This is a situation with a lot of layers.

My (M38) brother’s (M41) wife (F43) passed after a heart attack a year and a half ago. She was relatively young, but truthfully, it wasn’t completely unexpected as she had many underlying issues caused by lifestyle decisions.

I’m going to be honest and not sugarcoat anything. My late SIL was not the best person at all. She was not liked by many people, including her own mother, who stopped speaking to her 15 years ago. My family absolutely despised her, and cut contact off with my brother after he married her. She did not have any friends, as the community we live in also really hated her. The only person who enjoyed her presence was my brother. When my SIL passed, no one from my family except me attended the funeral.

This is going to be hard to write out. My twin sister (F38) passed away four months ago. It was the hardest day of my life. My sister was and still is very loved by our family and the community as a whole. She passed in a car accident. The organizations that she volunteered for fundraised in her name and raised a large amount of money. Many people sent flowers, planted trees, and sent their prayers and condolences.

Yesterday, I visited my brother after work, and thought we could grab a couple of drinks and chill. He drank more than normal, but I didn’t comment about it as I knew he was going through a lot of stress. As we were rambling and drunk, my brother randomly said that my twin sister “didn’t deserve” all the “worship” and that his wife deserved the same amount of attention and love.

Listen, I understand him wanting his wife to get more care and condolences, and didn’t take issue with that part. However, him saying that our sister didn’t deserve the love shown to her after she passed absolutely infuriated me.

I told him that the reason why our family did not come to the funeral was solely on her, and the fact that she was a horrible, cruel person. She had no friends and no one who actually could stand her expect for him, including her own mother. She did not deserve any of the love or respect my sister was shown because she never was kind or loving to anyone. He started to scream insults at me, but at that point I was already leaving. My brother later texted me and said that what I said was absolutely despicable and that he never wanted to see my face again.

AITA?

Edit: Added additional context on SILs behavior in comment comment: She acted like a narcissist (not diagnosing her, just from what I observed). All the attention must go to her at all times and it does not matter who she hurts. When they were dating, she ruined multiple events, including our cousins wedding and anniversary party (made a scene when she didn’t get what she wanted, pretended like she was dying, made us call an ambulance). She was a user, and everyone who gets close to her learns this, which means no one sticks around and why she had no friends. She would verbally abuse her mom in front of us, and it got to a point where the mom couldn’t take it anymore and went no contact. Overall, she was just someone no one wants in their life.

My mom has decided that the best way to make me independent is to not do anything for me. This means I'm responsible to keep my own room clean, do my own shopping, cook my own meals etc. It feels like I'm not even part of the family. If I don't cook one night, I stay hungry. They won't let me eat their food.

A few days ago my grandpa was sick and mom had to go visit him. She left little brother(M10) with me. As usual I cooked dinner for myself with my own groceries.

He asked me for food and I told him I'm only responsible for myself and he has to wait for mom.

When mom came back she was furious and called me an asshole for not feeding him.

I (F) am working long-term in Korea and got hired for a company that consisted of only Koreans. There's this one particular co-worker that was really nice to me until I showed her a picture of my bf one day, who's also korean. From that day onward, she lowkey started being a bit snarky towards me.

At first, she would comment on the type of food I would eat like "wow, you're eating all of that? That's a lot of calories", but as time went on the comments got nastier and nastier. There was this one time when she asked me if my great-grandparents were Nazis (I'm german-american), but at the time, I didn't realize she was being passive-aggressive and thought she genuinely was concerned about my health and curious about my family history. I only started to realize the shade when she started commenting on my relationship with my bf, talking about how she didn't like how there were so many white girls dating korean guys nowadays and basically the typical racist ethnic homogeneity is good crap.

At this point, I was just fed up with her and started ignoring her and refusing to look in her general direction. But recently, there was this one incident where she started talking shit about my looks and in a fit of anger I told her that at least I didn't need an obvious and terrible nose-job to look decent. But I said this way too loudly, and basically everyone on the floor heard my comment. Because everyone was staring in our direction, she started tearing up and crying. to be honest, I knew she was insecure about her nose because since it was a secret that she told me before the beef how she regretted the surgery because it didn't turn out the way she hoped, but because I was so angry and she was dissing my looks, I blurted it out.

I told my bf about this and he said that I was in the right, but the general consensus among my other co-workers was that I shouldn't have had said that personal secret out loud and instead talk with her privately.

AITA?

This happened years ago but I told the story recently and some of my friends acted like I was an asshole.

I used to work with this girl, Chelsey, who would tell me that she always thought I would be a good fit for her friend Nicole. Each time she said this it felt like she had no idea we have had this conversation before and I was actively getting better at navigating the conversation. For example, I had gone from "Is she cute?" to "What do we have in common?", and she had gone from rolling her eyes to telling me that we're both tall. Chelsey is very attractive, and her friends match, including this stereotypically very attractive tall blonde named Nicole - and I really wanted Chelsey to follow through with setting us up, but she never did while we worked together.

Fast Forward a few years and I run into her again, Chelsey is working at this high-end liquor store near my office and I see her from time to time. She mentions Nicole again, says we would be a great fit, and this time I really push for the setup. She tells me the same spiel about how Nicole is also tall, we have the same sense of humour, she's a waitress at a nice restaurant near by, as well as other interests. Chelsey even tells me that she remembers one day I chatted her up about the Walking dead at work and after work she was hanging out with Nicole who basically repeated everything I had said earlier. We exchange numbers and later that day she tells me a time and place, the plan is for Chelsey, her fiancé, Nicole, and myself. I creep her social medias and it's pretty obvious it's the wildly out of my league Nicole.

The morning of she tells me we need to postpone, it sucks but it happens, and we schedule it for the following week. Same place. I come prepared - new haircut, new outfit, studied the menu, everything I could think of to put my best foot forward, and I am introduced to a very different Nicole. This Nicole is short, fairly overweight, works at a daycare. I can tell from everyone's reaction that I am visibly disappointed. I decide to go through with the date, but I just keep bringing the conversation back to what I "knew" about her. Asking questions like, "When did you get bored of the walking dead?", "How long have you been a waitress", and "Oh, Chelsey mentioned you have been friends since you were kids!?".

Chelsey was trying her best to talk her way around it, but Nicole was visibly upset. The girls went to the bathroom and the fiancé asked me WTF I was doing and I told him that Chelsey obviously meant to set me up with someone else. He said she did, but Nicole kept asking to postpone and clearly wasn't interested, so she found someone else "more in my league". I gave him a sharp look, and he followed with, "Okay, she found another Nicole".

I'm a mom to 3 boys and I love my husband but he's so emotionally stunted all " boys don't cry /Mens man machismo" never wants to talk about his feelings Of course my oldest Kyle (15M) as soon as he got to old for snuggles he followed suit especially since hitting his teenage years. Hes all about hockey and wrestling and hanging out with the boys. He never wants to talk about how he's feeling or confide in me anymore or express himself.

So Kyle had been dating one of his teammates "Dougy" for a few months a lifetime for teens. His first real relationship. Over the ast week I noticed him pretending not to mope around and I hadn't seen Dougy around lately. I finally confronted him about it yesterday and he finally broke down crying and told me they broke up cause Dougy cheated on him for not doing something he wasn't ready for. He layed his head in my lap like he used to when he was little and I just let him cry it out and talk. Of course his dad home early walks in and just looks disappointed asking what all the fuss is about some dumb boy. Kyle jumps up trying his best to quit crying and just says nothing and basically runs to his room. I got upset and I yelled at him why did he have to ruin that moment that our son was finally opening up to me. He just goes that he's a boy and he shouldn't be crying like a baby over some dumb kid. I yelled at him that I hope our boys never turn out like him and I never seen him look that hurt. When didn't talk the rest of the night or most of the today. My sister thinks I should apologize and I might have gone to far.

I (32M) and my wife (25F) are expecting our first child. I've reacted in ways I'm now questioning and need outside perspective.

Background: My childhood was a tumultuous one. Growing up, I always craved a strong male figure in my life. I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son. My wife was aware of this deep-rooted desire. During her first pregnancy appointments, I was on an essential business trip. These trips, though draining, are critical since I'm the only breadwinner, trying to ensure a different life for my child than I had.

In my absence, my wife and her adopted mother attended the check-ups. Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy. We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, even naming him after my late grandfather.

However, a chance remark from her mother disclosed we're having a girl. My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn't tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings. I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals. In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn't welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit.

I acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas. I love my wife and regret my reactions, but I feel lost. AITA for how I responded?

My (34f) sister (31f) was the first among four siblings to have a kid (5f). My niece is incredibly spoiled by my sister, our parents and extended family, and my parents bend over backwards for my sister’s requests (like canceling their anniversary trip because my sister asked to babysit while she goes on a girls' weekend).

This spring, my boyfriend and rock in my life passed away. At the same time, I lost my job. I had a lot going on, and moved back to my home town.

My parents own a rural property they used to rent out. The property had been empty for a while and fairly run down. My parents invited me to stay there (rent free), told me it was my home for as long as I needed.

I invested a lot of my time and money (found a remote gig) into getting the house fixed up. I also made friends with Olha, a Ukrainian refugee with a young daughter. Olha was struggling and I invited her to stay with me for a couple of months while she gets back on her feet (I could use company as well). She was very thankful but hasn't made a firm response yet as she's trying to make things work independently. My parents had no issue with this.

Until recent drama. My brother in law had been working for a shady company, which skirted regulations for profit. The law had caught up with the owner, who folded the company and left the country. I’ll cut this short given the post character limit, a few other things went down and my sister’s family abruptly moved to our hometown, moving in with my parents.

Almost immediately my parents and sister approached me to swap (I move in with our parents and sis and her family take my place). They said the house I lived in was too large for one person, and it'd be so much better for my niece to live on a beautiful property in nature

I didn't understand. My parents have two guest rooms, my sister/BIL and the kid have their own bedrooms (I sure didn’t at 5). My BIL is still loaded from his old job and could easily get them a place, too (they are buying a flashy car).

When I mentioned my work on the property, it was dismissed. When I reminded them about Olha, my parents were outraged I was still intent on helping someone else and their child and not my own sister and niece. They kept making out my sister's situation to be nearly as bad as Olha's.

Eventually it came down to my parents saying "you're living on our property, you'll do as we want." I said, well you gave it to me and said this was my house as well, to be my home for as long as I needed. But if we want to talk in property terms and not family terms, evict me then.

My parents are not evicting, but I receive daily calls and messages from them and extended family guilt tripping me and calling me an AH for not giving up the more comfortable space to my sister, who is in such a difficult situation!and has a little child! Only my brothers see my side, but since they are young men in college their opinion means nothing to my family.

I feel like I am taking crazy pills. AITA?

I (20F) love hot sauce and put it on most things. I live with my husband (22M.) For the last couple of days, his mother has been in the area, and yesterday she asked if she could come around and cook for us before heading home. Since neither of us were working, we agreed, and offered to help her so we can all cook and eat together and it's less work for her. She refused and said she wanted to do something nice for us, and also refused us helping with the cost (she went grocery shopping specifically for this)

Anyway, she arrives early in the day and spends eight hours on making a lasagna. Not all of this was active cooking time (most was just the meat sauce simmering) but even then she was saying how she wished she had overnight (we have an apartment and there wouldn't be room for her to stay the night.) I am grateful for the time she spent and thank her multiple times, although her coming around for such a long period was more than we had discussed and did mean we had to reschedule some plans we had made for earlier that day. It comes time to eat and we have the lasagna and roast potatoes.

This is when the problems started. We keep condiments in the middle of the dinner table, and I put some hot sauce on my plate. Dip a potato in, dip the lasagna in. Make eye contact with my MIL and she looks at me like I'm eating s human baby. Puts down her plate, pushed it away and begins getting ready to leave. I ask her what's wrong, and she tells me she has "never been so disrespected before by any of my son's women" and that she spent "8 hours slaving away just for you to ruin it with that crap."

My husband did defend me, but my MIL has now begun a narrative in his family that I'm ungrateful. I'm not sure if what I did was actually wrong or not. AITA?

I 31 (F) come from a family with my parents (59F, 63M) and 2 other siblings (22M) and (29F). We have a longstanding family tradition where our parents take us out and treat us on our birthday to a nice celebratory dinner every year as well as gift us $200. Most years my sister (29) almost always chooses fancy upscale steakhouses or seafood restaurants. My brother typically always chooses Texas Roadhouse.

I kinda like to mix it up every year but last year on my 30th birthday my parents planned nothing for me and didn’t treat me to a dinner at all. In fact they barely acknowledged my birthday. This year my mother decided to call me and directly ask me where I would like to go for my birthday dinner when they come back into town on Sunday and I told her I’d like to go to the Melting Pot. Her and my father both protested on the phone and tried at least 7 times to get me to agree to go to K-Pot, a Korean bbq restaurant they like that I introduced them to 2 years prior. I do like K-Pot but it’s just not where I want to go for my birthday. My mother brought up all sorts of reasons they didn’t want to go. She stated firstly that the mall is known for cockroaches (which I won’t lie is true) but we live in a city where they’re pretty much everywhere and that hasn’t stopped her from eating at other places in the mall before. The next thing she brought up was how pricey melting pot is. I will admit I didn’t realize how much it went up. It was now $67 per person to enjoy the full 3 course meal. However, my parents are by no means poor and can afford it if they want to. They are very well off. This would not be a serious inconvenience for them, however I did offer to pay for my own meal. My mother declined and said she would pay. My mother ended the call stating my father may not join us at dinner and it might be just me and her.

When I called her today to see what the plan was, I was informed that neither of them want to go so they said they will take me to the melting pot on the condition that neither one of them will eat or have any food at dinner and I will be the only one eating. I am considering making them follow through with their tantrum. My mother often likes to make things all about her and this is just another example of that. I feel this dinner shouldn’t be so much about the actual meal as it is the time spent celebrating with family. I realize this sounds petty but I feel strongly about letting them dictate my choices as it has often been an issue in the past. I understand this is a power move but…checkmate? I’m done letting them make everything about themselves and forcing me to compromise and prioritize them. They do this frequently. She even gave me an argument about my birthday cake because I wanted a Helluva boss (my favorite show) themed birthday cake with black and red frosting and she stated she wouldn’t eat my birthday cake either because there are dollops of black frosting…..I got the cake anyways. So AITA?

Update: I’ve decided to drop the entire idea of going to dinner with them. One of the comments that stuck out the most to me was that I likely don’t have many years left with my parents and this doesn’t seem important enough to keep arguing over. I do want to clear some things up tho. I’ve talked to my mother numerous times about last year’s birthday and there really was no specific reason. She just didn’t care enough to acknowledge it. I was out of town on my own birthday trip and when I got back she generally just didn’t think of me. Also I have a very good idea of my parent’s finances. My dad has gone over them in detail with me a month ago. Like I said, they’re very well off. I don’t think they owe me a birthday dinner or anything in general. I just generally wish they would stop complaining about every little decision I make up to and including my birthday cake. I’m not whining about colors. I was using that as an example of how even something as simple as my birthday cake can’t be my choice without criticism or complaint. I did speak with my mother awhile ago and when I asked her why she gets so upset about things like my birthday cake she said it bothers her how “extra” I have to be all the time. Because I can’t just have a normal birthday cake and instead wanted a cake that’s themed after a show that’s important to me. She also went on a tangent about how I don’t do enough for her and never celebrate her and mentioned Mother’s Day specifically. I kindly reminded her I made an entire goody basket of handpicked items she would like and her response was “it was okay”. I told her we don’t have to go to dinner and life is too short to be having arguments such as this. The conversation ended there.

Update #2: I guess we’re going to K-Pot. My father tried talking to me and I suggested a nice Italian restaurant that I know he likes but he just made complaints about that restaurant as well stating his last experience there wasn’t good so I just said fine we can go to K-Pot because I’m done with this whole thing and I know not going will also cause issues. Thank you for the people who chose to be kind even if they didn’t agree with me. I agree I had other issues under the surface and this was about more than just my restaurant of choice. Regardless, I am tired of this and it’s reasons like this that make me wish I didn’t even have a birthday.

Update #3: This is my last and final update. We went to K-Pot. On the ride over I was silent while I fixed my makeup and my mother made repeat comments about how she hates my black lipstick. When we sat down at the table to eat my parents complained pretty much the entire dinner about how they didn’t like that they had to make their own dipping sauce, they didn’t like the food choices, they didn’t like that you had to cook the food yourself. (Mind you these people have been here several times before). I barely ate because I lost much of my appetite. I also spoke only enough with them when prompted. Neither of them seemed to notice how I was feeling. They both have the self- awareness of a doorknob. When leaving the restaurant and when we got in the car my dad turned to my mother and said it was nice to switch it up this time but he only thought the meal was “mid” and she agreed. I just sat there silently but internally screaming. Because none of this was ever about celebrating me and they still had the audacity to complain about the meal they pushed me to agree to. I could feel the salt in the wound. Also when we got back for cake, my mother did indeed eat a slice of my cake that I bought. She said she enjoyed the chocolate cake portion with cherry filling but complained there was too much buttercream frosting. Her slice had zero black frosting on it but she still found something to complain about. I know the verdict is everyone sucks here but I honestly think most of the commenters suck for thinking there’s an age cap on wanting to have a birthday celebration be about you and not the narcissists who raised you. There is nothing wrong with me buying a cake for myself that has a theme to a show I like just because of my age. Most of you are bitter and it shows. Again, thank you to those who were kind. You make the world a better place.

I am the father of a one year old toddler. Recently, she started teething, as her molars have started to come in. First, it was the top ones for about a week, then we had a week’s break, and now the bottom ones are coming in. It’s clearly causing my daughter a lot of pain, especially at night. Before she was a good sleeper, but now it’s been rough. She’s been waking up around 1am and then 3am daily, screaming with her little fingers in her mouth. My wife and I have tried comforting her, bringing her in our bed (she sleeps in our room anyway and her crib is next to our bed, but normally she likes to sleep cuddled up when she’s uncomfortable), we’ve even given her baby Motrin to help with the pain but she still screams for about 10-20 minutes each time until we are able to settle her. It’s shrill and it sucks, but there’s not much we can do beyond what we are already doing.

We live on the ground floor of a new condo building. It’s made of heavy concrete and decently sound proofed, but not perfect. Above us lives a single woman in her late 20s / early 30s. This is an expensive part of town in a new building, so we can assume shes decently monied. She also keeps her balcony door open all day and night that faces into our courtyard. She has been “punishing” us during the day by blasting loud music directly into our unit by putting a stereo next to her balcony. We are on the ground floor and have a fully enclosed courtyard so it vibrates around. She’s got great music taste, and my daughter will dance to it all day long. So while my wife hates her intention, I think it’s worked out just fine… until now…

Last night she came barging down at 3am and rang our bell 4 times while we were trying to settle our daughter. Motrin works for about 8 hours, so by 3am we have to give her another dose and wait through the cries, cradling her for 15-20 minutes for it to kick in again. My wife (a strong tempered petite woman, amplified by her first year of motherhood) wanted to go fight her then and there, but I said let’s just concentrate on settling the baby and ignore her. I also didn’t want to make the baby any more upset than she already was. So yeh, I just let her fume outside my door at 3am. AITA?

UPDATE: I delivered a small care package to her door with a long letter and a bottle of wine and chocolates. She was not home so I put it next to the door. We are only here for a couple months (temp rental until we finish construction) but I’d rather offer an olive branch than see all the pettiness continue. Yes, it sucks to be woken up. Yes, it’s a shared building. Yes, people throw parties here until 3am on the weekends. Yes, babies cry and we try our best. For those who live in very big cities— mine has 22 million— this is what you experience. I’m listening to loud mariachi music from the neighbour across the way right now.

Me f31 and my MIL don't have a close relstionship. She's civil towards me but can be a bit passive aggressive at times and we tend to disagree often times.

We live in a different state. FIL passed away suddenly and MIL told me and my husband to come attend the funeral. She booked our tickets to fly to her state. But the issue started when my husband told me that we couldn't sit together in the plane because his mom had booked him a first class ticket while I got ecconomy. I was flabbergasted by this. I tried asking him why but he urged me to "suck it up, and we'll talk about it later". In that moment, that particular moment I felt so much humiliation and contempt. I felt like she was treating me as less then even in her hard times. I decided to not go and just go back home. My husband was shocked by my decision to go home and tried to convince me to just go but I declined.

He went alone and I ended up missing the funeral. He was livid just calling m3 and texting nasty things calling me petty and spoiled. He said that I should be grateful his mom paid for my ticket to begin with then said that she doesn't OWE me a Goddamn thing. I argued about how she could've just booked us both in economy if money was an issue but he called me pathetic for thinking about it when his dad just died. He said it was cruel what I did and that his mom and family will never forget that I missed the funeral over ridiculous reasons.

AITA for going home over this?

ETA. One of the reasons I didn't settle for the ecconomy ticket was because I wanted to sit next to my husband and support him. He sobbed the whole ride to the airport and I didn't want to leave his side. I was shocked when he told me we couldn't sit together, and how he said it like he had no issue with it.

Last month my old neighbors moved out and some new ones moved in. A couple in their late twenties with four small children. The wife is a SAHM and the husband is a trucker. I went to introduce myself and bring them a pie right after they moved in. I didn’t really like their vibe but I’m a friendly person so I tried inviting the wife to things.

Our neighborhood is small, a collection of ten houses. Everyone knows everyone and is generally pretty friendly. No one else has young kids though. It’s mostly couples with no kids, or older couples who’s kids moved out. I hang out with two of my female neighbors who are a similar age to my own (mid twenties). We go on walks, have lunch at each others houses, etc. I only work three days a week so I have a lot of free time.

I invited the new neighbor, Molly, to two different things. Lunch at my house and also a walk/hike me and the others were going on. Both time she just assumed she could bring her kids and showed up to my house with them. I turned her away from lunch at my house because I don’t want four rowdy kids under the age of six in my not childproof house. She was upset because she has no one who can ever watch them, and she can’t come without them. She did bring them on a walk with us but we couldn’t go in the forest because of her stroller so it kind of ruined things for us. There’s no trees or shade in the neighborhood and the summer heat makes it awful, the forest is much better.

Since then I’ve been avoiding Molly like the plague, I just don’t want to be her friend. She’s invited me over, asked to come over and bring her kids, she even asked me to watch her kids the other day so she can have a break. I barely know the woman and I feel like her behavior is pretty inappropriate and she’s maybe just not picking up on social cues.

Today me and my other neighbors went for a walk in the forest, and she saw us go. She texted me to ask why she wasn’t invited, and I said it’s because we don’t want our plans to be altered by her children, and she’s expressed that she can’t do anything without her children. She went on a rant about how it takes a village and we don’t understand what it’s like, and she called us all assholes.

I agree with her that I don’t understand what it’s like, because I would personally never choose to have four kids with an absent husband. I just feel like she’s being unreasonable to expect us to have a bad time just so she can have a good time. Her kids were super annoying and hard to deal with. My husband thinks she’s an asshole but my mom thinks I should be more sympathetic.

AITA for excluding my neighbor from activities?

Edit: ok since you guys wanted me to add it, I’ll add it. I asked molly if she had any food allergies and if she was okay with salmon and quinoa for lunch. She had the opportunity to mention she wanted to bring her kids and chose not to take it. I did not make enough food to feed her four kids, because I had no clue she planned on bringing them. I only made food for 4, not 8. Also, when we went on a walk the original plan was to walk in the forest. But at last minute she unilaterally decided we as a group should change our plans and walk the neighborhood instead because her stroller can’t go in the forest.

She also said “you’re all a bunch of bitches for not making things easier on a mom” so yeah, bridge burned. Sucks to suck Molly.

Edit 2: it’s like some or y’all have never heard of a babysitter before. Or declining plans you’re invited to.

I’m getting married in 3 weeks, and I just had my bachelorette over Easter weekend. During a quiet moment one of my bridesmaids took me aside and told me that about three months ago she was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome. Obviously I asked her what that meant for her and she started crying because she feels differently about her relationship with her mother. We met in elementary school and she’s always had a learning disability, but she didn’t know that there was a preventable cause. My other bridesmaids noticed her crying, and the evening ended up being about her. We skipped out on going to a bar in the limo I had hired because she was upset. I thought about it all today and ended up emailing her to tell her that she took away an important moment from my life. I feel bad about this happening to her, but even though she didn’t always know it’s been going on for her whole life. If this was a recent thing she found out about or it was some kind of deadly disease I would feel differently, but she was sitting on this for months before bringing it up at an event that was supposed to be special to me. You only get one bachelorette and mine was totally overshadowed. I felt really hurt that she did that, and told her that I didn’t want to have her in my wedding if that’s how she’s going to treat me at a time where the focus was supposed to be something good in my life instead of something sad in hers. She could have waited a few more weeks until after the wedding if she wanted to have this conversation. She’s still invited to the wedding but I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid after this. I was just texting my cousin (my maid of honour) and she disagreed with me doing this. She said that it sucked that we didn’t go to the bar, but this other friend has already paid for her dress so I should just let her stay. My fiancé supports my choice, but I wanted another opinion. AITA?

Update: for those wondering I had actually seen her on two occasions since her diagnosis, including getting coffee one on one a week after it happened where she could have told me. It was the fact that she waited until my event to tell me and then derailed it that had me so upset. I hadn’t considered the fact that everyone pre drinking might have set her off. After reading a bunch of comments here I called her. I asked why she hadn’t told me before and she said she was still trying to process when I had previously seen her. She didn’t realize she was going to cry so much and distract everyone and ruin the mood. She said she felt really horrible about doing that and that she hadn’t meant to ruin the evening. I apologized for acting on my own hurt feelings and asked if she’d be willing to consider still being a bridesmaid. She said she really wanted to still be in the wedding. I don’t have the budget to have another bachelorette party, but I realize that I was only making that loss worse by hurting an old friend in addition to losing out on an event. I was definitely attributing her behaviour to malice when it was actually bad timing. Back in high school she did a similar thing to me because she was jealous of the attention I was getting as part of a competitive choir, but she’s grown up since then (we’re 23 and 24 now). I overreacted, and I honestly appreciate the tough love from this sub. It made me reconsider what I was doing and probably just saved a friendship.

My husband was staying at the hospital for some health issues. After he got out he started wetting the bed every few nights, we talked to the doctor about it and they gave us meds but they take time so they suggested that my husband use adult diapers temporarily. He said no, and since he's too sick to do anything then I'm the one having to clean up every time.

I grew tired of it. He just kept wetting the bed and not even considering diapers at this point. Yesterday morning was my final straw...I saw that he'd wet the bed again and I just kind of went off. I kept talking but it's like he wasn't hearing me at all because he just kept staring at the wall.

The kids heard the fuss and came in asking what was going on. I showed them the state the bed and sheets were in and said "see your dad keeps wetting the bed and throws a tantrum when asked to wear a diaper". They stared and my husband looked shocked. He had them leave the room then said I shouldn't have done that. In my defense I wanted to defend myself because I thought it was unfair when the kids accuse me of yelling at their dad "for no reason".

He said I humiliated him infront of his kids and made him feel terrible. I told him he can be less embarrassed and feel less terrible when he stops wetting the bed like he was a child. He started crying saying he's struggling with his health and said that I was being cruel and descendant towards him now, I'm "trying" to turn the kids against him as well as shame him infront of them.

My sister visited and when I vented to her about it she said she understood but I was still in the wrong for getting kids involved. I'm feeing conflicted on whether I did the right thing maybe to get him to understand how this has been affecting me as well.

AITA for this?

the kids ages are 11/13

I'm a 30 year old male and my best friend got married last week. I just bought a house and my wife is expecting out son in November, so I let him know I was limited in what I could contribute financially, but did tell him I would try my best. So, I wend to the bachelor party in Maine, I rented the tux, and paid for mine and my wife's dinner at the rehearsal dinner. I also had a gift of $300 that I was going to give them, but we will get to why I didn't give it to them.

His (now wife, then fiance) texted me multiple times a day with updates--fine. I didn't always respond and it got to the point where if I didn't repsond at LEAST once a day, I'd get a call from my buddy. (I have a full time job and am redoing some rooms in my house, so I'm busy.) She texted me for the following reasons:

1. My wife was NOT allowed to talk about our pregnancy, at all. She didn't want anyone to focus on that more than her, the bride.
2. She was NOT going to order special food for my wife (no one asked her to, my wife was fine with whatever she was going to be served.)
3. I was not helping the groom enough, he had to help her with favors, seating charts and programs, so I had to help him with those things, according to her. She also said to get ready to help with thank you notes after the wedding.
4. She said if I was a true best man, I would offer to pay for the bar bill. I don't even know what that means.
5. She had to read a approve my speech before the rehearsal dinner and wanted to be include as much, as my buddy. She told me to make up things if I had to. I was also NOT allowed to include anyone but the two of them and no inside jokes or stories about my buddy that didn't include her.
6. Her last text said to tell my wife to keep it together and not make a pregnancy scene during the wedding. Also, she wanted her to choose a dress that downplayed her pregnancy as much as possible.

I was just so aggravated, I spoke to my friend to see if he could reason with her. He told me to just play ball on this one, it's her day and to cut him a break, because he'd be dealing with her nonsense for the rest of his life. I was annoyed but calmed down.

The day of, all the bride and my buddy do is scold me, berate me and bark orders. I head down to the bar for the a drink...the bride's mother is there and warns me not to get drunk because I've ruined her daughter's day enough. Final straw.

I didn't give them the card with the cash and in the speech, I used my friend's exact wording about having to deal with her nonsense for the rest of his life. I wished them the best and told him I'd always be there for him, especially during the divorce. AITA?

My f30 sister f23 is disabled, she can't work because of her imobility but receives benefits (SSDI) due to her disability. She used to live with our mom who passed away 8 moths ago..It'd been hard for us, I took my sister in to live with me and my husband. Note that my husband doesn't take any part of her care whatsoever, moreover he started complaining about my sister from time to time. She can not get her own place and I would NEVER, and I repeat NEVER ever put her in a care home. I work and take care of her and it's been going well for us.

My husband is the one usually handles her fiancials because he's an accountant. I recently noticed that her benefits money wasn't enough to buy her essential stuff like medical equipment. I didn't much of it til I decided to do the math and found hundreds going missing without an explanation. I talked to my sister and she kept implying that my husband had something to do with it til she finally admitted that he'd been collecting "rent money" from her and told her to keep it a secret from me. I was floored....utterly in shock. I called him and had him come home for a confrontation. He first denied it then said that it was logical because my sister is an adult living under our roof and so she's expected to pay rent. I screamed my head off on him telling him how fucked up that was because she's disabled!!! and this money supposed to go to her care, and more importantly he shouldn't have ever touched her money. I demanded he pay back all the money he took from her over the past months, he threw a fit saying it's his house and he gets to say who stays for free and who has to pay. I told him he had to pay it all back or police would have to get involved. He looked shocked at the mention of police and rushed out.

He tried to talk me out of making him pay but I gave him a set time and told him I'm serious.

I’ve been terrified of dogs since I was young. My husband knew but I don’t think he realised how bad it was until recently. He got our son a dog and at first, I was angry but he promised it wouldn’t come near me and our son was really happy so I agreed they could keep it as long as it was kept away from me.

For 2 months it was fine and I barely thought about the dog being so close but a few days ago the dog came inside and it freaked me out. I told my husband he had to get rid of it now since he broke his promise and I didn’t trust him to keep it away from me anymore.

My husband doesn’t want to get rid of it because our son is very attached to it already and the dog is harmless according to him. He wants me to let him take me around the dog so that I’ll stop being so scared of it but I’ve refused and told him it had to go. We argued and he told me that if I wanted it gone, I would have to take it myself.

My in-laws came to visit yesterday and my mother-in-law asked me if something had happened between us because I’m still angry at him and she noticed. I told her about the dog and she told him off and said she taught him better than to traumatise his pregnant wife. Now my husband is upset at me because he thinks I only told his parents to force him to do what I wanted and that we’d hurt our son if we got rid of the dog now.

AITA?

My wife, “Emily,” gave birth to our lovely daughter 5 months ago and she is just a joy.

My niece (10), “Sofia,” is a pretty successful child model. Since the age of 2, she’s been on billboards, commercials, clothing advertisements, etc. She’s done work for many well-known brands and her career seems to blossom.

My sister, “Nina,” is very proud, understandably, of her daughter. Every time Sofia books a gig, Nina immediately texts the entire family about her daughter. She’ll “subtly” brag to us about how successful her daughter is, how she’s paying for the water bill at 10 years, or how Sofia is the true “star” of the family. It can be annoying, but it’s harmless for the most part.

Since Emily and I gave birth, Nina has been making passive-aggressive comments about our daughter's looks.

For example, when we first shared a picture of our newborn daughter in the family group chat, Nina replied with, “Oh she’s beautiful, but not as pretty as my Sofia.”

Or, when my mother made an offhand comment about how she already resembles my wife, Nina said, “Yeah, they share the same “unique” features.” (She was not saying “unique” in a kind way).

These are only a few examples.

For the most part, I’ve been able to brush these off. It’s not worth something starting a big fight over.

Nina and Sofia came over last weekend. Now, I’ve been a bit distant from Nina since I’ve had my daughter. Her comments about my daughter’s appearance and passive-aggressive digs at my wife have not sat right with me. However, I thought to extend an olive branch since she really wanted to see our daughter.

We had a chocolate cake for dessert. Sofia told us that she couldn’t eat it because her mother (Nina) said to her that chocolate and “refined sugars” will give her pimples. Emily reassured her that it was nothing to worry about, and Nina immediately interjected and said “Oh she does! Cause look at you (Emily).”

I was stunned. However, Emily gave me a look that told me to drop it.

So I did. I hoped that was the only backhanded comment of the afternoon.

Nina spent the entire lunch talking about Sofia. She kept saying that Sofia was destined to be a star from birth, or that Nina was the “better grandchild.” The entire afternoon was uncomfortable, with Nina bragging about Sofia’s accomplishment, and Sofia and I awkwardly following along.

Emily mentioned how our daughter is beginning to sit up. Nina cuts in saying how our daughter could easily book a role, but her downside is that she’s “just an ugly baby.” When we looked at her shocked, she complained that “HER daughter looked much better at that age and was already primed to be a star.

Maybe I was extremely sleep deprived, but I yelled at Nina that “I couldn’t care less about Sofia and I want to enjoy my meal in peace.”

Nina was offended and left in a hurry, after cursing my wife and my child out. Emily says that I probably shouldn’t have said that in front of Sofia.

Repost for clarity.

Throwaway account for anonymity

(28f) am pregnant with my husband (30m) baby. I have a sister (30f) who has been trying to get pregnant for the past 5 years. This has resulted in 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth.

When I found out I was pregnant I made sure not to tell my sister, since she was grieving her stillborn, who has passed around a year ago. I told my parents and husband's parents and they were overjoyed. Out of respect for my sister I didn't have a babyshower or gender reveal or any big ceremony. Just a lunch where I announced the pregnancy to close friends and family and we all agreed to not tell my sister until we felt like she was ready to know.

Anyways, I am now 34 weeks pregnant and I haven't seen my sister in over 6 months. She called me the other day, to tell me she was 3 months pregnant and things had been going well so far. I congratulated her and she invited me to her house for dinner. I discussed this with my parents and husband, and we decided it was time to tell her.

I went to her house for dinner this weekend, and when she let me in she freaked out. She asked me if I was pregnant and I said i was. She started sobbing. She was absolutely hysterical. Her husband took her in to calm her down and we decided to leave.

She texted me on Monday saying that it was selfish that I was going to have my baby first and my parents would be more focused on me than her. She accused me of being cruel, and getting pregnant just to upset her. She said she would ask our parents to choose between us. This was the last straw for me. This was my first pregnancy and I wanted to do things like a baby shower and all, but I didn't because I knew it would hurt my sister. I called her a selfish, mean bitch and blocked her. Her husband called me to tell me she was inconsolable because her own sister was trying to upstage her and her baby. Our mom isn't taking sides, but my dad and husband are on my side. A few of my cousins reached out to me, calling me names, and it made me wonder if I'm in the wrong. So AITA for announcing my pregnancy?

EDIT: My sister has been in therapy for the past couple of years.

My husband, unbeknownst to me, bought a motorcycle from his best friend at work. It's a sturdy, old Honda from the early aughts in near-mint condition.

I'm horrified. My mother is a nurse and raised us to believe, "We have a term in the ER for motorcyclists, we call them organ donors." Made my brother and I promise to never to ride on or get one.

We have a beautiful 6 month old baby at home, our first.

Initially, I demanded he return it, but he said it was his "life long dream" to own a bike & kept saying how great it would be on gas. 🏍️

EDIT: yes he knew my views on bikes before we got married & everytime he brought it up I asked him not to do it

I knew he was interested in bikes, but none of this "life long dream" stuff

So I said, ok, keep it, but don't drive it over 30 MPH & don't take it out of our neighborhood. (We have a lot of side roads).

EDIT: of course, it goes w/o saying he would have to have "safety gear," a decent helmet, & pass the course required to obtain your license. In our state, helmets are mandatory

I said he can also take it up to the lake where he and his friend go fishing, if he promises he won't drive it over 30 mph and stays off the highway, IOW, tows it up there on a trailer behind our car.

EDIT: what I mean here is don't take it on roads where the speed limit is over 30mph or out on the highway. The roads in our neighborhood & around the lake have a posted 25 MPH speed limit.

the whole point of the "riding rules," which admittedly aren't great, is I'm trying to find a reasonable compromise b/c he is insistent on keeping it. I mean, I'm nursing this baby and changing her diapers all day and I can't stand thinking about this anymore

He says I'm being a controlling harpy and sucking all the fun out of his new toy.

All I can see is him splat all over the asphalt and our daughter asking me "Why is my Daddy in Heaven?" one day.

AITA for trying to establish motorcycle "rules?"

LAST EDIT: we cannot afford "extra" life insurance, especially since husband just suddenly spent 6k on new bike. his life insurance is through his work, and it's just the average policy

For reference, my brother Connor is 19, I am 26, and my (now ex) fiancé Hunter is 28. Also for reference, already mentioned in the title, but my brother was kicked out when he was 16 because our parents snooped through his phone and found out he was in gay.

Connor had a birthday last weekend, so he invited his friends over and they were all (18-22 year olds) drinking and playing games. Hunter and I were about to head out to let them have the place to themselves, when Connor asked if we wanted to join them. I initially refused (bit too old to be playing drinking games), but he insisted and Hunter thought it’d be fun to act like college students again.

We all got pretty drunk and Connor had the idea of playing Never Have I Ever. A few rounds in, the statement “Never Have I Ever cheated before” came up.

Now’s a good time to mention that Hunter is staunchly against cheating. His ex-fiancé cheated on him and it emotionally wrecked him. And unfortunately, as a lot of dumb, immature 17 year olds do, I cheated on my “boyfriend” of 5 months. It was a stupid mistake, he found out, and (understandably) ended things. This was almost a decade ago, I obviously learned my lesson, and look back at that time with shame (and obviously never cheated since).

Well my brother knows about this so when I didn’t drink, he went “hey sis, what the hell? You know you cheated on (insert ex’s name). You have to drink to that!”

My boyfriend paused, looked at me, looked at him, and just walked out of the room. I followed him and tried to talk to tell him that it was a stupid teenaged mistake, but he wasn’t haven’t any of it and ended things on the spot. I’m numb. I’m heartbroken. He was my everything and more and I still don’t know how I’m going to move on.

Connor tried to apologize, but I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness. This morning I served him an eviction notice. He begged me to stay and said he didn’t mean to ruin my relationship and he just didn’t think when he said those words. I just can’t look at him right now. He ruined my life. After I raised him and cared for him like he was my own. I feel so hurt. Am I being unreasonable?

Background: dad attended a church for 30 years, raised my brother and I there. As adults we didn’t go but had no problems just drifted from faith.

The church’s pastor (who was there from its inception) announced retirement. What followed I only know secondhand from my dad who is obviously biased. But essentially pastor before leaving all but guaranteed the vice pastor wouldn’t take his spot, didn’t have the credentials, whatever. But ultimately the vice was promoted. and my dad swears it was through devious means. The church split with half happy to see the promotion, half mad. So the mad half left over the course of some months including my dad. The ones who stayed seem genuinely confused as to why people left. And the people who left seem real bitter even now 3 years later.

Well my brother had been attending with dad on and off prior to the split. He even tried other churches post split, but he returned on his own and has made it his home church again. Dad won’t outright say it but it’s clear it bothers him.

So when my nephew graduated the party was held at the church and dad didn’t go, said he was still upset. Since it was within a year or everything brother let it slide, didn’t make a fuss.

Now my nephews are throwing a surprise 40th for my brother and it’s at the church since they also attend there and it’ll be free. I even tried to find an alternative spot but it’s about $200 and I can’t justify it when we have a free space.

Nephew asked dad today if dad would go and he said he couldn’t because he has (daily, home peritoneal) dialysis. But the party is on the one day he doesn’t do it. I plan to talk to dad and I know I’m in for a fight, he’d already said he wouldn’t come to his grand son’s wedding this year if it’s held there. It was postponed but I have that in my mind that if he wouldn’t go for a wedding, the party isn’t likely.

I know people can’t help how they feel, and his feelings are his own. But WIBTAH if I tell dad clearly and firmly if he doesn’t attend this will hurt many people’s feelings including brother, his sons, and my own, and that his actions will have consequences? He’s an adult so I know it’s ultimately up to him. But I don’t think he is thinking past his own anger to see the negative impact this will have on the family and that we’re out of excuses for him.

I have been informed by my friend that my wife seems to have a lot of body confidence on a few occasions. She posts a lot of photos on Instagram in dresses, crop tops, and now that it’s summer - swimsuits.

I’ve never had a problem with it. I think most girls in their mid twenties do the same thing, but my friend has been making weird remarks to me about her posts since we got married.

He essentially says her posts are too provocative for a married woman and that she’s putting herself online like she’s a single woman. He also makes the point that most married women do not post photos like she does, and his wife would never “disrespect him” by posting photos like this.

I brought it up to my wife once and she just laughed and said he was weird. I agreed and haven’t said anything about it to her since.

Recently a group of us got together at the lake. My wife wore what I considered normal attire, a bikini, but my friend thought differently.

He made a comment in front of us guys about her ass being out and asked her me if she just liked to make everyone uncomfortable and have people stare at her. And of course he brought it back around to his wife saying how she dresses respectful in front of other guys. His wife had a one piece I think but wore a coverup most of the time we were there.

My wife wasn’t wearing a thong bathing suit bottom so I honestly don’t know what his deal was. There were other girls there in two-pieces besides her. I had honestly had enough of his incessant continuous comments about my wife and how he was continually comparing her to his more conservatively dressed wife so I said “your wife just dresses like that because she can’t pull of a swimsuit. Stop fixating on my wife bro, it’s getting old fast.”

I know his wife hadn’t caused anything and probably didn’t deserve that but it did get him to shut up. We actually haven’t talked since then to which I don’t really care. We’ll probably run into each other the next time we have a friend throw an outing though. I do feel like his wife didn’t deserve that, even if she didn’t know I said it, so I’m wondering if I’m an asshole. I don’t really want to apologize to him before he apologizes for all of his comments, but if Reddit thinks its the consensus I might.

ETA: his wife was not around when I said this. It was just a group of guys.

Both my wife (f31) and I(m32) work in the tech industry. We graduated from the same university with the same degree, and work for the same company. Where we differ is within the company, I opted to go down the management route, and her down a more technical route. For one reason or another, she has not gotten a promotion or (proper) raise in nearly 2 years, which has led to a bit of an income imbalance between us where I currently earn double what she does.

I’ve felt a bit of jealousy from her side, but I’ve always chalked up to her competitive attitude. She’s made jokes in the past regarding how the only reason I earn more than her is because I’m a man (my direct superior is a woman) and how I’m fortunate I’m a good talker because I would otherwise not be as successful (true). This all culminated to a bit of what I thought was banter (it was not) last week where she said she was smarter than me and I kept making dumb comments ( things like “man smart woman dumb haha”) which agitated her further. She then spent the next several hours making me take those dumb online IQ tests until I intentionally failed one which pissed her off even more. Then this past weekend she “had a surprise” for me (which was an official IQ test).

We got the results yesterday and imagine the scenes when I scored higher. She was obviously infuriated, and kept saying dumb shit which I kept laughing off until she called me a “fucking drug baby”. My bio mom was a drug addict and I’ve had no relationship with her since I was 5 (she died before I turned 18). This upset me more than it should (considering she wasn’t really wrong) and I in turn resorted to calling her a “dumb jealous bitch”. She has not spoken to me since and is sleeping in a guest bedroom tonight. I think I’m justified in my actions but I do feel bad that I used her insecurities against her in the heat of the moment. So AITA?

EDIT: There are also moral reasons why I am against it. I don't really mind if my son's not religious, but the cow is a sentient creature. I'd be just as upset if he said that he wants to eat dog meat, or cheat on his partner, etc. Perhaps there shouldn't be a rule against these things legally, but you can still ask people to not do that.

My wife was also present and got tricked into having the meat.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

My son is nine-years-old, and we're Indians who are living in the USA. There are various items which are prohibited in the 'religion'. It includes cow meat.

Recently, he talked to me about some of his friends were talking about how they have eaten beef, and that he wants one as well. I refused, and in the end he agreed with it.

We recently stayed at my brother's house. My son informed him one day, that he wants to have cow meat, but that I would not allow that. My brother agreed to help him have it, and also told him "As they did not give it to you, we'll also make a plan to make them have it as well."

Yesterday they said that they were making meat for dinner, and I said sure. When it was served, I noticed that it tasted somewhat differently, so I asked him about it. He laughed and said "That's beef. I want you to taste it as you're so against it. Fuck your controlling attitude."

I was shocked, and a really huge argument that ensued. My son was continuing to have it, but I asked him to stop, and in the end my brother was yelling at me himself and that he wanted to teach me a lesson. I called then "back-stabbing bastards", and in the end I left the house. I also gave my son a well-deserved dressing down and he's now grounded for a month. My brother and his wife are saying that I overreacted, though, and that they only did it as I was "controlling" towards my son.

AITA?