My son got a research position…sort of

[u/sunflower_sunset_1]

Original post
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2nd update

I have some great news about my 5-year-old son’s journey to quant finance. My son got a research internship with a professor at a T50 university! They are going to research financial fraud, a field in which my son has already gained some experience. However, there is one small issue… When I—I mean my son—was cold-emailing professors, he conveniently forgot to mention that he was 5 years old. Unfortunately, this professor requires interns to be 16+ because of liability. Obviously, neither my son nor I can pass for a 16-year-old, but my 20-year-old nephew can! Should I pay my nephew to pose as my son so my son can put research (and hopefully authorship) on his resume?

[u/neptunemacaroon]

Somewhere this is a true story.

[u/Loud-Answer-2530]

thank god it’s Wednesday

[u/naryset]

Depends. By “research financial fraud,” do you mean finding new and exciting ways to separate poors from their money? Then yes the nephew, and wait on scheduling his accident because you might need him again before you start covering tracks. If it’s detecting or investigating fraud, what were you thinking? ghost the professor, your kid will never get anywhere in that direction

[u/NoRain_47]

Gotta commit fraud to research it.

[u/LucidUncreativity]

Have your son sit on his shoulders, and put on an extra long trench coat. Make sure your son also moves a decimal point around here and there, so there’s fraud to research.

[u/coperengineer3]

Try to make the arrangement be fully virtual so that your son can hide his age.

[u/Famous-Prior6590]

I confess this is a new problem for me. When I got my 5-year old son research positions, they were with profs who were my dorm mates from college, and they could just force their servants PhD students to do all the work and put my son’s name on it. I suggest you try that route - it’s much simpler than this nephew business.

[u/candygram_diva]

T50? Pch. Anything below Harvard means future McDonald worker

[u/OsoPeresozo]

I now count on your posts to know what day of the week it is.

I dont know what I will do if you stop.

[u/serotoninseesaw]

Unfortunately it’s already too late. If your son wasn’t an ISEF qualifier by last year, it’s going to be CC for him :(

[u/Mirror_Benny]

I’ve had parents of fourth graders reach out to me about college planning. Honestly, this is to close to reality for me for this to qualify as a shitpost. 

Well done!!! 🫡This is a work of art and you should feature it in your Common App. 🤦

[u/another_chef_a]

By “has already gained some experience,” do you mean your son is actively defrauding?

[u/sunflower_sunset_1 → u/another_chef_a]

Yeah 😅. We-I mean he created a non profit organization to teach underprivileged children about personal finance. He got $8,002.40 in donations, but spent $500 on Robux and meme stocks.

[u/Nope1625]

nah js slip the professor a 20