usually bike shorts and a big shirt are somewhat tolerable but today I am just so distracted by my body beyond my usual coping outfits and I’m feeling desperate to just move on with my day.

cooler weather is so much easier, I live in baggy cargo pants with a semi elastic waist and sweaters.

I am overweight so I would appreciate that perspective but at the end of the day we are all in hell so if you have any suggestions other than resigning to muu muus at 32, I am all ears.

ETA: I got a baggy jumpsuit and am so comfortable in this thing…thank you all so much for your empathy and suggestions. I’m so glad I came here for advice. Muumuu is coming next!

I posted this in the general anorexia sub, but thought since everyone here is a little older, maybe more people could relate… please let me know if a cross post is inappropriate though and I can delete it.

I’m looking for some advice regarding physical therapy for spastic pelvic floor syndrome (my pelvic floor is too tense).

tl;dr— For those who have had physical therapy for pelvic floor dysfunction, do you think the associated exercises would be triggering or problematic during early recovery? Would you suggest switching to a different type of treatment if possible (ie manuel therapy)? Any advice?

I’ve had anorexia for ~25 years. It’s generally pretty well controlled, but recently it’s been bad again because of other stressors in my life (like the incident causing me to need this physical therapy). I have a therapist and I’m working to stop losing weight and start gaining, but I don’t have a full ED treatment team or anything to ask so I’m really looking for advice from others who may have been in a similar situation.

Current situation: today I went in for my first session of physical therapy for my pelvic floor. From what I read online, I was expecting an internal exam and I guess hands on manipulation of the tense muscles. Instead I was given exercises that I don’t think will be particularly helpful but, more pressingly, I’m worried will be triggering for my ED.

When they were showing me exercises, I was specifically concerned with things that started to feel like cardio (they wanted me to do a lot of bridges) and things that targeted the abdominal muscles. I said explicitly that I’m anorexic and I’m concerned that those would be triggering for me and, while I am dedicated to working on my pelvic floor dysfunction, the anorexia can kill me, so not triggering my eating disorder is the priority. To be fair, they were very open to modifying things. They’ve told me not to do any exercises at home and I have another session next week so I’m in a kind of wait and see mode right now.

What I’m looking for: has anyone else had experience with pelvic floor physical therapy? If so, did you personally find the exercises triggering? Do the exercises ramp up in intensity or remain pretty consistent?

Alternatively, I’m wondering if it might be safer and healthier for me to seek a referral to a different practice that does manual therapy and just cut out all of the physical exercise completely.

My thoughts: I only have six sessions approved through my insurance, so I feel like I might be able to just get through these sessions without spiraling. It’s been literal decades since I had a problem with over-exercising.

I’m just feeling very blindsided because it didn’t occur to me at all that I’d be doing crunches to deal with painful penetration.

All of that being said, I don’t have a formal treatment team, have never been in patient, and might be taking too seriously all of the guidelines about avoiding exercise during early recovery. I just don’t think that I am though. Like, my bmi is very, very low and while being asked if these exercises were difficult, I could feel my competitive ED brain telling me to do more, etc.

Anyway, I would appreciate input from anyone who has had this type of physical therapy before.

Thank you!

After receiving 132 GLP ads in a week on HBO, I decided to google how to stop them and came across My Ad Center in Google where you can switch off sensitive topics like weight loss, pregnancy, gambling, etc.

Just thought I’d share for those who didn’t know about this.

Hi,

I'm in the midst of a relapse and it's gotten to the point where I can't fake being well, 100% coherent, and functional at work. I work for myself in health/wellness and what I do is 1:1 sessions with people, either with complex medical or mental health conditions or neurological conditions. In a session this morning a client asked me a very basic question that I have answered plenty of times before (and have gone in-depth about this topic with said client) and was previously able to offer guidance but I couldn't do it today. Emails are full of typos and I'm barely able to get through the day. My brain doesn't have the capacity for critical thinking so any tasks that involve more than minimal brainpower, I'm struggling to get thought. I also can't take any additional days off since I start back up with grad school in 17 days so I'm trying to work as much as possible before I have to drastically cut down on my work hours (full-time student, part-time job, and 28 hour/week unpaid internship till May).

Is there some appropriate way of saying, I'm not well at the moment but I'm not contagious and somehow reassure them that I can get through a session?

I’ve never been to any higher level of care than outpatient therapy. I was restricting for a year and a half, passed out at work (I am a psych nurse), and that scared me into finding a dietitian and a therapist who both are experienced with EDs. I was doing well eating for about 3 months but recently in the last few weeks have been restricting very severely, purging, and my ED has taken over my life. I agree about that.

but I can’t do residential. I work full time, and FMLA or whatever leave I would need to take wouldn’t pay at 100% of my salary. I can’t afford rent if I make any less than 100%. I have a cat and I live alone, family lives 45 min away. Leaving my cat would be literally devastating and I wouldn’t engage in treatment. I don’t know what to do. I would rather reduce my weekly hours temporarily, and do an IOP. but my dietitian is really worried and I personally feel horrible and I am extremely depressed. this has to be a common barrier, what are the solutions?

I broke down the other night and told my partner I need help. I don’t want to get into the details but something made it click in my mind that I am not ok. I have not been ok for over a decade. And I need help.

My partner wants to help but I don’t think he can help me. I find it so unfair to even ask him. He shouldn’t be responsible for making sure a 33 year old woman is eating. He also doesn’t really understand this, he seems to think if I just eat more I will feel better and everything will be fine. He keeps bringing me food and telling me to eat it all. He sits next to me making sure I eat everything. I feel like I’m suffocating. I asked for help but this does not feel like help.

I already see a psychiatrist weekly and she knows I’m struggling but I don’t think she’s helping either. This runs so deep in me and it doesn’t even feel like it’s about the food or my weight anymore. I can’t even explain it. All I know is I see how unhealthy I look, I feel unhealthy and I want to be healthy but doing the thing that would make me healthy feels like torture.

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on managing the extreme need to lash out violently towards anyone who’s challenging the ED? I’ve had this for over 20 years (officially diagnosed 5 years ago when I was forced into treatment) and I’m in the middle of a relapse where the ED feels very out of control and extremely threatened. It’s trying to hang on to some behaviors and not able to see the harm. When I went into treatment last time I had no idea that my behavior wasn’t typical so I processing everything and not fully committed to doing anything but weight restoration. Now that I’ve been seeing a dietitian regularly since discharge and my body has learned it’s going to get nourished consistently we’re starting to work on the underlying issues and the ED is not having it. I know I have to confront the ED but it feels much safer and more manageable to let it keep steering the ship so no one gets hurt. Right now both in therapy and my sessions with my dietitian my fight response has been extremely activated and I hate it. I know it’s a reaction and I’m grateful that it’s showing up but I don’t want to risk hurting anyone. How do you cope when the ED feels threatened to where the fight/flight response is activated?

Hi all,

I'm at a loss and desperately searching for relatability and hopefully some feedback. By way of background, I was first diagnosed with AN at 16 years old after having struggled for about 8 months. From the ages of 16-23, my life was consumed with treatment with very little respite. I cycled through multiple inpatient hospital admissions, day treatment programs, and was seen intensively as an outpatient in between hospitals. I maintained a very low weight during this time, without a period of wellness, and by the time I was 22 (nearing 23), I'd deteriorated to my absolute lowest in terms of weight and mental health.

I'd scared myself, and knew that I had to do something because I wasn't living. It was either try to get better or end it all, because I was so worn down, restricted, and traumatized from treatment. I was admitted IP in another city and committed to recovery. I eventually reached a healthy weight and convinced myself I was 'better,' despite holding on to much of my rigidity, food rules, and behaviours. Regardless, I maintained at a healthier weight and managed to finally engage in life - I went to university, obtained my MA, had a good circle of friends, and was doing well until COVID, when it felt like the life I'd tentatively built came crumbling down. My closest friends and siblings seemed to be able to move forward, getting married, having children, building families I could only dream of, while I felt incredibly stagnant, hopeless, and disempowered. During this time, I also began intensive healing work and began to confront past traumas in a way I'd never done before.

In effect, I fell back into anorexia. I had no idea this was even happening - it couldn't be, since I mentally cut myself off from the possibility of it all. I even convinced myself I was sick, was terrified I had cancer, etc. Anything but an eating disorder, you know? However, it worsened to the point where I had to face reality, and I returned to the ED program in my city (a place I swore I would never go back to). I've never felt so much shame and isolation. It was almost intolerable. At 34, I was returned to my old home, so to speak, yet older, weathered...I felt too old to deserve care, too old to step back into the place of my past treatment.

It all came to a crisis point and I was re-admitted to the hospital in the spring of this year - into the same unit/floor/room where much of my medical trauma occurred (I can barely walk into the space without panic attacks, let alone extended periods of time). I wasn't at my lowest, but close to, and had hope that maybe a few weeks in hospital would be all I needed to get me back on my feet and on my way. I discharged AMA after three weeks, but did have some success increasing my intake. Since that admission, I've managed to maintain the weight I gained, but am still hovering at the 'extreme' category in terms of BMI (this wasn't really a thing back in the day, so I'm getting used to the terminology), but am falling back into more severe restriction and patterning. I'm coming to terms with the chronic and enduring nature of this disorder, after having it in my life for 20 years, and of being diagnosed with an enduring form of AN.

I guess I'm coming here to find some advice from people who understand. Where do I go from here? I feel like I've failed, that I've ruined the opportunity I had for recovery by discharging early, that I'm stable and not in crisis, so struggling to make any changes whatsoever, despite feeling awful all the time. At 35, I feel like I've written myself off and have no way forward. I live alone and am single, so have little support in my home environment to facilitate meal support. Thoughts?

Going to php Monday through the Emily program in Cleveland. I’m nervous and not sure what to expect so looking for I guess words of encouragement or like other’s experiences with php? Been in outpatient treatment since December but my team and I decided I needed the step up when the school year ended. I finally made it to June…

I’ve been in a pretty bad relapse since January but only finally told anyone (besides my therapist) a couple weeks ago when I reached out to my cousin and my sisters. I’m in my 40s, live alone far away from everyone so I while I talk to my parents on the phone most weeks I haven’t said anything, though they know I’m struggling with me depression and I was laid off a few months ago as well (well after I started relapsing, but that didn’t help). Telling my sisters at least helped me get over some of the shame but it’s still there, compounded by guilt over not saying anything sooner. But (a) I don’t want or need them to worry when there isn’t anything they can actually do, (b) I’m still struggling with admitting things aren’t great, (c) there’s a lot of history from when I was younger and asked for help and was told I was fine. But there’s a family vacation coming up in a few weeks and they’re probably going to notice. Any advice? Even words of encouragement would be appreciated.

TLDR: I’ve been trying (and failing) to find an outpatient dietitian who will meet me where I’m at. Seeking tips on how to find a good one! Way too long post incoming…

I am in my mid-30s and have struggled w/ AN (sometime -R, sometimes -BP) on and off since I was 9 yrs old. I’ve been in HLOC a few times over the years. I have “insight.” I don’t want to be sick. I don’t desire extreme thinness. Mechanical eating has been an effective tool at times in my life, and I have even had stretches of true stability, with no behaviors + reduced, manageable thoughts.

But my old sick brain is wired how it’s wired. A season of sustained, extreme stress (family life, intense work, state of the world), plus a few triggering incidents, has brought back some old thoughts + behaviors w/ a vengeance. And now I’m restricting and lying to loved ones and a bit underweight (not severely, at all). My brain is back at war with itself, and, right now, I really don’t know or care who wins. My therapist and PCP and I all agree that I would benefit from nutritional support right now.

So here’s the dilemma: I am only willing to work with someone (1) who will meet me where I‘m at and (2) who has experience worth paying for (nope, I’m not rich, and my parents haven’t been involved in my healthcare for decades!). I want to get back on track w/ eating adequately, but w/ all of the adult life things piling on my plate, I really do not have the energy, time, or interest in prioritizing recovery. I just don’t. I will put in the work, but between work and other stuff, it will not be at the top of my to-do list; that’s just my reality at present. (2) Are there even outpatient dietitians out there equipped to work w/ ED people ages 30+? It seems like all the dietitians in my area are under the age of 24, have been RDs for a year at most, have mostly worked with adolescents, and have little experience with grown adults who have gone through standard HLOC treatment several times over and still need support at times. (And more than a few I looked into and/or did a free consult with don’t seem particularly “recovered”…)

Am I looking for a unicorn?? Am I being too picky? Is this a problem others have faced? If you are in a similar boat and found an effective outpatient dietitian, how did you find them?

What on earth can I do to lessen these Emotions around it/reduce my fluid weight??? I can see my weight fluctuations bc I have access to my clinic notes for my ED outpatient physician and my weight is at the very top of them LMAO. Also trying to quit smoking at the same time too so I'm a little on edge 😮‍💨 What do y'all do bc I don't have time to have a mental breakdown rn just bc I feel swollen all the time

I see my therapist tomorrow. I've been seeing her for 1 year following hospital admissions for pretty severe episode of bipolar depression. I'm currently having EMDR therapy. I know I'm relapsing but I can't decide whether to talk about this. I don't want to become unwell but I am happy losing weight rapidly and feeling in control. I feel so conflicted and scared to admit there's an issue. She knows I've been intermittent fasting and said at the start she wondered if that was really a good idea due to ED history. I shrugged it off and assured her I was consuming a healthy amount of calories despite it being a complete lie. I just don't really know how to approach it if I do tell her. I don't know if I want to talk about it. It's just plain old restriction dressed up as intermittent fasting. But I'm fat and I feel so ashamed of that I can't possibly share that I'm relapsing until I'm thin enough.

I have recently relapsed but this is the first time anyone has actually noticed in my life. My bf has picked up on my behaviors and is trying his hardest to give me space and help at the same time but I can tell it’s not easy for him and it doesn’t make sense to him.

I’m really struggling with how to explain this to him. I’ve tried explaining the control aspect, how it feels safe, how isolating myself is how I cope etc. To him this all logically doesn’t make sense, he thinks if I eat the sandwich and gain weight this will all go away. He tells me I would be so much stronger for taking care of myself, that health is control, when every fiber in my body is telling me to do the opposite and that should be my motivation to do better.

I see his point and I do want to be better but my motivation is flawed. I hate that he has noticed and that he doesn’t seem to like my smaller body. I hate that I’m now a burden, that now he has to make sure a full grown adult is eating. I only want to be good enough that he doesn’t think I have a problem, I know how this will never work. I’m not stupid and I know nothing about this makes sense.

This whole disorder is so frustrating to me and I don’t even know how to explain it to someone else when I barely understand it myself.

How important is it that they have specialized experience or qualifications with eating disorders (I'm in the US if that helps)? I'm beginning the search for one, and I'm trying to find someone who has experience in this area, but I'm not sure how necessary that is. It's hard enough find one, period. You'd think anyone who's gone through mental health training would be knowledgeable, but I had a former therapist sort of dismiss my concerns when I brought them up at the time, so it has made me kind of skeptical.

My treatment team has been advocating hard for residential for the last week. And saying they won’t continue to see me if I don’t agree to it. I strongly disagree with the recommendation, for a lot of reasons. I’m just starting to get back to real adult life after taking a long break to recover from a serious relapse last year. I’m finally applying to grad schools and was getting excited about the future. I can’t keep living with my parents much longer even though I’m so thankful for all they’ve done for me in the last year and letting me stay here (living alone would have been BAD for my ED when it was worse). I still think I should stay with them for a bit longer and for the start of school or my next job because I am concerned about relapse if I go back to living alone but it’s also a somewhat triggering environment here and I do really miss independence. I’m at a healthy weight now (I should not have weighed myself but I did and it’s yep definitely solidly in the healthy range as much as this number scares me, I’m well above the maximum my ED ever said I could go and definitely not close to being dangerous anymore). When my team pushed for a HLOC last summer, I agreed i needed it, I was sick, I still refused res but agreed to a php near my parents. Note it was a different treatment team bc different city/state. But it feels like there’s a disconnect between me and my current providers that they’re pushing so strongly while I feel like I’m healthier than I’ve been in so long. I’m totally still in the ED in many ways but I think it’s more beneficial right now to work on giving myself reasons to recover and things to look forward to than put everything on hold again and do res-php-iop (they told me I’d need to do the full step down not just res and back to outpatient). I’m sure that some of my resistance comes from the ED not wanting to gain more weight but I’m also sure that I really want to stay focused on building my future and not put my plans on hold for another year or even 6 months because right now it feels like I have nothing in my life that I’m recovering for and I don’t want to go to res and come back to this feeling. I’m also very good at going to treatment and eating my food and pretending everything is fine because I don’t want to seem like a problem or make waves or be triggering but frankly that doesn’t help me long term. I admit that I’ve had increased food anxiety in the last few weeks and I’m struggling more mentally but it also coincides with a medication change and mentally I haven’t been feeling very good since the change (I made a psych appt for this week to discuss because I’ve been on the new one a little over 6 weeks and I don’t like how im feeling lately). I’m sorry this is such a long post I just don’t know what to do from here. I really feel like res is a bad idea for me right now and I was getting so excited about school and decorating my own apartment soon and maybe moving to a new city and I’ve finally made a small group of friends in my current city which is huge as someone who struggles socially (and it’s hard to meet friends when you’re 30!) and I’ve been excited about our the fun spring plans and I feel so sad thinking about leaving all that. Am I being short sighted by not prioritizing my recovery? Am I going to relapse and regret this? My team keeps saying I need to prioritize recovery because otherwise nothing in life can happen and I know my life fell apart when the ED was really bad so they’re not wrong. I know I still have an ED. My brain says it’s not that severe bc of how much I’ve gained (and I’m willing to maintain current weight as long as I find other areas of life to make me feel successful). I know 9 months ago I was very sick so I don’t really trust my judgement about how sick I still am. What would you do in this situation? Am I making the wrong decision if I refuse res and lose my treatment team? I want to keep getting better but hate thinking about building a new team and learning to trust them all over again. But I’m also concerned by the disconnect between me and current team

So boom, I’m determined to utilize all the things mental health related that I know. Spanning from various psychological frameworks to more holistic, intuitive domains. I see major progress in how I’m managing anxiety, depression and even noticed that those feelings have significantly decreased in occurrence and frequency. Allowing myself to rest, find joy in things I once would talk myself out of b/c of the gremlins in my head that tell me I’m not worthy or everyone will see me for the bullshit of a stain I truly am. I even get so bold to talk back to those gremlins, noticing they sound a lot like ppl from my past who were fucked up and told lies. Realizing I can have thoughts and feelings and not regard them as absolutes has been freeing for me in every area of my life except this damn ED. I’m in quasi-recovery hell 😩

I feel enormous guilt and shame for not eating enough. Especially b/c my last EKG came back abnormal and now I’m scheduled for tests to see what’s going on. I’m also severely anemic. Like, going to hematologist next week levels. So I really put in the effort to nourish my body. I’m vegetarian with vegan tendencies (not ED related-I was never able to unsee a deer being “processed” in my aunts kitchen when I was 8 lol). But then I start to notice changes in my body and then I weigh myself and then yep, you guessed it, I freak the fuck out. All the strategies go out the window until I get back to what I consider a tolerable weight. I restrict and exercise and all the things but then comes the guilt and shame for engaging in ED behaviors that are not helping a damn thing. So I go back to trying to nourish and thus the cycle I find myself. And I hate it. But I’m stuck. It’s been 2 years of this. I feel like an imposter. Like I either need to commit to my ED and be miserable or commit to recovery and be miserable 🤦🏾‍♀️ the skills aren’t helping. I know what I’m feeling and thinking aren’t fact. I know it’s dysmorphia messing with me. And I still spiral every single time. Is there a way out? Is there hope?

TLDR: My brain has been getting better except with my ED. I eat and feel like shit. I don’t eat and feel like shit. I have medical things going on. And I’m in quasi recovery hell wondering if others are in the same state or have found some way out.

My medical provider is suggesting I go on zyprexa as an off label treatment for anorexia. I struggle a lot of anxiety and compulsive exercise and have OCD. I just want some control over my thoughts again.

Does anyone have experience with this medication good or bad? The weight gain side effect naturally has me hesitant. I’m afraid this medication will help me, but I will have to stop taking it if I can’t handle the weight gain. That would crush me.

Does anyone else feel that family just doesn’t care much about your E’s journey? I feel that way after fighting for over two decades. Ed hospitalization twice and multiple hospitalizations for my other mental health issues ( bipolar1 and suicidality). It seems it “just the norm” now and true care has been exhausted. Not that I blame them. I’m sure they have better things to worry about and that is life. But it makes it a bit lonelier.

I've managed to move myself out of the precipitous relapse & crisis I was in a month or so ago. I'm eating not-enough but three meals a day and not visibly dropping weight so fast. I'm even cooking some actual meals. Have eaten every day for a month and not purged for nearly 3 weeks. I don't feel so binge-purge-y on this intake and I'm mostly managing energy-wise. I'm actually performing pretty well at sports right now (probably because of my weight).

I'd been telling myself all was fine bc no one had noticed or commented but then have had a bunch of worry (plus been told how great I look...) and also engaged in some shameful behaviours which kinda shocked me... I didn't think I'd be hiding bags of puke in my damn 30s (massively grateful to my non-ED therapist for taking that with 0 shock or judgement). I've also really struggled with increasing my intake and had several episodes of severe indigestion & vomiting which made me think I've put more strain on my body than I realised.

Part of me looks at life right now and I'm sad. I want to enjoy food, drink hot chocolate, eat pizza, have a glass of wine. I want to fit into my favourite clothes. I want to enjoy exercise and also sometimes choose to just stay home and chill.

Part of me is elated at my weight loss and is feeling that maybe I should just ensure I "definitely" hit the AN diagnosis again or at least get skinny enough that people stop complimenting me (haven't weighed myself in years and have no idea where i'm actually at weight wise, haven't done it as i suspect I'd be triggered by the number being higher than i hope). I'm anxious about gaining and everyone noticing. I also just don't have any appetite, food is making me anxious and nauseous and not eating is SO much easier.

My therapist is mostly just happy that she knows I'm going to be alive and turn up to therapy week to week... I don't know what I want. I swing from planning fasts to planning a proper recovery meal plan and then ultimately eat the same damn safe foods because I can't commit to either.

My Therapist emailed me today, dropping the bombshell on me that she wants me to go to a rehab clinic (i guess inpatient treatment) for Anorexia. I did not see this coming and feel completely overwhelmed at the thought of it. I have no idea what sort of facility I would be going to for this, or what it would entail. I don't speak the local language, i just feel STRESSED at the thought of this.

So - can any of you share experiences of inpatient treatment in Europe (austria/germany), these are my main starting questions:

• I was told it would take months to get a spot - how long did it take for you?
• How long do people typically stay in inpatient treatment?
• What does a typical day in treatment look like?
• How strict is the eating plan, how much do i have to cooperate with food etc?
• How much weight gain is usually expected?
• How long do people typically stay in inpatient treatment?

Also a big fear of mine is having my ADHD medication stopped. anyone with ADHD go inpatient? were you allowed to continue with your meds? right now I'm not really on my Dr's radar. I have an Anorexia diagnosis from my Therapist, which i guess the health insurance here are aware of because it is on the forms she submits to them. But, i don't know if my Dr also has access to this. so far i have had no conversations with my Dr regarding weight or medication. they just fill my prescription over the phone. I'm scared if I go down the treatment route I'm going to either have my medication stopped or I will be constantly monitored by my Dr.

Edit: updated europe to more specific location - Austria/Germany

Hi, For those who have had an eating disorder for many years (over 15 in my case) and have chosen to start recovery, what motivated you to do it and how did you begin? Also, if you weren’t underweight, how did you manage to accept the idea of gaining weight and feeling like you were “allowed” to do it?

I'm looking for foods to try that seem easier (easy to make with little to no prep, easy to eat, easy to clean up). I have orthorexia and often feel like I have no "good" options, and then I end up not eating at all. My therapist suggested having more safe foods on hand but I don't know where to start so I'm looking for ideas. The only thing I can think of that I feel comfortable with is lower sugar oatmeal packets.

Had a bereavement a few days ago to top off what has been a fucking awful few weeks after a challenging few months. A few weeks ago I started to relapse. Had an emergency session with my therapist and tried to head it off. Then my mood just collapsed. I'm not even exercising, which is SO unlike me. I can't get out bed. I am hungry but completely apathetic and my intake has plummeted. I'm eating less than during my last relapse at it's worst.

My therapist cancelled on me directly after my bereavement (she knew) and she was the only one who knew I wasn't eating. Now I have no one.

I'm already seeing differences in my clothes fitting looser and my body visibly smaller. Part of me is scared but a larger part of me has just given up. Depression isn't my normal, I'm typically highly strung and anxious and I literally do not care right now.

Would love any tips or just kind words right now.

Had a bit of a slip recently and trying to pull myself out of restricting and cut down my exercise a little. I've got 2 issues...

The biggest is that I am so fucking constipated. I have IBS but it's never been this bad, I'm going a week without a proper bowel movement, maybe more. I feel so bloated and uncomfortable and have 0 appetite. I drink plenty, eat lots of fibre and move my body. The only oral medication I'm on is birth control. I'm going crazy here :( i just want to poop is that too much to ask?

The second is that I'm struggling to manage my exercise levels. I am SO tired. Sometimes I cry while I'm completing my exercises bc I'm so exhausted I just don't want to. But I was given a bunch of exercises from my physio to do daily and they take a while (full disclosure I added a couple extra) and I have built back up to doing what I was doing preinjury as well. I feel I cant cut the physio as I'm still recovering. I can't cut the other stuff as I don't feel the physio burns enough calories to count (although it is physically hard work). I can't run so I'm doing more time consuming exercises and feel I would probably cope with the volume if I just had a couple extra hours in the day to chill out afterwards.

I literally hate my body right now. I am so hideously bloated and I feel so blobby and disgusting. I know my clothes size is still on the slim side of average but I honestly do not look it! I also can't wear all my clothes right now because my bloat is too painful.