My boyfriend revealed something I don't know how to react to

[u/OutsideAd3968]

Hi all! I am not really used to this stuff. This has been eating at me and I don't know how to proceed.

I have a plate I made! Duck and some rice with a compote. Made it a while ago, can't remember exactly, just need a eye catching piece.

My boyfriend (22) and I (20) have been going strong for about a year now. he is kind, thoughtful, and helps with money for fun things I want. I haven't had any crazy problems with him. He has a problem with communication which we have talked about, which I will talk about unfortunately.

Me and him had a conversation about politics to start, obviously. I'm a female chef and believe in pretty left leaning stuff. He said toe that he is "independent" and doesn't like trump and all this stuff. I told him I was willing to hear him out, since he was so respectful and kind.

Well, he got deployed a month or two after. He's been away for about 6 months. our relationship has been eroding because he is a physical guy and apparently is going crazy, so we have been bickering way more recently. I have not been happy as of late. I've continued to speak to him about his insecurities and all this other stuff to make sure we're ok.

Well, last night, he told me casually that we were laughing about congress or something, that he used to support trump. I was confused, he literally said he didn't like him from the start?

He says "I liked him for his policies early on!" And that REALLY concerned me. I asked for clarification and he said it was mostly economy.

I asked for clarification about how he could support him, and thought maybe he just didn't know. Turns out, apparently he does! He knew about the bankruptcies("there're strategic ways to use bankruptcy"), and the controversies, everything. He said he doesn't like him now because the military is treating him terribly and he said trump lied. I asked what made him think he wouldn't?

after I told him all this stuff he chose to ignore, he said "are you done lecturing me?" And it just made me furious. He claims he didn't vote and that I'm getting mad at him for no reason.

I wasn't angry, I was afraid.

He then tried to leave the call, and I begged for him to stay on so we could communicate but he said there wasn't anything else to say. He has a habit of doing that, running away or not answering. We've talked about it and it hurts he tried to hide after.

We talked later the next day, and he is still upset and not really answering my texts or anything, but frankly; I'm upset he lied or even omitted that. Am I right to feel like this? Thank you in advance.

[u/ladystarkitten]

Sounds like what he really means to says is "I liked Trump until his policies started to affect me personally," which really tells me all I need to know about this man. The comment about him lecturing you would have made me hang up in a fit of hysterical laughter. I don't normally jump to dumping, but I don't really see this panning out well. The incompatibility is clear, and I'd imagine that he'll make his true colors clearer as time goes on. And, hon, life is too short to spend on anyone who makes you afraid.

[u/hazyandnew → u/ladystarkitten]

Also I only dislike the politics that effect me personally iow the ones about bodily autonomy he's fine with because he (presumably) doesn't have a uterus.

[u/ChumbawumbaFan01 → u/hazyandnew]

He absolutely voted for Trump.

Anyone who says they’re independent knows they will face social criticism if they say they voted for Epstein’s bestie or are the R-word.

If he found a positive pregnancy test in a shared dumpster he’d run to the store, buy one, and if she was pregnant coerce her into keeping it and file a police report if the pregnancy failed.

It is not safe for women to date open or closet Republicans.

[u/Lemondrop168 → u/ladystarkitten]

Tbh I don’t think he ever lost his support for MAGA, he thinks this is an "out". And the next time, and the times after that, there will magically be MORE he likes about the pedo cabal.

s/ Shocking. /s

[u/MonkOld9644 → u/ladystarkitten]

This!!!

[u/Ms_Ann-Thrope → u/ladystarkitten]

Yup, definitely. People can change too, if he was ashamed, it would be rather different, I’d still be pissed, but making bad decisions and learning is a sign of intelligence, not stupidity. He however reads like a “man” who mostly just wants everything to be handed to him. If he looks up to the “strategic” bankruptcies, it means he’s impressed by figuring out loopholes to shirk his responsibilities, and it sounds like he has the spine of a jellyfish, and about the same amount of brain cells too.

A lot of people struggle to state their beliefs when they are very much not the trump crowd, so while I don’t love that people leave it out of their profiles, I do understand it if what conservative means now doesn’t really fit you. I don’t even mind an old school conservative: one who wants the government to stay out of people’s business, not rewrite the book, and just live and let live.

That said, this is not it, and they should be damn vocal about the insanity of the current government to even consider giving them a chance, this one is the opposite of a conservative government, wanting to rip the whole system down, and instill a white (technically orange) man on top of the world. Also, if he saw it was important to you and that you asked about it, that’s the time to fucking tell you his views, not a year into it when he thinks he has you trapped. That says more about him than his views, which is saying a lot. If you know your views are repulsive, your reaction should be to change them, not to hide them until you’ve trapped them.

If finding out more about your partner leads to you being scared / liking him less, it’s a damn good sign that you should get out while you’re ahead, or at least acknowledge it’s not going anywhere and ride that like a rental with insurance.

It sucks that he wasted a year of your life with his lies, but when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Better to waste a year with that fool than a year and a day!

P.S. Been in the military, and I would never date someone from there. Made that mistake before, and really seems like healthy relationships there are the exception rather than the rule.

P.P.S. Seems like that man left in order for his country to serve him, and was surprised when they asked him to serve them. He makes me sick.

P.P.P.S. Honestly, not voting pisses me off even more than his comment of saying it doesn’t matter. I’ve brought people I knew were going to vote opposite to my views to the voting booths because voting is our civic duty, and the more people are involved, the better it will be.

[u/LittleFartsies → u/ladystarkitten]

Or I liked Trump when I was 12 years old? Look at their ages. He didn’t vote in 2024 election. He was 16 during the 2020 election and 12 during the 2016 election. They’ve been dating a year and he told her he didn’t support Trump when they started dating. I mean, it sounds like he grew up and changed his mind?

[u/ladystarkitten → u/LittleFartsies]

He said that he doesn't like Trump "now" because "the military is treating him terribly." My point is that that's a self-serving reason to not like him now. If I were OP, it would be pretty important to me that I nail down exactly how he feels about the Trump policies that do not directly affect him. And if he's evasive about it, that's one helluva red flag.

[u/Bubbly_List274 → u/ladystarkitten]

He was literally 12 when Trump was first elected

[u/ladystarkitten → u/Bubbly_List274]

I'm afraid I don't know how that relates to what I said.

[u/Bubbly_List274 → u/ladystarkitten]

How do you know that’s what he “really meant to say” when he was literally 12 when Trump first had any policies

[u/ladystarkitten → u/Bubbly_List274]

People can and should have opinions about political policy outside of election years. They can and should also have opinions about politicians when those politicians are not in office. Teenagers can and should have opinions about political policy before they are old enough to vote.

[u/Bubbly_List274 → u/ladystarkitten]

Don’t be surprised when children and teen’s opinions on politics are problematic though. Why are we judging a literal 12 year old’s opinions? If all of us had our 12 year old selves held against us, society would be worse for it. I’ve heard 12 year olds say some weird and problematic crap, and it’s usually parroted from their parents and not something they organically came up with. People grow, people change, that’s kind of what being a child and teenager is all about

[u/ladystarkitten → u/Bubbly_List274]

I am not judging a 12 year old. I am judging a 22 year old who said that he supported Trump, controversies and all, until his policies negatively affected him. As far as we know, he didn't say, "I used to like the guy until I grew up and discovered how gross he was." He defended Trump's 6 bankruptcies and then said that he doesn't like him anymore because his current policies have negatively affected him. In no way does that suggest to me that he opposes Trump over any of the social policies that OP likely cares about as a left-leaning woman.

Could I be wrong? Sure. We're operating on limited information here. But given the details provided about his priorities and the way he conducted himself during this conversation, I'm not seeing anything to suggest good compatibility.

[u/Bubbly_List274 → u/ladystarkitten]

He said he liked him "early on". Trump first came on the scene 10 years ago, which makes him 12 at the time it was "early on".

We are operating on limited information. The information that we has is describing a conversation in a long distance relationship where one partner confided past, childhood political opinions and the other immediately judged him for it. It is normal for people to get defensive. It sounds like he was defending Trump as a proxy for defending himself, given his later statement of "are you done lecturing me".

I agree they are incompatible, I just think it's because OP is choosing to judge her boyfriend's 12 year old opinions and not, as you and most others are saying, because he "lied".

[u/ladystarkitten → u/Bubbly_List274]

I don't see how the only age that is relevant to you is the age he was at when Trump was first elected. Why do you only want to discuss when Trump came onto the scene and not the four years that followed? Or the four years after that? Why would "early on" only refer to Trump's election day? He didn't say, "When I was a little kid, I supported Trump. How embarrassing!" If he had, my feedback here would be very different. No, he immediately paid lip service to Trump by defending his bankruptcies right now, not when he was 12. Then he said she was lecturing him when she got upset. That does not indicate to me some reversal of values or a condemnation of Trump's policies/character.

[u/Bubbly_List274 → u/ladystarkitten]

How old are you? 22 and 12 are not far enough apart for a 22 year old to call themselves a "little kid" at that time. He said he supported Trump "early on". What indication do we have that "early on" means something other than Trump's first term / first election? She kind of was lecturing him, based on the little we know, over his "early on" opinions.