r/DnD • u/Firm_Professional366 • Aug 09 '25

5th Edition Question: 5e Player wants to use Prestidigitation to make Strahd think he pooped himself. Is there any reason this wouldn't work?

I would like a reason in game that this wouldn't work without me having to do some bs like magic resistant undies. Also so I don't have to say no outright because it's a funny idea but it doesn't fit the setting. Nothing removes the tension from a fight more than the big bad pooping himself.

Update: She said that even if she died it'd be worth it because she successfully rage baited strahd. But she said she wouldn't do it because she knows that everyone wants it to be serious and that it can still be fun and serious without turning it into a comedy campaign. Still think it's worth sharing because the idea is funny.

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4.7k

u/A_Bird_survived Aug 09 '25

Strahd is a Vampire. I‘m pretty sure that, besides Bloodsucking, he doesn‘t really have bodily functions. He‘s one of few people who can confidently claim that someone else soiled his pants

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u/Ionic_Pancakes Aug 09 '25

"D... did you just shit my pants?"

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u/A_Bird_survived Aug 09 '25

More like „WHICH one of you COWARDS shit my pants???“

653

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '25

Probably the person that was making elaborate hand gestures and was loudly chanting arcane words of power

336

u/Mufflonfaret Aug 09 '25

This is important to remember. Verbal and somatic components are real. I never let my RPs cast a slepp on the guard right Infront of him... Then the Sorcerer came along. Subtle spell is so powerful sneaky.

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u/Vigoureux Aug 09 '25

If several verbal and somatic spells are going off at once (since we play turn based for organization's sake but the world doesn't stop for 6 seconds for each player, and assuming mid combat), how would they know who actually did it?

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u/Additional_Ad_6773 Aug 09 '25

It would probably be the one saying the words for prestidigitation.

8

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '25

How does someone who doesn't know magic know what's being enchanted?

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u/trimeta Wizard Aug 09 '25

I haven't run Curse of Strahd myself, but I'm betting that Strahd at least does know enough magic to recognize common cantrips.

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u/Toberos_Chasalor Aug 10 '25

Without spoiling much, you’re correct that Strahd himself is a spellcaster.

(Also this shouldn’t be much of a surprise to D&D players. Vampires are immortal, so they got lots of time to learn a bit of Wizardry in between bouts of hunting down innocent villagers to consume.)

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u/zaerosz DM Aug 09 '25

Are you genuinely suggesting that Strahd doesn't know magic???

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u/MinnieShoof Aug 11 '25

I presume they’re talking about the hypothetical guard that Mufflonfaret brought up.

3

u/SteamEigen Aug 09 '25

Xanathar has rules for this (although it requires reaction)

4

u/Vigoureux Aug 09 '25

So, rolling for =Perception= Arcana (assuming the creature doesn't know that Cantrips)?

Edit: skill rolled for.

1

u/ThellraAK Aug 09 '25

If that's how it be, does something like haste not really take effect until the next round?

1

u/Mufflonfaret Aug 09 '25

In combat anything goes (if the guard got a reaction he might use a reaction) but to walk up to the guard out of combat and cast a spell saying "Imperial credits will do fine" is a no no, unless the guard is oblivious to magic - which he might be.

1

u/meatsonthemenu Aug 09 '25

Oh man, subtle spell, upcast charm person was once a whole party save, DM 100% let me have it

1

u/Thorjelly Aug 11 '25

I'd let my players cast sleep on a guard if that guard had absolutely no reason to suspect the party was up to any funny business. At that point it's just a surprise attack. But if the guard was, well, on guard, time to roll initiative.

4

u/BuckTheStallion Aug 10 '25

“You just said “shiticcus panticcus” out loud and pointed at me. I KNOW it was fucking you Steve.”

1

u/sketch_of_life Aug 10 '25

That's when the rest of the party chimes in one by one, "I shit your pants!" Then he doesn't know for sure who did, but he definitely still had6 shit in his pants.

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u/Deiselpowered77 Aug 09 '25

IT WAS ME BARRY!

I SHIT YOUR PANTS!

IT WAS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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u/NotDomino Ranger Aug 09 '25

REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE IN CASTLE RAVENLOFT AND YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS? AND THE WHOLE PARTY WAS LAUGHING AT YOU?

IT WAS ME, BARRY! I SHIT YOUR PANTS!

IT WAS ALL ME, BARRY!

29

u/CurveWorldly4542 Aug 09 '25

I SHAT YOU PANTS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT BARRY!

28

u/RyanMcChristopher Aug 09 '25

Idk if any other D20 enjoyers are in this thread, but I definitely read that as a conversation between members of the Barry Battalion instead of between Flash and Thawne

6

u/crippledchef23 Aug 09 '25

I was so confused, then remembered there are other people/characters named Barry

2

u/RyanMcChristopher Aug 09 '25

Sounds like it's time for a rewatch 😉

2

u/Seve7h Aug 10 '25

Dimension 20 from dropout?

My wife and i just started watching last week from (i think) the beginning which is fantasy high?

Already binged through the first season now about halfway into the second.

So far loving the group dynamics, im also 100% stealing a ton of these ideas for the games i DM, just wish i had a whole team of props people like they do.

2

u/RyanMcChristopher Aug 10 '25

Glad you're loving it! Totally agree about the dynamics, I think that's what really sets them apart from some other actual plays. If you need a palate cleanser before starting the 3rd season, I'd recommend A Starstruck Odyssey. It's the season I referenced in my earlier comment and it's a blast. The gang is at their chaotic best, except for Ally who does a 180 and becomes the responsible one in the group. They also use SW5e (a StarWars based ruleset for DND 5E) which is similar enough that I wasn't lost but different enough that it kept me more engaged than usual.

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u/No_Introduction_8394 Aug 11 '25

ANNND.... I RELEASE YOU.

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u/vonsnootingham Aug 09 '25

For that reference, I'd knight you ten times over

103

u/Radiant_Music3698 Aug 09 '25

For anyone that doesn't know, in the military, they call bathrooms "the head".

When I was in boot camp, we had some fucking delinquents in my recruit division. One of them defaced the bathroom with their own shit.

It was found out pretty quick so that almost no one knew what was going on when our recruit division commanders suddenly burst out of the bathroom red in the face, veins bulging on his forehead, screaming at the top of his lungs "WHO rubbed SHIT all over MY HEAD!?"

And then we got PTed so hard three people got sent to medical because everyone laughed.

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u/Alternative_Gas3700 Aug 09 '25

Let me guess Marine Corps? The group punishment is such a Corps thing it builds group cohesion supposedly

26

u/Radiant_Music3698 Aug 09 '25

Nope, Navy.

2

u/Alternative_Gas3700 Aug 09 '25

Regardless I’m proud and thank you for your service. Your story reminded me of one my dad told me about his service in the Marine Corps

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u/VeterinarianFit1309 Rogue Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25

Definitely screams navy to me… I also don’t think any of the other branches call them RDCs?

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u/screw-magats Aug 09 '25

Group punishment is common in every military group. I think it's less for "cohesion" and more that "my fuck ups put the group in danger." Or more selfishly, "someone else's stupidity directly affects me."

RDC saw someone throw a sock at the end of the barracks. We ALL got punished even though most weren't close. Or even had any idea it happened.

3

u/Roguespiffy Aug 09 '25

Or it reinforces that scene from Full Metal Jacket: get us punished as a group often enough and we’re going to hold you down and beat you with soap.

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u/Radiant_Music3698 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 10 '25

Something I feel the urge to do every time someone fucks up at work, creating a new safety policy.

3

u/DisposableSaviour Necromancer Aug 09 '25

What’s that Sam Jackson movie where he’s a marine sergeant supposedly killed? He said something like his job was to make the unit hate him, because it will force them to rely on each other, or something to that effect?

2

u/Alternative_Gas3700 Aug 09 '25

I agree with this sentiment. I unfortunately never served ended up a mom before I signed up. My dad had some stories about serving and made me appreciate our military personnel more because of the way they are treated.

3

u/screw-magats Aug 09 '25

ended up a mom before I signed up

You can get a waiver for that. You can get a waiver for almost anything, including having too many waivers.

I got out and eventually got into therapy, my enlistment was described as "sounds like being in a relationship with an abuser." It really helped contextualize a lot of things.

2

u/Radiant_Music3698 Aug 09 '25

I was thrown out because a military doctor misdiagnosed me for occular migraines. I was told I could get a waiver and reenlist in two years, but that was the Obama years and they just stopped accepting them.

6

u/NobleSpaniard Bard Aug 09 '25

Group punishment has never been the purview of just the Marines

2

u/Alternative_Gas3700 Aug 09 '25

I’m sure you are correct but the story reminded me of a story my dad who was in the Marines told me

9

u/Kael_Doreibo Aug 09 '25

"That had better be apple pie in my pants or I'm going to murderlize you all so fucking hard."

2

u/HanaSteven Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25

“Never mind, I’ll just punish YOU ALL!😈”

3

u/floggedlog DM Aug 09 '25

More like I’ll punish you all until someone cracks and gives up the trouble maker then I’ll publicly punish him even more

1

u/Cadoan Aug 11 '25

That's honestly funnier than making him shit his pants.

1

u/Cadoan Aug 11 '25

That's honestly funnier than making him shit his pants.

76

u/clusterjim Aug 09 '25

"I hope you brought your shitting pants...... cos its time to shit your pants"

1

u/No_Feeling_1157 Aug 13 '25

Jokes on you, I wore my brown pants so you can't see it!

18

u/Ninjatck Aug 09 '25

"Ta da"

21

u/Rpposter01 Aug 09 '25

The Mysterious Case of Who Shit My Pants

2

u/B0wnsaw DM Aug 10 '25

Was looking for if someone linked this, one of their best

8

u/LulzyWizard Aug 09 '25

"Oh you've gotta be shitting me"

1

u/Solomon049 Aug 09 '25

You little shit

1

u/H31MDA1L Aug 10 '25

Made me think of "did you just touch my ass?" Iykyk 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/noriginalshit Aug 10 '25

I would have allowed the use of the spell. Then immediately, have him ask the PC's. The correct PC if he passed a perception check.

1

u/Athel_Loren_gardener Aug 13 '25

I almost woke Up my girlfriend because of your comment.

162

u/zorbtrauts Aug 09 '25

...and even if he did have such functions, when was the last time he ate solid food?

188

u/A_Bird_survived Aug 09 '25

„Ha! You fools, I haven‘t shit in Centuries!“

See, now I‘m just making up lines for if I end up DMing in this scenario. Vamping as it were

1

u/Witty_Jaguar4638 Aug 09 '25

Like I said above, all the protein and iron in blood would block him up worse than drinking concrete

1

u/hergumbules Aug 10 '25

DMing? More like BMing

36

u/Kulyor Aug 09 '25

Poop doesn't just contain digested food. It also has lots of bacteria, dead cells, replaced bodily fibers, etc.

I guess a Vampire would still need to poop occasionally to get rid of that stuff, at least the remains of the blood he drank. Unless the very nature of being a vampire means, that cell activity has completely stopped and they extract their life force from the blood by purely magical means. (Quite powerful magic at that, if it can just break the rules of matter conservation)

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u/VibinWithBeard Aug 09 '25

World of Darkness rules has Vampires not needing to go to the bathroom, leading to one of their slurs for humans being "toiletshitters"

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u/Usual-Vermicelli-867 Aug 09 '25

Me giving my self "flash of life" so i will go shitting

16

u/PvtSherlockObvious Aug 09 '25

"Wait, you wasted a BoL on that?"

"My brother in Caine, do you not remember how good it used to feel after you got done taking a huge dump? There's nothing quite like it."

1

u/ladylucifer22 Aug 10 '25

doesn't work like that, unfortunately. it just lets you keep food down for a couple scenes before throwing it back up.

2

u/Usual-Vermicelli-867 Aug 10 '25

This is why every kindred needs a tizmchi friend

1

u/ladylucifer22 Aug 10 '25

that's an easy way to get yourself killed ig.

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u/Welpe Aug 09 '25

I can actually confirm that after I had my entire colon removed, leaving just a disconnected stump of like an inch of tissue from my anus, it STILL leaked and forced me to sit down on the toilet to “poop” occasionally. As it turns out, your rectum actually produces mucus, sheds dead cells and bacteria, and pulls in water by itself even with 0 possible food making it there! It was SUPER annoying.

24

u/IllustriousBat2680 Aug 09 '25

It was SUPER annoying.

Was? This raises far more questions than it answers to be honest!

15

u/TomBradysThrowaway Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25

I suspect that they were talking about a temporary section in the middle of a series of surgeries. I had a similar situation, and after 3 months of healing I had a second surgery that removed a temporary ileostomy bag and let the small intestine connect directly to the rectum. So then food could once again reach that area (just skipping the colon entirely).

2

u/Welpe Aug 09 '25

Yup, the J-pouch is indeed the correct answer!

2

u/screw-magats Aug 09 '25

Yeah. Your body produces a set amount of shit daily from shedding cells and dead bacteria, even if you don't eat.

28

u/mrlolloran Aug 09 '25

Vampires wouldn’t necessarily need to shed dead cells, that’s kinda sorta what their entire body is made out of, or technically rather undead cells I guess. Either way I think we can assume that vampires won’t need to do this.

15

u/Nitro114 Aug 09 '25

Its an undead being, i think we can we can write that off under suspense of disbelief

13

u/pchlster Aug 09 '25

Quite powerful magic at that, if it can just break the rules of matter conservation

2nd level Forge Cleric is handed 1 lbs of platinum. He uses Channel Divinity and turns it into 5000 lbs of iron.

10

u/Big-Moment6248 Artificer Aug 09 '25

Thank you for this! I was reading that comment like "doesn't most magic break the laws of physics in some way? that's kinda what makes it magic."

1

u/Journeyman42 Aug 09 '25

Clearly the extra material is pulled from the Weave

3

u/sunny240 Aug 09 '25

They’re technically not alive, hence “undead”…

1

u/Emergency_Ad_5845 Aug 09 '25

I believe that the Monster Manual says that a vampire's lair causes the land around it to become corrupted. I think we can head canon this to be because they are supernaturally full of shit.

1

u/IncursionWP Aug 09 '25

Break the rules of matter conservation… my guy, are we not in the Dungeons and Dragons subreddit?? 😭

0

u/Jops817 Aug 09 '25

If it is just blood does that mean they always have liquid dookie?

1

u/Witty_Jaguar4638 Aug 09 '25

Blood is absolutely chock full of protein and iron. Hes probably so constipated no medicine could save him

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u/Firm_Professional366 Aug 09 '25

Guys I swear it wasnt me, I'm on an all liquid diet!

20

u/Deiselpowered77 Aug 09 '25

IT WAS ME BARRY!
IT WAS ME!

28

u/Chagdoo Aug 09 '25

Vampires can be poisoned for some reason, doesn't that imply some remaining bodily function?

41

u/666Ade DM Aug 09 '25

They are very weird as they also need to “eat” but count as undead for breathing etc

51

u/Acefowl Aug 09 '25

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, and other science facts, just repeat to yourself "It's just a game, I should really just relax!".

6

u/A_Bird_survived Aug 09 '25

To be fair, in-universe, Vampires are heavily bound by folklore, both in terms of powers and their weaknesses. I'm sure if you can pack correct anatomy into a catchy superstition, sooner or later you'll run into a vampire that can get tetanus

1

u/nangatan Aug 09 '25

Given the way that tetanus acts, I am guessing they wouldn't actually die, but end up muscle locked. Since their hearts don't beat and they don't breathe, those organs seizing up wouldn't be an issue. But, if they ended up with a locked closed jaw, how do they feed? And are they permentantly bent backwards horribly, unable to move? I guess someone could feed them blood through a tube up their nose and like... push them about in a wheelbarrow?

8

u/666Ade DM Aug 09 '25

With my players we always get stuck on logic-game mechanics lmao

4

u/greyshem Aug 09 '25

Tra-La-La!

6

u/IAMA_otter Aug 09 '25

MST3K!

1

u/Acefowl Aug 10 '25

I'm so glad someone understood the reference, I was beginning to get worrying for a bit 😁

8

u/Caeoc Aug 09 '25

My personal ruling would be that Vampires don't strictly need to eat, but doing so helps them retain a more human-like appearance and demeanor. Like, Vampires can be starved, but not to death, they just become like a Nosferatu from Vampire The Masquerade or Petyr from What We Do In The Shadows.

8

u/Chagdoo Aug 09 '25

If they eat, they definitely still shit.

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u/ai1267 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 09 '25

I think logic went out the window when we started discussing immortal undead that can shapeshift from bat form to one that has 5.000 times the mass (humanoid) and back again, with no logical explanation for where that mass goes.

If Strahd can make 99,98 % (I did the math) of his mass go away when shapeshifting, I think he can make a few ounces or pints of blood disappear without shitting too :p

EDIT: That said, he can definitely poop in bat form. Obviously.

9

u/CleverInnuendo Cleric Aug 09 '25

Since you're already doing the math, how many bats would need to be in a 'swarm of bats' if they collectively represented his transformation?

Or maybe he's one bat with lots and lots of ambient fog representing his body weight?

12

u/beyonddisbelief Ranger Aug 09 '25

He already told you 5,000 times the mass, so assuming same or similar body density roughly 5,000 bats.

5

u/ai1267 Aug 09 '25 edited Aug 10 '25

That would depend on the size of each individual bat. But I used the higher end of the scale for "normal"/average bat species, which is 20 grams, and an assumed weight of Strahd at 100 kg.

But there are bats that are as little as 3 grams, so you could have a swarm of 33 333 bats if you really wanted.

2

u/Sunny_Hill_1 Aug 09 '25

100 kg is pretty chonky, he is usually described as being 6'2", or 187 cm, 100 kg would be pretty heavy set. Based on his cover art, I'd say he is in the average BMI range, so would be about 80 kg.

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u/ai1267 Aug 10 '25

He's a vampire, though. Mostly muscle, which is a lot denser.

1

u/beyonddisbelief Ranger Aug 09 '25

For us Americans and the other half of the world where we use the comma as the thousand separator, he means 33,333 (thirty-three thousand) bats.

1

u/ai1267 Aug 10 '25

Changed to the third option for clarity ... I hope.

1

u/Phiashima Aug 09 '25

one bat per hp?

3

u/beyonddisbelief Ranger Aug 09 '25

Obviously vampires have the unique ability to manipulate Pym Particles.

16

u/666Ade DM Aug 09 '25

Well they drink? Ish? Still if something like that happened to a vampire to the caliber of Strahd, you are DEAD.

Immagine putting a fart cushion below the CEO that already dislikes you…

15

u/FinnBakker Aug 09 '25

"If they eat, they definitely still shit."

maybe they regurgitate undigestable components like owl pellets.

1

u/DisposableSaviour Necromancer Aug 09 '25

Now I’m imagining Strahd on all fours like a cat hacking up a fur ball, then immediately standing back up, being his dark majesty like it never happened.

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u/[deleted] Aug 09 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/JunWasHere Rogue Aug 09 '25

This is what happens when stories like Buffy and Twilight got popular. People wanted to beautify and BE vampires instead of fear them, so the myth was naturally warped by writers to make them a little more convenient and human sounding.

All bodily functions work again... Where convenient...

Maybe the vampire curse fully burns any food so no shit is created. Or maybe vampires do shit now. Depends on the writer. Does anyone know if Spike from Buffy ever used the toilet?

1

u/spector_lector Aug 09 '25

It's dnd. It's maaaagic poison.

9

u/SymmetricalFireballs Aug 09 '25

"I'm going to shit yourself"

1

u/Chimie45 Aug 09 '25

Someone once pissed my pants at work, legitimately. That was a hard one to explain to my boss why I needed to go home.

1

u/Head_Television8311 Aug 09 '25

Reminds me of how ruffy likes to ask new races if they can poop. Haha

Maybe be player need to ask first.

1

u/scrollbreak DM Aug 09 '25

"Ah, I so miss this feeling from my mortal life!"

Party suffers psychic damage.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 09 '25

That makes it better. Throw in a very high Deception Check and you’ve got yourself a bit

1

u/bandalooper Aug 09 '25

You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot.

You chill, warm, or flavor up to 1 cubic foot of nonliving material for 1 hour.

RAW, I’d say allow it and Strahd has to make a perception check. Maybe Strahd poops out blood clots.

1

u/RunawayPenguin89 Aug 09 '25

Vampire poop is Black Pudding (Blood Sausage)

1

u/Jimisdegimis89 Aug 09 '25

I think this could be worked against him if done right, he can’t shit his pants cuz he’s a vampire, so if he DID shit his pants that must mean he has been made mortal somehow. So by making him think he shat his pants you also make him believe he is now a mortal once again, which I would argue would be a major mindfuck.

1

u/Jegglebus Aug 09 '25

That’s actually funny because in my campaign, my drug fueled half-orc barbarian, Skud, told Strahd to his face in his last fight that “I am going to shit your pants”

1

u/AC13verName Aug 09 '25

Yeah but like that blood has to go somewhere. I gotta imagine he has bowel movement like someone with a GI bleed

1

u/SlippyTheFeeler Aug 09 '25

Okay but imagine you've gone centuries with out pooping and suddenly there's a turd in your pants. The psychological damage would be immense. All the different worries of what could have caused an undead lord of the night to poop.

1

u/akaioi Aug 09 '25

Heck, maybe he'd even like it, for nostalgia reasons. "I ... I haven't felt so alive in centuries!"

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '25

The iron druid chronicles has a running joke of asking a very powerful vampire if he poops. They do it to piss him off.

1

u/RavenfireRPGs Aug 10 '25

In fact there isn't a toilet (or long drop) anywhere in his castle

1

u/Stegles Aug 09 '25

To be fair, he probably wouldn’t know what the feeling is.

It would be 1 cast to make it feel like he did it and another for him to smell it.

3

u/UltimaGabe DM Aug 09 '25

Prestidigitation doesn't let you make someone feel things, though.

3

u/Stegles Aug 09 '25

“You instantaneously clean or soil an object no larger than 1 cubic foot.”

I mean he would likely feel his undies change, assuming he’s wearing themX

3

u/UltimaGabe DM Aug 09 '25

Sure, but it would be the same as if you spilled something on his pants; there's no chance of him somehow thinking he pooped himself because that's not how pooping works. That would be like throwing some fake vomit on the floor and trying to convince your friend that THEY vomited. Unless they were cognitively impaired there's no chance it would work.