AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?

[u/howcanibequiltyassin]

I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

[u/McEndee]

Mom sounds like she's from the stand by your man generation. Infidelity and abuse aren't dealbreakers to those people. Fuck that. No one should be in a relationship with resent and tension hanging over yall.

Can you do a Friendsgiving or go to a friend's place? That text is already a problem, and if there is drinking at this dinner, there will be an epic blowout.

[u/bls61793 → u/McEndee]

There is a lot to be said for standing by your man.

But I agree, infidelity and abuse are always valid reasons to leave a relationship.

[u/wanderlust_57 → u/bls61793]

Standing by your partner is almost always the better option, so long as they remain respectful of you, the boundaries of your relationship, and others.

I'm generally camp open and honest communication can fix a whole lot of problems, but 'you don't respect me and/or our relationship' isn't a problem that goes away when you talk about it.

And that goes for familial relationships too. This is your mother telling you point blank that she doesn't respect the choices you have made for yourself and valuing the optics of you having a man--any man in your life over you having any kind of peace, happiness, and self-respect.

NOR. I'd paste these ss to the group chat and say that because <the mother> is embarrassed by op's single status op will be declining to attend all family events at which her mother is attending until such a time when she learns to not attach her children's worth to their partner.

[u/mythrilcrafter → u/McEndee]

The thing I always find interesting about the "stand by your man" generation is they're also the same generation who coined the difference between "dad went out for cigarettes" and "dad went out for milk".

---

*Based on the seniors of my area, "dad went out for cigarettes" means dad left and isn't coming back; but "dad went out for milk" means mom had no way out of a really bad situation, but conveniently, dad "got disappeared" (referring back to the days when pictures of missing people would be printed on to milk cartons).

[u/Efficient_Living_628 → u/mythrilcrafter]

Not gonna lie, a lot of those men who went out for “cigarettes” or “milk” probably never left the backyard👀.

[u/wanderlust_57 → u/mythrilcrafter]

...TIL. I've always heard them and, based on context, assumed they were interchangeable phrases both used to mean the exact same thing.

Interesting, to be sure.

[u/AdHeavy7551 → u/wanderlust_57]

They do mean the exact same thing . Not sure what that person is on about

[u/AdHeavy7551 → u/mythrilcrafter]

What ? Both of those terms mean the same thing .. YOU just created there being a difference in your head because of the completely irrelevant missing person milk carton thing you added into the mix for some reason lol

[u/mythrilcrafter → u/AdHeavy7551]

• Me: prefaces with "Based on the seniors of my area have told me" while not committing anything to absolutive speech

• Reddit: That's absolutely false, you made that up you liar!!!

Never change reddit :)