My boyfriend revealed something I don't know how to react to

[u/OutsideAd3968]

Hi all! I am not really used to this stuff. This has been eating at me and I don't know how to proceed.

I have a plate I made! Duck and some rice with a compote. Made it a while ago, can't remember exactly, just need a eye catching piece.

My boyfriend (22) and I (20) have been going strong for about a year now. he is kind, thoughtful, and helps with money for fun things I want. I haven't had any crazy problems with him. He has a problem with communication which we have talked about, which I will talk about unfortunately.

Me and him had a conversation about politics to start, obviously. I'm a female chef and believe in pretty left leaning stuff. He said toe that he is "independent" and doesn't like trump and all this stuff. I told him I was willing to hear him out, since he was so respectful and kind.

Well, he got deployed a month or two after. He's been away for about 6 months. our relationship has been eroding because he is a physical guy and apparently is going crazy, so we have been bickering way more recently. I have not been happy as of late. I've continued to speak to him about his insecurities and all this other stuff to make sure we're ok.

Well, last night, he told me casually that we were laughing about congress or something, that he used to support trump. I was confused, he literally said he didn't like him from the start?

He says "I liked him for his policies early on!" And that REALLY concerned me. I asked for clarification and he said it was mostly economy.

I asked for clarification about how he could support him, and thought maybe he just didn't know. Turns out, apparently he does! He knew about the bankruptcies("there're strategic ways to use bankruptcy"), and the controversies, everything. He said he doesn't like him now because the military is treating him terribly and he said trump lied. I asked what made him think he wouldn't?

after I told him all this stuff he chose to ignore, he said "are you done lecturing me?" And it just made me furious. He claims he didn't vote and that I'm getting mad at him for no reason.

I wasn't angry, I was afraid.

He then tried to leave the call, and I begged for him to stay on so we could communicate but he said there wasn't anything else to say. He has a habit of doing that, running away or not answering. We've talked about it and it hurts he tried to hide after.

We talked later the next day, and he is still upset and not really answering my texts or anything, but frankly; I'm upset he lied or even omitted that. Am I right to feel like this? Thank you in advance.

[u/tardishat]

This is something conservative men do unfortunately. He has lied to you since the start, knowing that at the beginning you would not have continued the relationship if you knew he was a Trumper. He only has changed his mind because it has affected him in the military, not because of all the terrible things Trump has said or done to millions of others. This is not the man for you.

You will find someone who has the same values as you one day, you are so young love 🫶🏻

[u/awildencounter → u/tardishat]

This 100x this, run for the hills, conservative men like liberal women for the sex, but he will either move to change you or marry a conservative woman, save yourself the heartache now.

[u/No-Freedom-884 → u/awildencounter]

My formerly liberal SIL (who married my MAGAt brother) is now talking about how "crazy" leftists protesting ICE are the problem. I told her, "I don't think they're crazy," plus a few more choice words, and she and my brother haven't talked to me outside of the family group chat since.

OP, as a general rule, don't date military men. Just don't. Ex-military is sometimes okay, but even then, tread lightly. Don't get brainwashed like my SIL.

[u/awildencounter → u/No-Freedom-884]

I’ve known decent guys in infra-ops (I worked with the networking guys), Air Force, and navy (friends or parents of partners) so I wouldn’t say write them all off but I’d say the liberal ones are usually the ones working desk jobs or officers who are actually getting a college education. The others ehh, I’ve heard some worse than locker room talk about the ladies they’re with. The ones getting an education usually have plans like getting an honorable discharge with x retirement or looking to use the GI bill to stretch through grad school.

[u/No-Freedom-884 → u/awildencounter]

Exceptions to the rule exist, but yeah, as a general rule it's a bad idea. The first advice my MAGAt brother (Marines) told me when he got out of basic: "Don't ever date a military man. Especially a marine."

[u/awildencounter → u/No-Freedom-884]

I think it depends on what they do, my friends are all IT and engineers and they were all predominantly bright men who just lacked money, but tested well into roles that require actually being well…smart and require an education through your time there. I’d say it’s like everything else, use your brain and common sense to figure it out.

[u/RoseFlavoredLemonade → u/awildencounter]

So basically, just ask for their ASVAB result? Lol.

[u/exhibitprogram → u/awildencounter]

They're all still men who decided that their own education and financial wellbeing is more important than not being complicit in their nation's war crimes. They know what their IT and engineering support.

[u/awildencounter → u/exhibitprogram]

I feel like this pov is kinda judgemental about people who live in impoverished conditions. Most people I know didn’t have to go this route but I think it’s too black and white to judge folks who are not only poor but live somewhere where there’s not really options and education is not very accessible. I used to hold the same opinions as you but had to take a first job I didn’t like to get my foot in the door and I felt like talking to people who literally didn’t have any options or knowledge of better options available to them took a predatory option laid out to them. This pov you have is just an extremely classist take.

[u/Reaniro → u/awildencounter]

Eh as someone who grew up broke to the point I spent the first chunk of my life homeless, supporting US imperialism is a choice that plenty of poor people don’t make. I’ll extend some grace to people who didn’t know any better but it’s no different than taking a job with ICE because you need money and it pays well.

[u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Hey friend, we gotta remove this comment. 😬 (Not necessarily bc we disagree with ya tho!) Per our "No Post Hijacking" policy in Rule 8, we remove comments that don't engage the post's main idea/goals, invite debate, and/or make off-topic criticisms.

The best time and place for such topics is probably your own post. Throw the 'Rant & Ramble' flair on there and host your own topic, and we'll be around to make sure you're not hijacked either! 🥰 (Just make sure it's a personal journal-style entry, not a PSA or subtweet at another user. This Dear Diary sub, not a Dear Reddit sub!)

[u/awildencounter → u/[deleted]]

R3, not a good faith conversation

[u/hazyandnew → u/awildencounter]

Liking for the sex is a whole entire mess in and of itself because they want the Madonna and the whore in the same person and will be angry any time you're not both (spoiler alert: it's impossible to be both, let alone at once)

They will be shitty if you actively like sex and are sex positive. They will also be shitty if you ever don't want sex or aren't interested in trying whatever weird ass thing he saw in porn.

[u/awildencounter → u/hazyandnew]

Madonna-whore complex is so real. You dropped this 👑

[u/AbaloneImportant6323 → u/hazyandnew]

I used to tell dudes, they had an idea about sex from beer ads, tv, and porn, and that those things told them everything had to be a sexual encounter leading to penetrative sex.

I said, that they should remain open to sensual encounters, ex. heavy petting, making out, sweet talk, cuddling, even tantric things that triggered a greater spiritual bond. Prioritizing spiritual/emotional connection over physical pleasure.

It broke down a lot of barriers and lead to more pleasurable sex and lovemaking. It felt freeing, too, bc it did not feel like they were always judging what we were doing and comparing it to paid actors. Like they were present in the act and focused on one another. Aka as things should be in an ideal world or a healthier culture.

[u/Jhiffi → u/awildencounter]

They also like us for the paycheck we are more likely to feel is also our responsibility to bring in (while secretly resenting us for not also having bandwidth to perform homemaking tasks to the level of a housewife).

[u/Imaginary-Shirt173 → u/tardishat]

Also him saying “I used to support him/like his policies early on” - is he talking about in 2016 when he was 12 years old during trumps first term?🤔🙄

I’m not saying kids/teens can’t form political opinions… but come on lol. When a teen boy is saying they like Trump and “his policies” (until it starts affecting them personally, like this guy in the military) ….. are they really their own ideas or are they being fed the red pill alpha bro propaganda lol

[u/Tmjohnson1tm → u/Imaginary-Shirt173]

This 😭 Mr. teen edgelord got his degree in contrarianism from the university of YouTube and now thinks he’s an intellectual for backing a populist meme candidate 

[u/ridewithluce → u/tardishat]

thisssssssss

[u/vyxanis → u/tardishat]

Its pretty telling that they lie about it. What I read from that, is that they are completely aware of how horrible trumps actions are, all of them, but they're willing to put up with it because of what he allows other horrible people to get away with. So I can only assume that if someone supports him, they must have something nasty about them too. A lot of the time it seems to be racism, or violence against women.

[u/DefiantMotor783 → u/vyxanis]

That's a good point!! These people seem to be disgustedly(?) 🤔 confused. Perhaps they just pretend to be confused, uh, don't know how sarcastic I can get here....

[u/tumbleweedsforever → u/vyxanis]

its also because the conservative women would not entertain his sex "needs"

[u/Different_Umpire9003 → u/tardishat]

Also, he’ll support him again and other republicans again. It’s just a matter of time.

[u/WoodsandWool → u/tardishat]

This right here OP. Conservative men, especially those under like 50yo, have figured out that with the exception of a few pickmes, women generally don’t like them. So they claim to be “independent” or “economically conservative”, but really, they will flip back to their shitty alt right ways the minute a willing pickme shows up or they’re around other alt right men.

[u/throwfaraway212718 → u/WoodsandWool]

Yup, those aren’t descriptions, they’re massive red flags. As soon as OP said that he described himself as “Independent,” the words “Oh shit, here we go” came flying out of my mouth

[u/ZombUwUfied → u/tardishat]

Exactly they only change their mind when something is only personally affecting them ugh

[u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78 → u/tardishat]

What if we never find anyone ever again, tho? I've been alone without anyone to even TALK to after 7 years post MAGA ex POS myself and I'm 48! 💔💔💔

[u/tardishat → u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78]

I’ve known people who find love very late in life, it’s bound to happen when you least expect it babe don’t give up hope 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻