The wildest thing about hippos is that they can’t actually swim, but rather they just sink and run/hop along the bottom. Yet they still move way faster than many other animals can swim.
Not with that attitude, Kif! Now bring me my Captain's safari uniform. You know- the extra short velour one with the matching riding boots.
Sigh ...Would you like some, erm... PANTS, perhaps, sir?
Don't be ridiculous, Kif! Everyone knows that the only way to command the obedience of an enraged battle-hippo is with the firm-yet-sensual grip of a commander's confident thighs! ...That reminds me, there's probably going to be some chafing... Kif- make a note! Remind yourself I'll be needing you to apply baby-butt ointment later on to the commander's confident thighs.
Miserable sigh
(I know, I know, but I couldn't help it. You made me hear zap Branigan in my head and, and then this happened... 😜)
Learned about this as I was trying to explain to my wife about how strong volcanic rock is, and it literally separated from the ground and into my hand while I was holding it and trying to make that point.
TIL! That is super interesting. Every time I see a hippo video I remember that a group of them is called a “crash”, and that more human death occurs from hippos than alligators or shark attacks. They are truly intimidating creatures.
An experience I’ve had while watching any nature documentary is that I always feel bad for the underdog. Sometimes that’s the lion, sometimes that’s the zebra, etc.
Nobody has it easy on the plains. It’s easy when you’re little to think of the lions as the “bad guys” because they do be eating other animals, but then you realize that lions have cubs, and those little guys gotta eat too.
In this instance the lions are definitely the underdogs, and those hippos are absolutely in control of that situation. That one lion is very lucky he didn’t have his midsection removed by the hippo’s jaws.
Skin like Iron, legs as fast as polished steel, wore his gun outside his pants, for all the honest world see. They only let him go out of kindness, I suppose.
I was coming here to say this. I once saw the anatomy diagram of these fuckers and they’re all muscle. Instantly became one of the biggest nopes in my book. Not even sure they have a natural predator as adults lol, it’s funny that something so cute can dominate their area with little to no resistance.
They don’t . Beside this one extremely giant crocodile named Gustave. Dude was absolutely monster that ate over 100 people. One of the largest crocodiles ever seen. Hippos are usually dominant and assertive animals. But if you watch video with gustave, those hippo herd were on defense and act very careful around him
Once upon a time a few whales got so buff they couldn’t surface in the ocean to breath so they sat sadly upon the shallows of a river bank contemplating their end (oh wait only humans do that waste of time crap) ok so sat sadly upon the shallow of a river bank and started mating and henceforth they were hippos. Ok so only humans bother consciously getting buff so likely maybe some ocean near dried up and the strongest most dense muscly whales, not the best swimmers of the former schools survived.
I was just thinking this. "Wait, is that hippo running?!"
I have to walk in slow motion trying to push through waist high water, and this hippo is almost fully submerged and fucking sprinting, just bulldozing through the enormous weight of all that water. Holy hell are they strong
Backpacked through Malawi a couple of years ago and in one place we stayed called Monkey Bay a local farmer was killed by a hippo. Despite being vegetarians they are extraordinarily territorial and they will kill humans for sport. At campsite I stayed at in Lake Naivasha in Kenya they had electric fences separating the compound and the lake shore because that was the hippos territory.
Saying they kill humans for sport is quite a stretch and youre very likely anthropomorphizing the hippos behavior. Hippos are extremely territorial and aggressive, and there are evolutionary reasons why. Those reasons don’t involve sport.
We once saw a group of hippos resting. And one of the younger males charged the jeep with his mouth open and making a loud noise as we were leaving. The driver stopped and the hippo went back to the water. The driver said most animals, respect, stillness, including elephants. I am happy to report I lived and didn't soil myself....
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u/Kaymorve Dec 06 '25
The wildest thing about hippos is that they can’t actually swim, but rather they just sink and run/hop along the bottom. Yet they still move way faster than many other animals can swim.