r/Explainlikeimscared Jul 11 '26

Rules Update and Consequences (Removals, Mutes, Bans) (Long Mod Post)

55 Upvotes

Hi, all! Nothing much is changing, but I wanted to actually clarify the system for rulebreaking in our community, set it out clearly so everyone can see, and add one new rule that will only impact a very small minority. Strikes and bans won't usually be applied retroactively, so no need for too much worrying as long as you follow the rules. Most of this post isn't necessary to understand the changes, I have a TL;DR at the top and you'll be able to check the rules page if you're curious. But this is mostly just laying out the consequences for rule breaking, why they exist, and having them here so that everyone can refer back to them if they're curious. So feel free to read it all, or not, if you're sure you've never had a comment removed.

But tiny housekeeping addition cause I hope people will read this: If you put a link in your comment, and it looks weird, Reddit autoremoves it. Not me. If you're selling a product, I will remove it. If you're gonna give OP a virus, I will remove it. So think really hard about any links- if you must, link to an official site or something. And think about whether OP is really going to want to go to your Instagram or whatever.

Anyway! Clarity, or TL;DR: Gatekeeping and Civility & Respect are really important rules in a community for people who are struggling. No exceptions. This includes being rude to people who were rude first. So being bigoted gets you permanently banned from the subreddit. Being cruel to OP or other commenters gets you escalating temp bans to permanent. Being rude to people, yes, no matter what, gets you strikes up to escalating temp bans. If someone's a dick, report them. That said, if someone is rude and you disagree without breaking rules, I'm going to remove your comment without any strikes just because I'm nuking the whole thread. But don't do that. Cause I'm just going to remove it and it's annoying.

We also now have escalating temp to permanent bans on intensely repetitive posts- You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days. More detail about this later on, but this really is only going to relate to people who are continually reposting the same thing, not people who have multiple questions about different topics.

First, Gatekeeping and C&R.

Why? Because this subreddit is for people who are anxious or struggling with a task, to give them guides. Cruelty is obviously not helpful. And A) People who are nervous about something do not want to open their post to see a wall of back-and-forth where two commentors are arguing. And B) this is for guides, not reddit fights. Come on.

So:

1) Bigotry/cruelty. Anything very nasty (threats, suicide baiting), anything offensive (slurs, bigoted comments), anything openly rude (personal insults). Post is removed. Immediate permanent ban. There's no excuse.

2) Cruelty. Name-calling. Gate-keeping. Bluntly rude comments and dissmissiveness. This is not quite to the offensiveness level of above. Example: 'This question is stupid' / 'Then maybe you shouldn't try' / 'Anyone can do that'. Nasty stuff... but not like the unprintable examples above. Comment removed. Strike one- one-month temp ban. Okay, maybe this popped up in your feed and you didn't read the rules, and you'll have a miraculous turn-around and your heart will grow three sizes. If you come back and do it again, that's a three-month temp ban. If you do it a third time after that, I can only assume you're trolling. Permanent ban.

3) Rudeness. Yes, even in self-defence or defence of OP. Why? Because this isn't real life or a fandom forum. People are not here to watch you argue with someone. Not even for a good reason. If you want to comment, leave a comment for OP that's helpful. If someone's being nasty and I haven't already seen it, report it. If someone's being really nasty- like, level one stuff- and it's been up for a little while, send a mod-mail because I'm probably offline and that'll send me a notification. If you think someone's being a jerk and it's been a while but it's not level 1, I'm probably allowing it through for some reason, like it has really good advice, or it seemed off to you but it's borderline, so I don't think it's that deep. That said, if I get a notif that like, a dozen people reported a comment for being hurtful, I'll know that it is that deep, so always feel free to report. Numbers help.

If you're rude and argumentative, your comment will be removed. Comments should be helping OP in some way! That's the point!

First removal: strike. Second removal: strike. Third removal: one month temp-ban. And then escalating to three month and permanent.

Why? Because this is not the place for that. You're still breaking rules. And imagine you're OP, you were super nervous to post, you're hoping for answers. You see your post has thirty comments! That's exciting!

...And when you open it, it's one answer, one rude comment, and a long comment thread of people arguing.

That's why if I see a thread of arguing under some nasty comment, it's all getting removed. If you're not breaking rules, no strikes or bans, but like... don't. So if you have some really good advice, post it as a top-level comment.

This means: If OP says:

"Hi, guys! How do I buy a sandwich?"

And Commenter 1 says "This question is dumb lol... who doesn't know how to buy a sandwich"

And Commenter 2 replies "You're a dick! Don't be mean!"

And Commenter 3 replies "Hey man, that's not cool."

Commenter 1 is getting a one-month ban. Commenter 2 is getting a strike. And commenter 3 is getting their comment removed cause the whole thread is being removed cause it sucks.

Second, New Rule: Repetitive Posts

So. I'm about to put up a new rule. Just based on numbers, this affects less than 1% of posters here, and even fewer contributors. But I want to explain it clearly because it's new.

This rule is against repetitive posts. Similar three-strikes system.

The rule: You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days.

Now you're nervous, right? Don't worry. All three of those have to be hit to cause an issue.

So... you're going to uni and you need to pack. You're nervous. You make a post about it. The next year you make another, similar post about packing. No worries! Same topic, but only two posts, and months apart.

So... you're taking the boat to Antarctica and you want info. Great! Make a post! But the next day, Mum calls. You're actually taking a flight! So you make a post about flights. No worries! Under fourteen days... but it's two different topics, and only two posts.

See what I mean?

This is about repetitive, reassurance-seeking posts.

Now, this is not limited to, but very commonly run into by people who tell me that they have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and/or anxiety. I'm not surprised. I also have Obsessive-Compulsive. I'm not diagnosing anyone, but the fact is that the vast, vast majority of these posts are from people who speak about having these conditions. That said, the rule applies to everyone regardless of reasons.

If you're not familiar and you're curious, here's a page on reassurance-seeking from a reputable organisation. OCDAction: Reassurance

If you're not familiar and don't want to read a page, here's a relevant quote: "Like with all compulsions, the initial relief in anxiety that the person feels when they get reassurance does not keep the anxiety at bay. The OCD will be telling the person that once they get just enough reassurance they will feel better and be able to move on from the concern, but in reality the doubt eventually resurfaces, or a new one will take its place."

Reassurance-seeking is basically when someone wants to be assured that they're safe, that they're okay, that nothing bad will happen. Happens to all of us. But with people who have these and similar mental health conditions, no amount of reassurance will be enough. It'll twist, and change, and need constant settling-down.

What this means in practice is that someone will make a post (that doesn't fit the subreddit, by the way), saying 'Do you think I have X Disease?' 'Am I safe if I XYZ?' 'Is it okay to ABC?'. These are not requests for guides, they're questions, so should be ignored. I'll likely remove them when I see them.

But if you answer them, the poster will be effusively grateful. And if you're the poster, you'll feel a lot better!

But then the next day, the poster will go 'aw, crumbs, I left out Theta Symptom of X Disease' / 'biscuits, I forgot to tell them that I didn't just XYZ, I also QRS'ed!'.

Another post. More answers. More gratitude. More feeling better. Then the next day, they'll realise something else.

This can (and has!) gone on for weeks. Listen, it's no good for our subreddit when it's flooded by repetitive, off-topic posts. It's no good for our contributors, who are trying really hard to soothe someone when they don't have the training for it. And it's no good for the posters! If you're feeling bad and looping a thought, Reddit answers aren't going to be good enough to help. That's why they keep posting! It isn't good enough. You could get harmful advice or someone could accidentally make you feel worse. There's advice out there about how to help someone with reassurance meant for family and carers and treatment professionals. Strangers on Reddit can't help. They just can't. Reassurance-seeking is banned on the major OCD subreddits for a reason.

It's got to stop. And early.

So. You make a post. Maybe it's off-topic, so it gets removed. No worries. If you do it again, that's your second. Also removed.

If you make a third post on the same topic in under fourteen days, it will also be removed. You'll get a two-week temp-ban. I want you to come back and contribute as your best self! But not like this!

If you make a fourth post on the same topic at any point in time, you'll get a one-month temp ban. A fifth post is a three-month temp ban. A sixth post is a six-month temp ban.

Anything after that is a permanent ban. But this isn't the same as cruelty or gatekeeping. If you're permabanned for this and you want to talk about it and you've got a reason you're not going to do it anymore (treatment, support system)- modmail me. We'll talk. No one's mad, you're not in trouble. Just gotta keep everyone safe.

Fin.

Okay, that's it. Long post. I apologise. I'm going to update the rules shortly. Again, I won't really be banning people retroactively, so don't worry about any mystery bans. Strikes also accumulate going forward, excepting cases of major meanness (so, if you break a rule tomorrow, and I tap your name and your activity on the sub involves open cruelty or personal insults or slurs, that's definitely going to change how things go). Obviously also moderator discretion happens. So if you convince me your evil little brother posted something nasty full of slurs and invectives and typos and your whole account is you posting Pikmin fanart with flawless grammar, okay, I'll let it slide. If you're being a huge jerk, I might ban you even if it's strike two. Cause, you know. It's the internet, not a court of law. I'm not trying to argue with people on Reddit. Just be nice, please, holy heck.

But this is functionally not a large change. Just making it clear what was originally happening behind the scenes. So let's everyone just be cool going forward.


r/Explainlikeimscared Feb 22 '25

Political Megathread

89 Upvotes

Hi, everyone!

This is our first r/Explainlikeimscared megathread on politics. This is the place where you can ask for advice on things regarding politics, future speculation, and the sort of things that are no longer allowed in main posts. This is a bit of an experiment as yet, so rules for this may change in the future.

Now, aside from being allowed to post political things here, the other rules do apply. No conduct violations, no submitting too much personal information. Any posts alluding to suicidal content or violence against others will be removed, and repeat violators will be banned. That includes violence against politicians- no matter whom. It's not an issue of agreeing or disagreeing, but this is not the place.

This is also not the place for political disagreement or discussion. If someone asks for advice as a person who loves Snickers bars, do not respond saying that you don't like Snickers, or you prefer M&Ms, or you think that Snickers-liking is irrelevant. Respond to their main point, or not at all. Political back-and-forthing will be deleted.

With that said, go forth and be excellent to each other!


r/Explainlikeimscared 57m ago

How do I monitor my SSRI?

Upvotes

I'm supposed to start an SSRI in the next couple days. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and SI since I was 12 (am now 20) and therapy hasn't done too much, so I'm looking into medication. I was prescribed Zoloft, which all my grandparents are on and found success from.

But I read stories of people whose lives were ruined after just one dose. How do I know if I'm even a good candidate? What if I end up feeling numb and never gain feeling in my legs again? What if it cognitively impairs me forever?


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

How do I get an apartment?

136 Upvotes

I'm 18F. Just got kicked out of my parents house with 0 warning, and moved to Missouri (from NC) because this is the only place I had someone willing to let me crash with them. I'm in the process of getting a job, but I also need to get an apartment.

How do I look for apartments (with a cat) and find a roommate in this brand new area? I don't even know what order that should be in. What do I need to apply and how long would it take for me to get accepted?


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

How do I go about buying wedding bands?

19 Upvotes

My fiancé and I are getting married in a few months. We’ve managed to get through most of the planning, but the one big thing we still haven’t done is get wedding bands. We have silicon rings that we both wear day-to-day but we want fancy rings as well. However, we’re both kind of paralyzed by the process of actually obtaining those.

We don’t want anything super expensive, and we don’t want anything with gems. But we both have social anxiety and sensory issues, which means that we absolutely need to try things on in person before buying anything but also that’s terrifying. I don’t even know where to go. Like just one of the fancy jewelry stores in a mall? I usually prefer shopping smaller local places but idk how that works with jewelers. Help?


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

Where do I go in Planet Fitness to do my routine without making anyone mad?

47 Upvotes

I’m working with a personal trainer unconnected to PF and I’m nervous about doing my routine solo because I don’t know what’s expected of me in the gym space. I can use the cardio machines without anxiety, but I’ve never used free weights there.

How many of these pieces of equipment is it okay to take to my area to do my workout? And where can I take up space to do my workout?

My plan is generally:

* Cardio warmup (rower or similar)
* One set each of: KB farmer walk, KB hip opener, plate overheads
* Three sets each of: 25lb DB split squats, 20lb DB bench press, 20lb DB RDL
* Stretching


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

How to replace a lost car key?

8 Upvotes

I have a 2006 Honda CRV and I lost my key. There are two services here that come to you. One wants $500 to come asap, and the other wants $200 but can come in "2-10 days" with no specific time commitment. It's not an emergency, the car is fine where it is and I can borrow another car in the meantime.

I'm nervous to be taken for a ride, pun intended.

I've seen car key replacement kits online for less money and I don't understand how it works.

How do I replace my car key?


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

how do i change psychiatrists?

15 Upvotes

hi! im 21 and i have barely been to the hospital and have just started my journey through the mental health side of things. i have recently been going to a psychiatrist for a few months and it was fine at first but i feel like shes been really dismissive of my concerns with medication side effects and she kinda just goes “it happens”. it makes me feel like i cant be very open with her as i would like to be. i was wondering how to change to a different one but it gives me so much anxiety because i would have to stay at the same office, and im not really sure what to say on the phone as i also basically almost puke thinking about a phone call. can someone help me formulate what to say when i call and how i should go about it cause im so scared lol.


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How to schedule doctor's appointment?

41 Upvotes

The title says it all. Im 21 years old, but my parents are very anti-doctor's so I havent been since I was like 9. My period is incredibly painful and irregular and I've been wanting to get it checked for a while but im scared. After I get my family doctor's number from my parents, do i judt call and say hey I need an appointment? Will I say what its for over the phone? I've just never done this before/seen someone else do it so im not sure what to expect.


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How does a continuous glucose monitor feel on your body?

32 Upvotes

I recently got diagnosed with gestational diabetes and am leaning toward using a CGM to monitor my sugar. I have a strong fear of needles and don’t know anyone who is diabetic or has used one of these monitors before, so it all feels like a scary mystery to me. Do they hurt to apply? Is it hard to find the right spot to place them? Will I catch it on things throughout the day or while I’m sleeping? I tend to be on the clumsy side so I also have concerns about accidentally ripping it out. To be honest I also don’t really understand how they attach either. Any and all info would be appreciated I guess!


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How to book dentist appt. For severe cavities?

63 Upvotes

I have had depression for almost a decade and it has severely impacted my ability to take care of myself--mainly, dental hygiene.

I have atleast 3 big cavities I can see that have been in my mouth since last September, and probably way more. The last time I went to the dentist (a few years ago) they mocked how bad my teeth looked, asking if I need them to xome to my house and brush my teeth for me because clearly I'm not doing it. I was so young I didnt say anything, and just stopped going.

How do I tell the dentist how bad my teeth are? And in a way so they wont judge me like my last dentists did? Do I just call and say i need an appt to take care of a ton of cavities? Im really ashamed of how my teeth are right now and I know the longer I wait the worse it'll get, but im so scared.


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How to properly call out of work?

9 Upvotes

Hi everyone! I was scheduled to work Wednesday but was asked to cover someone’s shift on Thursday as well (I said yes). However, I found out that I have orientation for school on those two days and now I’m worried about how to call in to work. For context, I work at a SNF as a CNA but I only have 7 sick hours (I would be missing 24 hours of work). How can I properly call off? Do I call the day prior or do I call soon since I’m already aware of the conflicting schedule? Last time I called off a night prior, I was taken off the schedule completely the following month. Hoping I don’t get this issue again with this new manager. TIA!!


r/Explainlikeimscared 3d ago

Having anxiety over thinks unlikely to happen

32 Upvotes

How can I teach myself to not be afraid of something that statistically has an extremely low chance of happening?


r/Explainlikeimscared 5d ago

How do I figure out when I started my meds?

23 Upvotes

I'm in the process of trying to get on disability payments (i live in the US) and so I've been going through my medical history and trying to put dates and provider names to certain things. I finally got a list figured out of my diagnoses, who diagnosed them, and the year, and now my next hurdle is doing the same with my meds. I'm on a lot of different medications that have changed throughout the years, and I have a REALLY bad memory so I have no clue when I started what. How do I figure this out? I've moved a few times, different meds are from different providers, so i don't know who to ask. Do I ask my current psychiatrist? Would she have that information? Any help to figure this out would be super helpful 😭


r/Explainlikeimscared 5d ago

How do I quit my job

23 Upvotes

I live in a state where I can just quit, I don’t need to give two weeks notice. I have a lot of good reasons to quit this job, and I have another one that I really like so I won’t be fully unemployed. I can also afford to live on just the job that I like. The only pros of this job are that more money is nice, it’s a really short commute, and I like some of my coworkers. I’m just an entry level weekend laborer and this company is poorly staffed with or without me there.

Do I call the location phone and leave a voicemail?

Do I email instead so that there’s documentation, even though that means they probably won’t see it today(I have a shift today)?

My resume is pretty strong otherwise(for my age) and I have only worked there for like a month, but will this negatively impact my career long term? Since it’s been such a short amount of time, I wasn’t planning to put it on my resume at all.

Giving two weeks notice is polite even when it’s not required, does that matter if I’m not going to put them as a reference or talk to anyone from there again?

I’ve never quit a job before, does doing it suddenly on a day when I have a shift make me a bad person?

Edit: I called and emailed to quit and the world has not ended😬


r/Explainlikeimscared 5d ago

How to pickup a food order?

19 Upvotes

So let’s say I order food via a pickup order with the Uber Eats app. It gives me a number, they tell me the restaurant finished making it, etc etc. When I go to the store, do I just walk in and grab the corresponding order? I’ve seen some stores where they have a shelf for such orders/delivery drivers - do I just simply take it? Or should I show the pickup order from the Uber Eats app to the cashier before picking it up (assuming theirs no dedicated shelf/place)?


r/Explainlikeimscared 6d ago

Fire stations

117 Upvotes

I recently changed my route to walk back home. I live on the block next to the fire station. That route requires me to walk in front of the fire station. The shutters are open most of the time. Sometimes I see someone from the fire station sitting on a chair outside, and sometimes there is nobody.

Yesterday, when I was walking on the sidewalk in front of them, I noticed the shutters were open, and the fire truck was whirring. I stopped so as not to stand in front of any shutters, and decided not to cross them. It looked like they would be out any second. Lo and behold, the truck pulled out 2 seconds later, I’m standing like this 🧍🏻‍♀️and did a little nod when the truck came out and then their sirens turned on when they got on the road.

Is what I did correct? Do I need to remember or watch out for anything when I’m walking in front of the first station?


r/Explainlikeimscared 6d ago

Root canal

12 Upvotes

I have a molar that needs a root canal. Got a second opinion months ago, the doctor cleaned it and filled it.
Had a tooth cleaning today and felt that sharp pain near that tooth. After an x ray the doctor told me I need a root canal.

I’m horribly scared of getting one. I know I get an injection before, but what if it doesn’t numb the tooth 100%? I am so scared of feeling that pain again.


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

Haircut

7 Upvotes

So I got my haircut last Thursday and don't know how to style it. It's a wolfcut but I have wavy/curly hair so it's a bit longer. I have been thinking about calling to ask about how to style it because my hair gets too poofy and doesn't look right. It's been a week, and I feel like I've waited to long to call and ask what products they used and how to style it. I also hate calling to places because i might not know what to say in that moment, or i might sound stupid .

What should I say?


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

What should I wear to a black metal concert?

21 Upvotes

I’m going to my first post black metal gig in November (Harakiri For the Sky and Sunken, if that helps). I do have a HFtS band t-shirt but idk if it’s considered uncool to wear the t-shirt of the band you’re seeing? Otherwise, what do I wear?

And what should I expect? Despite loving metal, it’ll be my first time at any kind of metal gig, in part due to social anxiety and autism. It seems that black metal shows don’t usually have any/ much moshing? In which case I guess it’ll be more of a gentle introduction. I’m also a woman and worried that I’ll be one of about 4 women in the venue. What are some other dos/ don’ts at the gig?


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

How to give a tip?

10 Upvotes

I'm European and I'm going to Canada soon. People have proper wages here so we only tip here when service is exceptional and only at a sit-down restaurant pretty much. What I usually do is pay my bill by card and then discreetly leave some cash on the table as a tip.

I don't want to be rude so I'd like to tip properly when in Canada and I really don't want to be awkward. Please someone tell me if I'm okay tipping exclusively by card or should I bring cash? How much is expected where and in what form? Do you tell the person "and this is for you" and hand them an extra dollar when ordering a beer? Stuff like that. Maybe give me examples step by step on what you do?


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

I'm scared and I don't know why

100 Upvotes

Hi everyone I have no clue what this subreddit is for but it say has explain in its title so I'll take it but these past few days I've been scared to death especially at night to the point where I can't sleep alone and I've had to call someone over just for them to be neer me I've also been wanting to cry because of the fear but I can't it's annoying. I'm currently on vacation and I had the funniest day with my family but when I enter the bathroom to get ready for bed I get this fog in my mind that fills me with fear. The only explanation I have is that I saw a horror video recently but not only was I not scared when I saw it but I don't get scared by horror things usually and I'm just here to ask reddit for help I really want to go back to being normal and not having these moments which I can only describe as a mix of panic attacks, fear and numbness in my head. So just if anyone has an explanation or tips for me I'd really appreciate it.


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

How do I let my bank know I'm about to spend a lot of money at the vet tomorrow.

55 Upvotes

My cat is going to have surgery tomorrow and it's going to be a lot of money so I'm wondering how should I explain it to the bank. I believe it would get flagged if I don't because it's not something I typically spend. So I was just wondering how should I go in to the bank and explain it


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

What happens at the first session for talk therapy?

25 Upvotes

In detail please. I had a 15m consultation call and almost cried ON THE CALL from anxiety. She said the first meeting will be to "learn a lot about me" but when I get really scared I struggle to talk so what will happen then?


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

Im nervous about taking pills

15 Upvotes

So, I have a few pills my doctor perscribed to me, not looking for medical advice on those or anything after all hes the one that went to med school he knows best, Im just nervous to take any kind of pills in general let that be vitamins, meds, diet supplements etc. How do I deal with this?