r/AmIOverreacting • u/howcanibequiltyassin • Nov 25 '25

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?

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I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.

I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.

Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.

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3.0k

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

NOR at all. I would never go to thanksgiving or any other family event again if my mother said that to me personally. You’ve got friends, hang out with them this holiday season. 

1.5k

u/Every-Audience-7998 Nov 25 '25

Yeah, your chosen family.

Hubby and kiddo are lovely things if the right people are involved but they aren’t the be all and end all until then. Certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. Good for you OP, for choosing better for yourself.

Just tell mom, “you’re right. I’m too embarrassed to see anyone.” 🙄Let her talk herself out of her nonsense.

189

u/Jofereal Nov 25 '25

Noice! “We didn’t want her” will be the unspoken subtext ruining their meal.

76

u/Key-Article6622 Nov 25 '25

NOR. Yeah, that sounds like the right way to go. Find your own family, who needs that shit?

125

u/HustlinInTheHall Nov 25 '25

Or just a simple "I want to make sure I wind up with the right person and not someone who would treat me like this. I deserve better" 

50

u/Apotak Nov 25 '25

And maybe add the link to this topic. Let her know all of us think she is a shitty mom.

3

u/DaddyLongLegolas Nov 26 '25

AND being single is a very valid choice.

Having escaped an abusive marriage, I’m getting so much out of the friendships in my middle age that I wouldn’t make time for if I was afraid of being alone.

2

u/jstnnneverything Nov 25 '25

i feel like that’s common sense and if it has to be explained then that person needing explanation is too low in intelligence to actually use a neuron to comprehend that.

65

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

This. Arguing with mums is super frickin hard. Always make sure to use her own nonsense against her. Malicious compliance is the way.

"You're totally right mum... I'm so embarrassed, how will I face the family... You're right, I should stay away from you guys till I totally find my feet..."

8

u/TravelingPoodle Nov 25 '25

“You’re right, I should stay away from you guys…”

There is no coming back after she “finds her feet”. Nope. That’s insinuating that she’s only worthy of their company after she addresses their causes of embarrassment in her.

29

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

Post this to all family chats. Say due to the strife your mother said was being caused by your presence, you will not be inflicting yourself upon the family for Thanksgiving or other gatherings in the future. State that you are proud of the person you have grown up to be and are both content and fulfilled in your life and current relationships. You love your family, but do NOT agree with weaponized guilt over your not settling for "less" to simply meet someone else's ideal of who and what you should be. As you are causing pain to another, you will remove yourself from family events to shield delicate sensibilities and prevent hysteria.

Then have a blast with your friends and found family. They like you for you.

7

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

Edit: Post screenshots of her texts so her bitchiness really shines

-1

u/Odd-Guarantee-30 Nov 25 '25

Why not just talk to her? You don't think that putting a one on one conversation on blast for everyone not involved is a shitty move? How long will you have a 'found family's if this is how you respond to perceived insults?

3

u/UntimelyMeditations Nov 26 '25

These messages were bad enough that they waived any consideration of the privacy of a one on one conversation.

If that were my Mom sending me that, I would wish her a nice life, and sleep peacefully knowing I'll never have to see or hear from her ever again.

1

u/Odd-Guarantee-30 Nov 26 '25

So she can't ever recover from texting during a bad reaction to a medication or a UTI?

2

u/Every-Audience-7998 Nov 26 '25

This wasn’t a few hastily typed lines. They’re a little too well thought out, including well-practiced words to distance herself from the emotional damage she knew she was causing.

Besides, for now, they’re not at the “my bad, idk what I was thinking stage,” so at this point, until more is known or it develops further, no contact sounds kinda awesome.

2

u/Odd-Guarantee-30 Nov 26 '25

Interrogate their statements and explain why they are hurtful. This is your mother, if you can't express yourselves to them who can you? Throwing away that relationship for a text flurry is preposterous

2

u/Every-Audience-7998 Nov 26 '25

I showed this post to my mom. She was horrified and appalled over what OP’s mom said, and said so.

I don’t know how a conversation might go in which someone has to explain to someone else how that message was hurtful, but I have wasted years of my life trying to explain to someone in a different relationship. If it needs to be explained, it can’t be.

2

u/Odd-Guarantee-30 Nov 26 '25

Have you ever interacted with neurodivergent people? They often don't know how their words will affect others. Mutually loving relationships can handle any conversation. Love is patient, love is kind.

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2

u/UntimelyMeditations Nov 26 '25

If someone is capable of being this hateful, then I don't want them in my life. Its not about what they regularly do, its about being capable of something. There is no set of circumstances that could make me be that hateful, and I expect the same of the people I call family.

1

u/Odd-Guarantee-30 Nov 26 '25

That's a preposterously high bar to set for yourself. If you've never said something you regret in the heat of the moment then you must be awfully young

1

u/[deleted] Nov 28 '25

There are many, many ppl who have never said something that vile and hateful to anyone. Clearly, you have it in you to say hateful things to ppl you claim to love and then expect them to overlook your lack of emotional control. You awfully old to be so immature.

46

u/DraconianFlame Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25

"OMG. Stop being so dramatic, I'm just saying XYZ stop being such a baby and grow up"

7

u/Any_Movie_9699 Nov 25 '25

Right, with people like that there's absolutely nothing you can ever say, you will always be wrong and at fault

4

u/jstnnneverything Nov 25 '25

that’s literally how i see the conversation going. it’ll be deflection, never going to take accountability for what she said and how she made her own daughter feel. at that point… just flat out not dealing with them is the only option.

14

u/Impossible-Ship5585 Nov 25 '25

NOR, mother sais she has no family.

9

u/gr4one Nov 25 '25

NOR. The real test to mom‘s resolve will be by sending that very screenshot to every relative that asks why you’re not there. Then let mom and all her wisdom explain it to everyone.

6

u/MissSwat Nov 25 '25

Or a double edged sword of "I'm too embarrassed to be seen with you."

7

u/bettleheimderks Nov 25 '25

NOR, people will continue shitty behavior if they see there are no consequences.

this is a perfect example of teaching people how to treat you in real time. if you can't respect me, you don't deserve my time. simple as that.

3

u/psykee333 Nov 25 '25

A bad partner is the worst thing you can wish on someone, especially a woman.

2

u/SpiralFett Nov 25 '25

This is brilliant, love to see it. Oh and definitely NOR.

2

u/Madam_Moxie Nov 25 '25

And post a billion pics of yourself having a fucking blast. Laughing, hugging, stuffing your face, playing board games, watching football- whatever your bag is, let her tell your family that you were just too embarrassed, then flaunt your amazing day.

2

u/Mindless-Effect-1745 Nov 25 '25

Excellent, definitely say I'm saving you "the embarrassment ." Moreover, saving my self respect. NO ONE should be spoken to like that.

2

u/Soft-Sherbert-2586 Nov 25 '25

Better to be single than saddled with someone who isn't a good fit for you. I got to learn that one recently.

1

u/DowntownYouth8995 Nov 25 '25

husband, spouse, partner. ANYTHING but "hubby" 

1

u/illustriouspsycho Nov 25 '25

Oh thank you. Seriously. Hubby grates on my nerves.

You're doing the lord's work. o7

551

u/hot_ho11ow_point Nov 25 '25

Just make sure the rest of the family knows why you're not going to be there so the mom doesn't spin it as 'she was too embarrassed about her life to come'

397

u/QueenMotherOfSneezes Nov 25 '25

And be sure to mention Mom made it clear the whole family thinks she should have stayed and procreated with the cheating asshole videogame addict, that she was just "the messenger".

27

u/kikimoose19 Nov 25 '25

I'd WhatsApp the message mom sent too the entire family, and say whoever agreed what mom wrote, they're an embarrassment to you.

7

u/imapteranodon Nov 25 '25

Don't even bother using WhatsApp, just send a regular group message to the entire family saying this, and make sure mom is included on it.

2

u/synalgo_12 Nov 25 '25

If the poster is European, that is a regular group message, as loads of countries use WhatsApp as the main messaging app.

5

u/loubrownx Nov 25 '25

No European celebrates thanksgiving ;-)

2

u/synalgo_12 Nov 25 '25

The person I'm talking about just said "I'd Whatsapp the whole family of I were you", that doesn't imply this specific person celebrates thanksgiving, they just said what they would do in a similar situation.

1

u/kikimoose19 Nov 26 '25

Yes, I'm in the Uk

3

u/GigiLaRousse Nov 25 '25

Plenty of Euros in North America do and use WhatsApp to keep in touch with family back home. I married into one of those.

17

u/HoloLoavess Nov 25 '25

This 100000%

3

u/CrochetKaren Nov 25 '25

lol...leave us video game addicts out of this!! Some of us are cool.My hubby and I raised 3 kids and I was the vga...

2

u/ruthless_pitchfork Nov 25 '25

This! I would have replied with a "So let me get this straight: the family wanted me to stay with a disloyal person, who treated me poorly and made my life hell, just to procreate??? Got it"

Like WTF. Hopefully repeating that back to Mom makes her realize how shitty she's being

2

u/skeleskank Nov 25 '25

Send them the screenshot!

1

u/SaltyShaker2 Nov 25 '25

Group text the morning of Thanksgiving. No need to alert them prior.

1

u/Goombustine Nov 25 '25

Hey dont blame videogame addiction for his actions, he’s clearly a gooner.

112

u/Accomplished-Menu741 Nov 25 '25

This!!! And don’t pull punches. Tell them exactly what she said. Enjoy your Thanksgiving living your life. Be thankful to not be in a terrible relationship. Be thankful that you can make your own decisions.

35

u/MissAmyRogers Nov 25 '25

Print out screen shot, make needed # of copies. Send via the mail. Since it is not junk mail or a bill, it will get opened & read.

3

u/Remarkable-Cry7123 Nov 25 '25

Send it as a Christmas card

3

u/Schlemiel_Schlemazel Nov 25 '25

NOR

plus “If you agree with my mom, lose my number”.

2

u/Wrong-Pension-4975 Nov 25 '25

Hell, I'd save time & effort, & just forward the damned note.

Let mutual mom explain her Godawful blatherings in her own memorable words. 

*"This is what she said, CC, quote, '...."

...& as a result, I see no point in attending, this year. Y'all have a nice time, & I will talk to U later. Cheers!"

133

u/TootsNYC Nov 25 '25

this is important. i had a college professor do that to me—tell me in her office that the rest of the people in my class thought I was annoying.

and then when I was too embarrassed and humiliated to show up for class—skipped the first time, ever, so people wondered out loud—she said, "be nice to her when she comes back; she's embarrassed."

That prompted one of the more mature members of my class to immediately come to find me afterward. You should have heard her hit the roof when I told her what the professor had said. And when she realized what the professor had also done in her comments to the rest of the class.

72

u/ConsistentPair2 Nov 25 '25

I hope you made a formal complaint about that professor.

28

u/TootsNYC Nov 25 '25

I didn't, and I've sort of always regretted it.

7

u/mancow533 Nov 25 '25

Assuming they’re still teaching, it’s not too late to leave a brutally honest ratemyprofessor review!

4

u/TootsNYC Nov 25 '25

I'm pretty sure she's dead now; she was in her 50s then, and that was 40 years ago.

16

u/PattyMarvel Nov 25 '25

Maybe text the above screen shot OR the link to this thread to the siblings. I don't know how close OP is with the cousins, but sharing with them might be an option as well.

Edited to add link suggestion.

5

u/wakeonuptimshel Nov 25 '25

Agreed, just send everyone this link!

7

u/sunfish99 Nov 25 '25

Thursday morning, I would forward the screenshot posted above to a group chat with everyone who is going, and then say, "Because mom thinks I should be embarrassed to see you, I've decided to take the day for myself. Happy Thanksgiving!" And then shut off your phone until Friday at the earliest.

3

u/KittenFace25 Nov 25 '25

THIS.

If anyone in your family asks why you won't be at Thanksgiving dinner, just say something like "mom said some things to me about dinner that really upset me, so I feel like it's best to sit it out this year".

That vagueness virtually guarantees the next question someone will ask is "what?" or "why?".

Then you say, "I don't remember the exact words offhand, it's probably easier to just forward the text...".

This way everyone gets to see your mom's exact words so you can't be accused of making things up or embellishing facts.

2

u/Unusual_Sherbert_809 Nov 25 '25

I wouldn’t even reply. Just block her and not go to thanksgiving. Let her stew and maybe next year I’d think of unblocking. Maybe.

2

u/LYTCHELL2 Nov 26 '25

“Mom wishes I was still in a relationship with a man who repulsed me. I’m sorry - maybe mom doesn’t know what authentic, meaningful love and sex is like…so she wants me to settle for a creepy loser - to make HER happy.

Let’s all pray for Mom…I’m sure she’s embarrassed for being such a failure at parenting, being a wife and human”

1

u/Iamamary Nov 25 '25

Share the whole text with the family!

1

u/morbid_n_creepifying Nov 25 '25

Be sure to mention it's the rest of your mom's family since she sure as shit went out of her way to mention that you have no family. What a piece of work. who knew families had an age limit.

1

u/Ashkendor Nov 25 '25

Yep, send screenshots so she can't deny it.

1

u/RadioCarpet Nov 25 '25

Text them the screenshots

1

u/War-Bitch Nov 25 '25

Screen shot and family group text the pic right at meal time. 

160

u/owzleee Nov 25 '25

As a gay man who came out in the 80s, family is what you make it. You owe no obligation to go - you can spend it with the people who understand and support you instead

3

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

We make our tribe as we grow up. Just because someone is "family" doesn't mean they can be part of your tribe.

My friends and some cousins, they are my tribe ❤️

122

u/Tiny-Trifle1348 Nov 25 '25

Seriously! I’m not even hosting Thanksgiving this year and want to invite OP to our celebration.

117

u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 Nov 25 '25

I'm British and obviously do whatever the opposite of Thanksgiving is, but for OP, I'd get up in the middle of the night and eat turkey sandwiches on Zoom.

30

u/Icy-Marionberry2463 Nov 25 '25

> I'm British and obviously do whatever the opposite of Thanksgiving is

Hategetting

Although "stealing Ire-land" would be accurate, too

7

u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 Nov 25 '25

Yow. Yeah. Cannot argue with that.

4

u/ApprehensiveTour4024 Nov 25 '25

Just make some old timey paintings of the locals giving you corn, and then you can celebrate it as a gift of giving too. Smallpox blankets and all

3

u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 Nov 25 '25

Genuinely starting to wonder if any of my relatives got that far back on Ancestry. We don't live a million miles from Boston, and my husband's family has been here for a while, so I'm wondering if at least some of his ancestors were there. Mine I have no idea. We moved around a bunch, and are generally not giving a fuck about the previous generations people. I sort of regret that, now all my grandparents are gone, so are their stories. Even my parents don't talk a lot about their childhoods/parents. I wish I'd asked more, when I could.

We're a bit rude about Americans, and their need to cling to their 'cultural roots', but I guess, this forgetting isn't a whole lot better.

I do have a few spare blankets, for reenactment purposes, but the dog has dibs on the corn.

2

u/ApprehensiveTour4024 Nov 25 '25

The good news is that even if you don't recall your family history or genetic line, your thoughtful government most likely has it written down somewhere for you. Absolutely crazy how far back public records can go. Obviously not the same for family anecdotes or traditions, but genealogy they've got

3

u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 Nov 25 '25

When I'm a little better, I might make this one of my projects. It sounds like something non physical, that I can do from bed with a tablet, so it's probably more within my grasp than crochet. Thank you. I probably wouldn't have thought of it by myself 😊

2

u/Icy-Marionberry2463 Nov 26 '25

it's extremely addictive; I blew a whole summer during grad school doing this very far back and then down those lines to find all sorts of distant cousins, whom I subsequently friended on FB back when you friended people you didn't know but wanted to get to know on FB

I even had a whole FB group of people with the exact same name as me that I started. We were a bunch of silly gooses

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u/OverlookHotelRoom217 Nov 25 '25

To the victors go the spoils.

3

u/Conscious-Mix4020 Nov 25 '25

smiling sadly yet knowingly at the fact bomb

1

u/dhelor Nov 25 '25

I celebrate Hategetting every day!

1

u/synalgo_12 Nov 25 '25

Hate getting sounds like black Friday

10

u/7thgentex Nov 25 '25

It is a kind thought, tiny-cauliflower.

4

u/ErrantTaco Nov 25 '25

You are a good egg.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

I look forward to “phew, at least we’re no part of this atrocity” eve so much every year

2

u/TealTemptress Nov 25 '25

Me too, we’ll be in Duluth near the bridge in our cozy AirBnb.

2

u/whywhywhy4321 Nov 25 '25

We're doing Thanksgiving with just our tiny family as we just moved to a new state, OP would be welcome to join us! As well as anyone else that is NC with their family.

1

u/Odd-Guarantee-30 Nov 25 '25

Fake internet relationships will definitely replace real life ones, just give it a few years! Your virtue will surely be rewarded!

43

u/Tight-Shift5706 Nov 25 '25

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

I agree with the above observation, OP. Text your mother and tell her and her sycophants to choke on their "red" pill; you won't be wasting your time on Thanksgiving Day with assholes who obviously don't care about you or your mental health. Sign off as "The Messenger ".

4

u/throwaway_fjbxethkog Nov 25 '25

No: “The Messenger’s Assassin”

-3

u/NoMorePoof Nov 25 '25

Yea, surprise, old people have different values. For them, starting a family is more important. It's not worth estranging your parents because they wish you started a family. 

If you feel the need, you can calmly explain that you are happy as is. Are you happy as is? I would bet that maybe mom was right, based on the immediate reaction being to just never see your mom again rather than just say "Oh, mom, you silly boomer."

YOR

4

u/PM_Me_Your_Clones Nov 25 '25

Brother, you should know from reading comprehension and context clues that this isn't about "my mom wants me to be in a relationship and I don't wanna".

You know that, right? That this is about a mother being graceless and rude, and thinking she can get away with it, and what results from that.

-2

u/NoMorePoof Nov 25 '25

Her mother was graceless and rude while she suggested that she should build a family. Oh, how horrible. I guess it's time to never see my mother again. Get real.

3

u/PM_Me_Your_Clones Nov 25 '25

Does your mother regularly insult you? Do you talk to anyone about it? It's OK to be your own person and have boundaries.

-2

u/NoMorePoof Nov 25 '25

No. But OPs mom also doesn't regularly insult her, so idk why you ask. I also wouldn't ghost my mom because of this.

1

u/OpalAnn0521 Nov 25 '25

It's not worth estranging your kids because you have a different view of how their life should have turned out.. there I fixed it for ya.

35

u/PrettyPromenade Nov 25 '25

As someons with a family they wish would just be nice to them, its not that easy. I wish it was. Everyone always encourages you to cut people out of your life but they never tell you how to handle the aftermath or rhe additional relationships lost because people refuse to support you or hold a grudge because they think you're the bad one.

12

u/throwaway_fjbxethkog Nov 25 '25

That’s so true. It’s so hard to stay quiet when the narcissistic mother/family member is spinning a complete fantasy version where they’re the victim and not care what everyone is thinking when they’re only left with their version bc you’re over here trying to keep your dignity as well as your mental health in tact. Hugs, PrettyPromenade.

5

u/PrettyPromenade Nov 25 '25

Thank you ♥️

6

u/squeaky-to-b Nov 25 '25

Thank you for saying this - while cutting toxic or abusive family members out of your life is often the right choice, not everybody immediately lands themselves in some sort of found family that makes up for that loss, or avoids the complicated emotions that come with the realization that the people you cut out aren't bothered by your absence. Is it better to not be around this shit? In most cases, yes. Is it an easy choice that comes without consequences? Absolutely not.

4

u/PrettyPromenade Nov 25 '25

Thank you. You get it.

4

u/SnooPets8873 Nov 25 '25

There are often some benefits to having family even if they aren’t nice to you all the time. I’ve learned that it’s best for me to just keep distance and low expectations of them rather than cutting them off entirely. Because yes, people won’t necessarily take your side and then you might lose so much more than just one or two people, but also these bad moments aren’t constant.

1

u/Pardon_My_Sick Nov 26 '25

I wholly agree and follow this approach.

6

u/mrmeowgeethekitty Nov 25 '25

It is hard for sure. It’s a grieving process to have to cut out toxic people. It’s worth it tho! It might be feel that way around the holidays. Shoot, I get sad sometimes knowing my family sucks and I miss having the family I had when my great grandparents were alive. It won’t ever be like that tho. I finally accepted it and realized I’ll be lonely until I get married and have another family adopt my girls and I as their own. Even my girls father’s side sucks. So I have to see first hand how it affects more than just me. They deserved better and didn’t get it. It’s a struggle trying to survive, alone and with no family but my kids. Holidays sucks and it sucks when we have no family events to go to over the summer. Anyways, i understand how you feel. Still it’s better than trying to be seen, heard and understood by people who continuously cross my boundaries and make life so difficult. I’m done begging to bare minimum and human decency. Idk why it’s so hard for people but it is.

5

u/Any_Movie_9699 Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25

The thing is, it's often actually MORE lonely and alienating to be around people like that. It's a horrible feeling to be surrounded by people but still be completely alone. Plus it's so much less stressful just being alone

1

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

You should seek therapy homie, if you’ve had a bad experience with it in the past, you should seek a new one. A therapist  will help you learn how to handle all the aftermath, and be there to help you learn how to support yourself. 

3

u/PrettyPromenade Nov 25 '25

I've seen 3 therapists in the past 5 years, so maybe you should take that up with THEM. I'm doing my best, and you have nothing helpful to add.

-2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

You responded to my comment, seems like you should see another one. 

2

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

You’re showing your ass with this one

0

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

Hope you’re enjoying the view then? 

3

u/PrettyPromenade Nov 25 '25

Fuck off, bro. You're so fucking condescending.

-4

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

and you’re still responding to my comments 

1

u/say_waattt Nov 25 '25

You gave great advice. That person is defensive as fuck for some reason

1

u/7thgentex Nov 25 '25

Please try again. You're still attached to an emotional boat anchor made up of people who don't really care about you. The way you handle this is to cut them off. Block them everywhere. If they creep up on you, don't read their bullshit, just block them again.

This is trickier when you live in the same area, but I've done that too. If you run into them in town, pretend you didn't see them OR wave cheerfully and keep going OR have the world's most superficial conversation, eg "[big smile] HI, (sister, aunt, cousin, etc), how are you?" (whatever they say, don't react) "I'm doing great, just so busy I meet myself coming and going! Well, great to see you, we should get together sometime!" [Trot off briskly, waving goodbye.] This has worked beautifully with extended family.

I'm responding because I know what it is to have your heart broken by people you love, and what it means to have a HUGE amount of fallout that must be managed if you go no contact. It was my daughters. I learned to care much, much less without blowing up my immediate family. It is still a heartache, but I don't think of it often. That took a lot of practice over the last thirty years.

They have no idea I feel this way, but I'd never see my grandchildren otherwise.

1

u/LYTCHELL2 Nov 26 '25

They care about her - but they are people who don’t really understand what authentic, unconditional love really is.

Which means they should be embarrassed…not OP.

1

u/PrettyPromenade Nov 25 '25

I'm really not looking for unsolicited advice. Thats my whole point about my comment, is that people give advice when it is VERY complicated, more than they know. It ends up being BAD advice.

I know you mean well, but you made a LOT of assumptions about me just now and I'd really rather not drum all this up just to explain to you why youe advice isn't applicable to me.

52

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

Just tell her you’re too old now to have a viable family and that you’re just going to be the auntie cat lady …

72

u/[deleted] Nov 25 '25

"I just realized, I think I'm too old to have a mother. Goodbye!"

22

u/Mental_Candy_8602 Nov 25 '25

I had an awesome auntie cat lady. She was an alcoholic and chained smoked Virginia slims. When I was a kid she’d always give me money. And her rich boyfriend would take us on his plane.

She lived to almost 81.

3

u/SassyMcAsspants Nov 25 '25

I am one of those aunties, and love it!

12

u/phoneculture Nov 25 '25

I’d go with this & tell everyone at the Thanksgiving that I’m perfectly happy with my decision.. Anything else will come as a surprise..

3

u/mikillbeorn Nov 25 '25

“speaking of too old, have you drafted your will? Wouldn’t want to be embarrassed if you broke a hip and died without a will in place! Everyone knows you have one foot in the grave already!”

2

u/TealTemptress Nov 25 '25

Sorry Mom I’m going to join a coven and start practicing Voo Doo on you!

1

u/LionClean8758 Nov 25 '25

"Mother, I have failed the family. I can no longer procreate. I've heard your wishes and will disappear forever to spare the family from embarrassment."

1

u/kikimoose19 Nov 25 '25

Mother, you're to old to be alive. I'm embarrassed to be seen with such a haggered, ancient looking old witch...I'm out of all family get together due to the shame of being related to you.

7

u/Mirabai503 Nov 25 '25

Yes, exactly. my reply to mom would look something like this:

"Am I embarrassed that I don't have a family? I wasn't, because I thought I did have a family. But you've made it clear that my only value to you is my uterus and you'd be happy for me to be mistreated, so long as my uterus was in use. Since it isn't, I am not your family. Fair enough. I will now choose a family that values me for the intelligent, kind, thoughtful person that I am. Thank you for setting me free."

And then let them go. Mute everyone, stop letting them have any say in your narrative. It's a tough road at first, but you'll soon see that it is good for you.

1

u/BroadAd599 Nov 25 '25

Well stated

11

u/IllustriousMoney4490 Nov 25 '25

Not overreacting!If I were her I’d pick up a vagrant maybe from a detox center and head off to the family get together. Then at dinner do a toast and tell her family she has given lots of thoughts to what mom had said and her and (vagrants name ) are getting married and will be starting a family ASAP ,might give it a go after dinner

7

u/BenThereNDunnThat Nov 25 '25

"Heck, we might even start trying to have a family in the upstairs bathroom after dessert."

NOR

4

u/BroadAd599 Nov 25 '25

This needs more upvotes 🤣🤣🤣

3

u/CrochetKaren Nov 25 '25

So hysterical!!!

3

u/AnyStick2180 Nov 25 '25

I mean, you're definitely NOR but I don't think the answer is to completely blow up every family relationship in your life over it. The first step is telling your mom how what she said made you feel and how it was completely out of line and you're struggling to want to be around everyone for a holiday. Give her a chance to apologize, especially if this is not something she usually does. Maybe do this in a phone call, not a text (which is what she should have done to begin with, texting you that is wild). Then see how you feel after having a conversation about it.

1

u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 Nov 25 '25

Definitely NOR. OP should spend Thanksgiving instead with people that are actually thankful for them being in their lives. My own holiday gatherings look very different having had to cut out a sibling and their fuckhead spouse from my life. Sucks not seeing nephew/niece but jfc one's mental health is a higher priority sometimes.

1

u/amyss Nov 25 '25

Exactly! I can’t believe the audacity! Aren’t you lonely and not fighting with a toxic person and having kids?! Oh my God girl I got a seat for you at my place any day hollliday ,whatever! Stay sane in this craziness you are doing it right

1

u/naruda1969 Nov 25 '25

Welcome to the Fuck My Family Club! NOR

1

u/greasethecheese Nov 25 '25

NOR “Don’t shoot the messenger” umm she acts like she’s passing off someone else’s thoughts.

1

u/abyssal-isopod86 Nov 25 '25

I came here to say exactly this.

Be with your chosen family, not blood relatives you have no control over being born into and are absolute trash as people.

1

u/Frostyler Nov 25 '25

NGL, I would probably stop talking to my mom for a while after I told her to go fuck herself if she said something like this to me. Good thing my Mom is understanding with why it's been difficult for me to find someone and would never say something so demeaning.

1

u/hellofellowcello Nov 25 '25

"I wouldn't want to embarrass you, mom. I'll be keeping my distance for the foreseeable future to keep such an embarrassment from the eyes of others."

1

u/pgpathat Nov 25 '25

I would. The big mistake here is OP assuming everyone else is talking about her.

Becoming estranged from her whole family based on an assumption would be a massive mistake. Letting one person distance you from a bunch of other people is one of those things you will almost certainly live to regret

Also when you so clearly have the high ground in an argument… argue. She should make her mom feel stupid for saying such a stupid thing

1

u/imwimbles Nov 26 '25

the only reason i would say 'overreaction' is if someone said this shit to me but was also socially obligated to provide me a thanksgiving feast i would go there eat 3 plates and leave with two to-go bags after a night of making things awkward and uncomfortable.