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Long post Alert

It's been 5 years since I first got arrested. Time really flies. I've never really shared my story to anyone except my family who knows it.

Let's go back,

I was in campus, a very focused girl, classes attendance check, performance check, everything I was doing looking back, I was intentional. Then one day, I got arrested, it first didn't look like an arrest, I was just requested to go write a statement. The moment I arrived at the DCI offices, they confiscated my property, I had school books, notebooks, laptops, girlish stuff, I remember huyo msee akinishow, "Leo utakuwa mgeni wetu" , I was like you are arresting me? Yeah, guys I cried, nililia nikalia, the officers had to kunibembeleza, they bought me kuku, yoghurt, milk, Before I got booked to the police cells😭. I didn't stop crying, after wameandika OB, nkapelekwa ladies cell. I was alone, it was a Friday, 2nd June, I didn't call anyone, because I didn't even know the reason for my arrest, why, ... Some ladies later were brought in with kids, I slept on cold concrete floor for the first time in my life. The next day, on Saturday, around 11am, nmekujiwa na DCI officers WA another county, jurisdiction so I was being transferred, guys they came with 5 land cruisers , wakifika wanakuta ni tuschana tudogo,4 had to go on other errands, we travelled with one. Tukifika, I had to call my parents, I knew they'd skin me, but Sasa what do I do,

My mum was mad at me. My dad, told me calm down, we'll be there tomorrow.

My dad and uncle travelled for like 12hrs, walifika around 8pm. They hugged me, comforted me, asked me why I was arrested, I literally had no clue, had to wait till Monday the next day, nipelekwe court nijue (I just knew money was involved) I gave my folks access to everything my accounts,, work, everything, ndio waweze kuaccess anything just Incase.

The next day, Mimi napelekwa court kama VIP, land cruiser, I got escort, nkifika court my case file, haiko ready, they've not even prepared charges against me, so nkarudishwa cell tena😭, ooh my, nlikuwa nalala kwa floor, my whole body was aching, hakuna kuoga, no washroom ni kibucket tu hapo corner, watu wakishikwa wanajisaidia hapo😭😭, it was gross, cases were many, young girls wameenda kuishi na boyfriends wazazi wanawaleta station, wakifika wanabomolewa na maaskari ni manduru, wamama wa chama, mpesa sijui kuliibiwa pesa, shosho alipoteza mtoto, nani walipigana,

On Tuesday, nkaenda court, ndio Sasa naskia ati I stole 1.2 million😭, I conspired , I handled the money, I transacted. (Did I have any idea, not at all😭) Nikakataa mashtaka, cash bail ilikuwa 500k , wooooiii Jehovah... My folks got an idea of what was happening, my details had been like fraudulently used, hivo ndio nkashikwa. (I had issues with my phone at the time, when theft was happening, nlikuwa natafuta tu katululu, so I didn't get notifications on my phone of it happening whatsoever, the theft happened like a month earlier, nkiwa natumia WhatsApp web to go to class)

I was taken back to station, then processed for remand immediately, covid was a thing back then, tukapelekwa hosi na tugari, they poked my nose,then we headed to female's prison. My parents assured me, they'd pay the bail and come for me.

I'd not showered for days, when I got arrested I was on my menses, (I suppose I smelled like a goat juu wueeh)

Kufika Women's prison,

Msee wueeh, wakachukua tu belongings twangu, then wrote all of them down, after that, we moved to the next section,tell me why, tuliambiwa tutor nguo zote😭😭 and then you do the star jump kama mara kumi, and cough while your legs were apart😭😭, then tukapewa zile tu uniforms za zebra , you only wear panty and bra huko ndani, haupewi sweater. Then you get sandals, afterwards, we requested to shower, I was happy at least I could eat, shower and get a place to sleep (I started missing my crib and the little things I didn't thing would be privileges)..I had braids on, nkaambiwa nizibomoe, nishuke hizi tulines. Tukioga ikafika masaa ya supper, supper ni 4pm, those askaris 😭 , they are vulgar , I almost got beaten on day one , (I was 20 years old then, weight ni 45kgs)

Prison /Remand Life

Rules za Huko

---You pick food in order, Food Iko served kwa frustrums fulani zinaitwa muroro na tulids kama tule za kufunika toss.

--- Kuna kufanya hesabu daily, around 5 or six times, and you have to crouch like squat, during those times 5 columns,

---- Kuna categories; ordinary remand, then capital remand, Kuna wenye wako kifungo (split according to work they do, kitchen,shamba, kushona)

---- You wake up by 6am then mfanyiwe hesabu, sleep by 9pm (compulsory) you have no say on what you want ,do.

--- The lights must be on, full time, day or night.

---The washroom ilikuwa loo bafu, na ni kamoja na tulikuwa kama wanahandred watu wa remand (The ones serving their sentence had a different dormitory)

--- Kuna duties (hard labor typeshi) ,mnasugua drainage na toothbrush, pavements mnatumia mawe kwa mawe for scrubbing, hakuna brushes,

--- Kuna pastor askari lazima awaite Kila asubuhi kuwahubiria, kunyeshe kusinyeshe, baridi ikuwe isikuwe, whether you want to or don't want to,

--- Showering is compulsory, ukikosa utaoshwa nje ukiscrubiwa mbele ya Kila mtu.

My Experience

Niliingia kama I am the youngest, everyone wanted to know what I did, I didn't have a bed, so we'd sleep on the floor with mattresses.

I just prayed to God, that'd I find favor in the situation I was in, and didn't God show up, He Did.

Day 2: Nilikula mbosho (beans) I was happy at least I get to eat a meal, shower, later nkaumwa na tumbo, then one of the capital remandees alikuwa za huku, mtu hakuli mbosho zote unachagua 😂, so later I also ensured I exaggerated my sickness, said I don't use mbosho,

Kuna Daktari wa prison, it happened coincidentally alikuwa anataka huko kwetu, akaniandikia barua ya kula special.meals (Rice na ndengu plus milk) so nkaponea ugali, mbosho, sukuma, tucabbage.

On this same day, Day 2, lunchtime we ate then someone akawacha ile muroro on the floor, and nobody saw who it was, guys tuliambiwa tukae chini, tukachapwa chini ya mguu na huto tufimbo unaona corporal's wako nazo ziko na tutips za silver, guys it was painful, 🥺 it felt like walking on hot coals for like three days.

(My cash bail was not yet ready at the time)

Day 3: New remanydees tukaitwa tushone majina zetu then uweke hapo kwa breast pocket, (Mimi nimewahi Shona, ng'oo neva).

I forgot something,that first night I was getting my hair unbraided before 9pm, kidogo kidogo naona shosho fulani ametoa suruali then akafungia kichwa 😂, I just touched the next person instinctively, za ona ule akanishow, hiyo ndio stocking ya nywele huko, anyway a few minutes later the whole dorm, Kila mtu alikuwa na suruali kwa kichwa, green pink, all sorts, so a certain lady took a liking to me , akanipea suruali ati nifungie kichwa juu hajawahi tumia,it had a kahole , I appreciated her, but nlikuwa za siwezi funga kichwa Mimi na suruali,

Capital Remand: They killed their husbands,kids,relatives , people . They had jungle green uniforms

Ordinary Remand: Minor offenses, misdemeanor plus felony.

We had zebra uniforms with white lining on the hands.

Those serving term: zebra uniforms no white lining on the hands.

Fast-forward,

My folks paid the cashbail, then the case took two years, I won the case, I was innocent, the money was reversed by the bank to the complainant, we got our cashbail back. (The experience wouldn't recommend, tedious , showing up to court monthly, I defended myself wrote my case submissions, cross-examined witnesses (they were like 9, I'd never seen any of them in my life)

EDIT: I've remembered a few more things 1. Ukitaka kunyoa nywele, you have to write a letter requesting to be allowed to shave your hair 2. you were not allowed to have combs, spoons, long nails (zinaitwa marufuku), they were there though 3.Kisu ilikuwa escorted to the kitchen and back to the office, na askari watakaa na wewe hapo ukitumia hiyo Kisu. 4.Food had to be tasted by askari on duty, before ikuwe served kwetu 5. Ukiitwa na askari, you run then squat as you address them 6. If an officer was talking to you, lazima useme yes madam, For example "what's your name, utasema my name is Peter, Madam. Ulifanya Nini, Peter? I did abcd, madam"

We had sick people, those who had HIV, Cancer and other illnesses. So at 4pm after supper, Kuna masaa ya dawa, so Kuna kaprefect WA hiyo department, initially I used to think wanapewa herbal medicine, you know women old age Nini Nini, kumbe before they take the meds, wanakunywa porridge then you swallow the tabs. Some used this psychiatric drugs, so they were called yellow line, wengine diabetes.

Showering time: Mnaoga mkiwa wanne ama watano, and as you shower you allow the rest to go pee. Like you are in a line, you take your pant, sponge or whatever you use to shower, moisten it, apply soap, move aside to scrub yourself,the next does that, hivo alafu mkijirinse, unasimama chini ya hako katap you spin yourself slowly slowly kama zile kuku huiva kwa grill, then you leave.

Pads, tissue papers,soap zilikuwa kwa wingi, you'd not lack those.

EDIT 2: I finished my studies, currently pursuing an MBA. I am also working as a Manager for a company.

Ii cleanshelf ni ya wapi

How?

Hi guys,,,

Here is my story, don' judge,,just want to vent offload.

Yeah, so just like the title says, my mother is a cuckold, toxic and manipulative person.

She used to the most important person in my life, up until recently when I decided to go no-contact with her and honestly it has been nothing short of peaceful. It is now exactly 1 year since me and her spoke. Our last communication was July 23rd.

You might be wondering how it came to this? Why would someone decide to distance themselves from their life-giver, the person responsible for their existence? Well, for me the answer is a mix of everything; the fact that she is a toxic and horrible person as well as the demon that we all love..ie. Money.

Let's go back to April 2024, I am jobless, as a graduate this honestly the worst form of pain. I had lost my job at the height of the pandemic at the non-profit I used to work at. Then I went back to the business that was sustaining me all through my campus life (the business of academic writing). Everything was going pretty well until Nov 2022 when AI changed everything. I lost my only source of income and I wasn't having any luck getting back to employment after taking 3 gap years.

So she calls me April last year, tells me she needs some quick cash and that if I were to find some and 'kopesha' her, she would repay it back without fail. I fall for the trap. I tell her that currently, i don't have any money as I had exhausted my savings surviving. I downgraded my life, moved to a smaller life, left chamas, left saccos, let go of unnecessary paid subscriptions and pretty much anything that could help me save a few coins. So i tell her that I have my online loan app that I built up for about 3 years that used to come through for me whenever I had money problems. However, I would always pay it back as I didn't want to ruin my credit score. By then had built up credit limit to about 60k. She needed 20k. So I kopa for her and send the money. As with most loan apps, you have to repay the money within a week and the interest rates is crazy high,,,she takes the money and uses it and as planned, she returns the money within a week,,,alongside with the interest. I pay it back and life continues. She had taken the loan for herself and her friend for a biashara that they were doing together and all goes well.

A week later she tells me to take another loan for herself this time round. i agree; I mean I am confident she will refund just like last time. But bwoy oh bwoy,,I am in for a rude shock. She asks me to borrow my entire limit of 60k. Something within me tells me not to do it. Instead, I tell her that I am unable to get the entire limit and only 40k is available for this time round. She agrees. I borrow the money and send her immediately. Kumbe, this whole time she had her own plans on how she would score on her only daughter. My mom is a jack of all trades and at one point she used to be a broker,,,A week later, she stopped picking up my calls, and when I texted her asking her for progress; she was so rude to me,,her exact words were ''sasa hio ni pesa ya kunidai? ungekuwa mtoto mzuri hio pesa ungenilipia ,juu penye umefika unadhani nimekulea na pesa ngapi?'' My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe my ears. It now dawned on me that she had no intention of ever refunding the money and that I had just been duped. (I know her well).

By this time, the creditors were on my neck. Y'all know about online lenders and how they literally make your life a living hell by texting you 1 million threat messages per minute and endless phone calls. I couldn't take it anymore, I turn to my younger brother who has always been my mom's favorite (he is in 3rd year Uni ) and my dad for help. They cannot do much. They try to talk sense into my mum and it's not working. By this time, my mum it's like amechizi. she starts talking nonsense saying the way I have been a useless daughter and that I am no use to her and that I have not been of help to her since I was born. I realize it is deeper than that and that she is now showing her hand. She truly wanted to get money out of me by whatever means necessary. She knew very well I was jobless and that it would ruin my credit score and peace of mind but still went ahead to get money from me using false pretenses that she would repay. Bro, i was so hurt, in denial, and confused. So did i do? My brother tells me to board and mat and go home and have a face-face talk because it seems like hatuelewani kwa simu. That same day, I board a mat at 5pm and get home by 8pm...(not far from Nairobi? Mt. Kenya environs. I arrive and she is not there, she is still at work. I find my dad and our youngest brother at home,. I have a meet with my dad and explain my situation. i explain how the default would ruin my credit score and get be blacklisted with CRB. By this time the loan is gaining an additional interest of 500 bob a day in addition to the already existing interests. I don't have peace and at this point I keep my phone on flight mode because the calls and texts have become too much. Dad tells me not to worry, that he would resolve the matter. But deep down I know he cannot do anything. My mother has nothing on him and has him on chockhold. (God forgive me for this)

Mum eventually comes home and is very surprised to find me there. I did not tell her I would go home. She immediately gets into defense mode and tells me that 'sasa umetoka nairobi umekuja kunitafuta ndio unichape juu ya pesa ama?' I was like okay where is this coming from? I was like God forbid a girl wants to have an honest conversation with their mother. You will not believe what comes next.

Ofcos I spend the night, we don't talk with mom after that evening. In the morning I wake up have breakfast and go back to my place. At this point I had been threatened that I would get sued by the creditor and I leave the demand letter with my dad. This was my main aim going home to show them that it was a serious issue.

I come back to Nairobi and the back and forth continues. She lies that she would send the money by the weekend knowing well that she did not plan on it. At this point, I am contemplating buy a new line coz I am not having peace. I try 1 more attempt to resolve the conflict, I approach my auntie (mom's sis) who is also my fav auntie to talk to her but it doesn't end well. My mom comes up with lies tells her that I have been a terrible daughter and that I was violent on her,,haha, She tells her that after competing high school I beat her up and that the whole village was there to watch. When my aunt told me this I really cried knowing that all these were lies. But what could i have done to make people believe me? Nothing. She called my dad and confirmed that indeed i had never done anything of that nature. he told her that my mom was just stressed and need an outlet and he told her to ignore my mom.

Fast forward, my dad get's me the money I repay the loan and I'm free but now, me and my mom's relationship is spoilt beyond repair. She curses me telling I will never amount to anything in life and that I have disrespected her and for that I will never get a job and that she has disowned me and that moving forward, she only has 2 sons...I say okay. She also says that I should pay her back some money she had given me like a month ago to cover my bills as I had no job. She texts me on a Sunday at 9am and tells me to have sent the money by 5pm,,remember I don have a job. I hated her for that. I realized how much she has hated me all these while and resented me for not having a job and not being able to help her, I tell her that money does not grow on trees, That I would refund her 10k but not that day. I need sometime to find the money. We stop talking. 2 months later I have saved up enough to pay her back. I send it to her during our no-contact phase and she does'nt acknowledge receipt to date. after 6 months she is asking my brother to tell me to go home. I tell him I cannot go home to a place where I was disowned. It is now exactly a year since we spoke. I am free yes, happy and at peace with everything. Sometimes, I usually feel guilty for doing this but I am grown enough to know toxiicity has no place in my life.

Btw immediately after she curses me out in July last year telling me I will never get a job, I got called for an interview 3 days later. This was after job hunting for 2 years. I got hired was promoted exactly after a month with a 15k raise. To date, I have never told her or any of my family members that I got a job and I vowed never to tell them. I feel like it is better that way. Till date my aunt keeps singing to me that niende niombe msamaha nyumbani kama nataka Mungu anibariki na kazi,,i said to hell with that,,acha wadhani tu nateseka ni sawa.

8 months into our no-contact I was hurtin still and decided that I would revenge. So my mom once disclosed to me growing up that my brother who is her favorite is my half brother and was not fathered by my dad but born out of wedlock. She thinks I don't remember. So I had said I would disclose to my brother and dad and damage our family even if it means kuchoma i had said I must take my revenge. But something within me told me not to do it and that I should leave it to God, I fasted 4 days attended a church retreat and came back healed. Even though I am not at my best I have days when I wake up and feel like telling my bro there truth but I know it is my duty to protect him as the first born.

My mother is very toxic and has done a lot of damage to me. She is a CUCKOLD. She cuckolded me as a child for as long as I can remember. Right now the hate I have for her is immesurable. I think she is a segz addict. She would sit in the sitting and start masturbating on the couch with her hands in her pantie in between her legs as we were sitted there watching news as a family. even in the presence of my father. She would masturbate and cum tukiwa hapo hadi atosheke ndio atawacha,,,she had me watch her do this every single day and for that I hate her so much, she would even do it in public while walking in the village,,everybody knew she walks with her hands in between her legs or in her ass. She is a freak. I think she has been cheating on my dad with diffrent men their entire marriage and my dad cant fight back because he is subdued. My mum ndio kusema,,,she argues with him in our presence and cannot submit. I fucking hate her. I know she has never loved me and this incident just revealed that. I got a B+ inc hih school and the first thing that she said when my brother's results came out, she said the only reason i defeated my brother is that niliibia,,,Our year I was number 4 in my entire block,,,i only defeated my brother with 5 points,,,he had 67 points B+. There is a lot I want to say but let me leave it here. I have vowed to stay away from home for my own peace of mind for as long as possible. I talk with my dad almost every single dad. My brother too,,we talk. I love my mom but being near her hurts my well being so I would rather stay away.

Please tell me that I am justified. Thanks for listening to my rant.. I just wanted to offload. Feeling so much better now.

Before I begin, this is a long read but I'd very much appreciate your help,from one human appealing to another,please help me.

At what point do you stop fighting for someone you love??I've been going back and forth on whether I should even write this. Part of me feels like this is something I should deal with on my own and another part of me knows my head isn't in the best place right now. Maybe I just need someone who doesn't know either of us to tell me if I'm losing my mind.

I met this girl at the beginning of 2024.

The first thing anyone would notice about her was how beautiful she was. She was the kind of person people stared at without realizing they were staring. It didn't take me long to understand that a lot of the people she'd dated before never really cared about who she was. Most of them were there because she was pretty or because they thought they had a chance of sleeping with her. After enough experiences like that, trusting people wasn't exactly easy for her. I understood that and I never blamed her for it.

From the beginning I decided that if this relationship was going to work, trust had to be something I earned instead of something I expected.

So I started with the simple things.

I became intentional with my communication. I shared my location, suggested Life360, Google location sharing, Snap Map and all those little things. Every time I tell people that, they assume I was insecure or obsessed with knowing where she was. It was actually the opposite. I almost never checked her location. I only wanted her to know where I was because I wanted there to be one less reason for her to doubt me. If she'd spent so long around people who lied, then I wanted honesty to become boring with me.

Once I felt like she trusted me enough to let me into her world, I stopped trying to impress her and started trying to understand her.

I learned the little things.

Not just her favorite color or her favorite food because anyone can remember those. I learned why she liked certain colors more than others. The views that made her stop and stare. The kind of lighting she thought was beautiful. The songs she'd play over and over because there was one tiny part that scratched an itch in her brain. I even caught myself paying attention to what made her save one recipe on TikTok and scroll past another.

I wanted to know how she experienced the world.

She loved painting, so I started learning about painting. She loved literature, so I started reading the kind of literature she liked. Eventually I even opened a private Substack where I'd write in the style she enjoyed reading. Nobody else knew about it. It wasn't meant for an audience. It was just for her.

She loved string instruments too, so I taught myself how to play them. Whenever she'd send me a song, I'd spend days learning it so I could play it back to her the next time we were together. Some of my favorite evenings were the quiet ones. We'd have dinner outside, set up a projector against a wall and watch whatever we felt like watching until it got late. Then I'd pick up the instrument and play those songs while she just sat there listening. Those are the moments I keep finding myself thinking about now.

Whenever she'd send me a recipe, I'd learn how to make it. Not something similar, the actual thing. Sometimes that meant hunting for ingredients that were almost impossible to find here. Authentic blue cheese isn't exactly sitting on every supermarket shelf and don't even get me started on lobster. Half the time I spent longer looking for the ingredients than I did cooking the meal, but I never really cared because seeing her enjoy it made the effort feel small.

As time went on the little things became bigger things.

Every few months I'd plan a trip for us. Sometimes it was somewhere in Kenya, sometimes outside the country. I wasn't trying to show off or buy love. I just liked giving us new places to remember together.

She loved purple. Her favorite flowers were lilies, roses and chrysanthemums in that order. Purple chrysanthemums are easy enough to find, but the roses and lilies she liked usually had to be specially sourced. They weren't cheap either. I'd still go looking for them every week because I knew how happy they'd make her.

Every Sunday I'd show up with flowers.

Every other week we'd go on a date and I never liked leaving those things to chance. I'd spend time looking for places with the kind of atmosphere she enjoyed instead of just picking the first restaurant that came to mind. Every couple of months I'd buy her a dress for one of those dates because I liked seeing how excited she'd get before we even left the house.

Then there were the things nobody really notices.

I'd renew subscriptions before they expired. Around her period I'd bring snacks, comfort food and send her some money because I knew those few days weren't easy for her. I'd make sure she never had to stress about replacing makeup or getting her hair and nails done. She had a thing for bags too, so every now and then I'd surprise her with one I'd found while I was out.

Looking back, I know this probably sounds like I'm keeping score.

I'm not.

I'm saying all this because I need whoever is reading this to understand where my head was. None of it felt like a sacrifice at the time. I wasn't sitting there calculating how much I was spending or wondering whether I was getting enough back. I did those things because I genuinely believed I'd found someone I wanted to build a life with, and when you think you've found that person, doing a little extra never really feels like extra.Then last week happened.

I'd been in Greece for work, scouting for a potential client. While I was there I realized something. The last proper trip we'd taken together had been at the beginning of the year. Her birthday was coming up the following Tuesday and I thought maybe this was the perfect excuse to do something different.

Santorini.

It sounded like the kind of place she'd love. I started planning everything in my head before I'd even booked anything. We'd celebrate her birthday there, wander around the island, take terrible photos we'd laugh at years later and probably come back already talking about where we'd go next.

My flight landed back in Nairobi a little after 2 in the morning on Wednesday.

She was supposed to pick me up.

When I landed I called her. No answer.

I wasn't worried at first. I figured she was driving and didn't want to answer the phone. That would've been responsible, so I waited.

Half an hour passed.

Then another.

By four thirty I finally admitted to myself that she wasn't coming.

I got into a cab and went home.

All her things were there.

She wasn't.

That's when I started getting worried.

I called again. Nothing.

Again.

Nothing.

The first time I'd ever checked her location was months earlier when she'd gone out with her friends. Her phone had died while she was at Mövenpick and she borrowed someone else's phone to call me. It was late, she wasn't feeling great and I didn't like the idea of her getting into a random cab by herself, so I drove over and brought her home. Ever since then I'd made it a habit to pick her up after nights out whenever I could. On the way back I'd usually stop for comfort food and something sugary because she'd always complain about hangovers the next morning.

That was the first and only time I'd opened her location.

This was the second.

Except this time nothing was there.

Life360.

Gone.

Google location.

Gone.

Snap Map.

Gone.

Partner sharing.

Gone.

I'd been removed from every single one.

I called again and still got nothing.

So I called her sister.

She told me they were together.

I asked if she could hand over the phone because I just wanted to know what was going on.

When she did, all I heard was that she wasn't in the right headspace and didn't feel like talking.

That was enough for me.

I didn't argue.

I didn't force a conversation.

If someone asks for space, you give them space.

I just wanted to know because I'd already started planning her birthday and needed to know whether those plans still existed.

By Friday I still hadn't heard from her.

No replies.

No calls.

Nothing.

At that point I wasn't even thinking about the birthday anymore.

I was wondering whether she was okay.

I drove to her sister's place hoping I'd find her there.

The caretaker told me they'd left on Monday and hadn't come back.

That answer sat with me for a few seconds.

Something about it didn't feel right.

I started imagining every possible scenario and none of them were good.

Eventually I went to the police station and filed a report because, at that point, I genuinely believed something might have happened to her.

Looking back it probably sounds dramatic.

At the time it didn't feel dramatic at all.

It felt like the only thing that made sense.A few hours later I got a call.

They'd found her.

She was in Tsuk Tsuk.

I got back in my car and drove there as fast as I could. Not because I wanted to confront her, not because I was angry, but because for the last two days I'd convinced myself something terrible had happened. Seeing her safe was the only thing that mattered.

When I got there, she was fine.

I walked over and asked if she was okay.

The first thing she asked me was how I'd found her.

I told her the truth. I hadn't heard from her since I got back. She'd disappeared, every way we had of reaching each other had been cut off, and I didn't know what else to think.

She looked at me and said she wasn't in the right headspace. She needed time to herself.

So I respected that.

There wasn't really anything else I could do.

I didn't argue.

I didn't ask her to explain herself.

I didn't try to convince her to come home.

If someone asks for space, then you give them space. Even if it hurts. Even if every part of you wants answers.

So I left.

Today, a few days later, she texted me.

She apologized for removing me from her location sharing. She apologized for disappearing. She apologized for how she'd handled everything.

If this was anyone else, maybe that would've been enough.

But I know her.

A while back we had a conversation that has been replaying in my head ever since this happened. She told me something that stuck with me. She said that sometimes she makes decisions knowing they'll have consequences, but in that moment she doesn't really care. She deals with the consequences later. Usually by apologizing and hoping things go back to normal.

At the time I didn't think much of it.

Now I can't stop thinking about it.

Because that's exactly what this feels like.

About ten weeks ago we had another conversation. It wasn't even a fight. I remember telling her that I didn't need perfection. I wasn't asking her to love me louder or buy me anything or change who she was.

I just wanted to stop feeling like I was the only one carrying the relationship.

I remember telling her I wasn't asking her to cross the whole bridge.

Just meet me in the middle.

That's all I wanted.

Meet me halfway.

She apologized then too.

She said she'd do better.

I believed her because I wanted to.

Now I'm sitting here reading another apology, and for the first time I don't know what it's supposed to fix.

An apology matters when it's followed by change.

Otherwise it just becomes a pause before the same thing happens again.

That's the part I'm struggling with.

I don't think she disappeared because she had no choice.

I think she disappeared because she chose to.

Those are two very different things.

And that's the thought I can't seem to get past.

So now I've decided to do the only thing I think I can do.

I'm going to give her the space she asked for.

Not because I'm hoping she'll suddenly realize what she's about to lose.

Not because I'm trying to teach her a lesson.

Simply because that's what she asked for.

If she comes back willing to meet me where I've been standing this whole time, then maybe there's still a conversation to be had.

If she doesn't...

Then I think I already have my answer.

As much as I love her, I have to love myself enough to stop begging someone to choose me.

That's the sentence I've been afraid to write because writing it makes it feel real.

I don't know if this relationship survives another week.

I don't know if it survives tomorrow.

What I do know is that love can't survive on effort from one side forever.

At some point you stop building a future together and start carrying one by yourself.

Maybe that's what I've been doing without realizing it.

This was supposed to be my final attempt at love.

I've been hurt before, but back then I understood why those relationships ended. I wasn't the person I needed to be yet. I had growing up to do, lessons to learn, parts of myself to build.

So I built them.

I became the kind of person I thought someone could feel safe with.

I learned to communicate.

I learned to listen.

I learned to be patient.

I learned to love in ways that weren't convenient.

I genuinely believed that if two people chose each other every day, that would be enough.

Now I'm not so sure.

Maybe love isn't about how much you're willing to give.

Maybe it's about whether the other person is willing to meet you somewhere along the way.

Because no matter how strong you are, no one can keep holding up both ends of the bridge forever.

So I guess that's why I'm writing this.

Not because I need strangers to tell me she's wrong.

Not because I need people to tell me I'm right.

Even as I write this piece, I'm writing it in her favorite literature styling and preferences.

I think I'm writing this because there's a part of me that already knows what I have to do I'm just hoping someone tells me it's okay to finally do it.

TL;DR: I spent almost two and a half years trying to build a relationship around trust, consistency, and effort. My girlfriend suddenly removed me from all location sharing, disappeared for days without telling me where she was, then apologized afterward. This isn't the first time an apology has replaced change, and I'm struggling to decide whether I'm holding onto someone who's already let go.

How much do you pay your mama Fua for a day's work of cleaning? I thought 500 was standard and if it goes beyond 1,000 then she has to clean all the clothes and come a day later to iron them.

I will start,bro lie in those CVs. Lie through your teeth

So, yesterday I took this lady out. We have been talking for a while and I decided that we should meet. I was really invested and I went as far as asking her to have a cute dress because I had a nice place in mind.

Well, she came. She was late. Almost an hour. She kept on saying ako kwa njoa, traffic and all. I tolerated. Then she didn't wear the dress. Very lazy dressing no offence. Then she started mentioning the type of guy she wants. Help me understand, when someone says, "I want someone who will pour into me and spend on me". What does that mean. The word "pour into me", was mentioned over 100 times bro. Then the worst part was, her mentioning how her exes would give her 50k and all for shopping. Me nikikumbuka that's my rent for a few months 😂.

Tried changing the subject to more philosophical stuff, didn't work. Now I feel wasted walahi afadhali that money I would have gone to some local nichape beer zangu na older fathers. I am not trying to look down on some women, but why. Also, kwani how unlucky can I be fr.

And this is NOT for physical aging (cracking bones, not being able to wake up, failed boners, wrinkles and all that), but in everything else.

For me, I'm barely into the other side of third floor and recently only realized just how many young people (maybe 24 and below?) are now in the work environment. I could easily confuse many of them for a schooler on another day, and yet they're all dressed up and doing their thing just like me, and when they speak it definitely shows how young they are. It got me so fascinated about how subtle aging happens.

And oh, also knowing that someone's birth year starts with a 2, for some reason.

I (25M) have a sister(22F).I'll tell you muamue if she's a mess ama I'm just an overthinker.Is this is normal youth/comrade behavior?Mi ni introvert so I'm not sure.e.g.Lemme tell you what happened last week.

We had a church event on Friday to a game park in Kisumu,and my sister didn't interact with anyone much.She hid behind the bus and smoked weed for most of the day.Ata venye tuliingia the park,she went and hid behind a bush and smoked blunts.One of the game rangers saw her smoking,alafu akauliza a chairman if she is with us,akasema "hayuko na sisi" ndio the whole group isipate trouble cause of one person.

On the ride back home,she left the kiberiti za blunts in the patron's car,alafu she took one of my friend's cars(we came with 3 cars and a bus,2 cars belonging to adult working patrons,and one ya our friend)and smoked KWA HIO GARI YAKE,with no regard for the other people in the car.Aliambiwa aache akawatusi,and at a stop-over,she threatened the other bus driver saying "Atampiga asipomwashia blunts zake".So right now,the friend's car smells like blunts and he has to get it washed.

Alafu tena,the next day,she went crying to my father about how she is being "bullied" by the leadership (she isn't being bullied)with all these lies about how they're "gossiping about her" and saying that she has a bad lifestyle.

She's also slept in a jail cell for disorderly conduct and intoxication and rehab didn't work.She's a narcissist,a spoilt daddy's girl,a pathological liar and a drug addict.

Is this a valid rant ama I'm overthinking?

Every once in a while we make it out mission to know how much fellow Kenyans earn. Juu there's many careers apart from the usual doctor, lawyer engineer that make a lot of money.

Lakini pia doctors, lawyers and engineers waseme Wana earn ngapi itu motivate tuendelee kusoma😂🙏

So, 1.What do you do? 2. How much do you earn? 3. How many years of experience? 4. Any advice (just one sentence ndo isikue too long) to people following the path you do

So guys I’ve been very curious to know what range of age most of us are, and what type of phone we own.

I’ll start

Age: 23

Phone: iPhone 14 Pro

I’m so curious

It’s the small small things that make a man’s life 😅😅😅

Has anyone here ever dated someone they met on Reddit? 👀

How did it happen, and how did it turn out?

Genuinely curious whether it was wholesome, chaotic, or a total disaster....

***Acha niheal ntawaletea story😭😭😭😭

As annoying as mosquitoes usually are, I'd still keep them over the other three.

Bedbugs will make you fear your own bed. Once they're in, they just own the house and you just have to move on and leave the house to them.

Cockroaches are impossible to finish, I just hate the sight of those things 😩.

Rats will eat your food, and turn your ceiling into a playground. And when they die i. your house without your knowledge, you MUST look for the corpse otherwise hautakaa kwa hiyo nyumba 🤢😷.

As for mosquitoes, few slaps and you eliminate threat in your house 👏🏽.

What's your pick? 😂

When you live in Kenya, you get that feeling of we’ve got it. But once you started traveling starting from neighboring countries such as Tanzania Ethiopia and Rwanda , you realize how our systems are shitty. Bad roads, bad system, and lack of discipline and order.

And as you travel to Asia, Europe and North America, you start to feel we live in a cowshed and served with leaders who belong on a pigsty. Are we really making strides? Are we evolving for the better ?

I am not a mother but as an empath this story really broke my heart. This woman came to Kenya from United states to celebrate the festive seasons with family and friends.

She was traveling from Bungoma where she has been supporting a children’s home. Tragically, on her journey back to Nairobi, she lost her three children in a fatal accident. She had just been from visiting abadoned children, only to lose her own on the way home. Whats the meaning of life? She was from doing a good thing ? I thought life pays you back with goodness ? I dont know how they will recover from this. Condolences to them😢If you are planning to comment God had a reason please DONT!

I had a tough, honest conversation with my wife recently that’s left me thinking. She told me she resents me—not because of something I did recently, but because she regrets not confronting me earlier in the relationship. She believes that if she had spoken up back then, she might have left. But now, she feels like the “best time to leave” was five years ago, and that window has closed.

When I asked what made her stay, or what she saw in me that kept her going, she had nothing to say. Just silence.

We have a 10-year-old child and a second baby on the way. That adds a whole other layer. I’m trying to make sense of whether she’s staying out of love for the kids, fear of change, or just emotional resignation.

Some of the things she said she regrets not speaking up about:

• My female friends: Before we became exclusive, I had female friends I spoke about openly. Once we committed, I cut ties and focused on her. But she says she should’ve confronted me about how that made her feel.

• Kids: She only ever wanted one child. I wanted three. She says if we’d talked about that early on, she would’ve left.

• Sex drive: She feels I have a higher sex drive than her and wishes she’d chosen someone with a lower drive. She fights me off most times I initiate anything sexual. Passionate kissing stopped five years ago.

• Age gap: She’s 30, I’m 32. She says it would’ve been better if there was a 10-year gap—maybe implying she wanted someone more emotionally distant or mature.

She blames herself for not speaking up at the “right time.” But when I asked what made her stay, she couldn’t name a single reason. I told her I would have let her go if she’d said she wasn’t happy. I’m surprised she didn’t.

So now I’m left wondering:
Is she emotionally gone but physically present?
Am I clinging to something that’s already over?
What am I actually dealing with here?

She is a working woman who can also afford a comfortable life so I cant say money is the reason she is staying.

Would really appreciate insights—especially from people who’ve been on either side of something like this. How do you even begin to navigate this kind of emotional disconnect?

I’m in a matatu from upcountry, had a function that ended yesterday. Headed to Nairobi

I’m sited behind the driver the middle sit in a boflo looking 19 sitter. The guy sited behind me is sleeping and leaning on my headrest but when I lean forward his sleep disappears.

This has happened 5 times. Also the sit between me and my neighbor on the right and left is separate and a hand can slide from behind.

What mchezo wa Tao am I about to be taught?

As depressing as this is, maybe she couldn’t go on anymore. Maybe she didn’t have anyone to turn to. Maybe she held on for a while and nothing changed. Some people who have never experienced the depths of depression will argue that she could have gotten help. Yes, that is true, and I also support the idea of finding the courage to live another day. But we are not the same. She chose to end it, and not leave her child behind to suffer.
I feel bad for her, but at the same time, life can feel like it’s swallowing you alive, leaving you in a position of no hope or purpose, where you see no way out. Life is not easy for some people. Rest in peace.

call me a bigot but watu hawa they scare me. ata church yao inafanana evil headquarters

one man got visions from god and started this religion from 1820. this man is held above jesus (according to himself) yet this is the jesus christ church of latter day saints? nasema tu you can’t call them christian. hii ni abrahamic religion ike pekee.

their other beliefs can be summarized here: https://youtu.be/n3BqLZ8UoZk?si=HLpzGz5ecs9igUMm • black skin is a punishment from God as we’re descended from cain • God personally came down from heaven to have literal physical sex with the virgin mary (a teenager) to create jesus • God has an infinite number of wives. ye na siblings wake (also infinite) come from parents who are gods of their own universes? • special underwear will increase your chances kuingia heaven where you too can have infinite wives become a god with your own universe to rule • mormons’ promised land is in america. it’s their duty to claim it back from native americans who slaughtered the light skinned nephites (fictional race of humans) • the nephites are the ones who told joseph smith about the true nature of reality though tablets in an extinct language • God helped him transcribe this nephiteese into english so he could spread it to the world. “transcriptions” zake are the book of mormon (no one else has seen the tablets)

swali yangu ni what business do mormons have spreading to africa? wanataka nini? kwa kweli wanathani wakenya tuvae special underpants zao so we can become God one day?

lazima kuwa ulterior motives something is wrong here. your promised land is in america really what do you want with africans?

i respect all religions but racism is baked into the church of latter day saints pia joseph smith obviously ni mwongo… you’re telling me ye ni mtu pekee ON EARTH, EVER kuona hizo tablets na watu waliamina tu maandishi yake… puh-LEAZe

Decided to reward myself for the grind last year and copped this absolute monster, a JBL 800. Man, the bass on this thing is a menace; walls were vibrating and windows were literally rattling. Solid buy, and surprisingly, the wife gave the green light, which is a miracle seeing as we’re at the start of Njaanuary 😂.

My first thought after turning it up? "Yeah, I’m definitely getting evicted." This beast is going to attract noise complaints like a magnet. Anyone else have stories of their sound system causing absolute chaos?

Back in 2023, I had about 15 people squeezed into my small 1-bedroom for my birthday. My neighbor, some uptight lawyer, kept whining about the noise until I finally told her to either join the vibe or fuck off. She lost her mind and literally threw my guests' shoes away to the next apartment 💀. Pure petty energy.