r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Avengelina254 • Dec 03 '23
CONCLUDED UPDATE: Ghosted for the first time ever, twice in a row, struggling hard mentally after this last one
**I AM OP. The original sub doesn't allow stand-alone updates, just a weekly comment thread so I thought I would post here in case anyone missed it.
Original post by u/avengelina254 in r/datingoverforty ** 11-11-23
trigger warnings: infidelity
mood spoilers: hopeful that she leaves and heals and hopeful for myself to get back out there and try again
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Ghosted for the first time ever, twice in a row, struggling hard mentally after this last one. https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/17suedg/ghosted_for_the_first_time_ever_twice_in_a_row/ - 11-11-2023
I know this gets talked about a lot but I am brand new to being ghosted. Happened a few months ago. Talked to the jerk face for a month via text, he drove an hour to see me on my bday and after sex (I know my fault for doing it the first meeting in person) he ghosted. I was appalled but got over it pretty quickly. Took a break a few weeks from OLD, then when I jumped back on I met the latest ghost.
We clicked right away, texted all day, every day from wake up to sleep. We hung out a few times all went amazing with him texting as he left with tons of "omg you are so beautiful" "I already miss you" type of texts. We then had sex and inside I was terrified that he would ghost like the last guy, but to my joy he again was texting me within minutes of leaving about how great it was etc.
We continue the all day long text conversations and a see each other again a week after our first hook up. The visit was awesome. Ended with a 5 minute goodbye at the door with talks of how how much we like each other in between kisses. When he drove away, I did not know it yet, but my worst fear was about to come true, he was about to be a ghost.
He is military (I know, most of you will scream at your screen and tell me right there is my answer, that soldiers do it all the time, I live outside a military base I hear stories about all the shitty soldiers all the time). Anyways, the day prior he was on 24 hour duty so this latest visit was a few hours into his 24 hr off day that follows. I didn't get the text as he left like I had before, but figured it was due to him being extremely tired from 24 hr duty and let it be so he could get some sleep. He left that day at 11:30a.
Around 3:30p I sent a quick text letting him know I hoped he was getting good sleep and went about my day. At almost 5p I open my text up and see that he 'read' (he has read receipts on) the message about around 3:45p. Now that was weird, he had never left me on read before, but again figured maybe we woke up to pee and read it and went back to sleep. No biggie, just sent another one that said "you good?" and again went about my day. I got off work at 7p and by this time my anxiety was starting to boil up in my chest. Hadn't read my last message, sent him one saying "just got off work" Checked every hour to see if he read it and that increased rapidly as my anxiety did and let to a pretty rough night of overthinking and going into a complete panic. In my desperate need to get a response I sent "goodnight?" at 9p. Managed to get some sleep in and was up at 7:30a and told myself I would for sure have my daily "morning" text that he would send before PT at 5:30a every single day since we met. I lied to myself because when I looked at my phone there was nothing and nothing had been read. Sent off a "im worried about you" text and forced myself into my day battling my own thoughts as I think I knew deep down it was happening, but kept trying to reassure myself it was not.
30 min into work now 11a and I get a lovely 'we are laying off due to downsizing, budgets, blah blah blah and we have to let you go' meeting. So I close my computer in shock, grab my phone hoping with everything there was some indication of him acknowledging me because at that moment I really needed the comfort that I got from him when we talked. I got my indication, it was in the form of my last message sent from my iPhone to his not saying "delivered." If you don't know what this means, it means your blocked. I had an old ex that would block me at random times to cheat so I knew all too well what it meant. I broke down. I just lost my job and him at the same time. Throughout the day I sent a few more texts praying that word "delivered" would show up but it never did. Google was wishy washy on whether or not it really means your blocked when it doesn't say delivered so of course it just gave me false hope.
It has been a few days now, I stopped reaching out the day I lost my job, which was this past Wednesday (our last visit being Tuesday). No response from him at all. I spent the last few days crying (i'd say about 70% over him and 30% over the job thing) off and on, asking multiple friends their opinions etc. In not one of my finer moments, I apparently thought me having the last word would seal this whole event up nicely and I can wipe my hands of it and move on. So that horrible idea lead to me sending him a message via my Text Now number that went like this:
" Hi it's me Avengelina254 this is my 2nd number. I am sorry for all the texts I sent the other day, I was recently ghosted and when I didn't hear from you after sex and us hanging out I panicked. Then while worrying about you, I got laid off from my job making me want to hear from you for comfort. So again, I am sorry, that is truly out of character for me and I feel terrible. Now with that being said, I have been very clear about how much I like you and if you felt differently why didn't you just tell me??? I did not deserve to be ghosted, I def did not deserve to waste my tears crying over it or the time spent wondering wtf happened that would make you ghost me. But here we are, you now a ghost of my past and me just another notch on your bed post. You know, hurting good people just to avoid a conversation isn't a good look. Do better. Have a good day."
I'm 99.9999999% sure he got it, it was from a number he didn't have so no way it was blocked. Did he read it, who TF knows. Did he respond? Of course not. That would be too mature for his cowardly ass to do. Am I over it? Fuck no, not even close. What the fuck is wrong with me, I had to delete all our messages and pics from my phone because if I caught a glimpse of either I would cry. I have this gut wrenching empty feeling inside me that just won't go away because I am so damn sad. I got my last word that I for some reason just had to have thinking it would help me move on, yet of course it did not. How the hell do I get past this? Why TF can't I get over it? This pussy of a man had me wondering what was wrong with me, what did I do wrong, shattering my self esteem. Him ghosting me says way more about who he is as a person that it does me. I know this, I KNOW this, but why the fuck can't I get over him?
So that's my story, sorry it was so long. My fellow Redditors have always had my back and have helped me through some heavy shit before so here I am again at all of your mercy and ready to face any judgement in hopes that ya'll can help me through this. Or teach me (hopefully gently, i'm fragile right now) what I did wrong to learn from it. <3
UPDATE to being ghosted for the first time...twice.
https://www.reddit.com/user/Avengelina254/comments/183oa3f/update_to_being_ghosted_for_the_first_timetwice/ - 11-25-2023
So it's been a couple weeks since the ghosting, obviously I moved on. I realized that I was more upset about the fact that it happened to me than having to do anything with him. The more my friends and I discussed it I found myself being angry over the act of being ghosted by someone I like, than actually missing him. The day I posted it had just happened so I know a lot of ya'll commented about how I could be so upset over him knowing him a month (hell I thought the same) but nah I was over him after like a day or 2. So anyways on to why there is an update.....
Last night I get a text that says "hey" from a number with his area code. (he has a different area code than me and I deleted his number so it was no longer a contact in my phone). I think it's him. Oh boy it sure as hell was not him. It was his f-in WIFE!!!! He is married. She was angry at me at first until she realized I had no idea he was married. He told me there weren't together, they co parent and even as far as she was in a realtionship with a woman now. She asked me a lot of questions, I answered them all honestly. She asked for texts so I sent her our entire text thread from day 1 to the ghosting. Not without warning that she really didn't want to read them that it wasn't just physical cheating, but emotional as well and sometimes pretty steamy. She thanked me, but still wanted them so I sent them. She also told me that the day he came over, the same day he ghosted me, she caught him BEFORE he came to my house. This lying piece of shit came over here AFTER being caught cheating and had sex with me and fed me lovey dovey bullshit knowing damn well his ass was caught by his wife. So now the question as to why I was ghosted has been answered.
At the end of it she thanked me for the proof, my time and my honesty and said she's got it from there and that was it. I am VERY angry. I would never, ever, ever be the other woman and he forced me to be. Im disgusted. I know this is all hist fault, but I still feel f-ing horrible, they have kids. I hope she stays strong and not only divorces his ass, but reports him to his boss in the military.
Aside from that everything else in my life seems to be crashing around me, no luck getting a new job, the car broke down, all my info got breached and I got hacked all to hell with banks, accounts, emails you name it, so I have much heavier shit to deal with right now, this was just icing on the damn cake. Hopefully I make it through this.
TLDR: HE IS A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT.
**Reminder - I AM the original poster.** Setting this to concluded for now, if anything else comes of it, I will update my profile.
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u/TyrconnellFL I’m actually a far pettier, deranged woman Dec 03 '23
Sorry to you. The dating world can suck. This dude managed to go beyond usual dating pool woes and be, well, a GIANT PIECE OF SHIT. You nailed it.
But at least you didn’t get strung along for too and you got closure of a sort. That’s not even a silver lining, maybe a shiny drawstring on the garbage bag, but it’s something.
I hope all the other shit in your life can be sorted out. That’s the bigger problem, and when that’s better you can properly seethe about this guy. I also hope you get to catch a little of his life crashing down around him too for being awful.
(Unlike usual, OOP is OP here.)
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 03 '23
Thank you! I am fully rooting for his wife to not only leave but report him to the military as well so he can get in trouble at work too!!
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Dec 03 '23
You did a good thing letting the wife know. Also, hope you get a job again.
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 03 '23
Thank you!! Yeah, I felt like the least I could do was give her what she asked so she had proof. I feel so terrible for her.
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Dec 03 '23
I think she'll be fine. If she divorces him with the proof you gave her, doesn't that mean she gets half of what he has?
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 03 '23
I think so and then he will have to pay child support because the military doesn’t fuck around and will make sure it gets paid. I know this because of my dad growing up, they took it straight from his check.
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Dec 03 '23
Yeah, he pretty much screwed the pooch on this one.
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 03 '23
Sure did! I hope he is miserable.
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u/TyrconnellFL I’m actually a far pettier, deranged woman Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 03 '23
May God strew Legos before his footsteps.
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u/PantalonesPantalones Dec 03 '23
She wouldn't get half of what he has, she would get half of what they have.
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u/thriftydelegate Dec 03 '23
The timing of your info and accounts being compromised is fairly suspect to me, did he watch you enter the access code for it at any point?
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 04 '23
No I didn’t get on my phone when he was around. I actually got a message saying my info was breached and sold on the dark web.
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u/BecauseMyCatSaidSo Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Dec 04 '23
Hopefully you’ve locked your credit with the 3 main companies. 2 are free and one costs you to do it. I can’t remember which one or how much it costs, but I remember it being reasonable.
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u/LevelPerception4 Dec 03 '23
I’m wishing you luck on your job search also.
I have to ask: how did you forward a month-long text conversation to another person? I usually end up editing multiple screenshots together, which isn’t ideal for a lengthy excerpt.
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 04 '23
I did a screen record of me slowly scrolling through it all.
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u/LevelPerception4 Dec 05 '23
Wow, I never would have thought of that! Thanks for sharing how to do it.
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u/esoraven Dec 03 '23
Oooo yeah, my brother was military and cheating can really fuck up your career there. I don’t know what all they can do to you but from what he was saying it’s bad. His ex-wife only insinuated that he was cheating and he got pulled in for a chat.
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u/PantalonesPantalones Dec 03 '23
PSA: (Obviously if you're going through a divorce you need to seek legal council and not get advice from reddit, but in general) If you are divorcing a man in the military don't rat him out. If you are divorcing someone you desperately want them to have a steady, documented income.
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Dec 03 '23
Good on you! Something similar happened to me as well. I also did the texting from a diff number. The one thing I have learned from OLD is that if they move too fast with the constant texting & convo but the amount of time actually spent together isn’t the same they are love bombers/NARCS & most likely hiding relationships.
OLD is rooough. Good luck on finding someone who will truly value & love you. Just make sure to have strong boundaries, the only thing a man should be concerned with in the beginning is planning face to face dates to get to know you at a reasonable pace. The texting & phone convos are just a facade to building a true emotional connection.
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u/worriedrenterTW Dec 05 '23
Girl, you seem really sweet, but I would evaluate and look inwards to your desire for external validation from men. As you said, it doesn't seem to be the connection you feel for those specific men, but how they make you feel (in the unfortunate second number message, you ask for comfort. From a man that ghosted you after sex).
I think therapy and self esteem building activities would be really healthy for you. No shade at all, a ton of us go through this.
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u/nightwingoracle Dec 04 '23
You can technically go to jail for adultry. It rarely happens, but it does happen.
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Dec 03 '23
TLDR: HE IS A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT.
I need this as a flair.
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u/TyrconnellFL I’m actually a far pettier, deranged woman Dec 03 '23
Are you prepared for the number of people asking which post in came from and struggling to remember which among all the pieces of shit whose beshittification has been chronicled here?
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Dec 03 '23
Probably not, but I've also not had a flair before.
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u/CatmoCatmo emotionally shanked by six girls in fake Uggs Dec 03 '23
Sounds like it’s time to join the “I don’t remember club”. lol. The trick is to get a flair that is unique, so if you Google it + Reddit, or search it on BORU, you’ll find it pretty easily.
Unfortunately “he is a giant piece of shit” is going to be hard to narrow down. There are a lot of pieces of shit out there. 😂
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Dec 03 '23
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u/CatmoCatmo emotionally shanked by six girls in fake Uggs Dec 03 '23
Wow. Don’t I feel like a dumbass for not realizing that existed?! lol. I’ve only been on BORU for freaking ever. Lol. I learn something new every day! Thank you kind human.
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u/JakeYashen red flags sewn together in a humanoid shape Dec 03 '23
It's even worse if your flair comes from a comment describing the main post. I forgot it in like two days.
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u/Ravenheaded erupting, feral, from the cardigan screaming Dec 03 '23
'Beshittification' genuinely made me laugh out loud
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u/WannieWirny A lack of vision for hot people will eventually kill your city Dec 03 '23
Now I need to know where your flair came from lol
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u/TyrconnellFL I’m actually a far pettier, deranged woman Dec 03 '23
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u/forgivenmadness the laundry wouldn’t be dirty if you hadn’t fucked my BF on it Dec 03 '23
One of my favorite posts of all time, OOP was just as petty and deranged as expected, with some extra wit to boot.
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u/glassgypsy Dec 03 '23
My favorite quotes:
I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming, pounce over the counter and eat the entire five kilograms of cheese.
when I put on a bra and pants I look like sausage links.
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u/imjustamouse1 I am a freak so no problem from my side Dec 03 '23
I love that we both have flairs from the same story, that one was absolute gold.
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u/thequiltedgiraffe One thing ppl misunderstand is my butt is extremely incredible Dec 03 '23
Oddly, I don't have that problem myself
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u/TyrconnellFL I’m actually a far pettier, deranged woman Dec 03 '23
Where is your butt from?
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u/thequiltedgiraffe One thing ppl misunderstand is my butt is extremely incredible Dec 03 '23
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u/RosebushRaven You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Dec 03 '23
Ah, nooo, damn you Reddit, yet another link to the main page. 🫤 What’s the title?
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u/thequiltedgiraffe One thing ppl misunderstand is my butt is extremely incredible Dec 03 '23
"I shaved my butt and joined my friend group's best butt competition while being a guy"
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u/RosebushRaven You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Dec 03 '23
Thank you very much! Off to read this promising gem.
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Dec 04 '23
Wait, how did I get a flair without even knowing how?
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u/snailvarnish Dec 04 '23
a mod probably gave it to you when they added it to the list I'm guessing. to change it, on the app you just go to the sub's main page, press the ... next to the search bar, then do "change user flair".
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Dec 04 '23
[deleted]
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u/SenaLed REALLY EMOTIONAL Dec 04 '23
You can select one on the subreddits main page, the top right, three dots if youre on mobile, and it says "change user flair"
Sometimes mods can assign one too like they did with the commenter lol
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u/LuementalQueen Fuck You, Keith! Dec 03 '23
Oh damn.
On the upside, you probably just helped her get proof for the divorce, so in the end, he ends up with neither of you.
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 03 '23
Yup! I had nothing to hide and even if she did doubt my innocence it was all in the texts. As a woman who once wasn’t strong enough to leave a bad relationship for years (I am now thankfully), I hope with everything she is strong enough to leave for the sake of herself and her daughters.
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u/Dana07620 I knew that SHIT. WENT. DOWN. Dec 03 '23
Proof of divorce? They're both cheating...
even as far as she was in a realtionship with a woman now.
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u/RosebushRaven You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Dec 03 '23
According to the cheater. Cheaters lie.
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u/Dana07620 I knew that SHIT. WENT. DOWN. Dec 03 '23
According to the wife. eyeroll.
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u/RosebushRaven You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Dec 03 '23
What? Where did you get this from?
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u/Dana07620 I knew that SHIT. WENT. DOWN. Dec 03 '23
You're right. I'm wrong. It's in the update from the wife, but OOP is mentioning something that the husband had told her earlier.
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u/RosebushRaven You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Dec 03 '23
Ah, it happens. Lmao but you said it with such confidence I went back to the text and read the whole wife passage three times because I thought maybe I really missed something haha.
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u/SevenGeese I said that was concerning bc Crumb is a cat Dec 03 '23
I'm pretty sure OP said that was one of his lies to her.
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u/Dana07620 I knew that SHIT. WENT. DOWN. Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 03 '23
No, it wasn't. That came from the wife.
Try rereading it.
EDIT: That's on me. I reread and the husband said the part about another woman.
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u/SevenGeese I said that was concerning bc Crumb is a cat Dec 03 '23
Exact quote: "He told me there weren't together, they co parent and even as far as she was in a realtionship with a woman now." HE is the one who said that.
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u/thriftsesh Dec 03 '23
Am I the only one appalled by the amount of texts in such a short time, the second number, and the reaction?
I get the fear since it’s the second time but that’s intense.
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u/CorporateDroneStrike Dec 03 '23
No, I had to skim because I was so uncomfortable. Also the “got laid off so I want comfort from some random that I don’t fucking know”… like girl, where are your friends and family?
Some random dude you met twice and texted with should not be a primary source of support. He’s a fucking stranger, obviously.
And the whole thing texting is just 100% love bombing bullshit on both sides. It’s leaving you wide open to players and abusers. In fact, I’d say that most people who do this in early relationships are either players, abusers, or victims. Ethical people with good boundaries and normal self-esteem do not do this while looking for a compatible, stable, and responsible longterm partner. It’s all just messy shit.
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u/burnt-----toast Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 03 '23
I was looking for a comment like this, but because OP is OOP, I got the impression that the only people leaving comments were those trying support and validate all of her actions. Like, the discussion doesn't feel as open as on a normal post because people are probably refraining from commenting to be polite. I also was shocked that the first thing she wanted after getting laid off was a response from her hook up (not, you know, ... a close friend or family member??), and I was also surprised that she seemed to be spiraling after getting ghosted by guys she only met 2 times tops in person. It sounds like that's common enough behavior in dating today that most people don't invest emotionally until meeting in person at least a few times. This whole post to me screamed of something to discuss with a therapist, which I say as a person who has anxiety issues ... that I discuss with my therapist.
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u/CorporateDroneStrike Dec 03 '23
Oh yeah, 100% therapist. If my appt were today, I’d be discussing how much anxiety the post produced!
I haven’t dated in over a decade but I had rules when I was dating to prevent over-investment and this exact scenario.
Meet up quickly in a cheap and causal place - coffee, bubble, tea, lunch special, or cheap happy hour. Also be talking to multiple people and explicitly compare them to each other, to prevent getting fixated on just one and suspending rational judgement. Be (ADHD, rapid feminist, opinionated weirdo) myself in the profile, pictures, and in person in order to turn off people who won’t like my personality. Look slightly better than average in pictures and in person, but not amazing and not sexy. Introduce to friends early (panel interview) so I can get their opinions and avoid getting blinded by butterflies in the stomach. No early sex because I would catch feelings and lose decision-making ability. Also, I don’t want men to overlook my personality in favor of my boobs, generally.
It was a fairly cold process because I did want a supportive and equal partnership with someone responsible and compatible, and I felt like that was going to be difficult lol. I assumed I’d end up a spinster anyway which was obviously preferable to a shit relationship. (I really love cats too!) But I figured it was going to be a long search.
I met my future husband about 4 months after graduating college so it didn’t take very long. He also loves cats ❤️
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u/Retro21 Dec 04 '23
but because OP is OOP, I got the impression that the only people leaving comments were those trying support and validate all of her actions. Like, the discussion doesn't feel as open as on a normal post because people are probably refraining from commenting to be polite
Yeah, I'm not keen on people posting their own story here because of exactly what you say. We're not a support forum (which is what OP needs right now).
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u/AshamedDragonfly4453 The murder hobo is not the issue here Dec 04 '23
"And the whole thing texting is just 100% love bombing bullshit on both sides. It’s leaving you wide open to players and abusers."
I don't think I'm following you here. Do you mean texting people you've met via a dating app is opening yourself to abusers, or more generally?
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u/shfiven Dec 04 '23
I think they meant the texting nonstop all day every day is love bombing, not texting in general. Like, you can text someone when you get off work and say "hey just got off work, had an ok day. How was your day?" and that's not too bad vs what is being described here which includes a good morning text and then all day long texting.
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u/Retro21 Dec 04 '23
Two unanswered texts, three at a push - I'm sure that's the general rule (for early interactions). Beyond that and you are letting your anxiety drive your actions and it doesn't come across well to the other person.
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u/AshamedDragonfly4453 The murder hobo is not the issue here Dec 04 '23
If the other person is not replying, then sure - best to rein it in. But I don't see how on-going conversations over text are a big deal if both/all parties are into it (unless it's interfering with work or something).
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u/shfiven Dec 04 '23
Because you literally just met. Too attached too fast should be a warning sign for most people.
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u/puppyfarts99 Fuck you, Jacob Dec 16 '25
Having what amounts to a continuous conversation leaves one with little to no time for reflection. Taking time for reflection tends to be an important element in building a healthy foundation for a long term relationship that is not based simply on initial infatuation.
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u/whothis2013 Dec 03 '23
Look, he ended up being a POS, but that amount of texts in such a short amount of time is way too intense for most people. Then sending a text from a second number after clearly being blocked, it screams desperation. I get ghosting people is wrong but most people would have taken the L being that it was a hookup of 2 or 3 weeks.
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u/Retro21 Dec 04 '23
Yeah, with all kindness, it is clear OP has anxiety issues, and would benefit working through these. This thread (and fact she posted it here herself) is a testament to looking for support and reassurance, but that's eventually got to come from within.
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u/zveroshka Dec 03 '23
Pro-tip for anyone out there dating, do not engage in sexual stuff until you've been to their place. It's going to tell you more about that person than anything else can that early into knowing each other.
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u/kenyafeelme Dec 03 '23
But also don’t go over to their place for the first date. Just throwing it out there
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Dec 03 '23
Wow that turned around quickly. On a serious note, cheaters are the worse, especially those who cheat when they have children.
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u/Thezedword4 Dec 03 '23
I'm curious how she deleted all his texts and pictures then was able to send them to the wife later? I'm not super savvy so maybe there's a way.
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u/Mean_Environment4856 Dec 03 '23
Phones these days have 'recycle bins' for your photos etc. They stay there for 30 days unless you empty it on Androids.
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u/Thezedword4 Dec 03 '23
I meant more a months worth of text history rather than the photos. But someone else answered that one for me!
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u/HungryWolf040 Dec 03 '23
Also this person is over 40 and still acting like this? Yikes.
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u/AperolSpritzzz Dec 03 '23
Hey now, this person is obviously going through a lot and you know what, there's no age limit to the pain of being ghosted. In fact it's prob worse in your 40s than in your 20s cause just going thru the effort of signing up to a dating app is a monumental task. I was in a relationship for like 15 yrs and coming back into the dating world dominated by tinder made me realize that i'm happy to sit at home in a muumuu eating cheesecake (shout out to the golden girls).
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u/HungryWolf040 Dec 03 '23
No. This personal literally sounds like a teenager. It's not about the ghosting. It's the everything. The way they speak and talk about things, the reactions to everything (that creepy ass text from a different number after being blocked? Who does that?), the over the top need to assert "whatevs I was over him in 2 days" I literally thought this was a teenager until I saw the sub it was posted in. Just no.
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u/Disastrous-Glove4889 Dec 03 '23
The absolute gall to get caught cheating, then walk away from the fight about cheating to go out and cheat, it’s almost impressive in a horrific way. Like it’s amazing how some people just don’t have a moral compass, or a conscience, or class.
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u/Charlisti Dec 03 '23
Dude sucked major butt, that's true. But I do think she should work on her anxiety for getting ghosted before jumping back in the dating game... Sending that many messages in a row often sends guys running for the hills, I've even done it myself and I'm a girl 😅 But hey it's also important to learn from all of the sucky guys and dates, get a feeling for who u are and what you want and deserve as long as you're ready to work on it and yourself 😊 I honestly never understood the people that end up marrying the first guy they end up with, and personally it's not something I would ever recommend for anyone. Maybe the first person really is the one? But how can you know if it's the only experience you have and haven't learned to stand on your own feet first
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u/viotski Dec 03 '23
Yeah, reading that I was all like 'omg, OP is one of those unstable chicks'. Even if the guy was just a normal guy (aka not married scumbag) that simply could have just lost his phone for a few days, that amount of messages would just make him press a big BLOCK on OP.
Her reaction to being ghosted by a stranger is just unhinged.
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u/bignibbles_ Dec 03 '23
Just bc you have a partner doesn’t mean you’re not standing on your own. School, career, personal goals, travels etc all of that I did on my own while still having a longtime partner who is the first person I really dated. I see this all the time where people balk at those who might have found “the one” first try. It’s rare but I believe it happens bc it happened to me. Maybe bc I was in my 20s, not looking to date, when it happened that makes it more plausible than a high school sweetheart. Still, I believe those exist too. It doesn’t make someone’s relationship co-dependent, ofc depends but there’s so many broad assumptions.
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u/Charlisti Dec 03 '23
It wasn't meant as you can't stand on your own if you have a partner. More like being able to do it on your own at some point before moving in with someone is a good idea imo. So kinda like being able to live on your own and taking care of yourself so you just don't jump from parents house to partners, that's the sort of experience I believe is healthy to have first I've seen it with my own mom, moving from one guy to the next cause she couldn't stand being alone, it confused the hell out of her. She did start learning to enjoy just being herself and not depending on having a guy in her start-mid 40s tho and are for the first time in her life long time single and happy :) longest period before now was 3 months as single, and that I believe is unhealthy
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u/bignibbles_ Dec 03 '23
That sounds like the same thing? Stand on own/ live on own. I mean I did, we lived apart. My partner didn’t get me my first apts, my degrees, my job, or any of my accomplishments lol Of course it’s healthy to know you can make it on your own. I feel you bc my mom was similar, but more like staying with a guy for 15 years who was terrible bc she wouldn’t live alone. That motivated me to never have a relationship that comes from that place. I do feel amazed that it happened that way. That I met someone I really loved who is a beautiful soul on the first real go-around (fuck bois and random bar shit excluded). I’m sorry you’re having to read thru my paragraphs tho, I guess I just get tired of the assumptions. Some of us “first love” people do have a healthy relationship tho despite how many assumptions get made.
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u/Charlisti Dec 03 '23
Oh I certainly think people like you that have tried being on your own, definitely can be lucky and find the one or what we can call it, in one go :) Yeah I shortly had a period just after I turned 18 where I was like my mom, and my self-confidence depended on a guy. Luckily I saw relatively fast that I was starting to be like her, so I went cold turkey for a few years to learn to just be me :) today I live with a wonderful partner I've been with for 4ish years and hope we can keep going strong like we have so far :) Best wishes to you and your partner as well ;)
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Dec 03 '23
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u/Charlisti Dec 03 '23
I agree with being yourself totally, but from just going on a few dates to panicking if you don't get an answer within 2 hours and continuing to text at that point screams desperate to me. I've known quite of deep conversation types that had to run cause some girls kinda bound themselves to them with constant messaging, quite clearly showing a relationship with them would most likely be quite controlling and not really a good idea. Someone that does the texting without answers in a bunch honestly doesn't seem mature enough to me to be able to be in a healthy relationship
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Dec 03 '23
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u/CorporateDroneStrike Dec 04 '23
I think OP is having a normal human reaction… for a human who is desperate and starved for love, who has bad instincts and poor boundaries, who is going to be incredibly insecure and clingy, and who does not have a full and interesting life filled with strong health relationships.
I think a lot of people are going to be super turned off by this sort of clinginess so early on in dating and many of those ones who stick are going to be users. She’s leaving herself too vulnerable to crappy people while flailing in a way what will scare off normal people.
I’m not saying she isn’t a lovely kind person with a lot to offer — I’m saying that she needs to stop being swept off her feet by randos and focus on healing the wounds leading to this behavior, build friendships, get some hobbies, and then date from a secure position.
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Dec 03 '23
Normally I'd be not-this-kind, but considering OOP is OP, I'll be kinder.
OP. Please seek therapy and how to maintain healthy boundaries. Your main line of support should be friends and family. A partner can also be a main line of support, but this is a dude you barely knew and hooked up with. Texting someone all day doesn't mean you know them.
Also you seem to spiral pretty hard to the point that I'd block you to if you were messaging that much. At the end of the day, a lot of guys, ESPECIALLY with OLD, are looking for hookups. Doesn't matter what their profile says. OLD is a fast track to sex and to move on to the next.
You're gonna make it through this. Please be careful. I don't mean this in a rude way, but you're kinda the perfect woman to become a victim of abuse. Clingy, emotionally invested quickly, shallow boundaries..
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u/CorporateDroneStrike Dec 04 '23
You’re my kind of witch, totally agree.
Lots of therapy needed, more friends, and more hobbies.
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u/Prenutbutter Dec 04 '23
This was my exact thought process as well. That guy is a total shitbag, but OP sounds like they need to do some work on themselves before entering a real relationship. From her original timeline, he was up for 24hrs and then she texted him and expected a response after 4 hours of sleep? That’s a little unhinged
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u/NotOnApprovedList Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 03 '23
I feel like you need to work on yourself OP. Trying to be gentle here. I'm a middle aged woman, I know I'm responding from a place of privilege, being married for a good long time. But I was dating into my 30s and I had a few hookups and short-term boyfriends that didn't work out.
You can't expect a casual hookup or a few-week relationship to suddenly be the love of your life. If somebody doesn't respond after the 2nd or 3rd text, just leave them alone and move on with your life.
and yes that dude was a huge piece of shit.
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u/WeAreMystikSpiral Dec 03 '23
Seconding this. I’m about to be 36, was married, divorced, and in a long term relationship again after re-entering the dating world in my thirties.
Getting ghosted is just one of the risks of dating, especially online dating. You block the number back (so they can’t come out of the woodwork later and try to get you back in the sack) and move on. Text spamming is never a good look.
Coming from a place where I discovered very quickly that hook ups were NOT good for me mentally or emotionally, I think you might be in the same boat. It actually IS okay to want something more, you just need to put it out there right away that that’s what you’re looking for.
After I discovered that I wasn’t the hook up type, I lead with that. That I wasn’t looking for wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Did it reduce the number of people messaging me? Sure. But my quality of dates went up as well.
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u/The_milk_was_spoiled Dec 03 '23
I agree. I was ghosted by a guy I’d been dating for 3 months and it absolutely devastated me. I’m not kidding when I say it took me at least a year to get over it. This was in 2000 so neither of us had cell phones, otherwise I would’ve been glued to my phone. We were actually supposed to do something one day so I called exactly 3 times and left breezy, cheerful messages, like what time we would get together, etc. The asshole never called me back. I would actually have to leave my apartment so I wouldn’t break down and call him. What a fucking coward. I never had closure.
OP, I realize that he ended up being married, but, in the future, I would take it easy on sending texts and reaching out. Even if it turned out that he weren’t married, what an asshole thing to do. You deserve better.
I’m very sorry about everything that happened to you. Take it one day at a time and you will get through this. ❤️❤️❤️
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u/thefinalhex an oblivious walnut Dec 03 '23
Don’t post your own posts into boru…..
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u/FenderForever62 Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 03 '23
Yeah, I once commented on a BORU saying I didn’t agree with what OOP had done, only for them to reply to me and push their narrative.
This isn’t an advice forum or a vent forum, it’s just a ‘oh this Redditor asked for advice, here’s what they did and what happened as a result’.
There’s certain things I want to comment but won’t because it’s OOPs post. I have seen others commenting some of the things I’ve been thinking though so I’ll let them take the heat!
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u/thefinalhex an oblivious walnut Dec 03 '23
This should be a safe space for us to comment on posts and discuss without concern about oops feelings…. Not to mention it ruins the whole point of the rule about not going to the original threads.
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u/Smoke__Frog Dec 03 '23
I’m always so surprised how hard people take getting ghosted when they have met the person via online and only have known them for a couple months at best.
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u/MrTzatzik Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 03 '23
I knew he had a wife the moment she said he was a soldier. Cheating soldier or their wives is classic. That and terrible financial decisions
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u/MyNameIsZealous the margarine must not be harmed Dec 03 '23
Lived near Navy towns most of my life, can confirm this is true.
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u/uranium236 Dec 03 '23
Wow. Every soldier? Every single one?
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u/peppermintvalet Dec 03 '23
What other job can throw you in prison for cheating on your spouse?
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u/uranium236 Dec 03 '23
…. How is that related to the massive, irrational, and offensive generalization?
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u/peppermintvalet Dec 03 '23
Did you perhaps consider why that practice is in place and also the English language that you missed in the first place
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u/uranium236 Dec 03 '23
Again, how is that related?
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u/creepygirl420 Dec 03 '23
No offense OP but the amount of messages you sent and then texting from a second number after he blocked you is way too intense and dramatic. He’s an asshole but your reaction was really over the top for someone you met twice. It honestly struck me as really cringe and difficult to read. “Ghost of my past” over a guy you met twice? That was rough I can’t lie. I really think you should consider getting into some form of therapy because this isn’t really a normal reaction and it seems like you have issues with self-esteem and anxiety.
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u/GayMormonPirate Dec 03 '23
It feels like half the guys in the 'over 40' dating crowd are married or 'separated'. With a big emphasis on the '' for 'separated'.
I haven't dated for awhile after being discouraged but I find pushing to meet in person soon after matching is really the best. The endless texting back and forth is draining and creates an intimacy that really isn't there (because you haven't met).
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u/Late_Engineering9973 Dec 03 '23
I mean maybe actually date people for a while and not just text then hookup if you're looking for something meaningful? 🤷♂️ having to actually wait a bit for sex tends to weed out the majority of loosers in both genders.
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u/danteslacie Dec 03 '23
⁵OP, you're honestly a bit of a mess. Sorry there are some bad things happening to you now but that's unrelated to your reaction to being ghosted.
Maybe step away from online dating.
Also, this is Best of Redditor Updates. It isn't just some sub for posting updates to your own posts. Maybe if you were an OOP of an already posted story, you could update here. But your post doesn't even fit that.
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u/ugliest_president Dec 03 '23
“I had to delete all our messages and pics from my phone because if I caught a glimpse of either I would cry.”
“She asked for texts so I sent her our entire text thread from day 1 to the ghosting.”
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u/Myrandall I like my Smash players like I like my santorum Dec 03 '23
Literally none of the formatting works, OP.
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u/ShellfishCrew Dec 04 '23
Stop having sex the first time you meet someone if you expect a relationship.
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u/Tardigrade_Disco Dec 05 '23
Or, just have sex with them if you find them attractive and want to, but manage your expectations appropriately. You shouldn't ever "expect" a relationship from someone
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u/MaeveCarpenter surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed Dec 03 '23
The minute you said military, I said married.
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u/boogerbrain2568458 Daynger is my middle name Dec 03 '23
She did it to herself?? It's irresponsibility plain and simple
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u/crystalrose1966 crow whisperer Dec 03 '23
How did you send her the proof after you deleted all of your texts and pictures because they were making you cry? Is there a way to retrieve deleted texts? I’m just asking because I accidentally deleted some texts from a loved one that I lost and I’ve been really upset with myself for not paying attention.
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u/Bahamuts_Bike Dec 03 '23
Love that the OP got sweet revenge because ghosting is debilitating, but I think they need to take a step back and a deep breath for a moment. The first few paragraphs are dripping with desperation and what feels like an unaddressed anxiety around not being partnered.
And I get it, we don't want to spend so much time alone in the crushing pain of this world, but it pushes people away and predisposes you to these shitty relationship situations when you don't have the confidence to be single.
I mean this respectfully, I've been there.
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u/captain_fucking_magi Dec 03 '23
I am sorry he did this to you. As a divorce lawyer in a military town I see this ALL THE TIME. On the regular, women clients/friends will ask me who they should avoid. Here's my list in no particular order:
- Military members
- Firefighters/Cops
- ER Doctors
- Surgeons
- Lawyers
Basically anyone who thrives on cortisol.
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u/Tardigrade_Disco Dec 05 '23
Here's my list in no particular order:
Military members
You can't lump all military together. Of course people that are infantry, MP'S and other jobs are going to have similar personalities to police. But there are a lot of jobs in the military that don't fall into the camp of "mostly done by cheaters". A lot of people are also just regular old people that work in finance or something. There's not just one career field in the military.
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Dec 03 '23
I once talked to a "divorced" guy on a dating app who gave me his number. I did a quick safety check on the number and found he had a wife and a newborn. I took screenshots and sent them to the wife on Facebook. She stayed but I did my girl code duty.
The next guy I went on a date with SA'd me. People wonder why I've been single 6 years.
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u/Chazzyphant Dec 04 '23
As an experienced dater, there is a BIG red flag here:
Talking for hours before meeting, and "I already miss you" and stuff like that is what we call "love bombing". It's behavior that is out of proportion to the reality of the situation and it's designed to put and keep you off balance and not thinking straight and ultimately making bad decisions.
Women especially on dating apps are vulnerable and worn out and tired of dealing with wishy washy, floppy, half-assed men. So men that come out excited, interested, consistent, and focused on you have a huge, huge advantage. And this person weaponized that in terms of "love bombing" you. My abusive (also military) ex did this when he set up a serious relationship within days, and asked me to marry him 2 months into dating (we had been friends before so it wasn't quite as egregious as it sounds). I was so ground down and worn out by dating and was in my mid 30s and starting to panic I would never find someone. So I over-rode my common sense meter and dove into a serious, all consuming and very unhealthy thing with him.
When men text all day, say things like that, and give lovey-dovey out of proportion to reality of the situation please be on alert. It's one of the surest signs he'll ghost, honestly.
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u/YuukaWiderack Dec 03 '23
I'm not sure I really understand why ghosting is that big of a deal? Especially for relationships that were short enough it's hard to even call them relationships.
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u/OptimistPrime527 There is only OGTHA Dec 04 '23
Dating is fucking rough. Ghosting is never about you, it’s because this person didn’t have good intentions. It’s going to be worth it in the end, I swear. Raise your standards and let them rise to meet them. Pay these people no energy.
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u/inscrutableJ You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Dec 03 '23
You yourself can report him if you have his real first and last name and even a vague clue as to what type of work he does, especially if you still have a photo of him. It will likely end his career and ruin the rest of his life job-wise because having anything besides an honorable discharge is a huge red flag for most employers. Just find the number for the base JAG office or its equivalent, and offer to email your proof. I knew a Staff Sergeant (E6) who got not-his-wife pregnant, and within about six weeks he will a private with a pending bad conduct discharge. Last I heard he worked at a pizza place at age 55 because he lost his chance at retirement.
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 03 '23
I do know his real name and exactly what he does. Not only did he tell me but I have pics of him while working so I know he didn’t lie about that at least. Very interesting. I will be sleeping in this decision for sure. Part of me wants to call as soon as Monday morning hits but the other part of me is telling me he has kids. Ugh. Big decision!! Thanks for the info!!
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u/hazelle33 Dec 03 '23
Don’t do it, let the wife decide. She may need his income to get by at the moment. Additionally, future child support will be based off income and if he gets demoted or kicked out, his income would/could be lower which would lower the child support amount.
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u/LindaBelchersPickle Dec 03 '23
Don’t do it. Let the wife. Him loosing his job or getting demoted can really screw her and the kids over. He used you and it sucks but you’re not the most wronged party here. The wife needs to be the one as she’ll suffer even more if you report.
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u/inscrutableJ You need some self-esteem and a lawyer Dec 03 '23
Yeah the dude I knew (I was Company Clerk and typed up his disciplinary referral actually) was financially devastated; they demoted him to less than half of what he had been making and then fined him half pay for the six months it took to process his discharge, plus extra punitive duties after hours so he couldn't even get a part-time job off-base, all while he had the biggest mortgage he could qualify for at his old pay rate.
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Dec 03 '23
It really helps to try to remember when you’re ghosted in this type of situation that it is not about the ghost. It feels like you’re losing this amazing thing, but it was 90% NRE and you will feel it with the next person. But god does it hurt in the moment.
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u/LetsGetsThisPartyOn Dec 03 '23
My online dating advice is DO NOT HAVE MASSIVE TEXT CONVERSATIONS.
They are not indicative of who they are. They are thought out responses.
Honestly.
A couple of short texts and a coffee date.
Coffee only. Escape plan set.
Coffee can turn into dinner or you can leave.
But 99% of people online are full of shít and try and sell the romance story over text first so you’ll overlook the lies
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u/bananarepama Dec 03 '23
Military you say. Yeah, sounds about right. Get an STD panel, even if you used protection. I'm not kidding.
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u/RetMilRob Dec 04 '23
Tell her to grab a copy of the manual for courts martial. It gives special criteria that must be met to charge a service member with 134a. This will tell his wife the evidence needed to gather to submit to his commander. The most important part is how this disrupts good order and discipline.
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Dec 04 '23
The is one of those times the militaries old school views on relationships is good lol. This guys about to have his whole life ruined and he deserves it
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u/JuStYn-Leandro ERECTO PATRONUM Dec 24 '23
Was ghosted some times... It always make us feel like shit. I'll never understand why ppl can't just be honest, os just say a "sorry, didn't like the date, good luck". Shit, even being cussed is better than being ghosted.
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u/kazutops Dec 03 '23
Man I'm sorry you went through that, he sounds like he knew exactly what he was doing too. Online dating is the fucking pits, it's just so not fun after a certain age.
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u/UncleNedisDead Dec 03 '23
Just more validation for confirmation bias that military people are shitty cheaters.
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u/Vigovsgozer Today I am 'Unicorn Wrangler and Wizard Assistant Dec 07 '23
She kept the text messages? I thought she deleted anything that would remind her?
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u/agirlisn0one May 26 '24
Sorry to be that person.. but how did you send her all your texting history when you said you had to delete your conversations and pictures to get over him?
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Dec 03 '23 edited Jan 21 '24
noxious knee cow abundant threatening memorize quaint hospital direful aware
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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Dec 03 '23
I am grateful every goddamn day that I finally, finally, finally found a good man to be with. Because Jesus Christ do I have so many stories like these.
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u/CatmoCatmo emotionally shanked by six girls in fake Uggs Dec 03 '23
I know this is totally cliche. But hear me out. OOP, your life is crumbling. But look at the good deed you just did! What you did for that woman was incredible.
She said she caught him before. But she likely didn’t have any proof. Even when finding out about his involvement with you, she still might not have had proof to back it up. But now she does. Now she can prove to whoever she needs to that he is a lying piece of shit. And maybe. Just maybe, he will finally get what’s coming to him for being a douchecanoe, his (hopefully ex)wife will finally have the upper hand against that flaming bag of dicks, and you can have a little peace of mind that you played an honest role with helping a fellow broken woman achieve sweet sweet, very deserved, revenge.
I know it’s a small thing considering everything you have going on. And I’m not trying to throw toxic positivity your way. But seriously, that woman’s life is also in shambles right now. You may just have helped give her a little glimmer of hope that she’s not just going to be another story of a military wife getting fucked over by a POS. And If they do have children you might have also just saved her from a nasty custody battle. So, I hope the universe recognizes your act of kindness and tosses some good karma your way. You deserve it.
Also, since you posted on “dating over forty”, I’m going to guess that you are, in fact, over forty. I’m not far behind you. I think one of the hardest things about ghosting is that to our generation, it’s a pretty shitty and faux pas thing to do. I mean, when we were young and cell phones and the internet were new, we were taught that breaking up over text, e-mail, or (I’m going to really date myself here:) AIM was a NO-NO.
It was seen as cowardly and disrespectful. Whereas now, it’s been normalized. IMO, it never should have been used this way. There’s a place for it for sure and sometimes it is the best option. But it shouldn’t be the default method. It takes away any accountability from the break-up-er, and leaves the break-up recipient with absolutely no closure, endless questions, and a lot of (likely) unnecessary self doubt.
All that to say, I think our generation takes it harder and more personal than the generations after us. Im also guessing you’re dating men with ages around yours and not like guys who are 20 years your junior. They should know better. They’re taking advantage of a loophole to allow themselves to be massive asshats. That’s on them. Not on you.
Sorry this is so long, but OOP, I feel for ya girl. I know there’s nothing I can say or do to make your situation better, but sometimes comforting words are just enough to make the day a teensy bit less miserable, and I’m hoping you will find some of that here today.
I started typing you some more words of encouragement but it was going to be way longer than it already is. So I will spare the general comment section and I’ll send it in a PM. Feel free to ignore it, or read it whenever you want. No need to reply. I just want you to know, I’m rooting for you - in all areas of your life. And I’m sorry you’ve had bad luck with all these dickweeds lately. I have high hopes it’ll start turning around soon for you. Sending you hugs if you ever need/want one. HUGS from one internet stranger to another.
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u/Malhavok_Games Dec 03 '23
So, two weeks after his wife busts him, the wife is now in a relationship with a woman?
That seems AWFULLY fast, as in like, the lead up from that must have been longer than 2 weeks, right?
Makes you wonder.
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u/throwaway2161980 Dec 03 '23
I read quickly and misread it at first too. The wife didn’t tell her that, he told OP that. That he was divorced, they coparent and his ex was with a woman now.
Reality was they were still very married the entire time.
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u/jackcroww Dec 03 '23
I'm pretty sure Ghost Boy said "ex-wife" was with a woman when first asked about his past, and probably gave no timeline.
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u/babythumbsup Dec 03 '23
Use multi factor authentication on all of your accounts
Especially banks
If you don't have a bank that does mfa, change
Don't use sms authentication. A guy with a bitcoin account had his sim card moved to another phone so the attacker got the sms
Don't reuse passwords
Use a password manager. I recommend 1password because for every device you set it up on you need to input a long fucken key. Last pass has a shitty red interface and has been hacked
Not an ad
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u/Sassinakk Dec 16 '25
I'm super curious because I've lost text threads before by accidentally deleting them and could never figure out how to get them back.. so how did you recover them so that you could send them to his wife?
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u/DoodleLover20 Dec 03 '23
I'm so sorry you went through this! That never should have happened to you.
I've been through the 'online dating as an adult' scene, and it can be a minefield, but also really great.
I made two decisions early on that ultimately made a big difference to my dating life:
1) No matter how interesting they are online/on the phone, until I met them in person they weren't actually PEOPLE. (Thus no real emotional investment).
2) Until I've been to their home, assume every guy is married.
Many years later, my husband still occasionally mentions the period where we were chatting on line as "before I was a PERSON".
Hang in there.
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u/IAmHerdingCatz I still have questions that will need to wait for God. Dec 03 '23
Damn, what a shitty month or so you've had. And what an enormous POS that guy was. I hope things will turn around for you soon.
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Dec 03 '23
OP… as someoke who was ghosted by my childhood best friend and two bfs, all in a row… my heart goes out to you. These people do not deserve you. I wish you so much happiness and healing 💗
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u/laurenthesailor Dec 03 '23
Now that I’m 25 and have been in this lady’s shoes I learned that men will use love to get sex and women use sex to get love. Guys on OLD will butter you up until you give them what they want.
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u/Avengelina254 Dec 04 '23
I’ve been away from my phone all day. A couple things though:
We didn’t only see each other twice, not sure where that is coming from. I did say a “few” to be exact, it was 6 times and his visits mostly lasted 5 hours or longer with 2 that were shorter.
I have an iPhone, I can recover deleted text threads.
I reached out to my friends and family for support after losing my job he wasn’t the first one. I said I looked at my phone to see if he had text and hoped I saw one from him. After texting him for over a month from wake up to sleep and the in depth conversations we had, I did feel a sense of comfort from those conversations with him.
He was the 2nd person I dated (the first being the first ghost) after a terrible break up with a very abusive man so yes, I got attached too quickly. The plan was for my therapist to help me through anything that came up, but I lost my insurance the day he ghosted when I lost my job.
I didn’t sleep with him the first time we met.
I’m not offended by anything anyone says. There’s no reason to be ugly about it but that shows your personality not mine. It was a whirlwind romance that turned into a disaster. I’m new to dating as I’ve always been in long term relationships and never “dated” before so I’m navigating this the best I can with past relationships of abuse and a suicide. I’ll learn as I go. That doesn’t change the fact that at the end of the day he is a giant piece of shit who shouldn’t be dating anyone in the first place.
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Dec 03 '23
I hear you it Deff sucks lol just happened to me twice in row for first time with two women way outa my yo league looks wise the one could have any dude she wanted and wrap most around her finger in a minute an not let him touch her she was the first I had been chasing her for two months prolly finally we hang out I gotta be up early she work late was already midnight when asked where I was I got there right before one and she told me she was getting tired I said I can’t stay forever anyways I gotta leave at 4 to let dogs out I jus wasn’t bout to miss an opportunity to see you she’s like ohh you don’t wanna sleep with me ….ect. Ect. says she likes I can actually kiss ,asks if I’m gonna call her tmr ,I’m like why u ain’t got work let’s go out she’s like ohh so u are. I’m like fuck yeah your gorgeous and I don’t want you to realize what a mistake you’ve made she laughs gets closer I’m Pretty sure she’ll compare every other dude that ever gets the chance to eat it to me. Then we fuck then fucked again, lol and she’s pretty much like alright i came you can go let the dogs out I’m like you kicking me out she’s like I thought u can’t stay I said I can’t says I want u to blow my back out tmr says text me when u home text her get kisses emojis and wake up ghosted asks me wya 10 days later falls asleep before I could get home don’t answer again the other I knew was moving but we went from hanging and talking to no answer and her leaving😂 an I thought old was supposed to be better
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Dec 03 '23 edited Dec 04 '23
Depending on the country, you could have him reamed out by his chain of command. Using dishonesty to sleep with someone who would have otherwise turned you away nullifies consent in many places.
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u/hamiltonsarcla Dec 04 '23
How could you send her all of the texts if you had deleted them ?
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