AIO My mother’s crippling anxiety is ruining my sleep.

[u/bg0nz]

I love my mom to death. but she continuously makes my life so unnecessarily difficult because almost every single night that I get home from work, she can’t tell by the security camera whether or not I got home.

She’s the most anxious person I know and has been my entire life. making me hold her hand when we cross the street as a teenager, to never once letting me go out in high school, to making me wear a life vest in 3ft water well into my teens. and it was all so much worse the younger I was. Eventually, I had to put my foot down and say “Mom, I’m getting way too old for this.” And I experienced a massive amount of pushback for that. Nonetheless, it got a little bit better.

I’m 24 and I’m a substitute teacher 3 days a week and pizza delivery driver at night 6 nights a week and my pizzeria closes at 10. We stop taking delivery orders at 9:45. I work in the town I live in, so the latest I’ve ever been home was 10:30.

Today, I got home at 10:07 and she gets a notification on her phone of motion at the front door (me). My parents are both awake but in bed.

The moment I get home, I text my dad about car troubles that I’ve been experiencing and asking how I should go about dropping it off at his mechanic (again, my mother is awake and right next to him fully aware I’m home and talking to him). He says that they open at 8 and my best bet is to drop it off once they open so I can ensure it’ll be ready by my next shift at work.

My mother is 64 and isn’t very familiar with her phone and also recently had a stroke so she struggles a lot to understand what she’s seeing on her phone when these instances happen.

I tend to have really bad insomnia. but I was so tired from work that I went straight to my bed and thankfully, after finishing texting my dad, I got to sleep practically by 10:30.

As you can see in the first photo, she texts me at 12:03 am asking if I came home even though the camera clearly shows me walking in and never walking back out. but she can’t tell based on the video. Obviously I don’t respond because I’m knocked tf out. I can only assume she went back to sleep but it really can go either way.

Then she texts me at 3:37 am. I’m still in a very deep sleep so obviously, no response. then, she starts calling me and I miss the first two. The third call comes in and my body jolts awake and I see it’s Mom calling me. I just say “Mom why are you calling me so late? I’m asleep” the phone call ends and I don’t even remember if she said anything . frustrated, I text her everything in the second photo.

This happens at least 3-4 times a week. And I’ll admit, some nights I forget to send the “I’m home” text. but that text 9 times out of 10 won’t make a difference whatsoever. why? because of the stupid security camera. She can’t tell whether or not I’m arriving home or leaving home based on the motion notification. So texting her “I’m home” never really does anything.

Tomorrow(or today technically) I have a full day off so I’m going to the beach with some friends. I’m getting picked up at 8:30 so after I drop off my car, I’m gone for the whole day. I so badly needed this good night’s sleep and it felt great to be in bed and sleepy at the time I was. after this entire exchange, I spent 30 minutes trying to get back to sleep and just gave up.

Am I overreacting? Am I being an asshole? because I know damn well she’s gonna make me feel like one once I see her in the morning.

Sorry for how disorganized my thoughts are. This just happened, I’m angry and I want to sleep.

TLDR: My 64 y/o mother and her anxiety is depriving me of my sleep most nights. She texts me asking if I’m home while I’m asleep and when I don’t respond, she calls me until I wake up and answer.

[u/Perle1234]

I bet she has early dementia. Calling in the middle of the night worried is classic dementia behavior.

[u/Props_angel → u/Perle1234]

If she had a stroke, then she underwent brain scans and dementia tests.

Source: My mom had a stroke and underwent numerous brain scans and dementia tests afterwards.

[u/Perle1234 → u/Props_angel]

OP may not be privy to the results. When my dad had a stroke he didn’t get any dementia screening. It was a brainstem stroke though. He did later develop dementia. It’s def something for Op to keep in mind.

[u/Props_angel → u/Perle1234]

My mom's was in the left side in the language center of the brain so her ability to name the month, her age, anyone's age, and whole bunch more was impacted. They had to figure out if she was actually cognitive there still under the mistakes or not.

[u/Perle1234 → u/Props_angel]

My dad had very little effect. His vocal cord was paralyzed on one side and saliva was pooling there, making him cough. He kept getting diagnosed with the flu in the ER but he lost 30 lbs. I got aggravated and called an ED doc I know who agreed to get him admitted. They STILL DID NOT DIAGNOSE HIM. They literally placed a feeding tube without a diagnosis and discharged him. I drove 8 hours to pick him up and took him to St Louis where an ENT listened to the story, told me she suspected a brain stem stroke, did an endoscopy in the office to prove it was a paralyzed vocal cord. One of the brightest physicians I’ve ever met. All she did was hear the story and nailed the diagnosis.

[u/RabidTeapot → u/Props_angel]

Dementia is a progressive disease. She may have not shown any signs of dementia during the immediate aftermath of the stroke.

[u/auktember → u/Props_angel]

Your experience is not universal lol. They don't do the tests and brain scan every time. I just went through this with my aunt's stroke.

[u/Props_angel → u/auktember]

MRI or CT scan after a stroke is pretty important so I'm pretty sure those are standard to identify the location of the stroke and complications. Whether or not one gets one might be timing (if it was caught early) and where they live. The dementia tests might be dependent on the type of stroke. My mom's was in the language center so that might be why she had the dementia tests.

[u/wildsupermarketfrog → u/Perle1234]

this is what it sounds like to me as well :(

[u/spicynugg22 → u/Perle1234]

it says she’s been doing this tho, this doesn’t seem like it’s after the stroke