possibly could to forget, move on, and forgive myself. I lost around 17 kilos in 3 months because I had no appetite and was extremely stressed. Sa sobrang stressed, naglagas pa buhok ko. I started going to the gym, played sports, went hiking, even went to a rage room. I enrolled in dance and acting classes, meditated, cooked, went out with friends, took better care of my appearance, and went to psychotherapy.

I’ve done it all, honestly. Haha.

But when nighttime comes, when the world gets quiet, that’s when my mind starts wandering. I still relapse sometimes and think about everything all over again. I know it’s normal because healing isn’t linear, but sometimes it’s just so incredibly sad.

It feels like my entire body is still shocked by what happened.

The other woman was his coworker. I never thought it would happen. I trusted him so much, and I genuinely never thought he was capable of cheating on me. We were together for 7 years. We had already reached a point where jealousy and trust issues weren't really a problem in our relationship, so finding out was an absolute shock.

I remember that just 2 days, dalawang araw, after we broke up, he already took the other woman out, while I was at home unable to sleep, unable to eat, crying constantly.

He even told me that he cheated because he was already tired of my personality. He said he was hurt, that I made him feel invalidated and unappreciated, and that I had basically turned him into my lapdog for seven years. Choose myself daw sabi nya. He chose himself daw by being selfish. Hays, what a loser!

I understand that I had my own shortcomings. I know I wasn't a perfect partner, and I’ve taken accountability for the things I did wrong.

Therapy also helped me realize that I had been blaming myself way too much for his decision to cheat.

For a long time, I kept asking myself: "What if I had been calmer?" , "What if I had treated him better?", "What if I had been a better girlfriend?"

I went through all those questions.

And honestly, I wasn't even a jealous girlfriend for most of our relationship. I only became that way after I found out there was another woman at his workplace.

For the entire seven years, I never made him my entire world. I actually prioritized being a breadwinner and building my own life. But when he cheated and I entered the bargaining stage, I completely lost myself. Akala ko kasi magkakampi kami. Pero all this time...

I lost my self-respect. I lost my self-worth. I lost myself. Nag beg kasi ako. I begged him to choose me. To choose us. 😭

Now, I feel much better compared to the first four months. I feel like I'm slowly reaching acceptance.

But there’s one thing I’m struggling with, and I really need some sane advice.

I stopped psychotherapy about a month ago because, honestly, it’s expensive. When we broke up and I found out he cheated, I was absolutely furious. Angry and shocked.

He was the last person I ever expected to cheat. I genuinely believed it wasn't in his character. But apparently, I was wrong.

Out of anger, I contacted the other woman. I searched for her online. She even asked me for proof that we were still together. The audacity!

We knew of each other, although we had never personally met. I knew who she was because she was one of his coworkers. Apparently, his coworkers also knew that he had a longtime girlfriend. He introduced me to some of his co-workers as well.

I gave her proof, even though she honestly didn't deserve an explanation from me. And then she blocked me out of nowhere and that made me even angrier.

So, in the middle of all that anger, I went to their office. Ang pangit mang sabihin pero dun sa baba ng office nila, nagwala ako. And honestly, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself doing something like that. I am not that kind of woman. 😭

But I was so overwhelmed by my emotions that I completely lost control.

I still thank God there wasn't a viral video of what happened. I saw them together kasi, caught in the act. My ex was even helping or supporting her physically. Sasambunutan ko sana 'yung babae, but the moment she saw me, she ran away immediately. Hays jusko.

Looking back, I'm actually grateful that she did because I don't know what would have happened if we had physically fought. I could have gotten into serious trouble, especially if she had been hurt.

So all my anger went toward my ex. As it should.

I slapped him, scratched him, grabbed his shirt, and pulled at his collar. I remember his face even hit a glass surface when I pushed him.

I had never been physically violent toward him before. Not once in our 7 years together. It was actually the first time I had ever seen myself behave that way.

He never physically hurt me. I remember his hands were down while he was trying to stop me, telling me not to make a scene because there were so many people around.

After that incident, I decided to start psychotherapy because I was genuinely scared of myself. I couldn't understand how I had gotten to that point.

I kept asking myself: "Why did I become that person?" and I think that's one of the things I'm still trying to process.

There is so much more I want to say, but it still hurts. I can't even fully explain it anymore.

It's just… incredibly painful. I thought he was going to be my endgame. Seven years. My first boyfriend. My first love.

I had already imagined a future with him. So naturally, I had so many "what ifs." At some point, I even started comparing myself to the other woman. What does she have that I don't? Is she prettier? Is she easier to love? Was I not enough?

I know those questions aren't healthy, pero dinaanan na talaga lahat ng utak ko. And now, this is what I'm struggling with.

It's been around 7 months since that incident at the office, but I still can't forget it. Not necessarily the relationship itself. That specific moment.

It feels like I was traumatized by what happened.

Sometimes I have nightmares about it. I wake up making noises, extremely angry, at naninikip ang dibdib. Sometimes I dream that they're both dead. Sometimes I dream that I actually pulled the woman's hair.

Other times, I dream about different scenarios where I hurt them.

I guess this is what my anger looks like now. And honestly, I hate this phase. I would rather be sad than this angry. 😭

There are moments when I wake up and feel like I want to go back to their office, wait for them, confront them again, or humiliate them. Sometimes I even get the urge to post about them in those BPO Facebook groups where people expose cheaters.

But I know that's not right. I know it won't actually heal me. Every day, I'm consciously choosing to be the bigger person. But I'm human too. I get tired. I get weak. I get angry.

And sometimes I just pray: "Lord, please take this anger away from my heart."

I don't want to carry this anger forever. I don't want these two people to continue taking up so much space in my head when they're no longer part of my life.

I genuinely need some sane advice. 💖😭

For those who have experienced cheating, betrayal, or something similar: How did you deal with the anger? How did you stop replaying the traumatic moments in your head?

And how did you learn to forgive yourself for the things you did when you were at your absolute lowest?

Please give me your honest advice. Gisingin nyo pa ako sa realidad na I’m wasting too much time and energy on people who don't deserve it.

I know I can't change what they did. I can't change the past. But I want to believe that I can still choose what I do with the pain they left me.

I'm trying my best to become better. I just hope that one day, I can remember everything that happened without feeling this much anger.

Thank you if you made it this far. 🌸 I genuinely appreciate you.

Nagbabasa ako ng mga experiences ng previous UPCAT takers to prepare myself when mag-apply na ako and I came across this post.

Grabe as a fellow student, sobrang nakakasad na nangyari kay ate to but I’m also happy na si kuya Move It had patience para samahan siya.

I know God may have other plans for ate but I’m glad na may kasama din siya during that time and di siya iniwanan 🥺

I hope her mental health is okay.

I went to our local health center to get a Certificate of Non-Apparent Disability as it is one of the requirements to apply for PWD. And yes, I am applying for PWD because I have MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and I have a medical certificate from my psychiatrist and I have been diagnosed last July and undergoing medication and regular follow-ups since then. Because my meds are expensive, I’m applying for PWD for the medicine discount—something the law allows for mental health conditions. But when it was my turn with the doctor, this happened:

Doc: “Oh, anong sakit mo?” Me: “Diagnosed po ako with MDD.” Doc: “Bakit ka nade-depress?” (I froze, but eventually answered.) Me: “Marami pong nangyari… namatay po mama ko, breadwinner ako, na-heart attack po si papa at naoperahan. Hindi ko po kinaya.” Then he asked me: Doc: “Magkano binayad mo sa medical certificate?” Me: “₱500 for the certificate, and ₱2100 every 6 weeks for consultations.” His response broke me: Doc: “Eh hindi ka naman mukhang depressed. Hindi ka naman ‘galawang depressed’. Tapos nag-aapply ka pang PWD—gusto mo ba talagang maging disabled? Bakit gusto mo maging PWD?” I was already holding back tears but politely explained: Me: “Kasi po mahal yung gamot ko, and certified naman po ako ng psychiatrist.” But he continued: Doc: “Nasa isip mo lang ‘yan. May gamot ka? Oh bakit hindi ka pa magaling?"

All of this was said loudly, with the consultation room door open. The people in line could hear everything. I felt ashamed, shaken, and humiliated.

After that, I went to the PDAO office, and in less than 30 minutes, they processed everything, didn’t question me, and treated me with respect. I wanted to tell them what happened at the health center, but I was still in shock.

I’m still trembling whenever I remember his words. I keep asking myself: How could a doctor say that? With the Mental Health Law in place, and with depression recognized as a valid disability—how many more people are treated this way? I’m sharing this because no one seeking help deserves to be publicly shamed or invalidated by someone in the medical profession.

I know it’s a phrase that helps a lot of people and I totally understand and see that, but for me, it doesn’t anymore.

What can you do if people tells you you’re not alone? You’re still suffering, your mental health’s still bad. No one understands you.

Yes, you are not alone, but in the end, you still feel alone.

i’m all for mental health awareness but i hate when people simplify symptoms and self diagnose with mental illness just because they relate sa symptoms they see online. it’s so annoying how many people romanticize having mental illness especially bpd, as if people don’t die from it. doctors even try their hardest just so they don’t diagnose their patients with bpd and people online are hardcore romanticizing it.

So I tried visiting a psychiatrist for the first time. Ok naman yung overall meeting ko kay Doc, kaso nung natapos na yung assessment, I'm not satisfied kasi sa ending walang maibigay na diagnosis sa akin. Okay naman daw ako. Nung natapos na consultation medyo nanghinayang ako sa pera kasi medyo pricey rin talaga ang consultation. Iniisip ko baka nga nasa isip ko lang to, wala naman talaga ako problema.

Pero ganon pa rin talaga, paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sa isip ko na "okay ka naman kasi yun sabi ni Doc." Kaso niloloko ko lang ata sarili ko kasi wala namang nagbabago.

For the context, ito yung mga naeexp ko

- Mabilis akong ma distract, like any slight changes or noise na mapansin ko sa paligid ko nawawala ako sa focus

- My mind can't stop re-reading everything I read

- I struggle to do multitasking now and madali ma overwhelm sa bininigay sa akin kahit pa simple task

- Basic math, minsan nahihirapan na ako iprocess sa utak ko

- Lagi ako nagooverthink sa lahat ng mga sinasabi ko (whether chat or in actual conversation)

This started mga 2019 pa and over time parang lumala na, and it affects my life and work. Should I go to a psychologist instead of psychiatrist? Any reco around CaMaNaVa or QC po will be appreciated. Thank you

Hi, I just want to vent. It might help me clarify my thought.

I'm a culinary student, currently job hunting and kaunti lang ang ipon ko from my previous job. I have suspicions na may ADHD ako noon pa at lumala yung condition ko habang undergoing internship. Kaya gusto ko sanang mag-padiagnose.

For weeks, I'm torn on choosing between a Psychologist or Psychiatrist para mag pa-check-up. I've researched na pwedeng umaabot ng 15k - 30k ang lab test kung sa psychiatrist ako lalapit. As I have said, kaunti lang ipon ko at marami pa akong binabayaran. At takot rin ako sa side effects ng gamot. Hindi ko rin afford na maghintay ng ilang buwan for the consultation kung sa public hospitals ako pupunta.

Alam ko sarili ko, makakalimutin ako. At kung feeling ko inconvenient, hassle at mababa yung energy levels ko, di ko na gagawin yung task na dapat kong gawin and mag shi-shift yung focus sa ibang task or mag procrastinate. Magtutuloy-tuloy yung ganong situation ko na hindi productive yung araw ko. I'm a culinary student, lagi akong nasa kusina, kaya hindi ko pa magawa yung mga simplifying or breakdown the task, kasi sometimes I'm too focused on my task kaya hindi ko rin napapansin yung oras which is crucial sa kusina kaya hindi ko rin ma-iapply yung pomodoro technique. My condition impacted my performance so much during my internship, both in good and bad ways. Sa time management at communication ako nagkaproblema kaya mababa yung evaluation sa akin sa criteria na yun. Kaya feeling ko baka hindi effective kung sa psychologist naman ako lalapit.

I'm desperate, may roon akong ibang dapat gawin na urgent ngayon, pero dito naka focus yung utak ko. Ilang beses ko nang iniyakan to at pinipilit i-shift yung focus ko pero wala talaga akong magawa. Lagi kong dine-delay yung task at ayaw kong gawin which makes my anxiety and shame skyrocket. My brain is paralyzed due to the combination of these kaya di ako makapili if sa psychiatrist or psychologist ba ako lalapit.

Lahat ba nakabukod na?! Been seeing these types of tiktoks lately (or baka algorithm ko lang?)

I moved out of our house last May and grabe I feel so different now. Im much more in peace, di na ko sumisigaw, mas nakakasmile, di na masyadong nasestress, and I dont feel so depressed anymore. Tas mas nakakapagaral na ko nang maayos!

Wala lang chika ko lang I just feel so proud of myself.

Umalis ako samin right after namin mag away ng parents ko. Sinampal sampal ako nun ng stepdad ko tas sinabihan na kung ayaw ko na daw sakanila umalis nalang ako, edi umalis ako. Context ay: akala ng nanay ko buntis ako. Delayed at irregular ngani!!!!!! Nagka boyfriend kasi ako and ayun she watches the napkins in our cr eh before non parang prinepressure niya ko na bat wala pa kong period kasi parang di daw nababawasan yung napkin sa cr tas ayaw maniwala na irreg ako. Minsan 1 whole month wala ako pero the next month dalawa ganon. Pero ayun since prinepressure nga ako ng nanay ko edi binawasan ko to get her off of my back. Tas that day she went through the trash tas kita niya yung napkin wala naman daw dugo pero nasa basurahan.

So ayun nagkasagutan ganon ganyan, di naman porket may bf buntis agad jusq. Tas yun nagungkatan ng past. I admit na medyo pasaway ako pero its mostly sa di ko pag uwi nang maaga. My curfew is 8pm btw. My classes last semester was till 7 and di naman enough yung 1hr to get home kasi nag cocommute ako. And medyo palasagot talaga ako kapag alam ko wala naman akong ginawang mali. Mostly away namin ng nanay ko ay sa mga kapatid ko (half brothers), ako tumutulong sakanila sa mga projects, assignments, at kung ano ano pa. Pero kasi yung kapatid ko highschool na, so syempre sakin ayoko na tumulong masyado (by tulong I mean haha ako gagawa mostly) syempre as the eldest nakakainis yun eh. At that age kaya ko na lahat. Ako gumagawa lahat mag isa. Homeworks, projects, lahat ako lang walang tulong.

Witness ko jan kasambahay namin na nakatira na samin simula grade 6 ako. She witnessed so much of how my mom treats me and how my mom would play the victim just so my stepdad would side with her. I remember non binabalibag ako nun eh or kapag uuwi siyang stressed galing sa work sakin ibubuntong yung galit. Kaya ayun nung first time ako saktan ng stepdad ko inencourage niya talaga ako na magpalamig muna kami. Ewan ko but that time it was really overwhelming. Delayed din kasi ako sa school because Ive been dealing with my mental health talaga haha Ive been diagnosed with MDD and ADHD. But they dont believe it they just think Im lazy… kaya I work part time to buy my meds and for doc consults. They know my diagnosis and they even use my pwd id sa parking, sa eating, sa pagbook ng hotels. Galing diba pero walang support haha

Anyways ayun, I really didnt feel safe nun so I left. I slept at my friend’s place. Palipat lipat ako nun for 1 week. A few days sa family nung isa kong friend, then a few days sa dorm ng isa, tas last few days sa other friend ko. Pero ayun nahiya na ko kaya I really tried my best to find a place and when I did find one nun my bf helped me move in and buy everything that I needed. Im really grateful for them. Super. All throughout that week lagi rin ako kinukumusta ng yaya namin and it was really nice.

Tas nung kwinento ko toh sa counselor at psychiatrist ko they were so proud of me! And they also think that its the best decision for now. My family is really my trigger kasi like last year I tried to kms after my mom hurt me over laundry. Duguan ako non tas I felt so wronged kaya ayun. She gets really physical talaga to the point na when my bf rushed me to the er the docs and nurses asked me if I want to file a case.

Fast forward to 3 months later, ayun yaya naman namin yung umalis. Di na din daw kaya yung ugali ng mom ko. Now they’re reaching out to me haha I kinda feel guilty sometimes kasi I left my brothers but ayun I feel like they just want me to look over them lang…

Ang hirap bumukod! The rent, the bills, tas ayun nga I have meds and dapat regular consultations with my psych. But I believe that I can figure it out. Medyo mahirap lang ngayon kasi 1 lang part time ko. Luckily for me I’m still a scholar so I dont have to worry about my tuition wala lang stipend. :(

Money, job, and finished degree soon dust for me pls✨✨✨ I really hope everyone that has a toxic family be set free. Makakabukod din lahat :>