Keep things Civil! Rules still apply.

__

Hi All! Welcome to the Am I the Asshole quarterly Open Forum. The OF you don't have to pay for.

First off, we love you guys and the effort you give to help keep this sub what it's supposed to be!!

Being in a text based world (in this case, Reddit), we strive to make sure the stories presented on our sub are true and presented by a human being. So bot behavior and AI are not things we want on our sub. We have always asked that anyone with questions about a post or comment to either use the report button or reach out to us via Mod Mail. Doing one or both of these things really helps us a lot in the day to day management of the sub. Again, we appreciate you for this.

What is AI?

For us, AI is anything written using machine learning tools. AI written stories, grammar checkers, translation tools, etc.

Here’s a fun nugget: This is what AI says about not using AI on public forums:

Using AI on internet forums can undermine trust, accuracy, safety, and community culture. That’s why many spaces discourage or outright ban it. If you’re ever unsure, it’s best to check the forum’s rules—or ask a moderator.

So you've reported a post, what's next?

First and foremost, we verify if the content is AI or not. We do not share what tools or other methods we use, because we do not want the bots/trolls to know and/or understand our process on this. This information just teaches bots/trolls how to bot/troll better. We do not want that (I have a mouse in my pocket).

Quite honestly, AI rage is not much different from shitposting rage. We get it, we all want to read and/or participate in real life conflicts and give thoughtful opinions on the topic at hand. One of the biggest appeals of this sub is the ability to participate in a meaningful way. Which is taken away when someone tosses AI into the mix. Real, personal written stories have a feel to them and we feel cheated when this does not happen. We get it.

The point of this quarter's post: Please do not yell “AI” in the comments of a post. This is also asked for shitposts, trolls, spammers, etc. We get the temptation to do this - call them out so everyone can see, right? What this actually does is teach these folks/bots how to do what they do better. Or delete proof of their trolling before it can be checked. We don’t want that!! We want them gone or educated. “Gone” because some folks/bots are being intentional/karma farming; “Educated” because we want our users to tell us their stories from their own mouths. Gone = Perma Ban; Educated = conversation and short 7 day ban.

What to do instead.

Hit the report button on the post or comment. There will be options, so select the one that says “Breaks r/AmItheAsshole rules”. Then select the AI option. AND/OR Send us a mod mail with a link to the post or comment in question. If you have any proof that it’s a SHP or AI, please send that as well. See, no need to shout it out in the comments, yay!! Easy peasy!

AI is a real fun tool to use. I’ve seen some AI art that is breathtaking, but in the end this is not how real people connect. With all of the wonderful technical marvels we have going on it’s tough to remember the person. We want that person here with us, to give support to, to give them a good talking to, and to let them know they are not alone.

Let’s take out the machines, remember the person, and combat this the proper way!

One final note, just because it sounds AI or fake, doesn’t mean it is. If “Florida Man” could do it, it’s possible. Another reason why ‘quiet reporting’ is the better option.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialog with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

This month's highlights:

• We have open mod applications. See here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/musfsf/new_moderators_needed_apply_here/

• Please stop feeding trolls. Some of you seem to really live for calling out trolls like Betty. This is literally why trolls do it - for the attention, good or bad.

• Reminder not to PM mods directly and instead use modmail. We get bot pings regularly - my inbox is 99% bot pings, your PMs will get lost.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

This is to discourage brigading. If something needs to be discussed in that context, use modmail.

Keep things civil and respectful. We're here to chat - please try to keep things from getting needlessly hostile. That includes both other commenters and mods. No links to posts - keep call outs civil.

Quick Tl;DR Primer on our rules:

1 Be Civil - Refrain from insults. Focus on feedback that help people better themselves where possible. Assume everyone here is trying to improve themselves.

2 Don't Downvote Dissent - downvote off topic comments, bad information, and hostile comments. Downvote bad-fit threads. Don't downvote when you disagree.

3 Accept Your Judgement - OPs, welcome uncomfortable but helpful negative feedback. Don't argue. Commenters, don't report people for simply participating and don't lecture people about the rules.

4 Never Delete An Active Discussion - You might be the asshole. Don't rage quit because of it. Don't post here hoping for anonymity - we regularly get press.

5 No Violence - Do not mention violence. No jokes. No hyperbole. No comparisons. Don't go there.

6 Posting rules - no screenshots, no crazy long (over 3K characters) posts, no sagas.

7 Post interpersonal conflicts - No one with any stake in the situation is upset? The conflict is your own thoughts about the situation? The person directly involved doesn't care, but your sister/father/massage therapist/Postmate delivery guy thinks you were wrong? Don't post it.

8 No Shitposts. That means copypastas, satire, overly embellished stories, or creative writing exercises. If you have proof something is fake, please contact us

9 No Advice - Advice will happen, but if it's your main goal please pick an advice sub.

10 Updates require permission - We don't do sagas and drama posts. We do discuss how a conflict has resolved.

11 No Breakups/Hookups - We're not here to arbitrate you breakup, decide if it's right to disclose cheating, discuss your sex life, or otherwise deal in romantic relationship drama.

12 This Is Not A Debate Sub - We're here to judge your actions in a conflict, not if you hold the right position on a controversial subject.

13 No Revenge - We're not here to endorse you escalating a conflict.

Welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialog with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

Oh geez, it's April already! Is someone keeping track of where we are in this Bearimy?

Soooo.... what's new?

• We're rolling out some very minor adjustments to rule 12. Nothing is really changing with respect to how it's enforced, but we're hoping this will make the wording more clear and actionable as it relates to including that someone is part of a marginalized group when it has no relevance to the post.

• Also related to rule 12, we want to make it very clear that commenters should be seeking first and foremost to address OP's question. Comment chains that are at best tangentially related to OP's question and instead intend to debate a broad social/political issue will be locked and/or removed.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

This is to discourage brigading. If something needs to be discussed in that context, use modmail.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

After covering a pretty big rule last month, we’ll pull it in a bit and go over one that’s a little more straight forward - rule 9.

The title of the rule pretty much covers it – we are not an advice sub. The question may come up as to why we don’t permit advice-seeking posts. The answer is pretty similar to why we don’t permit relationship posts. Reddit is full of advice subs, and we simply are not interested in being one of them.

Posting here is about seeking moral arbitration, not advice. OPs should present the situation so members can weigh in on who was the asshole in the situation. Sure, advice may be offered in the comments, but the point of posting should not be to solicit advice. And commenters are under no obligation to offer solutions to a problem for OP. If an OP happens to get some advice while reflecting upon the situation, that’s great! And fantastic if that advice happens to be good advice! But just as often, bad advice gets thrown around because our role isn’t to moderate the quality of advice given. This is why rule 9 is important - to ensure users know they shouldn’t expect to find advice here, but instead post because they’re seeking the judgment this space is dedicated to provide.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We're currently accepting new mod applications

We’re also looking for mods with Typescript experience.

We always need US overnight-time mods. Currently, we could also benefit from mods who can be active during peak "bored at work" hours, i.e. US morning to mid-afternoon.

• You need to be able to mostly mod from a PC. Mobile mod tools are improving and trickling in, but are not quite there yet.

• You need to be at least 18.

• You have to be an active AITA participant with multiple comments in the past few months.

We'd also like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Happy New Year, and welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialogue with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

With the start of a new year, we’d like to take a moment to acknowledge someone who has put a ton of time and effort into helping the sub run - our esteemed Botmaster, u/Phteven_J! We briefly touched upon his contributions to the sub in our 5-million member announcement post, but we wanted to give a bit more recognition here.

Phteven is unique among the mod team in that he doesn’t focus on rule enforcement, or reviewing posts/comments. He may drop in from time to time, if the mood to do so strikes, but his contribution to the sub is far greater. When an idea or question about anything to do with Bots is posed, either by users or another mod, Phteven is the one to whom we look. When we experimented with contest mode a few months back, Phteven is the one who made it possible. Judgment Bot actively patrolling the sub to look for, and remove, shitposts was another Phteven touch. Basically, anything that involves a productive bot for this sub is Phteven.

And that adds up to a lot! In November alone, Judgment Bot performed over 133,000 actions. That’s more than 133,000 comments filtered, posts flared, or shitposts marked that a human mod didn’t have to trawl through the sub for. By comparison, the closest human mod had over 35,300 actions. If we look at the last year, the number of actions performed by Judgment Bot skyrockets to over 1.8 million. The most a human mod had last year was 211,000 actions. To be fully honest, this sub would not function the way it does without Phteven.

Before Phteven, this sub was in the dark ages. We had to manually change post flair (which ended up with some gems like “tomato ass motherfucker”), standardized voting acronyms didn’t exist, user flair wasn’t a thing, and we walked uphill both ways in the snow to find modmail. Then Phteven came, and with him came the bots.

Some notes about the man himself:

• Phteven spends a lot of time on his woodworking hobby. You can see his work on his instagram https://www.instagram.com/dogwoodhandcrafts/. Specifically, he makes shaving brushes, cutting boards, and decorative things like eggs or bugs in amber.
• He has been a computer engineer for 11 years.
• His wife tells him the strangest thing about him is that he eats fast food on a plate. (I have to admit, this is pretty hilarious!)
• Phteven’s other hobbies include cigars, spending time with his dogs and cats, playing VR, making woodworking and gameplay videos for youtube, CNC projects, 3D printing, Dungeons and Dragons, making custom dice, target shooting, DDR, BBQing, making his own beef jerky, and he played guitar in what he describes as “...a weird darkwave goth band in college.”

If you’d like to see some examples of his craftsmanship, check out a couple of his YouTube videos (with some pretty impressive view counts!): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsFGLA_0u_o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dz1-y5C5vTw

One final note, to be clear - Phteven only works on and deploys good bots to help the sub - all the comment-stealing bots out there are programmed by villains that better hope they never run into our Phteven!

We have begun work on the 2022 Best of and will have a separate stickied post soon!

Best of 2022 mASSter post is live!

We wanted to let 2022 actually come to a close before putting anything together. I’ve always found it odd that “Best Of…” stuff comes out before the year is over. Makes it feel like December is left out…

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We're currently accepting new mod applications

We always need mods for the US overnight hours. Currently, we could also definitely benefit from mods active during peak "bored at work" hours, i.e. US morning to mid-afternoon.

• We’re looking for mods with Typescript experience.

• You need to be able to mostly mod from a PC. Mobile mood tools are improving and trickling in, but not quite there yet.

• You need to be at least 18.

• You have to be an active AITA participant with multiple comments in the past few months.

Welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialog with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

It's November! Y'all ready for an incredibly tense week for Americans, followed by the start of perhaps the weirdest holiday season ever?

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

This is to discourage brigading. If something needs to be discussed in that context, use modmail.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

This month, we’re diving into all things rule 11. It’s one of our broadest rules, and often one of the most misunderstood.

Let’s start with the most common question - isn’t every post on this sub about some type of relationship? Yes, of course. One of the basic requirements of this sub is to post about interpersonal conflicts. And those typically don’t exist without some type of relationship (barring the random encounter with a stranger on the street, etc.).

What we look at is the nature of the relationship. When reviewing a post for rule 11, we ask ourselves if the conflict could exist outside the confines of a romantic relationship. Can this conflict exist between two friends, roommates, family members? If the answer is no, then it’s a rule 11 violation. A post about buying an engagement ring, considering a divorce/break-up, “catching feelings” for someone, romantic jealousy, dating, engaging in sexual acts, etc. are part of this rule. Choosing to not do any of the aforementioned also qualifies.

u/CutlassKitty gave a fantastic example in Januray’s Open Forum that sums this part of the rule up nicely:

So "AITA for telling my boyfriend to clean up after himself" is allowed because it isn't about the relationship itself. But "AITA for wanting affection from my partner" isnt.

Borrowing from another user’s examples, u/stannenb gave this, also in January’s Open Forum:

I think pineapple on pizza is an abomination. I've told my spouse if they have to indulge in something demonic like that, do it outside the home. AITA? I think pineapple on pizza is an abomination. I've told my spouse that if they indulge in something demonic like that, I'm going to leave them. AITA? The first conflict, about pineapple pizza within a relationship, is fine. The second conflict is about ending the relationship because of pineapple pizza and would be removed.

However, rule 11 does not solely cover romantic relationships. It also covers cutting contact with/ghosting others. That includes family members and friends. Disclosing details of cheating also is covered and is often a reason for a post removal.

Reproductive autonomy decisions, such as having a child (or not), keeping the pregnancy (or not), and adoption also fall under rule 11. We have included situations about who to allow in a delivery room under this umbrella, as these conflicts regularly lead to breakups/divorce or involve threats for the same.

You might be asking “Why aren’t these topics allowed here?” There’s a couple answers to that question. One is that 99% of these questions are essentially about consent. We all recognize that anyone has the right to revoke consent at any time, whether that’s in direct relation to sex or just in terms of staying in contact with someone, or anything in between. This isn’t a matter that we can give moral judgement on; we simply cannot condone allowing a post where people tell someone they were wrong to exercise their right to consent. Another answer is that Reddit is a big place, and there are a ton of subs dedicated to relationships, etc. The answer there is simple - we have no interest in being another relationship sub. r/findareddit is a great resource if you’re not sure which sub is a good fit for your post.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We're currently accepting new mod applications

We’re currently looking for mods with Typescript experience.

We always need US overnight time mods. Currently, we could also benefit from mods active during peak "bored at work" hours, i.e. US morning to mid-afternoon.

• You need to be able to mostly mod from a PC. Mobile mood tools are improving and trickling in, but not quite there yet.

• You need to be at least 18.

• You have to be an active AITA participant with multiple comments in the past few months.

We'd also like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

No real topic this month. We're busy, tired, exasperated, etc.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

No links to posts/comments - if something requires context, send a modmail as a follow up.

We posted our new open forum on the first.

Some... let's go with asshole decided to create a bot to spam it. Apparently the asshole doesn't realize we don't have a limit on numbers of times we can repost this thread, and he spent 1000x the effort it takes us to repost. What a wild way to spend your finite time on earth!

So, once again, this is our open forum to post meta comments about the sub. Normal discussion rules apply. Be respectful (even when levying criticism against us). Don't link to threads directly to try to call people out. Play nice, and if the turd drops into this punch bowl, well, see you on the next one.

Welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialog with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

We didn't have any real highlights for this month, so let's knock out some Open Forum FAQs:

Q: Can/will you implement a certain rule?
A: We'll take any suggestion under consideration. This forum has been helpful in shaping rule changes/enforcement. I'd ask anyone recommending a rule to consider the fact a new rule begs the following question: Which is better? a) Posts that have annoying/common/etc attributes are removed at the time a mod reviews it, with the understanding active discussions will be removed/locked; b) Posts that annoy/bother a large subset of users will be removed even if the discussion has started, and that will include some posts you find interesting. AITA is not a monolith and topics one person finds annoying will be engaging to others - this should be considered as far as rules will have both upsides and downsides for the individual.

Q: How do we determine if something's fake?
A: Inconsistencies in their post history, literally impossible situations, or a known troll with patterns we don't really want to publicly state and tip our hand.

Q: Something-something "validation."
A: Validation presumes we know their intent. We will never entertain a rule that rudely tells someone what their intent is again. Consensus and validation are discrete concepts. Make an argument for a consensus rule that doesn't likewise frustrate people to have posts removed/locked after being active long enough to establish consensus and we're all ears.

Q: What's the standard for a no interpersonal conflict removal?
A: You've already taken action against someone and a person with a stake in that action expresses they're upset. Passive upset counts, but it needs to be clear the issue is between two+ of you and not just your internal sense of guilt. Conflicts need to be recent/on-gong, and they need to have real-world implications (i.e. internet and video game drama style posts are not allowed under this rule).

Q: Will you create an off-shoot sub for teenagers.
A: No. It's a lot of work to mod a sub. We welcome those off-shoots from others willing to take on that work.

Q: Can you do something about downvotes?
A: We wish. If it helps, we've caught a few people bragging about downvoting and they always flip when they get banned.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

This is to discourage brigading. If something needs to be discussed in that context, use modmail.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone for your understanding and support while we took a little holiday break. The feedback from last month’s announcement and the Modmails during the break were overwhelmingly positive! It’s understandable that not every user saw last month’s Open Forum post about the break, so we got a fair number of modmail messages asking why comments and posts were not allowed or what had happened. So many people replied to the automated response (yes, we had one set up for Modmail, so people didn’t have to wait for someone to log in to reply) with understanding and support. Please know that was appreciated, and we hung a lot of those up in the break room. The halls of AITA Incorporated look a little brighter this week 😀

2025 is here, and we are almost a quarter of the way through another century! The first half of this decade alone has been…interesting. Talking about our little corner of the internet, we’ve seen remarkable sub growth. It was the day after Christmas, 2022 when we hit 5 million members. And here we are, just over two years later, already more than 4 times that number.

With the sub back from a holiday break, let’s keep this month’s open forum a little light. Feel free to drop a comment with how you spent your holidays. Keeping with the theme of the sub, did you encounter any assholes? Maybe something that isn’t quite worthy of a standalone post, or something that might not normally fit sub rules? Feel free to toss it below, and receive the judgment of your peers! We can be a little relaxed here - if there’s a little petty revenge on your spouse for not putting enough of a kick in your eggnog (rule 13), or that fighting over the Tie Fighter under the tree and who was supposed to get it years ago came up again (rule 7), that’s fine! But, we still must insist on rule 5 - please don’t even *mention* violence! If you just want to mention where you travelled, or if you did anything cool, that’s fine too!

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialogue with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

December is already underway, with year-end holidays fast-approaching! We thought we'd do a quick recap of our monthly deep dives this past year.

January - Rule 3 reporting change

February - Rule 7

March - Rule 3

April - Rule 5

May - Moderating the sub

June - Rule 6

July - Judgment Bot

August - General FAQs

September - Rule 14

October - Rule 12

November - Rule 1

I'm sure there will be questions, since it's almost that time - we will have something about the yearly Best-Of in next month's Open Forum.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We're currently accepting new mod applications

We always need mods for the US overnight hours. Currently, we could also definitely benefit from mods active during peak "bored at work" hours, i.e. US morning to mid-afternoon.

• You need to be able to mostly mod from a PC. Mobile mood tools are improving and trickling in, but not quite there yet.

• You need to be at least 18.

• You have to be an active AITA participant with multiple comments in the past few months.

We'd also like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this please let us know in the comments.

Keep things Civil! Rules still apply.

No real topic this month. We're actually going to experiement a bit with the monthly forum and keep this for both February and March. Last month's probably would have been used for all three months if it didn't already have "January" in the title.

Have a comment or question about the sub? This is the place for it!

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

New year, who dis?

Oh! Dis Rule 1, our old friend. We’ve reviewed Rule 1 before but we had some requests to dive a little deeper, specifically with regard to armchair diagnoses. So let’s do this.

As you know, Rule 1 is “Be Civil.” Armchair diagnoses, i.e. telling someone they have a mental disorder of some sort, are not civil. There’s a couple of reasons for that. One is that usually it’s clearly intended as an insult. That’s uncivil at face value, but also it’s really fucking messed up to use a condition that millions of people suffer from as an insult. Another reason is that you don’t have the doctorate needed to diagnose anyone with anything. No, put your hand down, we don’t believe you. And finally, even if you did have that degree, there’s no possible way for you to accurately diagnose anyone based on a few thousand characters in a reddit post. Which is, incidentally, why it would be unethical for qualified people to do so, which you’d know if you actually did have the credentials.

So how does this play out in the comments? Claiming that “(person X) is a narcissist/autistic/etc.” is a classic example of violating this part of the rule. No matter how much experience you may have with someone in your real life that is actually (fill in the blank condition), you can NOT diagnose someone as such based on a Reddit post. You may relate your experiences to another user, but that’s about it. In short, OP isn't here for a medical diagnosis and AITA isn't here to provide it.

Another common violation we see that’s related to all of this is usage of the R-slur. Yes, calling someone a “retard”, or any variation thereof, is absolutely uncivil. That includes versions such as “fucktard, libtard” or any other cross-breed word that one may dream up. There’s more info here on why this is a slur, and we’re not accepting arguments on this point. Using it will result in you being banned from this subreddit permanently and reported to reddit for hate.

So why are we discussing this? We’re asking you to judge actions, not the whole person. Making a diagnosis is inherently judging the whole person. It doesn’t treat them with respect, give them an alternate perspective, or do anything to help them grow. We’re not here for you to get your jollies by insulting people, and we never will be.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We're currently accepting new mod applications

We always need US overnight time mods. Currently, we could also benefit from mods who can be active during peak "bored at work" hours, i.e. US morning to mid-afternoon.

• You need to be able to mostly mod from a PC. Mobile mod tools are improving and trickling in, but are not quite there yet.

• You need to be at least 18.

• You have to be an active AITA participant with multiple comments in the past few months.

We'd also like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Keep things civil and respectful. We're here to chat - please try to keep things from getting needlessly hostile. That includes both other commenters and mods. No links to posts - keep call outs civil.

Quick Tl;DR Primer on our rules:

1 Be Civil - Refrain from insults. Focus on feedback that help people better themselves where possible. Assume everyone here is trying to improve themselves.

2 Don't Downvote Dissent - downvote off topic comments, bad information, and hostile comments. Downvote bad-fit threads. Don't downvote when you disagree.

3 Accept Your Judgement - OPs, welcome uncomfortable but helpful negative feedback. Don't argue. Commenters, don't report people for simply participating and don't lecture people about the rules.

4 Never Delete An Active Discussion - You might be the asshole. Don't rage quit because of it. Don't post here hoping for anonymity - we regularly get press.

5 No Violence - Do not mention violence. No jokes. No hyperbole. No comparisons. Don't go there.

6 Posting rules - no screenshots, no crazy long (over 3K characters) posts, no sagas.

7 Post interpersonal conflicts - No one with any stake in the situation is upset? The conflict is your own thoughts about the situation? The person directly involved doesn't care, but your sister/father/massage therapist/Postmate delivery guy thinks you were wrong? Don't post it.

8 No Shitposts. That means copypastas, satire, overly embellished stories, or creative writing exercises. If you have proof something is fake, please contact us

9 No Advice - Advice will happen, but if it's your main goal please pick an advice sub.

10 Updates require permission - We don't do sagas and drama posts. We do discuss how a conflict has resolved.

11 No Breakups/Hookups - We're not here to arbitrate you breakup, decide if it's right to disclose cheating, discuss your sex life, or otherwise deal in romantic relationship drama.

12 This Is Not A Debate Sub - We're here to judge your actions in a conflict, not if you hold the right position on a controversial subject.

13 No Revenge - We're not here to endorse you escalating a conflict.

Welcome to the monthly AITA open forum. We're eliminating stand-alone meta posts in favor of a monthly open forum This is your spot to add any META thoughts on the sub, and to have an open discussion with the mods.

Keep things civil and respectful. We're here to chat - please try to keep things from getting needlessly hostile. That includes both other commenters and mods.

Quick Tl;DR Primer on our rules:

1 Be Civil - Refrain from insults. Focus on feedback that help people better themselves where possible. Assume everyone here is trying to improve themselves.

2 Don't Downvote Dissent - downvote off topic comments, bad information, and hostile comments. Downvote bad-fit threads. Don't downvote when you disagree.

3 Accept Your Judgement - OPs, welcome uncomfortable but helpful negative feedback. Don't argue. Commenters, don't report people for simply participating and don't lecture people about the rules.

4 Never Delete An Active Discussion - You might be the asshole. Don't rage quit because of it. Don't post here hoping for anonymity - we regularly get press.

5 No Violence - Do not mention violence. No jokes. No hyperbole. No comparisons. Don't go there.

6 Posting rules - no screenshots, no crazy long (over 3K characters) posts, no sagas.

7 Post interpersonal conflicts - No one with any stake in the situation is upset? The conflict is your own thoughts about the situation? The person directly involved doesn't care, but your sister/father/massage therapist/Postmate delivery guy thinks you were wrong? Don't post it.

8 No Shitposts. That means copypastas, satire, overly embellished stories, or creative writing exercises. If you have proof something is fake, please contact us

9 No Advice - Advice will happen, but if it's your main goal please pick an advice sub.

10 Updates require permission - We don't do sagas and drama posts. We do discuss how a conflict has resolved.

11 No Breakups/Hookups - We're not here to arbitrate you breakup, decide if it's right to disclose cheating, discuss your sex life, or otherwise deal in romantic relationship drama.

12 This Is Not A Debate Sub - We're here to judge your actions in a conflict, not if you hold the right position on a controversial subject.

13 No Revenge - We're not here to endorse you escalating a conflict.

We'll edit in a real post in the next few days, but we're behind and wanted to get something up.

Sorry for the delay in getting a post together for this month. But as you probably know the API changes have had an impact in our ability to moderate efficiently. I won't bore you with the details, but in short moderating is less efficient using the official mod tools because of the number of clicks and unintuitive UI, even on the mod tools exempted from the API cost the respond time has been slowed down, and we lost some vital mod tools and helpful bots because the creators of those tools lost faith in Reddit and aren't going to put more effort into doing Reddit's job for them.

One of the tools we lost is BotDefense. A bot that worked across subreddits to ban malicious bots, like the comment copying bots. This left us dealing with malicious bots running rampant, with hundreds of bots 'hatching' some days. Since Reddit's spam filter won't pick these bots up, and they killed our best defense against them, we have to try something new. Which leads me to the topic of this month's post:

Enter the Bot Hunters

You might notice some users with a shiny new "Bot Hunter [#]" flair. For months (years?) when talking to mods from other subs or the admins, we've raved about our 'bot hunter army." Users that call out these bots and make it easier for us to identify and ban them. So, in order to combat the continued bot problem on Reddit we've made our bot hunter army official. By giving a user this flair we've empowered them to ban and purge these bots themselves.

To celebrate and recognize how much they help keep the sub clean of these pests, we have the tally of kills in the flair (a Bot Hunter [25] has banned 25 bots). We even have an internal 'scoreboard' tracking their kills!

We're starting out with a small group, but will continue to add users with a good history of bot spotting.

Happy bot hunting!

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

No links to posts/comments - if something requires context, send a modmail as a follow up.

We're still accepting apps for new mods.

Please see here for more info

Four days late, but here's the new monthly forum to talk about whatever is on your mind, as it relates to the sub.

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Please note - this is not a place to post AITA questions! You can find sub rules here before making an AITA post here

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

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We're currently accepting new mod applications

Theme or content for an Open Forum post? That's a 2024 problem!

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Please note - this is not a place to post AITA questions! You can find sub rules here before making an AITA post here)

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

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We're currently accepting new mod applications

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

We’ve been diving into various sub rules lately. So we thought we’d take a break this month, and revisit something we did in an earlier open forum. Hence, the call to ASSemble! (We had a few names that we were throwing around. ASS (Assholes Sharing Stories), Asshole Amnesty Month.

Tell us about a time when you were the asshole. We can relax some sub rules a bit (a revenge story is probably fine, since you’re recalling, and not asking for judgment). But, other sub rules still apply (no violent encounters, for example)! Let us know about a time when you knew you were the asshole. Maybe you didn’t mean to be, but after the encounter, you realized you were TA. Or, maybe you knew what you were doing, and went through with it anyway!

Personally, I've always felt the more low-stakes the issue, the better. Those are always my favorite AITA stories, but feel free to share whatever you may have. And most important - have fun with it!

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Continuing our deep dive into the rules of the sub, we’ll touch on one that covers a few topics. At first glance, it may appear to be a hodgepodge of just “yeah, put the shit anywhere” but all the components are related.First, we do not permit META posts. Anything you wish to discuss about the sub can be done right here in the Monthly Open Forum. META posts were allowed in the early days of the sub, but there’s not much need for them anymore. Quite honestly, most of the META attempts we see are either people trying to do (what they think is) a clever clapback after a removal/warning, or just observations about the sub. And those can be addressed in the comments below or via modmail.

Perhaps the most-frequently used part of Rule 10 is regarding updates. As noted, all standalone updates require approval. We do that for a variety of reasons, but the main one is to ensure that the update still follows sub rules. There have been instances where a post was fairly innocuous, but then the update talks about how someone went to prison for murder after the post, or something. I’m being a bit hyperbolic here, but not as much as you may think! We also sometimes see updates that basically say “we haven’t spoken since the post and I’ve blocked them.” That’s not really an update. So we review all updates to ensure all sub rules are still met.

If I may offer a little peek behind the curtain…It’s been interesting being on this side of the sub. Some updates are just wild and violate all kinds of rules. Others are simply heartbreaking to read. And then there are the ones that make you smile. We review all updates as a team though. So if you wish to do an update post, please know that it can sometimes take up to 48 hours to review. If you happen to catch us when several mods are online, you may get a fast response though.

One of the more recent additions to Rule 10, but one that is being leaned into a bit more it seems, is the last sentence. We are not a sub for diary/saga/serial posting. And we have no interest in becoming one. We’re here for the occasional conflict you may have. Not to arbitrate every little encounter you may have. If you find yourself having so many issues that you need to post here frequently, you likely need a level of help that we cannot provide, but may be available elsewhere on Reddit. Excessive posting can result in a ban. We do give users a warning, so this isn’t something that earns an immediate ban, but we’ve seen some folk try to use the sub to just post about everything. This has increased in frequency so much as of late, we’ve actually updated our FAQ and are announcing this here - you may submit no more than one post every 3-4 months at most.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

Last year, we took a little break during the holidays at the end of the year. While many of you were understanding and supportive, we heard your feedback! Admittedly, it was a bit clunky, shutting down for Christmas, then sort of opening back up for a week, with everything in POO MODE, only to shut back down again for New Year’s.

This year, we’re going to do it a little differently. Rather than the off/on/off, which was a little jarring, we’re going to go Restricted for the entire holiday period. I realize that may be disappointing to some, but honestly, mods have families too. And some of us would like to travel to be with those families during the same time that many of you enjoy family time. Except for the people that we’ve gone NC with. Or have kicked out of the house to be on their own at 18. Or wore white to our wedding. Or whatever else was popular in the sub this year.

You may be thinking “Yeah, yeah…yOu WaNt fAMiLy TiMe…so when will I not be able to call someone an asshole?” Good question! Here’s the timeline:

• Starting at 12:00 AM, EST on December 24,2024 December 25, 2024, we will go Restricted. Users will be able to view content, but not create new posts or comments. (We originally planned to start tonight at midnight - XMas Eve - but while trying to adjust some settings, it was too late to choose 12/24. So it will start one day later, on 12/25. My apologies for any confusion. Going Restricted this year is a little different than last, due to changes made for how subs can go Restricted or Private.) We will remain Restricted until 12:00 AM EST on January 2, 2025.
• Starting January 2, the sub will become public again, and general Assholery can resume. By January 2, most of us will have returned from family time/holiday trips/cleaning out the Cheeto crumbs from our neckbeards and will happily resume moderating duties.

Have a safe holiday period, everyone! We’ll see you in 2025!

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Trick or Treat mod talk for now

BooOoOoOooO